@Betches

Welp folks, Sami’s leaving to go camp in the desert. Ok fine, she’s staying in a hotel and she’s just going on vacation, but this sparks a convo with Aleen and Jordana about adventure trips, go-bags, apocalypses. You know, the usual stuff. After they forget how they started talking about apocalypses in the first place, they pivot to the actual usual stuff—celeb news. Re: the Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt airplane altercation story. How did they get to this breaking point? And Brad Pitt might be dating who?! TBH, they realize Brad should be dating Ben Affleck (they give v similar vibes), but unfortunately Ben can’t right now—he and JLo are entering their 3 day wedding extravaganza. Then onto Kathy Hilton’s philanthropic endeavors for homeless people, which oddly segues well into Kanye’s latest Yeezy x Gap collection. Is Kanye fetishizing homeless people? They wrap up with TV talk and have the great debate: what makes an icon? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

That’s a wrap! U Up? Live has officially solved dating everywhere, and Jordana, Aleen, and Sami give the highlight reel. But there’s still one (ex)couple no one can figure out—the mystery that is Kim K and Pete Davidson. The ever surprising duo broke things off, and we have q’s: Was the relationship real and the break-up is the PR stunt? What’s going to happen to Pete’s Kim tattoos? And most importantly, who will they date next? Then onto another ex-couple who made headlines this week—Britney Spears and Kevin Federline with the parenting video drama. Lots to unpack. There might also be trouble in newlyweds Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Peltz’s billionaire paradise, and they dive into the age-old rift of wife vs mother-in-law (AKA Nicky vs Vicky). The show wraps up with Aleen’s fav topic: JAffleck was spotted canoodling at Dunkin Donuts. We just want to know, did JLo get munchkins?  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Aleen is sussed out with Britney Spears—maybe she’s not as free as the #FreeBritney movement thinks. Are the red posts on her insta red flags? Next, they debate Will Smith’s apology to Chris Rock over the Oscars slap. Jordana appreciates him owning the mistake, but not hating himself for making it. Then they cover Taylor Swift’s 170 Private plane trips THIS YEAR. Sami is convinced it’s a plot by Kris Jenner to defend Kylie. Chrissy Teigen is pregnant, and Beyonce’s new album has the bops we all needed, minus some controversial wording. Meanwhile, Monica Lewinsky does not approve… 8 years later. Finally, JAffleck announced a huge wedding reception, and we are NOT happy about it. What happened to their pure, intimate love?DM us who you would send to the Cayman Islands this week to sell timeshares. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

PSA: U Up? Live shows are really f*cking fun. Jordana shares all the deets from the Chicago show, which did include an onstage makeout sesh. Sami and Aleen can’t wait to join you at the NYC show, so be sure to get your tix ASAP. Then onto Aleen’s highly anticipated J-Affleck honeymoon theory. Are JLo and Ben actually a PR stunt after all? They debate, and Sami presents some pretty convincing evidence you’ll def want to hear. Speaking of industry intel, they chat about Sydney Sweeney’s latest interview breaking down the real Hollywood struggle. Group conclusion? Massive respect for you, Sydney. They wrap up discussing the people’s qualm: Instagram, you’re ruining everything. Where TF did the pics go? Let’s just say there are some top contenders for this week’s Hollywood Purgatory decision. IYKYK. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

