Sinterklaas is working from home, the New Year fireworks have gone out with a whimper and the Elfstedentocht has been abandoned even earlier than usual as coronavirus kills off Dutch seasonal joy. On the positive side, there's a vaccine and the League Against Swearing have published a handy guide to which children's books to buy this Christmas. Coronavirus is also blamed for the government's failure to process thousands of asylum applications in time. And we bring you the story of how a Swedish insomniac helped solve a 25-year-old mystery on the island of Texel.

A good news week as coronavirus infections start coming down across the kingdom – except in Curaçao, where Dutch tourists are touching down with their fake test certificates and piling into the beach bars. An awkward week for education minister Arie Slob, who is forced to switch sides over anti-gay school charters in the Bible Belt. Amsterdam city council has some distasteful suggestions for celebrating Sint-Maarten, while police in Limburg are surprised to find a cellar that hasn't been converted into a drugs lab.

Disaster was averted this week in 'city of bridges' Spijkenisse when a metro train came to rest atop a sculpture. The government imposed a two-week 'hard lockdown' to try to stop the coronavirus second wave turning into a healthcare disaster. And a disastrous performance by a Rotterdam academic on Thierry Baudet's TV channel went viral. All this calamity and we haven't even mentioned a certain electoral contest. Meanwhile, Mark Rutte concluded a political saga that out-ran Soldaat van Oranje by announcing he will run for re-election as prime minister.

In a week of fake news and dodgy data, the Dutch government adopts the Niksen approach to disease control. As Covid-19 spreads through the Binnenhof and two ministers go into quarantine, the friendly folk at Farmers Defence Force turn up on Rob Jetten's doorstep with a box of meat products and a camera. Coronavirus also starts to hit the football world, while in Venlo VVV put up the weakest defensive display since Ferd Grapperhaus's wedding. There's uplifting news too as Rhenen's baby giant panda is no longer gender neutral and the first flying car is (almost) cleared for take-off.

It's been a week of blaming and shaming as the king and queen flew into a storm of outrage over their pandemic-busting trip to Greece. A Dutch hacker hijacked Donald Trump's Twitter, AZ snatched an unlikely win in Naples and the egg-pilfering gay penguins were up to their usual tricks. Further lockdown measures loom larger as coronavirus infection numbers continue to climb. And there's concern that up to 6,000 British people may become illegal immigrants at the stroke of midnight on January 1.

Mark Rutte was in no mood to celebrate his 10th anniversary as prime minister this week, but there was a party outside Parliament as drinkers packed the bars for a last round before lockdown. We ask if the new restrictions will be enough, why Germany is bailing out the Dutch ICUs again and whether circle parties will ever return. In crime news, the chances of being murdered go down but the stakes for illicit gamblers are raised as police break up a blind pig casino in a Brabant basement. Plus the KNVB gets a VAR review and a red card over its shutdown of the women's football league.

After months of delays, the coronavirus tracker app gets the green light just as the country's infection map turns a deep shade of red. The disease even manages to get sucked into the black hole of ophef that is the renovation of the Binnenhof. In another long-running saga, Willem-Alexander is thwarted again in his quest to become the Sun Energy King. And in sports news, Kiki Bertens is accused of contempt of court at the French Open and PSV snap up a World Cup winner.

They can cover our faces, but they can't mask the awkwardness of performing a full U-turn in a matter of days. Mark Rutte grudgingly agreed this week to mask up at the grocery store and advised everyone else to cover their faces wherever the sun doesn't shine. That prompted an even more startling U-turn from Geert Wilders, who suddenly decided he didn't like the government telling people what to wear in public. Elsewhere, the Covid recession started to bite as major companies unveil job loss plans and a suspect in a long-running murder investigation went on trial. Plus we ask how Sergino Dest will cope with the traffic in Barcelona after growing up in the parallel universe that is Almere.

Autumn is a season of missed opportunities and mellow fruitlessness for the Dutch government as its coronavirus strategy unravels. Rising infections, waiting lists for corona testing and no trace of a tracker app - we ask what's gone wrong. Also going nuclear are the VVD, who want to build more power stations if they remain in government next year. The socialists and D66 also kick off their election campaigns, while Amsterdam takes steps to control the spread of Airbnb.

A low-key Budget Day brings sober news on the economic front, unless you happen to be a princess approaching her 18th birthday. New coronavirus restrictions are imminent as a surge in infections puts even more strain on the testing system. The tension also took its toll on Rotterdam's Erasmusbrug and the prosecutor handling a high-profile racial abuse case. Plus we tell you why zoos have been hit by corona and there's a sense of anticlimax around the new football season in Emmen.