Listen, Learn & Love Hosted by Richard Ostler

Richard Ostler

Episodes

Mentioned books

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Oct 5, 2023 • 52min

Episode 704: Mason Jones, Limerence

My friend Mason Jones (Age 19, Preparing for an LDS Mission) joins us to share his journey with Limerence—a mental health issue. Mason describes his own journey with Limerence as an “an absolute infatuation with another person—so much more than a crush. It's an obsession over them. My mood became completely dependent on their every slight reaction.” In the podcast, Mason bravely shares his story including having a normal crush on a girl at age 17—which transformed into Limerence—and how Mason didn’t understand what was happening to him. After Mason bravely shares his own story, he talks about his path to healing which included both learning more about Limerence and the healing power of the Savior. I was deeply moved by the courage of Mason to share his story and how I can better understand and support those with Limerence. Thank you, Mason, for sharing your story. It helps reduce needless suffering in others and brings more awareness and understanding. You have a great life ahead of you! Links: Richard Ostler books: www.papaostler.com Index of podcasts: listenlearnandlove.org/podcasts Thomas McConkie Book "At-One-Ment (Golden Shadow activity): https://www.amazon.com/dp/1953677169
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Oct 2, 2023 • 1h 7min

Episode 703: David, Gay Latter-day Saint, Solving Porn, Sexual Assault Survivor, Once Suicidal

My friend David (not his real name) joins us to share his story. David starts with section 1 of his story (age 7-17) realizing he was gay at age 7 and (after hearing inappropriate conversations) turned to porn to learn more—which led to constant porn use. David talks the shame of porn, how it was a coping mechanism, and then opening up to his bishop and parents. David continues with section 2 of his story (age 18-22) which includes going away to college and some dating of men—one of which turned into a sexual assault situation that lasted many months and led David to falsely conclude “life is not worth living” leading to plans for his suicide. David talks about, at the last moment, reaching out to a friend who saved him. David also talks about a reaching out to the Title 9 Office that believed him and got him out of the situation. David also shares how his Bishop didn’t believe him and how we can do better. David talks about his mission (good experience, ended with Covid) and then going back to school. David finishes with section 3 of this story (age 23-26) which includes getting married to a man—a marriage which neither were really ready for and how/why it ended in divorce. David talks about what he has learned and how that marriage has made him a better man. We conclude the podcast with questions and David’s thoughtful answers. If you are in a dark place because of porn use, being a sexual assault victim, not being straight or in a bad relationship—thinking all is lost—David’s story will help you. It is a story of faith, courage, honestly, feeling God’s love, and looking forward. You are a good man, David. Thanks for being brave and sharing your story which helps others. Thank you for being on the podcast! Links: Richard Ostler books/bio/etc: www.papaostler.com Index of Podcasts: https://listenlearnandlove.org/podcasts Facebook Group to Support LGBTQ Latter-day Saints: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143
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Sep 29, 2023 • 1h 43min

Episode 702: Dr. Debra Theobald McClendon, New Comprehensive Book on Scrupulosity

My friend, Dr. Debra Theobald McClendon, joins us to talk about her new book: “Freedom from Scrupulosity: Reclaiming Your Religious Experience from Anxiety and OCD”—a powerful book focused on a comprehensive examination of religious and moral scrupulosity, with a focus on treatment. In the podcast, Dr. McClendon (active LDS, licensed psychologist, Ensign/LDS living author, speaker at Education Week and BYU Women’s Conference) gives an overview of her new book covering anxiety, scrupulosity, gospel principles/church talks that apply to this space, and clinical insights to bring more understanding and healing. She talks about how scrupulosity is not a spiritual weakness or a moral failing, but rather a mental health issue. Dr. McClendon shares powerful excerpts from the book, including stories of people with scrupulosity (all client quotes are shared with permission). These stories may speak to you--that you are not alone--and give you hope for a better quality of life and a vision for how to move forward to be able to find peace and joy in your religious worship. We conclude the podcast with advice to parents and local leaders. We discuss the practical issue of how to find a therapist. I also share some of our family story with scrupulosity and the people (including Dr McClendon) that were the answer to our prayers. If you are working to understand and solve anxiety/scrupulosity (or want better tools to help others), please listen to this podcast, check out Dr. McClendon’s website (which links other resources, as well), and read her book. It is the path to understanding and healing. Thank you, Dr. McClendon for being on the podcast. Your work is so needed in our community. And thank you for blessing the Ostler family. Links: Dr McClendon website: debramcclendon.com Book link on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1950304426 Book link on Deseret Book: deseretbook.com/p/freedom-from-scrupulosity
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Sep 27, 2023 • 52min

Episode 701: Aubrey and Tim Chaves, Restore: A Faith Matters Gathering, Oct 12-14, 2023.

My friends Aubrey and Tim Chaves (Executive Board Members, Faith Matters) join us to talk about Restore—a two-day gathering from that brings together the best minds exploring the biggest questions as we look forward to the Restoration’s third century. In this episode, Aubry and Tim talk the vision of Restore, who is participating, who they hope will attend, and how they hope it improves our community. I loved attending Restore in 2022 and encourage you to consider attending Restore in 2023. They also answer some of the Q&A being received about the upcoming conference. Thank you, Aubrey and Tim (and everyone at Faith Matters), for the wonderful, needed, and trailblazing-work you are doing in our community. Sign Up Link: whova.com/web/667GlbD30IYx4fWzV%40jSGudaevaDiHN0XpuE0f9A1t0%3D/ 20% Discount Code: LISTEN Faith Matters: faithmatters.org/
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Sep 25, 2023 • 1h 1min

Episode 700: Christina Judd, Latter-day Saint Author

My friend Christina Judd (married mother of three, active LDS) joins us to talk about her new book “All We Can Do: A Fresh View of God, Ourselves, and the World”. Christina talks about “the bottom falling out of her life” even though she was doing all the right things as a Latter-day Saint. She talks about having to develop new, more sustainable spiritual tools versus her earlier “check-list” approach. She talks about accepting President Nelson’s challenge to study the scriptures, looking for references to Christ and “Hear Him.” Christina talks about how the scriptures gave her new insights to be honest, authentic, and vulnerable in our prayers. She talks about loving Heavenly Parents and a Savior who are always there to help us and complete us. I was so moved listening to Christina and her personal story of finding hope, peace, and a new framework for moving forward as a Latter-day Saint. I am so glad she put this together in a new book, to help all of us find and come closer to Jesus Christ in stillness and rest. I encourage everyone to listen to the podcast and checkout her book. Thank you, Christina, for being on the podcast. I learned so much from you! Links: Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/B0CGKVG67B/ Richard Ostler Books: www.papaostler.com
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Sep 22, 2023 • 1h 18min

Episode 699: Kristine Coons (transgender) and her wife Laura (cisgender), Active LDS

My friends Dr. Kristine Coons (Internal Medicine Physician, RM) and her wife Laura (mother of four, BYU grad) join us from Hawaii where they are celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary to share their remarkable story. Kristine talks about her long-term gender dysphoria and coming out her wife in 2014. They talk about their “lifeline” of communication and the gospel to help them stay committed in their marriage and to navigate this road. Laura talks about supporting her wife as she transitioned and saw first-hand their improvement in her life. They both talk about how they are and continue to be soulmates. Their story is a beautiful love story. Kristine talks about digging into the science of gender dysphoria and discovering through genetics that she has congenital hypogonadotripic hypogonadism (CHH) and how they helps explain how she feels. Kristine also shares her suicidal plans and how she got help (including calling the suicide crisis line) and how she is now in a much better place. This is a powerful podcast to better see, understand, and support transgender Latter-day Saints. I was so moved listening to Kristine and Laura. “When we know better, we do better.” Thank you, Kristine and Laura, for being on the podcast. You two are awesome and are helping us better create Zion. Links: 60 Minutes Episode: youtu.be/1Rw2cfXxnwE?si=nLrYzMuIUVjHjv_j Kristine’s YouTube Channel: youtube.com/@KristineCoons?si=akQ7hjSfchtJtcKN More about CHH: www.genomicseducation.hee.nhs.uk/genotes/knowledge-hub/congenital-hypogonadotropic-hypogonadism/ Latter-day Stonecathers FB Post: www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=pfbid031CaN5MDFdpANwe2sgv1CG1gg4a5gioRqEFQT5ucgkiH93X3yRJ7NNjqYzRG7SVaAl&id=100091855963860 Other Trans Podcasts: listenlearnandlove.org/transgender-and-more-podcasts LDS Church Website: www.churchofjesuschrist.org/topics/transgender Ministering to LGBTQ Latter-day Saints Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143 Richard Ostler Books: www.papaostler.com
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Sep 19, 2023 • 1h 55min

Episode 698: Jessi Duncan, Black Latter-day Saint, Leaning into Discomfort to Create Zion

My friend Jessi Duncan (married mother of four, wife of Bradon Duncan Episode 687, lives in Arkansas, court appointed advocate for foster children, RM) joins us to share her story. Jessi talks about her journey as a black Latter-day Saint and the racism that is still present in church culture and broader society. She gives specific examples, how we need to own/teach our past to “understand the darkness”, and ways we can do better. She talks about how this is part of President Nelson’s charge to “to lead out in abandoning attitudes and actions of prejudice.” Jessi also talks about being the straight partner in a mixed-orientation marriage (he husband Bradon is gay and came out to her after 13 years of marriage in 2020). She talks about the pain of her road and the ministering principle of “ongoing conversations” of these important and tender topics. She talks about her Bishop and Stake President (very helpful). Jessi has some “mic drop” comments like: Listening is how we keep the second great commandment. Hope changes our capacity to endure. Scripture study should be uncomfortable—challenging us to change. Jessi also talks about losing their son Ben to leukemia at age 4. Jessi concludes with a powerful poem. You can get a copy of the poem via the link in the show notes. Jessi’s story and insights provides some of the best principles to better create Zion and gather Israel. Jessi—in an effective way—invites us to be uncomfortable leading us to personal growth to better see, understand, support and love others. I was so moved listening to Jessi. Felt I was listening to of the accomplished theologians of our day. Thank you, Jessi, for being on the podcast. You story will help so many. You are one of my new heroes! Links: Poem: https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/f7eyptn7pzw23ww96ifkh/It-s-not-your-job-to-hurt-For-Episode-698.docx?rlkey=9grn9x0vehu4dusrwzltmcsdg&dl=0 Richard Ostler Books: www.papaostler.com Index of Podcasts: https://listenlearnandlove.org/podcasts
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Sep 17, 2023 • 1h 3min

Episode 697: Tyler Shaw, Age 34, Single Latter-Day Saint

My dear friend (and former YSA) Tyler Shaw (RM, active Latter-day Saint, works for the Church) joins us to share his unexpected life reality of being single. Tyler talks about returning from his mission and believed his life plan was to get married around age 24-25, have children, and then be done having children around age 30. Well, that is not how life is turning out for Tyler. Tyler talks about how he is managing a life different than he expected. It is a story of courage, faith, and temple attendance to see the big picture. It is also a story of not looking backwards with regret or the unhealthy road of “what is wrong with me”. If your life has unexpected twists and turns and it not exactly as you imaged it in your younger years, Tyler’s story will help you. Tyler has this ability to create grace for ourselves, continue to work to improve, and temple attendance to be reminded of the big picture to find peace and perspective in our current journey. Honored to have you on the podcast Tyler. You are a good man and friend. Your story will help so many. Links: Richard Ostler’s books: https://www.papaostler.com/ Index of podcasts: listenlearnandlove.org/podcasts
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Sep 15, 2023 • 1h 19min

Episode 696: Chris Rich, Active LDS, Find Peace and Hope After Family Left the Church

My friend Chris Rich (married mother of three, husband and all three children stepped away from the Church, grew up in SLC, lives in Western Massachusetts, professional life coach) joins us to share her story. Chris talks learning to process the emotions (worried, angry, disappointment, resentment, and grief) of having family members leave the church and learning how to get through those emotions to find peace. Chris talks about the constant thought of “this isn’t what I signed up for” but learning to get past that perspective into a more healthy and sustainable mindset. Chris talks about her efforts to get her husband back to church—but then deciding “my job is to love, Jesus job is to save”. She talks about moving beyond “the only way to be happy is if my husband comes back to church.” Chris also talks about “clean pain” and “dirty pain” and how dirty pain can result in getting stuck (like a hamster wheel) and how to move beyond that pain. Chris talks about loving and supporting her family now. Seeing the good in their lives and contributions to society. Chris talks about how “fear is a hard emotion to parent from” and her end goal now with her family is “connection”. This is one of the best podcasts we’ve done to find peace, hope, and love when family members leave the church. I was so moved listening to Chris’s insights—including gospel insights, scriptures, talks and the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Thank you, Chris, for being on the podcast. I hope your episode is shared far and wide. Your work is so needed in our community. Thank you for being on our podcast—you are awesome! Links: a) Chris Rich’s coaching site: https://www.chrisrichcoaching.com/ b) Chris’s podcast (The Mixed Faith Relationship Podcast): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mixed-faith-relationship-podcast/id1627333149 c) Elder Uchtdorf talk: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/2011/11/general-relief-society-meeting/forget-me-not?lang=eng d) Richard Ostler Books: papaostler.com e) Index of Podcasts: listenlearnandlove.org/podcasts
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Sep 13, 2023 • 1h 29min

Episode 695: Matt and Heather Robertson, Navigating Marriage Through Changes in Faith

My dear friends Matt and Heather Robertson (married 30 years, three children) join us to share their story of family unity, love, and respect for all family members in the various Church paths they are walking. Matt and Heather talk about Matt’s long journey which eventually led to Matt no longer participating in the Church and then resigning in October 2022. Matt and Heather (who still attends and holds a calling) talk about how they learned to talk about difficult subjects, listen, hold space for different perspectives/conclusions/experiences, and be united in their love for each other and their children. It is a beautiful love story based on principles of love, respect, communication, and grace. Heather talks about how her dreams/hopes for her family changed as her husband and all three children (two of which are LGBTQ) have stepped away from the church—and how she finds peace and hope. They talk about “let heaven take care of heaven, we will have no empty chairs now”. Matt talks about a wonderful local Bishop—who was curious, listened, and validated his feelings. It is a wonderful ministering insight into preserving the relationship—even if a ward member steps away or resigns. Matt is clear he is not inviting others to take his path—just sharing his story. Part of that story is a desire expressed in his resignation letter to his Bishop to stay involved with the ward community and help as needed. Matt feels that support as he is often asked to help (such as substituting playing the piano in primary). This one of the most powerful podcasts about how a mixed-faith marriage can and does work—and how Matt and Heather have learned new skills to make their marriage even stronger. If you are in a family where some are not participating in the Church and want to preserve the family relationship and have “no empty chairs” this podcast will help you. But it takes work on both those staying in the church and those stepping away. Thank you, Matt and Heather. I was so moved hearing you share your story. Your story will help so many. Honored to have you on the podcast. Links: Ministering to LGBTQ Latter-day Saints Facebook Group: facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143 Richard Ostler Books: papaostler.com Index of Podcasts: listenlearnandlove.org/podcasts

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