Marriage After God

Confessing your sin to your spouse will never be an easy thing to do but it is important ot maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse as well as growing in your walk with christ. Although confession is so important it is something that does not happen very often in our marriages. In this episode we discuss the reasons why confessing your sin to your spouse is so important and we also give some practicle and biblical advice on how to go about confessing. We also talk a little bit about how to recieve a confession from our spouse. Please leave us your questions and comments. -- GET THE "Ephesians 5:25" SHIRT HERE: https://shop.marriageaftergod.com/collections/apparel/products/ephesians-5-25-shirt -- SHOW NOTES: 1 John 1:5-10 Romans 8:12-14 James 5:16 Matthew 3:8 Luke 17:3-4 Tips For Confession (22:28) Recognize what Christ has done for us. There is nothing your spouse can do that is worse than what we have done to God. Honesty Is Key Don't Minimize Repentance & Confession Are Two Different Things. Give Eachother Room To Confess Choose A Good Time Don't Wait For Perfect Time How To recieve A Confession Forgive Eachother The Goal Is Reconciliation Don't Rush The Other Person To Forgive You But Trust God With Your Spouses Heart. Have Slef-Control In Your Reposnse Towards You Spouse -- FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT https://marriageaftergod.com https://instagram.com/marriageaftergod SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES https://shop.unveiledwife.com FOR WIVES https://unveiledwife.com https://facebook.com/unveiledwife FOR HUSBANDS https://husbandrevolution.com https://facebook.com/HusbandRevolution Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriage-after-god-biblical-advice-practical-tips-and-inspiring-/donations

In this episode, we wanted to share some fun and creative date ideas for your next date night. Jennifer and I have learned over the years just how important it is to prioritize and protect a date night with each other. Our heart is not only to give you some fun date night ideas but also encourage you to be Intentional in connecting each week in your marriage. FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT https://marriageaftergod.com https://instagram.com/marriageaftergod SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES https://shop.unveiledwife.com FOR WIVES https://unveiledwife.com https://facebook.com/unveiledwife FOR HUSBANDS https://husbandrevolution.com https://facebook.com/HusbandRevolution Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriage-after-god-biblical-advice-practical-tips-and-inspiring-/donations

Welcome to this enlightening episode of our podcast, where we, Aaron and Jennifer Smith, delve deep into the transformative power of family Bible time. Drawing from our own experiences and teachings from Marriage After God, we aim to guide you on fostering faith and unity within your family through the Word of God.In the first part of our discussion, we emphasize the importance of diligence in Bible study. We share our personal journey of making Bible study an intentional, consistent, and daily pursuit, and how it has significantly impacted our family's spiritual growth. We explore how our active engagement with the Bible has influenced our children's understanding and appreciation of God's Word. This segment is a call to action for parents to lead by example and make Bible study a visible part of their daily lives.Next, we share practical tips on how to engage your children in Bible study by making it a family activity. We discuss the benefits of focusing on the main stories and characters in the Bible, and how asking simple, engaging questions can reinforce understanding and spark curiosity. This segment offers valuable insights on how to make Bible study an enjoyable and enlightening experience for your children, based on our own experiences.Navigating adult content in the Bible can be a challenge when studying with young children. In this episode, we share strategies on how to handle these sections. We discuss how to skip over these parts or explain them in an age-appropriate way, ensuring that Bible study remains a positive experience for your children.We then delve into the power of the Word of God, discussing how reading the Bible can lead to growth in faith and understanding for you and your family. We share our personal experiences and revelations, emphasizing the transformative power of God's Word.In conclusion, we reiterate the importance of studying the Bible as a family. We discuss how this practice can lead to spiritual growth, unity, and understanding. We share our hopes and prayers for all families embarking on this extraordinary journey of faith.Join us in this episode as we explore the transformative power of family Bible time and share practical tips and insights to help you foster faith and unity in your family. Introduction (00:00:00)Welcome to our podcast where we explore the transformative power of family Bible time. In this episode, we delve into the