The individual reflects on their past behavior, describing how they didn't feel scared but rather acknowledged the unsustainability of their actions, likening it to a child spilling juice. They explain that destructive behavior was an attempt to force a feeling and that they didn't connect to altruistic acts as easily. The individual associated emotional jolts with destructive behavior and described feeling apathetic, noting that feeling nothing is possible and can resemble a tranquil default state. They emphasized that apathy is not inherently negative and can lead to both destructive and neutral behaviors, highlighting the importance of accepting apathy rather than resisting it.