Orthodox Talks

Considerable information is available today on raising children and on various parenting styles, leaving many Orthodox Christians confused as to which style to use when parenting their children. Some of this information is correct, but how are Orthodox parents to know what to accept or reject? There is a lot of Orthodox literature on monasticism and very little on the upbringing of children. What literature exists often does not cover many of the contemporary issues facing parents. For this reason it is important for parents to read the writings of the saints and elders that have lived in our times.In this talk Father Kosmas uses the teachings of the contemporary elders Saints Paisios and Porphyrios to explain how parents who are over-protective, over-bearing or who pressure their children are actually traumatizing them. This abuse is so harmful that, according to the saints, it affects the emotional, psychological, physical and spiritual development of the children. Father Kosmas also shows that even the limited findings of psychologists and doctors agree with the simple but enlightened teachings of these saints.The following questions are also discussed: what are parents to do when their children are disobedient? What did Saint Porphyrios say causes children to become lethargic, weak-willed and generally unsuccessful in life? How much freedom should children have? How does unstructured play and discovering the world help children develop? What did Saint Paisios mean when he advised mothers not to pressure their children but to pressure themselves when dealing with their children’s problems?Other points covered in this talk include: the effects on children when their parents constantly want to do things for them; how hovering over children can suffocate them; the consequences of nagging parents; how religious parents often force their children in spiritual matters, causing them to leave the Church; and how parents who try to fix their children’s problems themselves end up doing more harm than good.Duration: 3hrs 47minsVisit our website: www.OrthodoxTalks.com

It is becoming increasingly common for Orthodox clergymen to send believers with mental health issues, including children, to psychiatrists and psychologists for treatment. Moreover, many clergymen study and use psychology to help those with spiritual or mental health problems. As a result, many are left without healing because Divine Grace has been replaced by the human art of psychology. In this talk Father Kosmas uses the teachings of the contemporary elders Saints Paisios and Porphyrios to explain how children are not only influenced by seeing the good and bad examples of their parents (something psychology agrees with), but also by the spiritual state of their parents (something psychology cannot comprehend and rejects). Father Kosmas emphasizes that parents can spiritually transmit to their children either their passions and sins or their good habits and virtues. The following questions are also discussed: what was Saint Paisios’s attitude towards psychiatrists and psychologists? Are Christians allowed to take psychiatric medications? What is meant by “The best inheritance parents can give their children is their own spiritual life”? How do parents spiritually transmit either passions or virtues to their children? Can children be affected by their parents’ viewing of pornography and flirting on social media? Can parents harm their own children by the evil eye? Are children punished for the sins of their parents? How does a parent’s sin of abortion affect his or her other children? Other points covered in this talk include: an example of how a daughter tormented her parents because of a secret sin they committed; how one’s good or evil thoughts can affect people and even physical objects; how a mother can transmit stress, anxiety and fear to her child without showing what she feels; an explanation of Saint Porphyrios’s teaching that “the sanctity of the parents saves the child”; and four circumstances in which Orthodox Christians are permitted to seek the help of psychiatrists and psychologists.Duration: 4hrs Visit our website: www.OrthodoxTalks.com

In society today children are increasingly at risk of developing psychological and emotional problems, the effects of which can last long into adulthood. The question arises: why? The Church, doctors and psychologists all seem to agree that many of these problems are caused by trauma children experience in their mother’s womb and in the early years of their life. Unfortunately, many parents are unaware of what types of experiences are actually traumatic for their children.In this talk Father Kosmas uses the teachings of the contemporary elders Saints Paisios and Porphyrios to outline a number of experiences that negatively affect children, to the point of developing serious psychological, physical and emotional problems. The saints also give valuable advice to parents on how to identify and avoid these problems. The following questions are also discussed: what should parents do when children are rude and rebellious? What does St Paisios advise regarding spanking children? Can excessive reprimands hurt children psychologically? Why does St Paisios warn parents not to discipline their children before going to bed? What did St Porphyrios mean when he said of traumatized children, “The child grows up and develops, but deep down he does not change”? How can we help children to grow up strong and able to face life’s challenges? What are the different ways that parents transmit their own negative traits, habits and passions to their children? Can those who were damaged in childhood successfully marry and raise children? How does depression in children differ from depression in adults?Other points covered in this talk include: how the first two years are critical for the child’s later development; a saint’s advice to parents whose children shout, break things, hit others and are generally very naughty; an explanation of what Fr Seraphim Rose meant when he said, “­­Few are those today who can clearly express their emotions and ideas and face them in a mature way”; and the question of whether sending children to childcare or to school at a young age can cause serious problems.Duration: 3hrs 53minsVisit our website: www.OrthodoxTalks.com

Psychologists and doctors believe that the causes of mental and physical illnesses can be divided into three categories: 1. genetic factors (heredity); 2. prenatal factors (adverse events during pregnancy); 3. environmental factors after birth, including upbringing. The Orthodox Church has always known this but adds something even more important: the spiritual state of the parents before, during and after pregnancy and the child’s spiritual development. The Church has always emphasized the importance of giving children plenty of love, affection, guidance and attention to ensure their bodily, mental and spiritual health. In this talk Father Kosmas uses the teachings of the contemporary elders Saints Paisios and Porphyrios to explain how important it is for children to feel love, acceptance, and affection from their parents. In this way they develop strength of character and grow strong in body, mind and soul. The following questions are also discussed: why do some children of religious parents turn out well while others rebel? Why do children brought up in the same family turn out so differently? Why did St Porphyrios emphasize the importance of love, harmony and understanding between parents for the successful upbringing of children? Is there any hope for people whose parents made many mistakes during their upbringing? What should parents do upon realizing that they made serious mistakes in the upbringing of their children? Is there a link between minimal breastfeeding and anxiety and addiction? Other points covered in this talk include: how a number of people are afraid to marry and have children because of the world’s many problems; a mother’s realization of how her marital problems during pregnancy affected her child’s psychological and emotional state; how breastfed children are less likely to develop ADHD and more likely to succeed in life; and the necessity of forming an emotional bond with one’s children in order to have a healthy relationship with them that lasts into adulthood.Duration: 3hrs 47minsVisit our website: www.OrthodoxTalks.com

For centuries the upbringing of children has been a topic of great concern for parents—a concern that is on the rise due to the negative influences of society and a minimal understanding by parents today of this most important task. Instead of turning to the Church for guidance, all too often Orthodox Christians look to psychologists, teachers, doctors, and the media. How are we to overcome this lack of understanding?In this talk Father Kosmas uses the teachings of the contemporary elders Saints Paisios and Porphyrios to help parents with the challenges of raising children. These saints emphasize how an improper upbringing results in serious, long-term psychological problems and they give valuable advice on how to raise children that are psychologically and spiritually healthy.The following questions are also discussed: who is more responsible for raising children—the father or the mother? What does Saint Paisios say about breastfeeding? Does the spiritual life of the parents affect the unborn child? What effect do harsh discipline and excessive reprimands have on children? Who is to blame when a child is disobedient and badly behaved? Why do many children develop a long-term aversion towards their parents? Why does Saint Porphyrios blame Christian parents for their adult children’s problems? Why did a married man become very sick each time he had contact with his parents?Other points covered in this talk include: Saint Paisios’ view on working mothers; how parents must give their children as much time as possible; Saint Porphyrios’ explanation of how a child’s psychological state affects his relationships with others in adulthood; an explanation of why children and teenagers prefer to spend time in their rooms alone; how parents tend to blame others for their children’s behavioral and mental problems; why many adults avoid their parents, sometimes even secretly wishing their death; and Saint Porphyrios’ fearful explanation of why the souls of many children and adults are in constant danger of collapsing.Duration: 3hrs 31minsVisit our website: www.OrthodoxTalks.com

Sexual relations are one of the most common areas of conflict in marriage, even for Orthodox Christians, and the resulting problems can even lead to divorce. Yet many in the Orthodox Church avoid any discussion of sexual relations, thinking they have nothing to do with the spiritual life. What they fail to realize is that the reverse is true: the Holy Fathers, elders, Holy Scripture and the canons of the Orthodox Church consider this topic extremely important, and offer the faithful a wealth of information and guidance. Being ignorant of this, in a desperate attempt to save their marriages many seek help from those who virtually always give advice contrary to God’s law. In this talk Father Kosmas uses the Holy Scriptures, the canons, and the teachings of various saints and contemporary elders to answer many questions that Orthodox Christians have concerning sexual relations in marriage. He especially emphasizes that abstinence from sexual relations, whether for spiritual or other reasons, often leads to many serious problems, even adultery and divorce. In particular, Saint Paul states that undiscerning abstinence during fasting periods, instead of bringing benefit, can become a source of temptation. The following questions are also discussed: why is it said that ‘Hell is full of proud people who have lived in virginity’? What days should a married couple abstain from sexual relations? How should couples fast and abstain from sexual relations when preparing for Holy Communion? Why were the Holy Fathers so concerned about married couples that abstained from relations for long periods of time? Breaking the food fast or breaking the marital fast: which does the Church consider more serious? In what ways can married people surpass the virtues of monastics? Other points covered in this talk include: the great need for spouses to discuss and be considerate of each other’s sexual needs and weaknesses; Elder Paisios’ surprising attitude toward strict spiritual fathers; how the holy canons give a married couple (and not the spiritual father) the right to ‘judge for themselves’ with regard to sexual abstinence; Elder Paisios’ advice to couples when one spouse has a more moderate level of sexual desire than the other; how the Church penances those who fail to abstain from marital relations on fast days; and the urgent need for books and preaching on the topic of marriage. Duration: 4hrs Visit our website: www.OrthodoxTalks.com

Married Orthodox Christians are constantly bombarded with misinformation regarding sexual relations in marriage. Mass media and entertainment, the internet, social networks and the educational system tirelessly wage war on the institution of marriage while promoting sexual immorality. Yet frequently when these confused and suffering married Christians turn to the clergy and even the saints of the Orthodox Church for guidance, here too they find conflicting opinions. What are they to do?In this talk Father Kosmas explains that the main reason for this confusion is that evil spirits are always striving to distort God’s creation, including marriage and sexual relations. The result is an improper attitude toward marital relations, sexual pleasure and sexual abstinence, and a misunderstanding of monasticism, virginity and chastity. He emphasizes that to understand the Church’s teaching on marriage and sexual relations one must study all aspects of it, and not focus only on the few saints, elders and clergymen whose views on the topic are contrary to the consensus of the Church.The following questions are also discussed: if marital relations are not sinful, why must Christians refrain from them on certain days? What did a saint mean when he said that even a married woman can still be considered a true virgin? What happened when a deacon stopped having marital relations with his beautiful wife for the sake of praise? Why did some saints say that marital relations are sinful while others said they are not? What dangers threaten those who abstain from marital relations beyond their abilities during the fasts?Other points covered in this talk include: the Church’s condemnation of those who taught that the pleasure associated with drinking wine, eating meat, and having marital relations is evil; why certain monastic saints have felt compelled to speak on this delicate topic; the tragic example of a spiritual father who encouraged a married couple to live as brother and sister; and how the undiscerning reading of monastic books can cause many problems in a marriage.Duration: 4hrs Visit our website: www.OrthodoxTalks.com

