Finding You: by Dr. Brad Reedy

Parents ask questions about how wilderness works for kids with ASD, whether regular at-home drug testing is a good strategy, and how much to disclose to your children about your own growth work and learning. Dr. Brad Reedy also shares important thoughts on empathy and boundaries: "Don’t let your empathy rob you of your boundaries. We parents can sometimes do that and it allows us to compromise and sacrifice things that we need for ourselves."

Dr. Brad Reedy talks about many iterations of the family system and shares thoughts on how to approach each. Key messages: “When you talk about the other parent, you are talking about part of your child.” Choose “good enough.” Give up the need to be right. Learn to separate your need from your child’s need. Focus on what you can control. Your co-parenting relationship is modeling to your kid how to manage conflict in their lives. He also addresses parental alienation.

Dr. Reedy welcomes Mackenzie Phillips to the broadcast. Mackenzie, the daughter of musical royalty, climbed aboard the acting-train when it pulled into town. She created a successful acting career and is best known for her roles on “American Graffiti,” “One Day at a Time,” and “Orange is the New Black.” And in 2008, after a public arrest at LAX, she made her way towards recovery from addiction and mental health issues. Today, Mack works with individuals and families looking to free themselves from addiction and eating disorders at “Breathe Life Healing Center” located in Laurel Canyon, California, the same canyon made famous by her parents (her father was John Phillips of the Mama’s and the Papas) and their friends during the late 1960’s. Mack opens up and speaks candidly about her history of addiction and the difficult road to recovery.

A parent wonders how to accept and contain her daughter’s “big” personality and moods when she feels so depleted and overwhelmed herself. Dr. Reedy says: The child does not need you to be perfect—they just need you to own your imperfection as yours. By demonstrating healthy self-care. By learning to apologize. And then by being ok with them being angry and disappointed when you do. Other parents ask about ODD, adoption/attachment issues, wilderness life nuts and bolts, and more.

In this webinar, Dr. Brad Reedy reviews the book “What Happened to You” by Dr. Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey. Dr. Reedy praised the book as being a great introduction to trauma work while also shifting the narrative away from "What is wrong with you?" toward "What happened to you?" In essence, the book suggests looking at people’s behaviors and struggles through the lens of their history and past experiences instead of looking at them as symptoms. Dr. Reedy discusses how the brain stores traumatic experiences in the subconscious and how those past events shape a person’s behaviors and reactions later in life. He then goes into depth on healing trauma and emphasizes this important message from the book, “Your connectedness to family, community, and culture is more predictive of your mental health than your history of adversity.”

Dr. Brad Reedy discusses school shootings and how to manage your own anxiety about them before trying to help your kids. He also covers how to share your experience with your kids without giving them advice. Says Dr. Reedy, “Mental health is about becoming our most authentic self. At Evoke we don’t think of it as 'being good' or getting the 'right' answer. So the idea of advice doesn’t even fit into our paradigm.” Additionally, he elaborates on how, when it comes to any kind of relationship, talking is a taking thing and listening is a giving thing.

Dr. Reedy tackles the issue of intimacy and betrayal and couples. He talks about the dynamics that contribute to betrayal in each partner and in the couple. He talks about how problems in a marriage are most often present during courtship, in the early phases of romantic love. Dr. Reedy explains that talking is a taking thing and listening is a giving thing. He also encourages couples to understand the difference between loving and needing. Lastly, he exhorts individuals to do their work, explore the landscape of their own woundedness, and own their issues, to prevent the projection of the bad parts of the Self onto the partner.

Dr. Brad Reedy takes your live and pre-submitted questions. Tonight he addresses an array of topics from how to support a child with a Borderline diagnosis to whether or not to try to prevent your child from running with the "wrong crowd" to the best way to address school shootings with your school-aged children.

The Impact of Peer Groups and Milieu on Your Child - Ep 439 by Dr. Brad Reedy

Dr. Reedy welcomes inner-child coach, Tiffany McKelvy. Tiffany helps the all-grown-up-but-still-very-lost children of toxic family systems find their way home to their most embodied, authentic selves. Through connecting with and reparenting their inner child, these individuals have the opportunity to disrupt the trauma loops that keep parts of us trapped, afraid, and disconnected from the whole of our beings. By engaging in this work, Tiffany’s clients are able to pull themselves out from beneath the weight of the projections, judgments, and expectations of their childhood caregivers and redefine their relationships with pleasure, play, creativity, and identity. As Ram Dass wisely shared, “we’re all just walking each other home,” — and this particular walk is monumental and not unfamiliar for Tiffany. While she cannot finish this journey for you, she hopes that you’ll let her hold the lantern and bring light to the shadowy spaces while you go it together for a while.