Molly and Liza begin today's episode with a review of the core interpersonal effectiveness skill in DBT: DEAR MAN. Liza shares a homework example in which she delivered a DEAR MAN to provide constructive feedback to a colleague, balancing priorities related to objective and relationship effectiveness. Then, we transition into discussing how to deliver a DEAR MAN when the relationship is the main priority. We introduce guidelines for relationship effectiveness through (yet) another acronym: "GIVE" (Be Gentle, Act Interested, Validate, and Easy Manner). Throughout the episode, Liza and Molly pay particular attention to a listener question about resentment, and Molly shares an example that highlights how these guidelines can be used to address this crucial issue in relationships. We end the episode with role plays that emphasize how to use the GIVE skills to ask for what you want or say no when prioritizing the relationship is your main goal. We hope you enjoy!  *Follow us on Instagram and Facebook @ TherapistsInTheWild, and Twitter @TherapistsWild. 

This week on TITW, Molly and Liza teach "DEAR MAN," a simple acronym that will help you be effective in asking for what you want, communicating a personal limit, or even saying no to another's request. DEAR MAN is the foundation of all the DBT interpersonal effectiveness skills, and this week's episode focuses specifically on applying the skill when achieving your objective is the main goal. We will continue building on the material from this episode as we teach how to prioritize the relationship and self-respect in the coming weeks. To introduce the skill, Liza shares a fun fact about what she originally thought DEAR MAN was ;) Then, we review the acronym, providing tips and examples throughout. DEAR (Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce) stands for "what" you do in the conversation, and MAN (Stay Mindful, Appear Confident, Negotiate) stands for "how" you do it. Finally, instead of coaching, Liza and Molly laugh their way through various role plays to give you a sense of what some skillful - and less skillful - DEAR MAN (MEN?) look like. Enjoy!  *Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

Welcome to the Interpersonal Effectiveness module! Liza and Molly begin by discussing their plan to explore topics such as cultural adaptations of these (and other DBT) skills in Season 2 of the podcast, which we will begin after we finish teaching all of the skills as they are written in Marsha Linehan’s DBT manual this season. To introduce the module, we explore the benefits of using these skills, as well as factors that commonly interfere with effective interpersonal communication. Using examples, we identify the three goals of interpersonal effectiveness: 1) objective effectiveness, 2) relationship effectiveness, and 3) self-respect effectiveness. Finally, through coaching, Liza helps Molly rank the relative importance of these goals in a challenging professional relationship, which will inform how Molly handles the situation. We hope you enjoy!  *Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

The TITW are joined by Dr. Kiki Fehling, clinical psychologist (and former member of our Rutgers DBT team!), to discuss the Biosocial Theory of how emotion dysregulation (and BPD) develops. After graduating from Yale University, Kiki earned her PhD from Rutgers University and has received intensive training in DBT, CBT, and evidence-based trauma treatments. While she has worked with a broad range of clients, she has particular expertise working with members of the LGBTQ+ community, people recovering from significant traumas and health or medical issues, and people who engage in self-harm. As DBT is based on the Biosocial Theory of personality functioning, Kiki explains the premise that emotion dysregulation results from early biological vulnerabilities for emotional sensitivity combined with chronic and pervasive invalidation, as well as their interaction and transaction over time. Throughout the episode, we discuss how understanding this model can help with emotion regulation and improve relationships. Enjoy, and stay skillful!  *Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. 

Molly and Liza are joined by a special guest, Hillary Ditmars, a skilled DBT therapist nearing the end of her doctoral program in Clinical Psychology (and Liza’s close friend and college roommate!). Hillary has experience providing DBT to adolescents and families in partial hospital and intensive outpatient programs, and has taught the skill of validation in both multi-family and parent-only settings. In this episode, we explore the key concept of validation, as well as its reverse: invalidation. Validation involves communicating to another person that their feelings, thoughts, or actions make sense and are understandable in a particular situation. We teach how to validate yourself and others, and also discuss how these are key skills for emotion regulation and effective interpersonal interactions. Conversely, invalidation involves denying, rejecting, or dismissing another person's feelings by communicating that their subjective emotional experience is inaccurate, insignificant, and/or unacceptable. We discuss short- and long-term effects of invalidation, including self-invalidation, exaggerated expression of emotions, increased dependence on others, identify confusion, and more. We wrap up the episode with another nerdy DBT exercise: The Validation Game, in which we practice these skills and reflect on how it feels to be validated vs. invalidated by each other. We hope you enjoy!  *Follow us on Instagram and Facebook @TherapistsInTheWild

Welcome to TITW: Sports Edition! In this episode, Molly and Liza use an uncharacteristic amount of sports examples to illustrate the last two skills of the Emotion Regulation module: Building Mastery and Coping Ahead. Before we get into the material for the week, we share listener examples of go-to pleasant activities, and Molly describes a recent situation where being overly goal-oriented increased suffering and refocusing on values reduced suffering. Next, we explain how to Build Mastery by doing things that make you feel competent and effective to combat helplessness, hopelessness, and even depression. Liza and Molly discuss what we can all learn from the most successful professional athletes in terms of building mastery. To wrap up the module, we teach how to Cope Ahead of time with emotional situations. This includes rehearsing a plan ahead of time to prepare you to cope skillfully with anticipated challenges. Finally, Liza coaches Molly to Cope Ahead for and Build Mastery in playing tennis. We hope you enjoy :) *Follow us on Instagram and Facebook @TherapistsInTheWild 

In this episode, Liza describes how she applied the coaching from last week's episode on Problem Solving and Mindfulness of Current Emotions and Thoughts to email her neighbors about the noise, and shares their surprising response ;) We then transition into teaching how to reduce vulnerability to Emotion Mind in order to build a Life Worth Living. We start with the most straightforward (and not always easy) way to take care of your mind by taking care of your body: the PLEASE skills, which, if you've ever been "hangry" like we have, you will intuitively understand. We then discuss how Accumulating Positive Emotions in the short-term by doing one pleasant activity per day increases the likelihood that you will respond effectively to whatever life throws at you -- like putting money away for a rainy day. Lastly, we explain how to Accumulate Positive Emotions in the long-term in order to build a Life Worth Living. This is done by identifying core values, which give our lives meaning, and using those values to guide the process of setting goals and taking action steps. We hope you enjoy!  *Please email us at therapistsinthewild@gmail.com or DM us on Instagram or Facebook @therapistsinthewild with examples of pleasant daily activities you engage in so we can share them on social media and on next week's episode!

It is our tenth episode of TITW! This week, Molly and Liza start by sharing how they practiced Opposite Action in work-related situations: Molly used it to combat procrastination urges and feelings of shame about avoiding "paperwork" (a word no one wants to hear), and Liza used it to set boundaries around doing work at night. We then introduce a creative approach to Problem Solving, which can be used when your emotion and its intensity does fit the facts, and the situation is the problem. Using examples, we walk you through the steps of how DBT approaches problem-solving, which we hope will expand your repertoire of potential solutions to any given problem. Because a fear or unwillingness to experience uncomfortable thoughts and feelings is often a barrier to effective problem-solving, we then teach you how to apply Mindfulness of Current Thoughts and Emotions when unwanted emotions arise. We end the episode with Molly helping Liza apply these skills to the (very relatable) problem of confronting noisy neighbors. We hope you enjoy! 

This week, Liza and Molly share examples of Checking the Facts to regulate emotions. Molly gives tips for changing interpretations when having trouble falling asleep, and Liza talks about a time when asking another person to Check the Facts for you can successfully alleviate anxiety. We then introduce one possible "step 3" in your emotion regulation playbook by describing one of our all-time favorite skills: Opposite Action, which can be used when your emotion and/or emotional intensity does not fit the facts, and/or it would be not be effective to act on your emotion urge. We teach you the steps of Opposite Action through the examples of combating both pandemic-related depression and "white fragility." Instead of our typical coaching, we end the episode by sharing our story of using Opposite Action to start the podcast. We hope you enjoy! 

In this episode, Liza and Molly share their experiences distinguishing between their primary vs. secondary emotions over the past week. We reflect on how early learning history, which includes gender socialization, affects how we understand, respond to, and cope with present events. Then, we get into the skill of the week: Check the Facts, which is the second step in the process of emotion regulation after identifying the emotion. Changing interpretations, beliefs, and assumptions to more accurately fit the facts of the situation enables us to have very different emotional reactions to the same situation. We review the steps involved in Checking the Facts when interpretations like, "they must be mad at me" show up while waiting for a delayed text back. We highlight the final step of this process: actually determining whether your emotion -- and/or its intensity -- fits the facts of a situation (hint: consult Wise Mind!). Finally, Liza coaches Molly on how to Check the Facts related to dog-mom shame and beliefs like, "I'm an irresponsible dog mom" that arise when Wilson misbehaves on walks. We hope you enjoy!