teachings of Aaron and Jennifer Smith from Marriage After God, discussing the importance of diligence, making Bible study a family activity, and navigating adult content in the Bible.The Importance of Diligence in Bible Study (00:02:30)We discuss the significance of making Bible study an intentional, consistent, and daily pursuit. We explore how your children's understanding and appreciation of the Word of God are influenced by your active engagement with it.Making Bible Study a Family Activity (00:10:00)We share tips on how to engage your children in Bible study by making it a family activity. We discuss the benefits of focusing on the main stories and characters, and asking simple questions to reinforce understanding.Navigating Adult Content in the Bible (00:20:00)We discuss how to handle sections in the Bible that may not be suitable for young children. We share strategies on how to skip over these parts or explain them in an age-appropriate way.The Power of the Word of God (00:30:00)We delve into the power of the Word of God, discussing how reading the Bible can lead to growth in faith and understanding for you and your family.Conclusion (00:40:00)We wrap up the episode by emphasizing the importance of studying the Bible as a family. We discuss how this practice can lead to spiritual growth, unity, and understanding.Outro (00:45:00)We thank our listeners for joining us in this episode and encourage them to start their journey of family Bible time.FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENThttps://marriageaftergod.comhttps://instagram.com/marriageaftergodSHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCEShttps://shop.unveiledwife.comFOR WIVEShttps://unveiledwife.comhttps://facebook.com/unveiledwifeFOR HUSBANDShttps://husbandrevolution.comhttps://facebook.com/HusbandRevolution How To start a family Bible Time  Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriage-after-god-biblical-advice-practical-tips-and-inspiring-/donations

In this episode, Aaron and Jennifer Smith of Marriage After God discuss the vital role that Christian community plays in a thriving marriage. They share their personal experiences and insights on how being part of a Christian community has positively impacted their marriage and personal growth. Key Points:The Necessity of Christian Community: The Smiths emphasize the importance of Christian community in fostering a healthy, strong, and thriving Christian marriage. They share their journey of leading a marriage group and how it helped them understand their responsibilities towards other members of the body of Christ.The Role of Christian Community: The Smiths discuss the role of Christian community in our lives. They highlight the need for constant communication, mutual support, and the importance of being aware of each other's struggles and victories. They also touch on the importance of serving others and how it transforms our hearts.The Impact of Christian Community on Marriage: The Smiths share personal experiences of how their Christian community supported them during challenging times, such as postpartum struggles. They also discuss the importance of fellowship and corporate worship in strengthening their marriage.Roles in the Body of Christ: The Smiths discuss the individual and collective roles of a husband and wife within the body of Christ. They emphasize the importance of serving one another and the benefits it brings to the Christian community.Accountability in Christian Community: The Smiths discuss the importance of accountability within a Christian community. They talk about the value of being called out on negative behaviors and how it leads to personal growth and a stronger marriage.Listen to this episode to learn more about the importance of Christian community in your marriage and how you can actively participate in it. SOME SHOW HIGHLIGHTS"When we do fulfill that, when we do walk out in serving others, the intrinsic value and what it does to our hearts is transforming and wonderful." - Jennifer Smith"Like hey, what's God doing with us? 'Cause there's seasons that we're like, "Man, we've been so internally focused. And we haven't even thought about brothers and sisters that just had babies, situations that we could have been thinking outward not inward."" - Aaron Smith"And then, and we're gonna talk about it for just briefly, but on the hard side, are you aware of brothers and sisters that might be walking in sin? And not being afraid to go speak the truth in love to them, not because you're like, "Oh, I'm better at this than you, and you need to change." But, "Hey, I kind of notice that you're walking in something and I just wanna challenge you to repent to that, and change 'cause right here it says that we should not walk ... this is not a right way to walk."" - Aaron Smith"So if you listening right now, if you and your spouse are in that place where you're not walking with community. Or maybe you are, but you feel a little dissatisfied or disconnected in some way, this is a challenge for you. This is an encouragement for you to evaluate your life and say, "What is our responsibility?" Go with your spouse and read Romans 12 and see if you guys are fulfilling what God has called us to do." - Jennifer Smith"So, we wanna pray that you would consider what kind of husband and wife, what kind of marriage, what kind of people are you being in the body? The Bible tells us to not grow weary of doing good, for in due season, we will reap a harvest. So let's be the community that the Bible calls us to be. Let's invite people in. Let's teach people how to do it, by reading this and doing what it says." - Aaron Smith—FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENThttps://marriageaftergod.comhttps://instagram.com/marriageaftergodSHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCEShttps://shop.MARRIAGEAFTERGOD.comFOR WIVEShttps://unveiledwife.comhttps://facebook.com/unveiledwifeFOR HUSBANDShttps://husbandrevolution.comhttps://facebook.com/HusbandRevolution Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriage-after-god-biblical-advice-practical-tips-and-inspiring-/donations

It is common in marriage for one spouse to be an extrovert and the other to be an introvert. There are times that both spouses have the same dominant personality traits. No matter what it can be a challenge in marriage to navigate how to get each other's needs fulfilled and communicate these needs in marriage, so we thought we would share a little from our experience of being an extrovert and introvert in marriage. FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT https://marriageaftergod.com https://instagram.com/marriageaftergod SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES https://shop.unveiledwife.com FOR WIVES https://unveiledwife.com https://facebook.com/unveiledwife FOR HUSBANDS https://husbandrevolution.com https://facebook.com/HusbandRevolution Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriage-after-god-biblical-advice-practical-tips-and-inspiring-/donations

Setting goals with your spouse is one of the best ways to cultivate hopefulness and togetherness. Knowing your purpose and what you are working on as a team builds unity in marriage. In this episode, we discuss the importance of goal setting and how it is good for your marriage. FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT https://marriageaftergod.com https://instagram.com/marriageaftergod SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES https://shop.unveiledwife.com FOR WIVES https://unveiledwife.com https://facebook.com/unveiledwife FOR HUSBANDS https://husbandrevolution.com https://facebook.com/HusbandRevolution Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriage-after-god-biblical-advice-practical-tips-and-inspiring-/donations

In this episode of Marriage After God we have a little fun at the beginning talking about our favorite family games we enjoy together but only as a segway into the real topic at hand. We discuss 3 very dangerous emotional and manipulative games that are all too common in marriage. The silent treatment, Retaliation/revenge, and word games. These games manifest themselves in many different ways and Jennifer and I had learned to be very good at playing all of them with each other, that is up until God got a hold of our hearts. There is no place for them in a Christian marriage. They should be avoided at all cost otherwise it could cost us a healthy marriage or worse. We haven't perfected the art of avoiding these deadly games but we are way better then we used to be at recognizing them quickly and repent often. If there are any more games that couples should avoid in marriage please let us know in the comments. Also, please share with us your favorite family games. (9:04) Game #1 - Silent Treatment (11:35) James 1: 19-20 (14:37) Ephesians 4:32 (15:42) Game #2 - Retaliation (20:10) Romans 12: 16-18 (24:30) Game #3 - Word Games (25:40) Proverbs 18: 21 LINKS TO GAMES WE LOVE Catan 5th Edition http://amzn.to/2HADyHM Phase 10 http://amzn.to/2FW9kSG Blockus http://amzn.to/2FQAE4z Ticket To Ride http://amzn.to/2GqPbln Dominion http://amzn.to/2FEw1ew FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT https://marriageaftergod.com https://instagram.com/marriageaftergod SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES https://shop.unveiledwife.com FOR WIVES https://unveiledwife.com https://facebook.com/unveiledwife FOR HUSBANDS https://husbandrevolution.com https://facebook.com/HusbandRevolution Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriage-after-god-biblical-advice-practical-tips-and-inspiring-/donations

Sharing intimate and painful parts of our marriage story was not easy at first, but over time we realized our transparency helped other married couples find hope in the fact they are not alone in their marriage struggles, but also hope in how God can restore brokenness in marriage. In this episode of Marriage After God, we share how we met, getting married, those first few hard years, how God walked us through healing from painful sex and pornography, and where we are today. As we share our story we share bits and pieces of encouragement for where other married couples might be at today. Love stories are unique, but every marriage has its good, bad, and ugly. Sharing these stories can be powerful in the lives of others, so we must share them. Resources: Dr. Bronner's Castile Soap: http://amzn.to/2FoNZxu Paraben hazard score: https://www.ewg.org/skindeep/search.p... FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT https://marriageaftergod.com https://instagram.com/marriageaftergod SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES https://shop.unveiledwife.com FOR WIVES https://unveiledwife.com https://facebook.com/unveiledwife FOR HUSBANDS https://husbandrevolution.com https://facebook.com/HusbandRevolution Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriage-after-god-biblical-advice-practical-tips-and-inspiring-/donations

There are huge physical and spiritual benefits for your marriage in living a healthy lifestyle. This episode of Marriage After God shares 3 important areas of life that are positively impacted when we choose to live a healthy lifestyle and how it affects marriage. Quick link to grab the resources we share in this episode! Husband & Wife After God: https://shop.unveiledwife.com/products/husband-and-wife-after-god-devotional-bundle Discipline: how self-control impacts your life. (6:13) “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” Proverbs 25:28 (6:35) We give personal examples of the growth we have seen in our marriage from choosing to eat good and workout, as well as the spiritual discipline of spending time with God. If you want to try sugar busters http://amzn.to/2BS2pY0 check your pantry and refrigerator for these added sugars and avoid them when buying groceries: anhydrous dextrose brown sugar corn syrup corn syrup solids dextrose fructose high-fructose corn syrup (HFCS) invert sugar lactose malt syrup maltose molasses raw sugar sucrose sugar white granulated sugar Agave syrup Syrup glucose Cane juice and cane syrup A Marriage After God allows each other to speak into each other’s lives, to require things and to expect the best of each other. We need to be humble to receive this. Being married is awesome because you are there to help each other. Example: Leading by example. (13:58) Leading in a healthy lifestyle will provide an example for others to follow. Lead by example for your spouse and for your children. Start walking out what you desire your spouse to walk in. Your example will inspire change in others. Ability: The benefits of living healthy. (18:48) What are you able to do because you are disciplined, healthy, fit, focused, moving in oneness in marriage and your family is following your example? We share some personal examples, but consider this for yourself as well! We found we play and engage more with our children. We also experienced energy and agility increase in sexual intimacy. This is a HUGE benefit and spiritual benefit of living a healthy lifestyle! We noticed increased oneness in our marriage. Having a more active and healthy sexual lifestyle made us feel closer and more confident in our relationship. When we grow in our ability when God gives us extraordinary opportunities we will be able and ready to do it. We are prepared. Our marriage is prepared. Maturity is walking in spiritual disciplines, spending time with God reading His Word and praying. “Have nothing to do with irreverent, silly myths. Rather train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.” 1 Timothy 4:7-8 (24:35) Discipline spiritual life. We must take baby steps to start building healthy habits. Start today! What is one thing you and your spouse can commit to today that will contribute to a healthier marriage? -- Lover & Fighter Shirt shirt: https://shop.unveiledwife.com/collections/apparel/products/fight-and-a-lover FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT https://marriageaftergod.com https://instagram.com/marriageaftergod SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES https://shop.unveiledwife.com FOR WIVES https://unveiledwife.com https://facebook.com/unveiledwife FOR HUSBANDS https://husbandrevolution.com https://facebook.com/HusbandRevolution Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriage-after-god-biblical-advice-practical-tips-and-inspiring-/donations

Have you ever been fearful of having more children or even having your first? You are not alone. In this episode, we talk about 3 honest fears that have come up recently in light of our 4th pregnancy. Aaron and I navigate these new waters for a growing family through scripture and the realities of what it means to have a large family. Our heart is to walk alongside you in this journey as we are also learning how to have a biblical mindset of children and parenting. -- Stay tuned each week where we will be discussing topics hoping to inspire you to cultivate an extraordinary marriage. FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT https://marriageaftergod.com https://instagram.com/marriageaftergod SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES https://shop.unveiledwife.com FOR WIVES https://unveiledwife.com https://facebook.com/unveiledwife FOR HUSBANDS https://husbandrevolution.com https://facebook.com/HusbandRevolution READ TRANSCRIPT Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage After God. Helping you cultivate and extraordinary marriage. And to day we're gonna be talking about fears of a growing family and how to combat them biblically. Before we get started today, because this topic is kind of surrounded around growing family and having kids, I wanted to share that we do have resources for parents called 31 Prayers For My Son and For My Daughter, and these are great resources for you to pray over your children. They're 31 prayers in each book talking about different topics in the child's life and there's also journal pages that after each prayer you can just make it more personal and we've had some positive feedback about these resources. Parents are really loving them, so make sure you get a copy. Yup. Well first off I just wanna thank everyone for joining us today, listening. And we want to encourage you to grab your Bible so that as we go through scripture you can participate. So the first thing we're gonna do before we start talking about these fears that a lot of us go through in our marriages as we start growing our family with children, is I just wanna go straight to scripture and read God's word about fear in our lives. And this is in Second Timothy. This is Paul talking to Timothy and encouraging him in his ministry. And he says, So I just wanna start off as we go into this idea of the fears that we all experience and explain that God has given us, just like He's given Timothy, just like Paul reminds Timothy, He hasn't given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of love, power, and self-control. And then second verse I wanna start us off with is in Psalms 127 and I just wanna get a biblical, godly perspective on children. And in Psalm, the psamlist writes, So God's perspecive in this one verse, there's hundreds of verses that talk about who children are to us and to God, is that they're a heritage, that they're a blessing. That they're a weapon wielded in the hands of parents for his purposes. I'm so glad that we started with those two verses 'cause I think above all else, it's so important to remember what God's perspective and heart is towards children. So as we move forward and navigate through these fears, how do we remember what God believes is true about growing family? And as we always say to the Christian marriages out there, that we found our, a marriage after God founds their marriage on the Bible, on the word of God. We don't do it in our feelings, we don't operate in our opinions, we don't operate in our ideas. What we try and do to the best of our abilities through the spirit that God's put in us is we run to the word of God. So as we talk through these fears that we're dealing with right now, our way of dealing with them is the word of God. And so that's why we encourage you to have your Bible and as we go through these fears that we're gonna bring up right now, we're gonna try and find scripture to combat those fears. So Aaron, you walked us through those two scriptures, which again were very powerful, and they're ones that I'm actually really familiar with, but how do we look at our lives and use those scriptures to encourage us in a practical way? So the first practical thing, the Bible tells us to meditate on God's word. And that word, meditate, it comes from this idea of like a cow chewing cud. And it's like we chew it, we mull it over, and over, and over again, and we continue to bring it up and remind ourselves of it. And we go back to it over, and over, and over again. We don't just hear it one time and then all of a sudden, oh that's just into my heart and got it forever. That might happen in some cases, but for the most part, like for you, you have to be reminded. Yeah. Especially when you're going through hormone changes. Yeah. Because you're going through hormone changes and that can feel totally chaotic. And so instead of just trying to address the symptoms and like, well you need to change the way you're thinking, you need to, which is how I tend to approach you. Sometimes. Which is not always effective. But meditating on scripture. So when we're in those moments of the things that we're specifically going to talk about, we go back those scriptures and be like, well, I'm thinking this way and I feel this way but this is the truth. And I just need to remind myself of that, even though it doesn't feel like the truth. That's good. So even having like maybe these scriptures written out on hand so that they're next to you bed stand or in the kitchen window, or some-- Or on our chalkboard right over there. Or on a chalkboard, in your house somewhere. I think that would be really encouraging for those listening to know that a very practical way of being reminded of these scriptures is to just put them in front of you. Yeah, have them on hand. Memorize them. So