Gender: A Wider Lens

The startling links between ASD and Gender Dysphoria are raising plenty of questions as clinicians wonder why children on the spectrum tend to struggle with gender. Also, which comes first: ASD or gender nonconformity? In this episode, we explore how autistic traits may cause youth to question their gender and become attached to identity labels. And we wonder if this has implications for the trans movement.Links:Far From the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity, by Andrew SolomonAmazon.com/Far-Tree-Parents-Children-Identity/dp/0743236726 NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity, by Steve SilbermanAmazon.com/NeuroTribes-Legacy-Autism-Future-Neurodiversity-eboo…  Scientific American Article: “Autism — It’s Different in Girls”Scientificamerican.com/article/autism-it-s-different-in-girls/  13 YO girl with social struggles:Youtu.be/nNLznV-bZKc Papers:  Thrower, E., Bretherton, I., Pang, K. C., Zajac, J. D., & Cheung, A. S. (2019). Prevalence of Autism Spectrum Disorder and Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Amongst Individuals with Gender Dysphoria: A Systematic Review. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 50(3), 695–706. Doi.org/10.1007/s10803-019-04298-1 Hisle-Gorman, E., Landis, C. A., Susi, A., Schvey, N. A., Gorman, G. H., Nylund, C. M., & Klein, D. A. (2019). Gender Dysphoria in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder. LGBT Health, 6(3), 95-100. doi:10.1089/lgbt.2018.0252 Butler G, De Graaf N, Wren B, et al Assessment and support of children and adolescents with gender dysphoria Archives of Disease in Childhood 2018;103:631-636. Extended NotesSasha worked with autistic children early in her career and it really shaped a lot of her training today.How do you define autism?Stella thinks girls who have autism are getting missed at a younger age compared to boys.How are gender and autism related?Some children are just getting misdiagnosed as children and it’s showing up as anxiety or depression, instead of being on the spectrum.Can’t figure out why a child might not be making progress? They’re on the wrong meds.Autistic kids in general don’t really conform to gender norms.Parents spend so much time with their autistic children just so they can live somewhat of a normal life. It’s painful and heartbreaking.It’s cute when you’re five when it comes to not picking up on the gender roles, but as you get older, it can be difficult to integrate into a normal life.Are there more autistic people now than there were before?Technology and being overly glued to it can accelerate the social deficit traits.Are you comfortable in your own body? A lot of times the answer is no.One of the signs of autism is sensory issues. Both Sasha and Stella have noticed with their gender dysphoric children that they have an overfixation on the new changes their body is giving them during puberty, and how they hate it.You don’t want to deny that children on the spectrum do have legitimate challenges, but there is a balance between blaming it on their autism... This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe

Loneliness, isolation and confusion often characterises the experience of parents of the gender dysphoric child. A parallel process emerges where the children are obsessed with transition and the parents become obsessed with ROGD. Trying to set loving boundaries is often misinterpreted by others as the parent being the last standing bigot. In this episode we try to empathise with parents who feel they’ve lost control over their child’s wellbeing Links:Gender Dysphoria Support Network:  https://genderdysphoriasupportnetwork.com/  Sasha’s Parent Resource Page:  https://www.subscribestar.com/sashalpc  Sasha’s YouTube Channel:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGNuXjES0uUGfvXaRwixgag  Bayswater Support: https://www.bayswatersupport.org.uk/  Gender Critical Support Board:  https://gendercriticalresources.com/Support/index.php  Our Duty:  https://ourduty.group/ Extended NotesMany parents feel lonely and isolated to be a parent of a child going through gender dysphoria.Sasha has been contacted by 1,500 families and has consulted with around 500 families on the topics of gender dysphoria.How did Stella and her parents deal with her inner struggles with her gender when she was growing up?There is a tendency to take a gender non-conforming child to a professional. Parents want to be good parents. Parents don’t want to screw their children up.For parents who are referred to a gender clinic, the things that the clinic recommends are utterly shocking. Why can’t kids just be kids?Gender clinics use fear tactics on the parents, and they listen.Early gender intervention is very damaging to the child.Suddenly, it no longer becomes about the child and their unique tastes. Their gender becomes political.Parents feel very guilty when they find out that they were being led down a path of puberty blockers that could permanently alter their children’s lives forever. They thought they were just being liberal and supporting their child’s gender identity.A good parent does “this.” And most parents blindly follow that rule.Puberty is coming fast and now parents don’t know what to do.Puberty blockers are made to seem normal in these circles, but this is a serious decision that you should not be taking lightly.What do you do when you have a very traditional gender-conforming child, and then one day they decide they’re no longer a She and want to be called a He?Parents get such a shock that they end up researching and researching to find out more.Some parents are drowning in trying to keep this a secret.By questioning whether this is right/wrong, parents get seen as transphobic,... This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe

Carol is a 40-year-old detransitioned butch lesbian. She transitioned at 34 and is part of an often ignored group: adult lesbians turned trans men. Carol tells us about the initial highs of transition and how things took a turn for the worse…Links:Velvet Chronicle InterviewDetrans VoicesCarol’s TwitterDetrans Voices Interviews“Where Have all the Lesbians Gone?”“Butch identity development: The formation of an authentic gender”“The He Hormone”Extended NotesWhere is the space for de-transitioners?Carol is a lesbian who is no longer taking hormones. She is beginning to detransition.What was Carol’s childhood like?When Carol was 9, she was told she was acting like a boy and needed to change.Carol’s mother lost her mind on her pastor when she found out Carol played football with his boys.Carol suspects that her mother was a closeted woman.Why did Carol choose not to go to high school?Carol thought it was really cool to see women who didn’t shave their hair. She saw what “normal” women were supposed to look like.Alcoholism is a big issue in the lesbian community.What makes someone trans? Carol checked all the boxes. But the boxes were wrong!“I don’t feel like a girl.” is just another way for someone to say that they don’t feel pretty.Carol has a younger sister who has blonde hair and blue eyes, and everybody just fell over themselves for her growing up. Carol felt like an ogre.At 17 years old, Carol had a nervous breakdown.The butch lesbian is often the butt of many jokes in the media. It was difficult for Carol who had more masculine traits.When did Carol first think about transitioning?Carol received different treatment for being a butch woman.Being a guy — is it easier?Carol tried twice to transition. In her 20s and her 30s. What was that experience like?Carol did not know the side effects she would have from taking testosterone. It was so experimental.Taking testosterone, especially in those large amounts, it’s like a drug.Carol’s mental state started to deteriorate about a year and a half into her transition as a man.By year four, Carol was paralyzed in her room and she didn’t want to leave because her anxiety was so high.Carol’s female anatomy was deteriorating as well from lack of use, so a new set of problems would have arisen if she had kept taking hormones.When did Carol decide to de-transition?Carol’s gender struggles were a form of distress and she was not given that many options to solve that distress.People often throw “transition!” into the fold as the only option when there are other pathways to explore. We need other options and education around that. Transitioning isn’t the only solution.This podcast is partially sponsored by ReIME, Rethink Identity Medicine Ethics: This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe

The misinformed presumption that gender dysphoria can only be managed through medication and/or surgery is blown out of the water in this episode. Sasha and Stella emphasize that dysphoria is a type of human distress, like any other. They discuss many different ways to understand, manage, and reduce gender dysphoria.Links:“The Detransitioners” by Laura Dodsworth, The Sunday TimesAlternatives to Deal with Gender Dysphoria, by NelemilIllusory truth effectWilliam Glasser’s Emotional NeedsThe Time in Between: A Memoir of Hunger and Hope, by Nancy Tucker“Advice for Gender Dysphoric Teens”“Storm Warnings,” by Adrienne RichExtended NotesGender dysphoria is mental distress.What are some of the best ways to manage gender dysphoria?If someone is distressed, what should we be looking at?Insomnia is a manifestation of anxiety.Are you fixated on a certain type of body and jealous you don’t have it?The more you see something, even if you don’t believe it at first, the more you accept it as reality later down the line. Be conscious of what you’re exposing yourself to.If you had mental distress, it was your problem. Therapy wasn’t exactly “the go-to” solution.Are you a parent in a rush to get your gender dysphoria child better?There is so much power in working out and owning the changes in your body.Our bodies can teach us a lot of things if we engage them correctly.What is social dysphoria?People are so afraid to say something bad or something else, but it’s your right to feel angry if it angers you!We come from apes. We were killers for survival and we all have a dark side. In our society, we can’t let that out in a healthy way.If you believe changing your body will make you happy, you’re going to spend a lot of time in that fantasy.Exercise: Measure your mood before you go online and after. Do you feel better or worse?A lot of phobias come from teens coming into their new bodies. New breasts, hair, and period pains.People are really grappling with the concept of privilege and what means.It is assumed that people who are privileged have an easy life, but this can end up suppressing a lot of core emotions or minimizing real thoughts.Many trans people have transitioned, and their feelings of gender dysphoria still remain.This podcast is partially sponsored by ReIME, Rethink Identity Medicine Ethics:Rethinkime.orgLearn more about our show: Linktr.ee/WiderLensPod This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe

Gifted and exceptional children seem more inclined to gender nonconformity and they represent a significant proportion of the ROGD teens discussed in Dr. Littman’s research. Sasha and Stella explore why there may be a link between brilliance and transgender identity.Links:“Overexcitability and the Gifted”, by Sharon Lind“Where Overexcitability and Gender Dysphoria Meet,” by Jessie Mannisto“Gender Identity and Overexcitability Profiles of Gifted College Students” Researchgate  (2009)“Gender Dysphoria and Gifted Children,” by Lisa MarchianoDr. Lisa LittmanLiving with Intensity: Understanding the Sensitivity, Excitability, and the Emotional Development of Gifted Children, Adolescents, and Adults, Edited by Susan Daniels and Michael M. PiechowskiCarol Dweck & MindsetThe Social Dilemma FilmCotton Wool Kids: What's Making Irish Parents Paranoid?, by Stella O'MalleyExtended NotesHow do the Irish reward/acknowledge/talk about “exceptional learners” and gifted individuals?Educated American parents want to know how gifted their children really are.Children who are exceptionally gifted will be placed in a different learning program to help them accelerate.Kids can get set up with the expectation that they’re going to be exceptional all the time, and that leads to a lot of disappointment in life.Why are gender dysphoria and “giftedness” linked?How do you define a “gifted” person?Sasha believes a lot of gifted people really struggle with depression in their teenage years as they see all their peers having fun and they “just can’t relate.”It’s very lonely being intelligent.Intense kids crave really deep relationships and are dissatisfied by superficial relationships that are very common during the teenage years.Stella has noticed that a lot of teens aren’t “that into” music anymore. It used to be a huge part of her identity when she was growing up.If you have a growth mindset, you’re able to handle failure much easily.Everyone in life is “in a process.” Nobody starts out great.Do you have a fear of failure? It's a very common experience!Companies are savvy and they want you to get excited, emotionally, so that there’s more engagement on their platforms.It’s common for teenagers to have a big sense of imaginability, but these can really go “off the rails,” so to speak, with brilliantly gifted kids.What’s concerning is children taking on more video games instead of going outside and being physical to expend all that energy. It impacts your health and your... This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe

The psychologist Erik Erickson’s theory of psychosocial development makes some essential observations about the period of adolescence and identifies the questions at this phase of life as “Who Am I?” and “What can I Be?”. Sasha and Stella examine this developmental period and ask how the concept of gender identity lays atop the teenage struggle for belonging, individuation, sexual development, and autonomy.Links:The Adolescent Psyche: Jungian and Winnicottian Perspectives, by Richard Frankel  Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood, by Lisa Damour, Ph.D.Hold on to Your Kids: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood, by Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Maté“Trans Activism’s Dangerous Myth of Parental Rejection,” by Lisa MarchianoChildhood and Society, by Erik H. EriksonExtended NotesThe process of growing up; although it looks different across cultures, we all have to go through it.Stella shares the coming of age ceremonies she did for her children.There are 8 stages of “growing up” that we do, according to Erik Erikson:InfancyToddlerEarly childhoodMiddle childhoodAdolescence20s–30s — Seeking intimacy40s–60s — Stagnation60s+ — Your legacyIt’s so important for children to do things with a sense of conviction.Why are the adolescent years so turbulent?Erik Erikson was the person who coined the phrase, “Identity crisis.”Up until 12 years old, everything a parent says is considered “law.” After 12, they turn it off and take in outside influences. This makes sense. Children need this process.Children reject everything you stand for because they don’t want to be a clone of you.As a mother, Stella says there is nothing that strikes terror in our hearts more when our children are unhappy.Once our children are teenagers, is there nothing we can do to help them through this process?Parents need to have a working knowledge of what their teenagers are swimming in. This is a vital time to build a stronger relationship with the child, not disconnect from them.Do you want to understand where your children are coming from? Make the effort to learn what they’re into.Teenagers are agonizing over what to call themselves. It’s difficult. There are a lot of categories to choose from.As our sexuality develops, there is some shame around our feelings.When it comes to becoming transgender, children are not good at making judgments about long-term things.Teenagers sometimes can get wrapped up in the fantasy of blaming someone else for their developmental confusion.No one has perfect parents.There is a common thread on online forums that parents reject trans children, so it sets the child up to be defensive when they... This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe

Therapist Timothy Courtois pursued graduate education to deepen his knowledge of the role sexuality and intimacy play in our lives. He quickly came to feel that this program was using some of the same tactics of moralizing and indoctrination that he’d left behind after leaving a controlling religious community. We discuss the program's mixed-up understanding of sexuality, consent, and power dynamics in relationships. We set the stage for future conversations about a richer psychological and embodied view of sexuality.Links:Tim’s Quillette PieceQueer Theory Jeopardy with Derrick JensenAASECTSexual Health Certificate ProgramExtended NotesHow did Tim get started in this field?How did Tim find out about the AASECT program?Prior to joining the program, Tim was working for a religious organization and it became apparent that there were going to be conflicts.Tim shares a little bit about his experience with the program and the materials in it.The program had a strong focus on BDSM porn and trans issues.Tim, as a therapist, wanted to be better equipped to handle new sexual issues but didn’t feel like watching porn and other materials in the program accurately helped him in this area.In the program, it was clear that it was “morally wrong” to make moral judgments about others. Tim found that troubling.It was clear that if you had any adverse responses or sensitivity to the materials being shown, those feelings needed to be “drowned out.” Tim wasn’t a fan of this method. There was so much room for exploration of one's own emotions that was ignored.When we try to buck our norms and be submissive with our behaviors, it can disconnect us from our instinct.The footage Tim saw was quite disturbing. He explains what he watched in the program.What is the pain that clients are bringing to us?It was a room of therapists watching these videos and they felt like they couldn’t speak up.In a lot of ways, Tim saw this “cult-following” to be much worse than the Christian organization he left.Did the program have an overview of intimacy and relationships?Let’s talk about morality and pedophilia within the program.There were some heavy contradictions in the program that Tim disagreed with.Virtual sex should not be considered “real sex.” It’s completely different from the real thing.How do you educate children about sex in a healthy way?You’re either going to be waterboarded with information or it’s suppressed. There doesn’t seem to be a happy middle.A lot of parents are concerned about their child’s sexual health, especially when they want to transition.What is the internet doing to our perceptions of sex, love, and intimacy?In the program, porn was a huge no because porn has a religious, moral, and political agenda.Tim shares a common story that many couples face when one of the partners has a porn addiction. What is your moral obligation as a therapist?We have to be able to point to something that goes beyond what the research paper says.What does a healthy, well-balanced, sex life looks like?This podcast is partially sponsored by ReIME, Rethink Identity Medicine Ethics: This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe

Few people are aware of how much the political discussion around gender and sexuality has been touched by queer theory. This philosophy questions how we know what we know and turns hierarchies on their heads. Sasha and Stella explore the “smashing of binaries” in their therapeutic work and personal lives and discuss the positive and negative outcomes of taking queer theory thinking to its limits.Links:Butler, Judith (2007). Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity. Routledge.Jagose, Annamarie (1996). Queer Theory: An introduction (Reprint. ed.). New York: New York Univ. PressFoucault, Michel (1978) [1976] The History of Sexuality: Volume 1: An Introduction. London: Allen Lane.Foucault, Michel (1992) [1984]. The History of Sexuality: Volume 2: The Use of Pleasure. London: Penguin Books.Foucault, Michel (1990) [1984]. The History of Sexuality Volume 3: The Care of the Self. London: Penguin Books.Foucault, Michel (2021) [2021]. The History of Sexuality Volume 4: Confessions of the Flesh. London: Penguin BooksKosofsky Sedgwick, Eve (1990) Epistemology of the ClosetHood, Morag (2019). Brenda is a Sheep. London: Two Hoots“What I Saw at Drag Queen Story Hour,” WSJKate BornsteinExtended NotesMother and father are no longer inclusive?So much of our female oppression has been based upon our reproductive system.Queer theory is a “slippery fish.” What is the definition of queer theory?In any good democracy, there is a questioning of how we know what we know.Ireland is objecting to all sorts of oppression. They know first-hand what it’s like.How do you get through life if you have no idea what you know?Stella’s daughter once asked: Who says being fat is unhealthy?Queer theory will always be evolving.If you can’t be a man, and if you can’t be a woman, then what are you?Sasha shares some of her struggles as a woman and how she found her sexual orientation.The development of a woman’s sexuality feels very understudied. People might scoff at this, but Stella explains further.Not everything is due to a social construct.Is gender a performance?If there was a person by themselves on an island, would they really have a gender?We are not walking gender identities, there is so much more to us.You can’t use categories of behavior to try and assume someone’s... This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe

How and when did gender become such a heightened political issue? And what are the psychological implications for individuals and the collective? The origins of feminism, the LBG liberation movement, and the emerging transgender movement are explored within a psychological and cultural frameworkLinks:Books Beauvoir, Simone de (2009) [1949]. The Second Sex. Trans. Constance Borde and Sheila Malovany-Chevallier. Random House. Simone de Beauvoir wrote that "the first time we see a woman take up her pen in defense of her sex" was Christine de Pizan in Epitre au Dieu d'Amour (Epistle to the God of Love) in the 15th century.   Friedan, Betty (1963). The Feminine Mystique. W.W.Norton & Company.  French, Marilyn (1977) The Women’s Room. Simon & Schuster  Stryker, Susan (2009-01-07). Transgender History. Da Capo Press   Bailey, Michael (2003). The Man Who Would Be Queen: The Science of Gender Bending and Transsexualism. Joseph Henry Press  American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental  disorders (5th ed.). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Press. Articles  10 reasons american politics are so divided:  https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2015/01/07/the-top-10-reasons-american-politics-are-worse-than-ever/  Conversion therapy bans:  https://www.lgbtmap.org/equality-maps/conversion_therapy  Tumblr: A Call Out Post:  https://4thwavenow.com/2019/03/20/tumblr-a-call-out-post/  The Controversy Surrounding the Man Who Would Be Queen (Michael Bailey’s book): https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3170124/  Film  Suffragette (2015) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFoQt5vsgnQ  Media Julie Bindel, 2004 article in the Guardian:  https://www.theguardian.com/world/2004/jan/31/gender.weekend7   Kimberly Nixon and the Vancouver Rape Relief Centre: Rupp, Shannon (February 3, 2007). "Transsexual Loses Fight with Women's Shelter". The Tyee: https://thetyee.ca/News/2007/02/03/Nixon/   Michigan Womyn's Music Festival:  https://www.facebook.com/michfest/posts/10153186431364831 https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2009/03/02/lesbian-nation   Ken Zucker:  This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe

Buck Angel transitioned in 1994 and now lives happily as a 58-year-old transsexual man. Buck describes his rollercoaster with gender dysphoria and explains why he was willing to become a medical guinea pig when he first transitioned. Buck talks about the importance of owning his sexuality within a transsexual body and he also provides a critique of the modern flavor of the transgender movement.Links:Buckangel.com Twitter: @BuckAngelFacebook: Facebook.com/officialbuckangelInstagram: Instagram.com/buckangel/Extended NotesWho is Buck and what has his transition journey been like? Buck suffered a lot with coming to terms with this new identity. He tried to commit suicide at 16.When did Buck first hear about transitioning from a therapist?Buck went in and out of therapy. Therapists didn’t believe him when he said, “I feel like a man.”Finally, one therapist recognized Buck’s confusion and just listened. She saved his life.Nobody understood Buck. In 78, this was just unheard of. Buck got committed to a psych ward.How did Buck become a model?Buck ended up getting addicted to drugs and alcohol. It ended with him becoming a prostitute.Buck is proud of his pornography work and shares a little bit about what that experience was like.If you’re not attracted to a trans person, does that make you transphobic?You should disclose if you are trans! Buck gets a lot of hate for this.Why does Buck still have female body parts?Buck talks about having an orgasm for the very first time in his late 20s/early 30s.Buck has become a guinea pig in the medical world to better understand gender dysphoria.Buck had the mantra of, “If it doesn’t work out, I will kill myself.”Buck talks about what medical things went wrong for him during his transition.Buck tries to explain some of the consequences these treatments have on your body. They’re harsh on your body.Being trans feels like a full-time job.Why are people detransitioning?What’s missing in the conversation when we talk about transitioning?Buck is a very controversial figure in the trans community. He clears the air on why he believes what he believes.This podcast is partially sponsored by ReIME, Rethink Identity Medicine Ethics:Rethinkime.orgLearn more about our show: Linktr.ee/WiderLensPod This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe