Haven!

We hear a lot about toxic masculinity — in viral clips, cultural commentary, and even our personal lives. But it got me wondering: Can femininity become toxic too? If masculinity becomes harmful when it’s distorted or out of balance, could the same be true for traits we associate with femininity? In this episode, I’m joined by Abby (whose recent take on Proverbs 31 made me revisit a chapter that reminded me of my AIM screen name I had at 11 years old @proverbs31rox) and my longtime friend Mariah, a wise voice and always a good hang. Together, we explore the concept of “toxic femininity”: What does it mean? Why is it hard to name? And where have we seen it play out — in our lives, our culture, and our relationships? From complicity with the male gaze to the passive-aggressive dynamics we sometimes chalk up to “girl drama,” we talk candidly about the behaviors that might reflect femininity gone off course. Plus, we share stories (yes, even about gossip), question cultural norms, and ask: What does healthy, grounded femininity actually look like? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this vulnerable and practical follow-up to our pregnancy episode, I’m joined again by Tess to unpack everything we wish we knew before entering the wild, beautiful, disorienting season of postpartum—also known as the 4th trimester. Postpartum isn’t just “after having a baby.” It’s its own stage of life. And it deserves its own conversation. We talk about what no one tells you about preparing for the hospital, what to pack (for you, your partner, and baby), setting boundaries around visitors, and how to emotionally prep for those first few foggy days. You’ll hear both our birth stories in full, plus: What a lactation consultant really helps with Intrusive thoughts Identity shifts and how long it actually took to feel like ourselves again We also get honest about relationships, friendship expectations after birth, and what it looked like to be mentally fragile while also doing something incredibly strong. If you're navigating new motherhood (or walking with someone who is), this episode is here to be a soft landing and a real talk resource. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you know when you're actually ready to have kids? And once you are… why does no one tell you how complicated, emotional, vulnerable and confusing the road to pregnancy can be? In this episode we’re kicking off a two-part series starting with "What I Wish I Knew Before I Got Pregnant" and Part 1 is all about the season before baby. (Part 2 will be What I Wish I Knew Before I was Postpartum... an entirely different beast.) From ovulation apps and acupuncture, to the heartbreak of waiting—and the advice I got from a friend after it took me a long time to conceive —we’re talking through all the layers of trying to bring life into the world. We’ll dive into the shock of the first trimester (why are the appointments so far apart?!), baby gear overload, the emotional whiplash of gender disappointment, and the honest truth that even when you’re thrilled to be pregnant… you might still grieve the “just us” era of your relationship. Plus, we’re answering your questions: — How do you deal with first trimester anxiety? — How can partners help with your hormones? — What’s overrated on the baby registry? — And how do you emotionally and physically prepare for the birth part (😅)? Whether you're trying to conceive, newly pregnant, or just curious about what this season really feels like, we’re talking about the messy middle of hope, hormones, and holding space for all the feels. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ever been asked where the birthday candles are—or when your kid last went to the dentist—and realized YOU are the walking, talking family database?In this episode, we unpack the invisible, often unspoken labor of running a household and raising children: the mental load. We define what it actually is: not just doing the chores, but thinking about them, planning them, and carrying the responsibility if they don’t get done. From remembering what jackets the kids need based on the weather to wondering if anyone's had protein today, we shine a light on the constant hum of logistics many parents—especially moms—carry. But instead of just venting, we invited a fresh perspective. Our guest, Nick, is a father who shares how he shows up, takes initiative, and helps shoulder the load in meaningful ways. Together, we explore: Why moms often become the “default parent” What shared responsibility can actually look like in practice Why some dads struggle to take initiative—and how they can learn The unseen mental load men may also carry, from finances to emotional pressure to provide We ask the big questions: Can we talk about the load without resentment? Can we build true partnership? And what are we teaching our kids through our choices? The mental load might not vanish—but it can be seen, shared, and named.  Plus, we read submissions from listeners about their own mental load moments. Let’s get into it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The #1 topic request I’ve received on this podcast has been marriage. So we're bringing back a favorite: my two-part series with none other than the LOML — Aaron Weits, my husband of nearly 12 years, lover for 17, and best friend for 20.I realized I have a lot of new listeners who may not have heard this gem from Season 1 so we're doing something new & special called "Memory Mondays" where I'll pull something out of the archive to repost!Together, Aaron & I officiated multiple weddings and walked couples through pre-marital counseling using a curriculum we developed over several years. In this series, we break down the core topics every couple should talk about — whether you're just starting out or deep into the journey.Part 1: Conflict, Communication & ExpectationsWe get honest about the real stuff: What do you do when you disagree? How do you break the cycle of scorekeeping? What boundaries help you fight fair? Part 2: Money & SexYes, we really go there. What's your earliest money memory—and how is it affecting your relationship? Why bartering for sex doesn’t work The “no with an appointment” strategy and the importance of agreed-upon parameters Aaron shares so much wisdom in this series, and our hope is simple: We want you to have great marriages. May these conversations spark something good for you and those you love.🎧 Revisit the series and share with someone who could use a little (free) marriage counseling. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Explore the fears millennials have about marriage in a world where only 44% are tying the knot. Learn about the shift in commitment and the impact of family dynamics on relationship choices. Hear personal stories of navigating marriage without a roadmap, the importance of therapy, and building strong communication skills. Discover how conflicts can evolve admiration into challenges, and the role of shared experiences in fostering deeper connections. This discussion invites listeners to reimagine what lasting love can look like.