one of the reasons why I really wanted to talk about this topic today, about fears of a growing family, is because this is exactly where we've been for the last month. I am right almost into the second trimester of our fourth baby. Woohoo! We're so excited about that. And I've just been wrestling with having some fears about our family getting a little bit bigger. And I don't know for those of you listening, if you guys have jumped in and had any kids yet, or maybe you're on two or three, maybe some of you are on six or seven, like some of our friends. Yeah. But I know that some of these fears that we're gonna talk about are super relatable and so hopefully it's encouraging for you to hear what we're gonna talk about today. So why don't you share with us some fears that you're going through right now. Because, although we learn from scripture in second Timothy that we don't have a spirit of fear, when hormones rise up, when your body starts changing, when you start realizing the logistics of the day and you have an overwhelming morning you know, they come up. And it's our job to navigate that with God, so. So yeah, a lot of the things that I've been wrestling with is feeling like, I can't handle it. I can't manage my home, or keep up with the demands of all of the dishes, or feeding everyone, or keeping up with the laundry. And just little things like that. Getting all the crud off the floor after meals. Yeah, from our youngest spilling food on the floor. Yeah so, having to meet all those demands of the day and then looking to our future and saying, and we're gonna have another baby being added to the picture and it just feels overwhelming. That's just one fear that I've been wrestling with. So you're talking about not being to handle it. That just the demands of the day, of life. Feeling exhausted emotionally, mentally, physically. Which are real things because your body has limitations. Especially when I'm pregnant again. Exactly. And your home has limitations, and your time has limitations. The thing that I immediately thought of is acknowledging the weakness 'cause we all, moms out there, you look at any Instagram about moms-- We want to be superheroes. Superheroes, like you're the superhero mom and you're like, oh my gosh she's got a beautiful Instagram feed, and her home's always perfect, and her kids are beautiful and wonderful and act perfectly all the time. And that's just not reality. I think you might have a expectation of yourself that isn't a real expectation, and since you can't live up to it, it hurts. It does hurt. And it breaks you, and it makes you feel more emotional and like a failure. So one thing that husbands can be doing is reminding your wives that they are great. And that the things you're doing are wonderful and you don't have to do everything perfectly. Another thing we should be doing as husbands is cultivating an environment in the home where we're helping. I can't help all the time because I have a job. Many husbands, they have full-time jobs and a lot of wives and moms might have jobs also. That might be adding to the stress also, but cultivating an environment where you know you're helped. Yeah. And I remember reminding you, this morning even when you were dealing with this, I said, "Babe, I'm here with you also." Like you don't need to feel like you have to do it on your own. But the weakness part of this, it reminds me of the scripture of when Paul, in Second Corinthians, is talking about a thorn that's been given to him in his side. It's either an ailment, or someone who's pestering him and we don't know exactly what it is, he never says exactly what it is. But Paul tells us the torment that this thorn is causing him and this is what God's word to him was about this weakness, in Second Corinthians, chapter 12, verse nine it says, And so, reminding ourselves of like it's okay to be weak. We're human. Weakness is a part of who we are. We're in this weak flesh that has cravings, and desires, and hormones, and brokenness. But we have a savior and we have a god that's given us His Holy Spirit that we can actually operate in His strength. And that actually, when we recognize our weakness and we humble ourselves, we actually can glorify Him and his strength. And Paul says, I'll boast all the more gladly in my weakness. So my wife can actually say you know, recognizing that I can't do all of this reminds me of my need for God and His peace, and His comfort, and that I need to run to Him. Because, did you run to Him in those times when you feel the most weak? Not always. Is that your first-- It's not usually my first-- No but, that's what God wants 'cause he wants us-- It's not my first thing ever. I usually go like my own strengths, and my own like, oh I'm gonna get some consulting, I'm gonna get-- I don't run to him first, I don't follow my faith and say, "Okay, Lord, I cannot do this today." I feel like we continue to keep ourselves trying and striving for that ideal perfection or expectation that we've placed on ourselves that we don't slow down enough to do