Listen, Learn & Love Hosted by Richard Ostler

Richard Ostler

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May 5, 2023 • 1h 10min

Episode 640: Richie Steadman, Founder The Cultural Hall Podcast

My friend Richie Steadman (active LDS, podcaster, DJ, great human) joins us to share some of his story. Richie talks about how life, following his successful mission in Cleveland, took some unexpected turns which included Richie being out of the Church for several years. Richie is open about that and how he navigated not only the mistakes he made but painful church experiences around those mistakes that didn’t feel like Jesus. Richie also talks about his many interests and how we found his way to a steady career—a story that is very helpful for younger Latter-day Saints whose career interests may not fit into the nice tidy box of Church culture expectations. Richie also shares the backstory of starting The Cultural Hall Podcast twelve years ago—one of the very first Latter-day Saint themed podcast that is approaching 700 episodes. A podcast that is doing much good in our community. He also talks about his work professionally to help other podcasters get their efforts off the ground. Thank you, my friend Richie, for being on the podcast and all your good work. The Cultural Hall Podcast: https://www.theculturalhallpodcast.com/
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May 2, 2023 • 1h 16min

Episode 639: Emily Evans, Lesbian Latter-day Saint, RM, Mid-20’s

My friend Emily Evans (UVU grad, San Antonio/Austin, RM, plans to marry her girlfriend) joins us to share her story. Emily talks about her years prior to her mission trying to figure out her sexuality. Part of that journey was being in a relationship with her boyfriend and also falling in love with a female friend. Emily talks about the difference in these experiences helping to clarify her sexuality. She talks about the support from both her straight boyfriend and her straight female friend and how they were both open to this conversation. During this time Emily came out to some friends and family (good experience). Emily then talks about her decision to serve a mission and her desire to live a life of celibacy. She talks about her positive mission experience and glad she served. Emily then talks about life after her mission and rethinking her plans to be celibate and instead consider dating women. Emily talks about falling in love and hopes for their upcoming wedding. Emily talks about her love and support for her LDS family and their love and support to Emily. It is a good example of keeping the family circle together in our differences. I also share some of my thoughts on how I hope we treat people who separate themselves from the Church and how I hope they treat us in return. The Evans family is a wonderful example of this. Thank you, Emily, for sharing your story. You have a wonderful life ahead of you. Podcast Links: Ministering to LGBTQ Latter-day Saints Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143 Richard Ostler Book: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints: Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773
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Apr 29, 2023 • 1h 16min

Episode 638: Thomas Auseuga, Gay Australian Latter-day Saint

My friend Thomas Auseuga joins us from Brisbane, Australia (my first LGBTQ guest from Australia) to share his story. Thomas (who is in his 20's and served a mission in the Philippines) talks about realizing he was different around age 12 and then processing that alone until he came out as gay to his mother at age 16. Thomas talks about believing he was the only Latter-day Saint with these feelings and concluding he was a bad person. He talks about all the gay jokes and rhetoric that led to immense—and deserved—shame. Thomas talks about his young adult years and then coming out again to his mother at age 22 before his mission—including why being gay was not discussed during the six years since coming out at age 16. Thomas talks about how his relationship with Heavenly Father and his Savior is crucial to his journey. Thomas talks about his mission (good experience), returning home, and his efforts to find a girl and get married. Thomas talks about the anxiety of dating and being reminded of not being unable to connect with women—leading to shame, discouragement and feeling broken. Thomas talks about coming out to friends and family and then his brave decision to come out publicly in February 2023—one of the very first openly queer Latter-day Saints in Australia. Thomas, who is still an active Latter-day Saint, talks about what he has learned, how he can help others (he is currently a Student Social Worker at University), what he would say to his younger self, and his hopes for the future. I was so impressed listening to Thomas. He is so brave to be out in a place with few examples or role models. Thank you, Thomas, for being on the podcast and for your example of courage, faith, and hope. You are a remarkable man and doing much good in our Church and beyond. Podcast Links: Ministering to LGBTQ Latter-day Saints Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143 Richard Ostler Book: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints: Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773
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Apr 26, 2023 • 1h 16min

Episode 637: Dr. Jordon and Liz Sharp, LDS Parents of a Gay Son

My friends Dr. Jordon and Liz Sharp (LDS parents of five children) join us from St George, Utah to share their story of hope and healing. Jordon (VP of Marketing at Utah Tech University) and Liz (Registered Hospice Nurse) share their unexpected journey as a traditional LDS family who experienced everything from trauma, confusion, and loss to miracles, enlightenment, and overwhelming joy as they became a LDS/LQBTQ family through their gay son Sam (who turns 18 in 2023 and is the oldest). Jordon and Liz start their experience when Jordon served as a Bishop to a closeted gay young woman in their ward who attempted suicide and they were the first-responders on the scene; but describe how this terrible situation helped them more fully understand our Heavenly Parents love for all their children. It’s a powerful part of their story. Jordon and Liz then talk about the text they received years later from their then 13-year-old-son Sam letting them know he is gay. They intimately and powerfully share their roadmap of making mistakes, learning, loving, healing, and ultimately understanding this isn’t a phase or mistake, but a unique, meaningful, and wonderful part of their lives. They talk about how Sam is thriving because of the love he feels from family and friends—and his great heart, maturity, and soul. They talk about how they wish every parent could have a Sam. It is a beautiful family love story. Jordon and Liz shared their thoughts in a viral Facebook post (see show notes for link) about Sam, our LGBTQ brothers and sisters, and what we can do to be better. It’s a beautiful Facebook post that I encourage us as a Latter-day Saint community to read and discuss how we can do better. Thank you, Jordon and Liz, for being on the podcast. I was deeply moved listening to you—it is a sacred place to hear your story. I encourage everyone to listen to and share this podcast. Their story helps better Gather Israel and create Zion. Podcast Link: Facebook Post: https://www.facebook.com/jordon.sharp/posts/pfbid02SUkPEQbASdBW47pSi368meXdTHWbRLAw9U7op31SKLC29H16ayVeyGyxnjSKQejjl Ministering to LGBTQ Latter-day Saints Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143 Richard Ostler Book: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints: Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773
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Apr 23, 2023 • 1h 30min

Episode 636: Thomas Swain, Gay Latter-Day Saint, Mid 30s

My friend Thomas Swain joins us from New Zealand to share his story. Thomas (who grew up in England) starts with knowing at an early age he had feelings for someone of the same gender but put that away and moved forward. Thomas talks about his wonderful mission experience (West Indies 2006-2008), teaching at the New Zealand MTC for 5 years and working for church media productions. These were deeply spiritual times for Thomas which also allowed him to put this attract to men on the shelf. After the MTC assignment, Thomas talks about the 10+ years working to marry a woman and how all those relationships ended. That filled Thomas with the pain of not being able to fall in love and move to his next step as a Latter-day Saint and also knowing he left behind women thinking the breakup might have been their fault. That led Thomas to some of his darkest days with feelings of suicidal ideation. Concurrent with not being able to fall in love with a women, Thomas did many things to serve in our Church including starting missiongeek.net (600K visitors to help prepare missionaries, now offline); executive producer in 2020 global youth theme video “Go and Do” with over 4 million views. Link: https://youtu.be/zeGC8lS20d8 He also helped with FSYs and YSA events around the Pacific. During these experiences Thomas worked with many senior Church leaders. After not feeling able to marry a woman, Thomas stopped dating for several years. Thomas then shares how he starts to date men a couple of years ago, and how that has brought him much joy, peace and hope into his life. Thomas and his boyfriend attend Church and are met with love and kindness from ward members. Thomas also has supportive parents who have come to love and accept their son. Thomas talks about his love of and hopes for the Church and for more kindness/acceptance of LGBTQ Latter-day Saints. I was deeply moved listening to Thomas and his spiritual and emotional maturity. Thank you Thomas for being on the podcast and sharing your story. You are vulnerable and very brave. You story will help so many as we work to expand the boarders of Zion. You can reach Thomas at: e-mail: Thomas Swain (thomasleviswain@gmail.com) IG: @themissiongeek Facebook: facebook.com/thomascarte Podcast Links: Ministering to LGBTQ Latter-day Saints Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143 Richard Ostler Book: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints: Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773
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Apr 20, 2023 • 1h

Episode 635: Aubrey Dabel, Bi-Sexual Latter-day Saint, RM, BYU Student

My friend Aubrey Dabel joins us to share bravely share her story hopes others do not feel alone. Aubrey starts her story in High School (Southern Oregon) realizing she is attracted to girls and unexpectedly falling in love. That led Aubrey to a lot of shame and self-loathing. Aubrey talks turning to her Heavenly Father and Temple attendance to find peace and hope. She also talks about her supportive parents. Aubrey talks about her mission—both positive and some negative experiences. Aubrey is pleased with her service and feels love and support from her mission family. Aubrey talks about balancing her relationship with the Church and honoring her sexuality. She talks about people that have been helpful in her life sitting with her and validating the complexity of her path forward. Aubrey talks about her hopes and the importance of being vulnerable. She concludes the podcast with her powerful testimony. Thank you for being on the podcast Aubrey. You are brave. You are courageous. Your story will help so many. Podcast Links: Ministering to LGBTQ Latter-day Saints Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143 Richard Ostler Book: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints: Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773
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Apr 18, 2023 • 1h 3min

Episode 634: Sarah Carter, Sexual Assault & Domestic Violence Survivor, Finding Hope and Healing,

My friend Sarah Carter (active LDS, mother of three, Masters of Social Work) shares her journey growing up with abuse and trauma—and her story of not fitting the mold of a typical LDS youth. Sarah talks about how that abuse and trauma was tied to her three marriages that ended. After those marriages, Sarah looked inward with new clarity about the work she needed to do to heal and overcome over 20 years of trauma. Sarah knew that with good therapy, hard work and the Savior, she could break the cycle of trauma. Sarah also talks about her wonderful younger brother Daniel who died by suicide in 2014 at the age of 28. It is a tribute to him and his good heart—and turning to unhelpful coping mechanisms to deal with the pain and reality of his life. Sarah is now a LCSW and runs her own practice (see the show notes). Because of her own personal story, academic training, and clinical work, Sarah is able to help others. If you are in a tough spot and looking for hope, Sarah’s story will help you. Thank you Sarah for your courage. You are helping so many. Podcast Links: Daniel’s Facebook Post: So I had a great time and feel like my testimony is growing because I am putting time in listening to Conference, and reading my scriptures. Also I am taking the missionary discussions. The missionaries that come over are so awesome!! I am learning soooo much. And I am feeling more happy than I have in years!!!! So, I gotta start my CNA or some trade soon, still trying to decide what I can do, then I can be self dependent and put myself through school. I only have one semester I need to finish up to get my Associates degree. Well, im just happy my life is back on track. It feels very good. I took a detour there for a while but Im proud of myself for having the Willpower to say no more and pull myself out of the situation I was in. Very Painful, and hard, Love you, I am becoming very optimistic about life, where a while ago I was Depressed and kinda--apathetic? I guess there is Light at the end of the tunnel!!! I am glad to be the Genuine Daniel I am today!!!! Heart and Soul Wellness Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6y-80Rj978I&t=3s Daniel’s Tribute: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fQ0eiqh5fAaiPTQvDXvrrnWZ6ywTteoU/view
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Apr 14, 2023 • 1h 39min

Episode 633: Julie Cluff, Two Children Died In Car Crash, Finding Peace/Hope

My friend Julie Cluff joins us from her home in Tennessee to share the story of being the driver of the vehicle, when she fell asleep, resulting in a rollover car accident that claimed the lives of her 10-year-old daughter Carrie and her 8-year-old son David. The accident happened on Mother’s Day in 2007. It is a parent’s worst nightmare. Julie bravely shares her story of grief/darkness and then her path to find peace and hope. It is a powerful story. Julie talks about the book she wrote in 2020 called “Miracles in the Darkness: Building a Life after Loss”, her work as a grief coach and trainer, and podcaster. If you are in grief¸ Julie’s podcast will help you. She talks about therapy, Jesus, her husband, friends, and the work she did personally to find hope and peace after unimaginable loss. And you might feel impressed to read her book and/or become a grief coach to help others. Thank you, Julie, for being on the podcast and your needed work in our community and beyond. Podcast links: Main Web Site: https://buildalifeafterloss.com/ Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462137520 Instagram: @buildalifeafterloss
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Apr 11, 2023 • 1h 13min

Episode 632: Stephen Monsen, Age 26, Gay Latter-day Saint

My friend Stephen Monsen (Richfield Utah native, Wichita Kansas RM) joins us to bravely share his story. Stephen divides his story into four parts: The early years: Figuring out at age 17 he is gay and the immense shame he felt about his attractions. College freshman year: Intense loneliness, depression, some self-harm and coming out to this Bishop (good experience). Stephen talks about how his second semester was much better and turning in his mission papers. Mission: Stephen talks about his mission experience including serving others, companion experiences, improving his relationship with Heavenly Father, and coming out to his Mission President (good experience). He also talks about how the mission helped him accept being gay. Post Mission: Coming out to family (good experience), working with Heavenly Father to figure out his future, what he would know say to his 17-year-old self. I was deeply moved listening to Stephen and his deep maturity, his courage, and his desire to help others. I am so glad I felt impressed to reach out to Stephen to share his story. If you are LGBTQ or working to better support a LGBTQ friend or family member, this episode will help you. Thank you, Stephen, for sharing your story. It will help so many. You have a great life ahead of you. Podcast Links: Ministering to LGBTQ Latter-day Saints Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143 Richard Ostler Book: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints: Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773
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Apr 8, 2023 • 1h 19min

Episode 631: Dave and Kimi Martin, Transgender Son Levi

** Trigger Warning: This podcast talks about suicide. If you are suicidal, please call/text/chat 988 ** My friends Dave and Kimi Martin join us to talk about their transgender son Levi who died of suicide in December of 2022 at the age of 17. Dave and Kimi (active LDS, Parents of 7, Live in Massachusetts) share their story of the journey to understand and then support their son. They do this to honor Levi and also to invite us to do better. They talk about their bright, intelligent son Levi—and their joint efforts to understand the cause of his emotional challenges which was finally understood to be being transgender. Even with that understanding they talk about how Levi—turning 18—was “terrified of how society treats transgender persons.” The Martins talk about the principle of “proximity” and the need to listen to and understand people different than how that helps us better love and support them. They talk about the heartache of losing a child, hopes on how we can do better to support queer people, and gratitude for the many acts/messages of support. I encourage everyone to listen to the Martin’s story and share it with friends. Discuss it as families and ward/stake councils. Consider what we can do to follow the example of Jesus to better support those marginalized by society. Their story and Levi’s life helps us better see, understand, love, and our transgender friends. Thank you, Dave and Kimi, for being on the podcast and sharing your story. On behalf of all of our listeners, thank you. And we love the Martin family and are so sorry Levi is gone. Podcast links: Facebook Post: https://www.facebook.com/dmartinine/posts/pfbid013xyRvZFBTaXeEarY1RK3RTAhZKVjh4kxhDyWDbN1A56MKNz3RkCXkU1dUj6aS2ml Obituary: https://www.tributearchive.com/obituaries/26743430/levi-martin Eulogy: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1NTKWqxgZBamE5hnuh7XhcKm2WyMUjs_B/view?fbclid=IwAR1AtQiPUIoheXLQ9PIk-TS2TaQvoucim3Ww-P3JDf7ZxzfiQSCxj-cD32I Gordon Laws: Irreantum Article: https://irreantum.associationmormonletters.org/_20-1-i-can-take-or-leave-it/ Evan Smith’s Crossroads: https://www.gayldscrossroads.org/ Ministering to LGBTQ Latter-day Saints Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143 Richard Ostler Book: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints: Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints

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