Listen, Learn & Love Hosted by Richard Ostler

Richard Ostler

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Jun 27, 2023 • 1h 42min

Episode 660: Melissa Dalton-Bradford, Noted LDS Author, 18-Year-Old Son Parker Died in 2007

My friend Melissa Dalton-Bradford (married mother of four raised over 30 years across nine countries; author of books, articles and poetry; public speaker; MA in Comparative Literature from BYU; co-founder of two non-profits—TSOSrefugees and Mormon Women for Ethical Government), joins us during her trip from her home in Germany to Utah to talk about loss, grief, and living onward. That’s actually the title of one of her books: On Loss and Living Onward: Collected Voices for the Grieving and Those Who Would Mourn With Them. She spoke freely about her family’s experience with traumatic loss, and took us through some vital points from her writing. The book takes readers through the death of her son Parker in a drowning accident in 2007 at age 18 and her family’s efforts at finding hope, healing, and peace. The book in organized in five sections: Life at Death; Love at Death; Living After Death; Learning From Death; and Life, Love and Light Over Death. Melissa is open, raw, honest, vulnerable, and courageous as she shares her immense pain and truths she and her family have learned on this 16-year journey she willingly shares with others. With phrases like “The land of grief”, “death is the great educator”, and “we bond on our broken edges,” Melissa gets at the core of why suffering is also the mortar of true community. She also suggests things we should do and should not do to help someone grieving—powerful lists I hope we discuss openly across our faith community to grow into individuals and a people who can fulfill the core covenant of bearing burdens, mourning, comforting, and being witnesses of God’s presence. I was so deeply moved listening to Melissa. This is a powerful podcast that I encourage all of us to listen to and share with others. It will help you if you are in any sort of grief right now, and it will help all of us who will be walking this road in the future—either in your own grief or walking alongside someone else’s grief. Thank you, Melissa, for your great work in our community. Your voice is so needed. It is an honor to have you in our home and on the podcast. Links: On Loss and Living Onward: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1938301927 Global Mom: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07ZK9S4F3 Let Me Tell You My Story: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1641700491 Parker’s Obituary: https://www.deseret.com/2007/7/27/19758849/obituary-parker-fairbourne-bradford More on Parker’s Legacy: https://www.thechurchnews.com/2007/12/15/23232276/young-mans-death-impacts-many-lives
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Jun 24, 2023 • 1h 20min

Episode 659: Don and Jenny Hong and Their Gay Son Isaac

My friends Don and Jenny Hong (married parents of 4) and their gay son Isaac (age 30, RM, has boyfriend) join us to share their family story. Isaac starts with his story of coming out to his parents about 8 years ago following his successful mission and doing everything he knew to be straight. Jenny and Don then share their journey to love and support their gay son and his long-term boyfriend Brock. It’s been a journey for the Hong family with some ups and downs—but a beautiful family love story with a foundation in love, curiosity, listening and honest communication. Don (a former Bishop) then shares a talk he gave (that has since gone viral) called "The Gift of Doubt: How doubt and a gay son brought me closer to God." It is a powerful talk based on Brother Jared Halverson’s stages of faith. Don’s talk hits on a key need in our Church community to normalize doubt and learn to develop new models and perspectives to make our way forward as Latter-day Saints. If you are a parent of a queer child or a child who has chosen to step away from the church, please listen to this podcast. Don and Jenny advice/story/principles will help you. If you are in a faith journey (or helping others deciding to stay or step away) and are looking for new tools/perspectives, Don’s talk will help you. Faith journeys are ever evolving and different for everyone, and the Hong family is continually learning to drop unhealthy expectations and better focus on loving and listening to each other. And if you are a queer Latter-day Saint, Isaac’s honest/powerful story will give you hope. Thank you, Don, Jenny and Isaac, for being on the podcast. You are helping so many! Links: Don’s Talk: www.facebook.com/don.hong.56/posts/6563223063728507 Index of Podcasts: listenlearnandlove.org/podcasts Ministering to LGBTQ Latter-day Saints Facebook Group www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143 Richard Ostler Book: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints: Deseret Book: deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773
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Jun 22, 2023 • 1h 21min

Episode 658: Patrick Risk, LDS Author, “One Day at a Time”

My friend Patrick Risk (who was most recently on Episode 297) joins us to talk about his new book “One Day at a Time: Daily Hope for Those Navigating Their Own Path of Healing.” Patrick bravely shares his own life story (including being a survival of sexual abuse, having an eating disorder, and being gay) to bring practical advice and insights for those looking to find peace, healing, and hope. Patrick talks about going from “what if to what now” and going from “victim to victor.” If you are dealing with the complexities of a difficult mortal world and want an authentic voice to give you principles to find peace and hope, please listen to this podcast and read Patricks’ powerful book. Patrick will help you feel God’s love, understand that you are not alone, and that you are strong enough to overcome any obstacles that you face. Thank you, Patrick, for being on the podcast and for your remarkable life ministry to bless others. You are a great man. Links: Patrick’s book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1312789522 Brightness of Hope Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/384339915547209 Worldwide Unified Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/534352464165662
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Jun 20, 2023 • 1h 18min

Episode 657: Jon Rogers, Gay Latter-day Saint, Mid 40s

My friend Jon Rogers (Washington DC RM, recently divorced, attending church, has boyfriend) joins us to share his story. Jon talks about his foundational principles of faith, trust, and patience to guide his life. Jon talks about knowing he was gay but never accepting or believing his he was gay until a deeply spiritual experience about two years ago that helped to better understand how our Heavenly Father feels about him. That led Jon to come out to his wife and then his parents and his two teenage daughters. Jon talks about why his marriage ultimately ended and how he is making his way forward “doing the best I can.” Jon talks about why he continues to attend church (often with his boyfriend Nate), the importance of personal revelation, and grace. I’m grateful for Jon’s courage to share his story. Hearing his story helps us better understand and support LGBTQ Latter-day Saints and also gives LGBTQ Latter-day Saints principles and perspectives as they write their story. Thank you, Jon, for being on the podcast and your courage/vulnerability to share your story. Let’s follow your example and give ourselves and others grace that “we are doing the best we can.” Links: Ministering to LGBTQ Latter-day Saints Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143 Index of Podcasts: listenlearnandlove.org/podcasts Richard Ostler Book: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints: Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773
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Jun 17, 2023 • 1h 22min

Episode 656: Samuel Benson, BYU Commencement Speech, Our Place in Zion

My friend Samuel Benson (2023 BYU grad, Boston RM, staff writer for the Deseret News), join us to talk more about his powerful BYU commencement speech call “Our Place in Zion”. Samuel (Sociology and Spanish major, pursuing a career in journalism, and author of an upcoming book about Latter-day Saint immigration) talks about creating Zion. A Zion where all belong. A Zion which is “one of diversity and of peace, one of everlasting joy”. A “Zion defines itself in terms of inclusion, a mission to allow all to find belonging.” Samuel expands on his thoughtful speech with more insights, leader quotes, principles, and examples from the life of Christ to help everyone feel they belong. A Zion with differences and diversity—but unified. I was deeply moved by Samuel’s insights. Samuel talks these big idea concepts and brings them into practical application to “lift where we stand.” Samuel concludes with his testimony and how he navigates the complicated issues to always be “led back” to the core of his testimony and be “tethered there.” I encourage everyone to listen to Samuel’s speech and his podcast to better create Zion. Thank you, Samuel, for being on the podcast and your great work in our community. Podcast Links: Samuel’s speech on YouTube: https://speeches.byu.edu/speakers/samuel-b-benson/ Script of Samuel’s speech: https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/samuel-b-benson/our-place-in-zion/ Wayfare Magazine article: https://www.wayfaremagazine.org/p/a-zion-for-all-of-us Index of Podcasts: listenlearnandlove.org/podcasts
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Jun 14, 2023 • 1h 9min

Episode 655: Jeff Andersen, latter.day.stonecatchers, LGBTQ Ally

My friend Jeff Andersen (married father of three, active LDS) joins us to share his story to become an LGBTQ+ Ally and start his Instagram account @latter.day.stonecatchers . Jeff starts with his own journey in the Church through “reconstruction and expansion”—which has occurred twice through Jeff's journey, including once within the last few years—and why he remains a committed Latter-day Saint. Jeff then talks about a spiritual impression to learn about queer Latter-day Saints which led to a transforming experience a few years ago in his Ward. I was deeply moved hearing this experience. Jeff concludes with his reading of Isaiah 1:17, which he felt specifically and strongly as a spiritual call direct from his Heavenly Parents to be an ally to queer Latter-day Saints and start his Instagram account, podcast, and YouTube channel. I was deeply moved listening to Jeff’s story. Jeff has a gift of understanding our doctrine and practically applying it to help people walking a more complicated road. If you are (or want to be an ally), please listen to Jeff's story. And if you are a local leader, parent of a queer child, or a queer Latter-day Saint, Jeff’s work/voice will help you feel God’s love, the hope of our Savior, and more peace in your life as well as help you bring these things to others. Thank you, Jeff, for being on the podcast and your work to create Zion. Podcast Links: Instagram: @latter.day.stonecatchers Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100091855963860 Latter-day Stonecatchers Podcast (all platforms) & YouTube Channel: linktr.ee/latter.day.stonecatchers Elder Uchtdorf Quote: www.churchofjesuschrist.org/church/news/charity-is-core-of-the-gospel-president-uchtdorf-tells-inner-city-missionaries Elder Renlund Quote: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2021/04/25renlund?lang=eng Ministering to LGBTQ Latter-day Saints Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143 Richard Ostler Book: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints: Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773
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Jun 11, 2023 • 1h 7min

Episode 654: Kaleb Cox, SUU Student, RM, LGBTQ Ally

My friend Kaleb Cox joins us to share his journey to better understand and support our LGBTQ friends. Kaleb talks about how his Dad’s speech in June 2016 following the killing of 49 patrons at the Pulse club in Orlando (a gay nightclub) moved him to reconsider his assumptions about queer people (https://www.ksl.com/article/40209267/lt-gov-cox-speaks-at-vigil-for-orlando-my-heart-has-changed). Kaleb talks about his missing and serving in Tahiti (good experience) but then Covid hit in March 2020, and he had to leave and was eventually reassigned to Farmington, New Mexico. Kaleb talks about the culture of his mission that was difficult at times and didn’t reflect Jesus. Kaleb talks about how he navigated this, served, helped people along the way, and successfully completed his mission. I was deeply moved hearing more about Kaleb’s courage in the face of serious headwinds (Covid, difficult culture, etc) to serve because of his desire to help lift the hands of others. Kaleb then talks about his post-mission adjustment and then finding his home at SUU (Southern Utah University) where he is a psychology major and has many friends—including his queer friends. Kaleb talks about his love and support of his queer friends and “seeing life through their eyes”. I was deeply moved listening to Kaleb who represent the best of the future—people focused on helping others---especially those walking the most difficult roads. Thank you, Kaleb, for being on the podcast. You are a good man. Love and admire you and your wonderful family! Podcast Links: Ministering to LGBTQ Latter-day Saints Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143 Richard Ostler Book: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints: Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773
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Jun 8, 2023 • 1h 10min

Episode 653: Cole Conner, Age 22, Left Church and Returned

My friend Cole Conner joins us to share his remarkable story. Cole talks about being bullied and realizing his same-sex-attraction. Cole talks about coming out to his parents/bishop and finding support—but also feeling some anger towards the Church. That led to Cole leaving the Church, returning to the Church, again leaving the Church and returning again. Cole talks about his life outside the Church being involved in the LGBTQ community—and why he couldn’t find sustained happiness. Cole talks about the constant love he feels from his Heavenly Father and Savior and their foundational role to give him hope and perspective. Cole also talks about working through two periods of being suicidal. Cole talks about finding sustained peace and joy in the Church and why his spiritual identity is straight. He talks about his hopes for the future including marrying a woman and having a family. Each story we share on this platform is unique and valid. I was deeply moved listening to Cole’s story and his journey. The gospel principles in Cole’s story help each of us find hope, peace, and the role of our Heavenly Parents and Savior in our lives. Thank you, Cole, for being on the podcast. You are a remarkable man. Your story will help so many! Cole is on Instragram @colerussellconner Podcast Links: Ministering to LGBTQ Latter-day Saints Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143 Richard Ostler Book: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints: Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773
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Jun 5, 2023 • 1h 6min

Episode 652: Dr. Julie Fraumeni-McBride, Researcher and Educator on Women Porn Use

My friend Dr. Julie Fraumeni-McBride (married LDS mother of six children) joins us from her home in Temecula, CA to talk about helping women solve porn use. Julie (who got her PhD in Education and Disabilities Studies and now is a Researcher and Education Program designer at the Steadfast Institute) helps us understand the latest research to end porn use. Julie talks about why the addiction/recovery model is not supported by the latest research—while the ACT model is. Julie also talks about framing porn as a reliance and not an addiction. She talks about helping people deconstruct the shame around porn and how that is a key step to ending porn use. Julie also talks about how parents need to be the “trusted experts” for their children regarding topics around human sexuality—included why this is important, how to do this, and how normalizing these types of conversations is important and doesn’t lead to more curiosity. I was deeply moved by Julie’s insights as a researcher and program designer. I’m grateful for Julie’s voice using facts to give us more tools to solve porn use. If you are working to end porn use (male or female) or what to help others, this will be one of the most helpful podcasts for you. Thank you, Julie, for all your needed work in our community and beyond. Podcast Links: The Steadfast Institute: https://www.thesteadfastinstitute.org/ Dr. Fraumeni-McBride’s Instagram Page: @drfraumenimcbride The Steadfast Institute Instagram Page: @thesteadfastinstitute Researchers mentioned: Brian Willougby https://familylife.byu.edu/directory/brian-willoughby Nathan Leonhardt https://familylife.byu.edu/directory/nathan-leonhardt Chelom Leavitt https://familylife.byu.edu/directory/chelom-leavitt Dean Busby https://fhssfaculty.byu.edu/directory/dean-busby Jason Carroll https://familylife.byu.edu/directory/jason-carroll
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Jun 3, 2023 • 56min

Episode 651: Josh Sabey, LDS filmmaker and Author, New Book Called “Ali: The Iraqi”.

My friend Josh Sabey (married father of two, noted documentary filmmaker) joins us to talk about his new book called “Ali, The Iraqi”. It is a story (both factual and fictional) of a 16 year old Iraqi exchange student named Ali moving to the United States and staying with Josh and his family. When Ali runs away from the program, it takes some Mormons, a Non-denominational Christian, and an Atheist to help Ali survive and reconnect with his Muslim faith. On the podcast, Josh shares stories from the book that show the sustaining power of love and faith—even across different religions. It’s a powerful story about reducing divineness, finding common ground, and loving/supporting each other. I encourage everyone to check out Josh’s book. Links: Josh's book is available on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1948218844 As a bonus, here is an essay Josh recently had published in Wayfare Magazine: https://www.wayfaremagazine.org/p/god-and-onions Personal website is: https://www.joshuasabey.com/

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