ICYMI, it’s really f*cking hot outside. Naturally, Sami, Aleen, and Jordana chat about the weather and their ideal temperatures. Have they simply run out of things to discuss? Don’t you worry, they have plenty of even hotter topics to get into. JLo and Ben Affleck tied the knot in Vegas, and Aleen agrees their relationship is no longer a PR stunt. Then onto TV: The Bear, Persuasion, The Rehearsal, Severance. They reminisce on their college days when they held HBO Sundays in their dorm (of course Jimmy John’s was involved), and watched shows together. Now they’re all just logged into Sami’s Hulu account, which is basically the same thing. The ep wraps up with an examination of Kylie Jenner’s spending habits (Can Kylie keep us out of a recession with all her shopping?), before giving an update on the Armie Hammer Cayman Islands situation. Re: Robert Downey Jr. is now involved. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Howdy, y’all. Jordana is tuning in from the v hot Austin, TX following a U Up? Live show, and recaps the trip with Sami and Aleen (a penis donut was involved). Things have also been heating up in the celeb world, and they unpack the big D—drama, obviously. Headline #1: Khloe Kardashian welcomes a second child via surrogate, with the unwelcomed Tristan Thompson as the father. They get into a heated debate—does it matter if your siblings have different parents? Across the reality show aisle, they debrief Jen Shah’s guilty plea before diving into the mystery that is Armie Hammer working as a timeshare salesman in the Cayman Islands. You can’t make this sh*t up. Then onto the Funny Girl drama (re: Beanie Feldstein and Lea Michele), before wrapping up with some Emmy nominations talk. Jordana presents the new @ Betches ending—who are you sending to Hollywood purgatory, AKA selling timeshares with Armie in the Cayman Islands? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Aleen’s up first to debrief the holiday weekend, re: she didn’t actually do much. Jordana, however, did a plethora of classic July 4th activities—a baseball game, ice cream, and…Benihana? Sami then breaks down her holiday excursion, which included a large fight in a tiny cabin in the woods. The argument started off with cutting tomatoes, but as we know, it’s never just about the tomatoes. Then onto pop culture, which like Aleen’s weekend, was pretty slow. Rihanna is now the youngest self-made billionaire, and they debunk the self-made scale. How TF is Kylie Jenner so high on the list? Then onto Cameron Diaz’s un-retirement (didn’t even know she retired TBH), Lindsay Lohan’s comeback and recent marriage, and a discussion of the very Derelicte-esque Balenciaga show. And don’t forget, U Up? Live is still on tour. They’re headed to Austin, Chicago, and New York—get your tix at betches.co/uuplive. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you watched anything good lately? Well Jordana, Aleen, and Sami have, and fill you in on all their latest TV and movie finds. And yes, Everything, Everywhere, All At Once is discussed. Then onto everything, everywhere celeb drama. First up is Chris Pratt’s latest Men’s Health interview, and they unpack all the tea—re: Hillsong church accusations, comments about his son, and his place among the many Hollywood Chrises. Then, they couldn’t not debrief North West’s extravagant camp bday party, but are surprised by the lack of Kim K’s posts about it. Did Kim go to Staten Island once and finally become grounded? The show wraps up with a RHOBH recap, as Jordana, Aleen, and Sami discuss Diana’s callous comments about the CA wildfires—yikes Diana, yikes—and a new Betches airline is born. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tuning in live from sunny CA, Aleen, Jordana, and Sami are out west for the U Up? show in LA. They debrief the live event (surprise—they had a great time), and chat about dating today. Is it possible to meet someone in person anymore? Speaking of meeting people in person, they go through the roster of stars they’ve seen in LA. No Pete Davidson, but they drop some other big names. On the same thread of big names, they break down the latest celeb drama. Brace yourself, there’s a lot to debrief: Julia Haart is becoming the Jewish Kris Jenner, Khloe Kardashian’s new beau is a finance bro, Kendall Jenner’s break up, Brad Pitt’s new GQ cover, and of course, a chat about the new Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip. Say all that 10x fast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jordana starts today’s ep by debriefing the U Up? Live show in the cleaner, smaller New York—AKA Boston. Jordana, Aleen, and Sami are all going to the LA show next week, which will be the first time Aleen’s been to SoCal since her choker-wearing days. Obvi they can’t mention LA without a convo on the Kardashians, and how Kim K broke the Marilyn Monroe dress (yikes). They then talk about another LA star Justin Bieber, and his very scary facial paralysis. Next is a discussion of J.Lo’s new movie Halftime, before getting into the fat-shaming drama surrounding influencer Remi Bader. They wrap up with a chat about Britney Spears’ wedding (and her ex-BF wedding crasher), before debriefing how Erika Jayne can’t afford to pay $2 million in taxes. Have you seen her closet? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices