Paternal

When Robert Gallery was a senior at the University of Iowa, he was one of the most respected and feared college football players in the country. At 6-foot-7 and 320 pounds, Gallery leveraged his size, talent and tenacity into a lucrative contract and an eight-year career in the National Football League. But all the while he was quietly suffering one concussion after another on the football field, and when his career finally ended, he struggled to handle bouts of rage that left him shaking in a chair after his young child spilled a glass of milk. On this episode of Paternal, Gallery reflects on the difficult transition from high-performance athlete to stay-at-home dad, the moment he learned about the extensive damage done to his brain, and how a vivid two-day psychoactive drug treatment in Mexico changed the course of his life. Gallery is the co-founder and CEO of Athletes for Care, a non-profit organization supporting athletes through mental health and alternative therapy advocacy. He was inducted into the College Football Hall of Fame in 2023.

What were the first words you said to your child when you became a parent? Was there something you needed to say to officially welcome him or her into this world, or was it all just a blur? For longtime Slate journalist and author Aymann Ismail the task was clear: He had to recite a Muslim call to prayer into his newborn son's right ear, a ritual that's been performed by countless Muslim fathers through the generations, all over the world. But was he appeasing God, or his own father? On this episode of Paternal, Ismail discusses a life spent navigating being a Muslim kid who preferred cartoons over daily prayers, and then how his faith influences his role as a father to two young kids now. And all the while he's been trying to somehow live up to the expectations of his father, a devout and educated Muslim man fixated on the kind of man he believes his son should be. Ismail's new book, Becoming Baba: Fatherhood, Faith and Finding Meaning in America, is available now wherever you buy books.

Jonathan Malesic spent more than a decade in what he thought was his dream job as a college professor. But after years on the clock he found himself exhausted, angry, and struggling to feel like he was making an impact with his students. But even when he quit his job in order to solve one problem, he quickly realized he had another on his hands: Without a job, was he suddenly less of a man? On this 2023 episode of Paternal, Malesic recounts the experience that led him to studying the phenomenon of burnout, how it affects men and women differently, what role work plays in defining a man's sense of masculinity, and the effects of burnout on men when it comes to fatherhood. Malesic's 2022 book The End of Burnout is available wherever you buy books, and he is also the author of the 2022 essay "How Men Burn Out," from The New York Times.

Proponents of Artificial Intelligence assure us that everything in life is about to change: Work, education, healthcare, art, and even how we remember our loved ones. But what role can AI actually play in alleviating psychological and emotional suffering, especially when a parent loses a child? Welcome to the mind of author Jayson Greene, who penned the celebrated memoir Once More We Saw Stars back in 2019 after the tragic loss of his daughter Greta, and who's very familiar with how opportunistic companies position AI technology as a solution to avoid feeling the pain of grief and loss. On this episode of Paternal, Greene discusses the AI themes in his debut sci-fi novel UnWorld, how he's faring 10 years after the death of his daughter, what he's learned about how men connect over grief, and what it's like to receive DMs from strangers who have lost their child. He also examines how he and his wife Stacy dealt with grief differently in the wake of Greta's death, and why he often wonders what kind of person he has become after losing her. Greene previously appeared on Episode No. 38 of Paternal back in 2020.

How did Thomas Jefferson's thoughts on fatherhood influence the American Revolution? What did Charles Darwin learn about evolution from watching his own kids? And why did Bob Dylan tell everyone he couldn't stand his father? After becoming a father himself, historian and author Augustine Sedgewick dove into the past to learn more about these and other hugely influential men, and how being a father and a son shaped their lives and work, for better or worse. On this episode of Paternal, Sedgewick reflects on why he went looking through the past for paternal role models, and why the lives of Jefferson, Darwin, Dylan, Henry David Thoreau and Norman Rockwell reveal problematic habits dads can avoid today. Sedgewick is the author of Fatherhood: A History of Love and Power, available now wherever you buy books.

In the final scene of the 1986 coming-of-age film Stand By Me, the film's narrator sums up boyhood friendship with the simple line, "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve." And that's largely true for a number of men who had no trouble developing deep, meaningful friendships with other boys. So why has a lack of friendship among dads become a cliche, or even a running joke? Why can't guys hang onto those intimate friendships from their past, and what keeps them from making new friends as adults? On this episode of Paternal, journalist and novelist Sam Graham-Felsen examines how one of his strongest childhood friendships has eroded over the years in the wake of marriage and fatherhood, and why men are reluctant to reach out to close friends when they're in distress. He also discusses why listening to Joe Rogan offers some men a community in place of real-life friendships, and what men can do to rediscover the old friends they thought they lost. Graham-Felsen is the author of the article "Where Have All My Deep Male Friendships Gone?", which appeared in the New York Times Magazine in May.

James Patterson has sold more than 425 million books over the past 30 years, making him one of the richest and most successful authors in the world. At 78 years old and entering the final stage of his career, Patterson has legions of fans devoted to his brand of psychological thrillers and police procedurals, and he can effectively write about anything he wants, whenever he wants. So what's the king of paperback fiction doing writing a book about fatherhood? On this episode of Paternal, Patterson discusses the motivations for his new how-to manual The #1 Dad Book and what he's learned from his own experience as a father, and how to turn kids on to reading. He also reflects on the life of his own dad, who grew up in a poorhouse in upstate New York without ever knowing who his father was. Patterson's latest, The #1 Dad Book, is available wherever you buy books.

You could fill an entire bookshelf with guides on babies and toddlers, or the best strategies for dealing with teenagers. But for Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, one of the most critical stages for child development is the pre-adolescent phase, when kids really begin to push their parents away and first ask the biggest questions of their lives: Who am I? Am I normal? Where do I fit in? On this episode of Paternal, Dr. Ginsburg returns to the show for the first in a series of special episodes devoted to the issues affecting our kids. He dives deep into the idea of brain puberty and what's happening in the minds of kids in this pre-adolescent phase, why they're trying harder than ever to break free from their parents, how screen habits figure into their development, and why you should leave your own painful memories of middle school out of the conversation with your kids. Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg is a pediatrician specializing in Adolescent Medicine at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and a Professor of Pediatrics at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine. He is also the author of Lighthouse Parenting: Raising Your Child With Loving Guidance for a Lifelong Bond.

Christopher Blackwell has been a lot of things in his life. As a young boy he was a son longing to connect with his father over classic cars and football. As a teenager he was an insecure class clown, and then a dropout. In his 20s he was a drug dealer living in survival mode in a neighborhood riddled with crime and violence. And now he's an inmate in the Washington Corrections Center, serving a 45-year prison sentence for robbery and murder. But Blackwell is also an award-winning journalist, the co-founder of a non-profit organization focused on prison reform, a mentor to other inmates, and a husband. On this episode of Paternal, Blackwell reflects on how growing up without community and positive male role models led to a tragic robbery gone wrong, and how he's transformed himself thanks to prison's "heal circle," where inmates share their stories and discover a sense of honesty and camaraderie they never had as young men. Blackwell is the co-founder of Look2Justice, a grassroots organization led by criminal legal system-impacted people that works to transform the legal system by providing civic education and empowerment programs for incarcerated people and their loved ones. His first book, Ending Isolation: The Case Against Solitary Confinement, is available for pre-order now.

Austin Davis was just a teenager when the trajectory of his life changed forever. A fatal shooting rattled his neighborhood in the working class Pennsylvania town of McKeesport, and spurred him to attend a city council meeting of all white officials who were skeptical of the concerned Black teenager raising his voice. " The people closest to the pain should be closest to the power," Davis says. " I had a stake in that community just as much as they did as somebody who lived there and grew up there, and I wanted to make it a better place." Nearly two decades later Davis was elected the Lieutenant Governor of Pennsylvania, becoming the first African American to ever hold the office and the youngest Lieutenant Governor in the United States. On this episode of Paternal, Davis recounts how the son of a bus driver and hairdresser rose to one of the most powerful positions in Pennsylvania, why becoming a father helped him focus his energy on fixing the state's childcare problem, and where he finds hope for the future despite extreme partisanship and vitriol among today's politicians.