I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything quite as life-changing as having kids. It’s the kind of shift you can’t fully prepare for—yet somehow, we expect ourselves to know exactly what to do.In this episode, Aaron joins me as we talk about what we wish someone had told us before we became parents. From the shock of being sent home with a newborn (and a mom in diapers!) to the way everything shifts every three months, we’re diving into the raw, unexpected realities of parenthood.We’re talking about:🍼 Why having kids in the 21st century feels like a luxury🧠 The mental load of parenting and how it affects the way you show up for your kids⚖️ The duality of loving parenthood while also missing who you were beforePlus, listener submissions on what they wish they had known—because honestly, why did no one tell us this before we got pregnant?! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are so many things you can’t fully understand about marriage until you’re in it. Like how some seasons will feel 10/90 instead of 50/50. Or how your spouse will do things completely differently than you—and that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Or that even though you live together, you still need date nights outside the house.In this episode, Aaron joins me as we dive into the things we wish someone had told us before we got married. We’re talking about everything from navigating different family dynamics (shoutout to my introverted husband skipping family functions) to realizing that yes, your spouse might give you the ick sometimes—but also, how incredible it is to have someone in your corner. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For a long time, marriage counseling was seen as a last-ditch effort—something couples did when they were already on the brink of divorce. While that stigma has lessened, many couples still wait way too long before seeking help—statistically, an average of seven years after problems first begin.In this episode, Aaron and I get real about our own journey with marriage counseling and introduce you to someone who’s been instrumental in our growth: Dr. Jonathan Cude, our longtime marriage counselor. We sit down with Dr. Cude to talk about why he got into counseling, what struggles he sees couples facing most often, and what advice he has for those looking to build a strong foundation in their relationship.We also share the heart behind Pillow Talk, our new e-course designed to help couples navigate conflict and cultivate a thriving marriage. Neither of us had a lot of healthy, long-lasting marriages to look to for guidance, so we wanted to create something that combines our personal experience with expert insight. If counseling feels out of reach or intimidating, Pillow Talk offers another way to access practical tools and wisdom to strengthen your relationship.Join us for this honest and insightful conversation about what it really takes to build a marriage that not only lasts—but is actually fulfilling 20+ years down the road. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi, I’m Haven.For as long as I can remember I’ve had thoughts, ideas and questions inside of me that I love to talk about with friends and, usually over a tasty vanilla oat latte, together we pull the thread of those curiosities to explore them in a safe context.But I now have a more demanding job, I’m a mom to two little kids, I still want to have some semblance of a social life and oh yeah nurture my 10+ year marriage. …I wanted to carve out a space to allow myself to express that again and make it a priority. So…I did just that. Haven!, my new podcast, will be a safe space for curiosity.We’ll explore trains of thought to see where they lead us for no other reason than because we want to. I think we’ll find we are considering or worrying about or contemplating the same things at the same time as other people are too.  I don’t claim to have the answers and we probably won’t find solutions. But I really do believe the questions are actually where the power is. I’m here to be curious. And to talk about it. I hope you’ll join me. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices