This American Ex-Wife: The Podcast

Scaachi Koul, a senior writer for Slate and author of 'Sucker Punch', shares her insights on marriage, divorce, and identity. She discusses how marriage can overshadow personal identity and argues that everyone should experience divorce. With humor, she explores the cultural pressures surrounding marriage in Indian communities and the challenging transition to singlehood, especially for women. Koul highlights the importance of reclaiming identity post-divorce and the evolving expectations of relationships in today's society.

Last year, we made a 10-episode season of this podcast and we are so proud of how it turned out. And want to make one more!!Please fill out the survey to let us know the topics you want us to cover, the people you want us to talk to, ways to support the show, and any other ideas you want to share. We are listening. Here is a link to the survey!Oh and Lyz’s book is out in the world. Make sure you get a copy. If you love this podcast, you’ll love the book even more.Okay, now, send us your stories:* You can record a voicemail for me on Speakpipe. Speakpipe has an easy user interface and we want to hear your voice. These stories were our favorite part of season one. We can’t wait to hear what you have to say for season two. Please anonymize your stories as best as you can. We want to hear from you about:* The moment you knew your marriage was over.* Stories about co-parenting.* Calling off engagements.* Custody arrangements.* Divorce parties.* What you did with your wedding dress.* What your life is like as an ex.* The thing no one believes about your marriage.* The hardest part of being divorced and the best part.* What you love about your life now.* That story about your marriage that you only tell your friends after two margaritas.* You can also send an email to menyellatme@gmail.com. Tell us your stories there! But we do prefer voice messages. It’s an audio medium after all.Thank you for making this an amazing first season! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lyz.substack.com/subscribe

Surprise! Here are the first 10 minutes from the first chapter of my book, This American Ex-Wife. It’s a clip from the audiobook, which I narrate myself. I recorded the audiobook during a blizzard and an arctic freeze, and at some point, you can hear my throat start getting scratchy with a cold. I managed to get through with an ungodly amount of cough syrup. But it was such a pleasure to record. And let me tell you the joy that I had when I read, “This has been a production of Random House audio…” it was palpable.Take a listen and please preorder the book! If that’s not in the budget you can request it from your local library. Preorders are crucial to the success of the book. So I appreciate every one of them. Thank you all so much. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lyz.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode, Lyz and best-selling author and journalist behind the popular newsletter, Burnt Toast, Virginia Sole Smith read your email and talk bodies, love, sourdough dads, and divorce.This is the last week to PREORDER your copy of This American Ex-Wife.Show notes:* Read Virginia’s amazing newsletter Burnt Toast.* Also, Virginia and Sara Petersen have an incredible podcast, “The Cult of Perfect.”* Of course, read Virginia’s best-selling book and one of my favorite newsletters of hers on “The Life-Changing Magic of Eating Alone.”* This American Ex-Wife is hosted by Lyz Lenz (@LyzLenz) and produced by Zachary Oren Smith (@ZachOSmith). Illustration by Alessandro Gottardo. Show art by Suzanne Glémot (@tape_remover). This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lyz.substack.com/subscribe

We want independence. We want respect. We want love and relationships. We live our lives trying to cultivate these qualities. But as Minda Honey points out, we also live in a world that doesn’t prioritize our wants.Less than two weeks until the book comes out! So preorder This American Ex-Wife. It’s the best way to support this work. Show notes:* Buy Minda’s book The Heartbreak Years. It’s funny and smart and insightful.* You can also follow Minda’s work on Instagram.* This American Ex-Wife is hosted by Lyz Lenz (@LyzLenz) and produced by Zachary Oren Smith (@ZachOSmith). Illustration by Alessandro Gottardo. Show art by Suzanne Glémot (@tape_remover). This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lyz.substack.com/subscribe

In the ancient play Lysistrata women withhold sex as a means of ending the Peloponnesian War. And the logic – using sex as a shaping force in marriages – is widespread both in self-help books and right-wing subreddits. Academic Donna Zuckerberg has written about the appropriation of the Classics by misogynistic groups and weighs in on Lysistrata, liberal men, ancient wives, and modern love.If you like what you hear, preorder This American Ex-Wife. It’s the best way to support this work.Show notes:* Read Donna’s Washington Post op-ed about Lysistrata.* Donna has a newsletter Myth Takes you can read and subscribe here!* This American Ex-Wife is hosted by Lyz Lenz (@LyzLenz) and produced by Zachary Oren Smith (@ZachOSmith). Illustration by Alessandro Gottardo. Show art by Suzanne Glémot (@tape_remover). This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lyz.substack.com/subscribe

Aubrey Hirsch was in a hospital bed. She had just birthed her first child and found herself having to argue with a nurse over whether her last name Hirsch could be her child’s last name. In that instance and more, Hirsch shatters the notion that heterosexual parents have the same powers in the relationship.Show notes:* Read Aubrey’s essay for Time about giving her kids her last name.* Support Aubrey’s newsletter and follow her on Instagram.* This American Ex-Wife is hosted by Lyz Lenz (@LyzLenz) and produced by Zachary Oren Smith (@ZachOSmith). Illustration by Alessandro Gottardo. Show art by Suzanne Glémot (@tape_remover).* Support the show by preordering Lyz’s book This American Ex-Wife. From 1/24-1/26 Barnes and Noble is offering 25% off for members. Premium members get an extra 10% off. Use code: PREORDER25. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lyz.substack.com/subscribe

Thank you to everyone listening and sharing this podcast! In our first five weeks, we’ve gotten over 33,000 downloads! Zach, my producer, and I are just floored!Okay, now let’s get to the show…As the stock market crashed in 1929, Ursula Parrot released her novel Ex-Wife. In it, the protagonist darts between the experience of sexual liberation and the ever-present sense of loss from her marriage. It feels at once familiar and refreshingly new. Parrot’s biographer Marsha Gordon asks why a century later women still have an uneasy relationship with the label ex-wife.We also talk about Parrott’s exciting, scandalous, and fabulous life, of liberation, fear, and ex-wifery.If you like what you hear, preorder This American Ex-Wife the book!Show notes:* Read Marsha Gordon’s fascinating biography Becoming the Ex-Wife: The Unconventional Life and Forgotten Writings of Ursula Parrott.* Ex-Wife by Ursula Parrott is passionate, fascinating, wonderfully, and heart-achingly written.* This American Ex-Wife is hosted by Lyz Lenz (@LyzLenz) and produced by Zachary Oren Smith (@ZachOSmith). Illustration by Alessandro Gottardo. Show art by Suzanne Glémot (@tape_remover). This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lyz.substack.com/subscribe

Best-selling author Morgan Jerkins joins Lyz to read reader emails and give some frank advice and heartfelt insight to your divorces, break ups, and new lives.If you like what you hear, preorder This American Ex-Wife and subscribe to this newsletter. It’s the best way to support our work!Show notes:* You can read more work by Morgan Jerkins by buying her books. You can also follow her on Twitter or Instagram.* This American Ex-Wife is hosted by Lyz Lenz (@LyzLenz) and produced by Zachary Oren Smith (@ZachOSmith). Illustration by Alessandro Gottardo. Show art by Suzanne Glémot (@tape_remover). This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lyz.substack.com/subscribe

Marriage and divorce are not experienced the same way for men and women. The same is true for white and Black women. Sociologist Aneeka Henderson has written extensively about the marriage economy and the obstacles that limit opportunities even in marriages for Black people.If you like what you hear, preorder This American Ex-Wife and subscribe to this newsletter. It’s the best way to support our work!Also, if you preorder the book you can get stickers and a signed bookplate! The giveaway ends this Friday!Show notes:* Aneeka Henderson’s Veil and the Vow is an important read. It shifted my understanding of the way marriage functions in society and pop culture.* In the show, we talk about the Moynihan Report. In 2015, Ta-Nahisi Coates wrote a long analysis of the report’s legacy that is worth revisiting. The essay puts into focus how Americans understand poverty and marriage. And a lot of the myths perpetuated by the Moynihan report persist today.* I also thought this write-up about the Moynihan Report was very smart and worth the time it takes to read. And Tressie McMillan Cottom has this analysis.* This American Ex-Wife is hosted by Lyz Lenz (@LyzLenz) and produced by Zachary Oren Smith (@ZachOSmith). Illustration by Alessandro Gottardo. Show art by Suzanne Glémot (@tape_remover). This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lyz.substack.com/subscribe