Christianity is often accused of repressing women, especially in its teachings on marriage. There are many verses in the Bible, particularly in Saint Paul’s epistles, that many today see as treating women quite negatively. Three such verses cited by Christianity’s accusers are: “Wives, submit to your own husbands,” “the wife must fear her husband,” and “I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man.” A literal interpretation of these verses would be in direct opposition to modern society’s view on women and marriage.In this talk Father Kosmas explains in some detail what Saint Paul really meant by “the wife must fear her husband.” He emphasizes that today’s attacks on Christian marriage stem either from ignorance or from a deliberate distortion of the Church’s teachings on the subject. He also answers the important question of whether Saint Paul means that women are never permitted to teach men or to have authority over men in the workplace.The following questions are also discussed: how do women react when irresponsible husbands allow them to take over responsibility for the family? What did a great saint mean when he described men as ‘wild lions’ in need of taming? Why do many men find it difficult to love and care for their wives? Does a person ever have the right to reprimand or punish their spouse? How should one treat a spouse who is not fulfilling his or her duties? What is meant by ‘spouses have to spit blood’? Other points covered in this talk include: how most couples today desire harmony in their marriages above all else; an account of a woman whose husband’s lack of affection and attentiveness drove her to have an affair; how the teachings of feminism are better known than the teachings of the Church; how more and more women are finding it difficult to open up to their husbands; a saint’s criticism of forced obedience in marriage; and how a great saint once said, “What kind of marriage can there be when the wife is afraid of her husband?”Duration: 4hrsVisit our website: www.OrthodoxTalks.com

Over the last few decades a storm has been raging over the roles of men and women in marriage. Saint Paul’s words regarding women have caused many to accuse Christianity of misogyny (the hatred of women). Two particularly controversial statements that he makes are “Wives should submit to their husbands in everything” and “The husband is the head of the wife.” The question arises: are these verses meant to be interpreted literally, and, if so, is it possible to fulfill them in these modern and ‘enlightened’ times?In this talk Father Kosmas uses the writings and advice of the saints and elders to analyze exactly what Saint Paul meant by “Wives should submit to their husbands in everything” and “The husband is the head of the wife.” He emphasizes that failure to understand these two verses is the leading cause of failed marriages today. The following questions are also discussed: if the man is the head of the wife does that make her inferior to him? Does submission in the marriage mean slavery? Should a woman obey an irresponsible husband? Does the Church consider the head of the family to be responsible for its spiritual and material wellbeing? Why did the saints consider the wife an advisor to her husband? Is the statement ‘God created inequality’ true? How does Christ’s statement that “whoever wants to be first must be slave of all” apply to a married couple? Which great saint of the Church called gender equality silly? Other points covered in this talk include: how there cannot be two heads in a marriage; the link between divorce and husbands who do not lead and love their family; an explanation of Elder Paisios’ words: “The husband is the captain of the household, but also the lowest laborer”; Saint John Chrysostom’s advice to a man who complained that his wife did not love him; the shameful and inexcusable fact that many Protestants adhere to Christian principles of marriage better than most Orthodox; and an unfortunate example of a woman whose husband did not show her love.Duration: 4hrs Visit our website: www.OrthodoxTalks.com

Feminism is often portrayed as empowering women, and the women’s rights movement has indeed achieved a number of positive changes for them. In recent decades, however, feminism has taken a different direction by attacking traditional marriage and gender roles. Many Orthodox Christians have been influenced by feminism to such an extent that they believe there is little or no difference between the genders, and have a distorted understanding of the roles of men and women in marriage. Although there are a number of reasons for the breakdown of marriage, the family, and society in general, the most significant reason is feminism. In the words of St John Chrysostom: “The love of husband and wife is the force that bonds society together.” In this talk Father Kosmas first examines many contemporary opinions regarding feminism. Using the Holy Scriptures, the holy canons, and the writings and advice of various saints and contemporary elders, he outlines the Orthodox Church’s teaching on gender differences and the roles of men and women in marriage. By the end of the talk the listener will understand that the essence of feminism is actually a hatred of men, traditional marriage, the family, and true womanhood. The following questions are also discussed: how do feminists react to women who choose to stay at home to look after their families? How did Elder Paisios contradict the feminist view that there is no real difference between men and women? Why are more and more women choosing to marry men who want to be providers and protectors of the family? Why are many women afraid to openly denounce feminism? Other points covered in this talk include: the feminist ‘dogma’ that women had no freedom for thousands of years until the recent feminist revolution; television’s portrayal of men as dumb, incompetent, lazy and immature; how an increasing number of women are rejecting the feminist propaganda that they are superwomen who can do everything; the daughter of a famous feminist who rejected her mother’s brainwashing; and how feminists do all in their power to hide from women the truth about the dangers of oral contraception.Duration: 4hrsVisit our website: www.OrthodoxTalks.com