this, what you're saying. Right, and that idea that we can recognize our own weaknesses and our own limitations. You remember a long time ago, on our road trip, or actually we were driving up to the mountains, and we were talking about just time, and strength, and energy. I was telling you how frustrated I am because there's all these things that I wanna do and you told me-- And that was so long ago, and you're right back there. I know. But I explained, I said, being human, we're limited. We can only hold so much weight up. We can only speak so many words. We only have so many hours in a day. We can only stay awake so long. That if we want to accomplish something over here, then there inevitably will have to be other things that will have to be laid aside. Yeah. It's just the reality. So a good example of this is if we want to have, let's say you wanna stay quality time with all your kids. Right? The dishes probably go-- There might have to be some dishes in the sink. And I'm gonna be honest personally, I would rather you spend some quality time with our kids. I think that's really important to acknowledge real quick, just so that people listening can understand this. So understanding each other's expectations of what we're called to do in the home. So knowing that you're okay with dishes in the sink, helps me understand that I can spend that time with the kids and I don't have to rush to go do the dishes in order to please you. Like ultimately we need to understand-- Or please yourself, because you could easily see a clean house as the most important thing for the day, and drop the ball on the children. And then you still might feel like a failure at the end of the day. Yeah. You have a clean house, and kids that are vying for attention. So I do want to encourage those listening that it's really important for a husband and wife to vision together, and to talk about expectations, and figure out what are priorities for your family. And this brings me back again to a husband cultivating a safe environment in the home. If you come home from work and you're bothered that the dishes are dirty, yet your wife had spent all day with your children, and had taught them, and loved them, and fed them, and took care of them, and took them on trips, or did play dates, then you might need to-- You either let the dishes go, or clean them. Or clean them. And that's kind of, or find a time to give her time to herself. If she likes to take care of the house, take the kids and you go spend time with the kids and let her have an hour or two to herself to do what she wants. Yeah. Like I know that sometimes you just wanna clean the house. Yeah. "Hey, Aaron, go play with the kids, I just wanna just clean." Yeah, especially 'cause I like the way that I do it. And since we're a team, I should be like, "Deal, I'll take the kids we're gonna go to the park, we're gonna go for a drive, we're gonna be gone. You won't hear from us." But husbands, cultivating an environment that's healthy and safe for your wife, the mother of your children, because is she feels like you expect her to be everything, perfect for you, perfect for her kids, perfect for your home, you're gonna break her. And this something I have to learn, and we also have to balance, but it also takes communication. You know, talking through these things. And as we're talking about fears of growing family, when those conversations come up, where you guys are talking about maybe growing your family you need to be honest with yourselves and know that your wife might have fears of, well I can't do all the demands of the home if we bring another child into the world because I already can't do it. Right, because like if you're a husband that is just absent, you get home, turn that TV on, get into your video games, hopefully you're not playing video games, but you just kinda check out when you get home and you expect dinner to be ready, and you just view your home time as your sanctuary time, and your wife just kinda keeps going 24/7, I wouldn't wanna have your kids either. That's harsh, but-- I'm just being honest. But that's the kind of men we need to be. If you wanna have a marriage after God and one that's free from fears of a growing family, I think it's really important to talk about expectations and to be a team when considering how it needs to be done when you do have little kids running around and you wanna spend that time with them or do things that are a priority in your family. So you shared with us that you feel like you can't handle it, which is a totally normal and common feeling because of everything in life. What's something else that just wells up in you, just it's those emotions, those feelings, what else was coming up in you today? So another one was that fear of missing out. FOMO. Yeah, FOMO. I have that, all the time. All the time, with friends and things-- With everything. I have a fear of missing out with my children. The ones we already have. So we already have three and I see them growing up and every day I'm just amazed by them and I just feel like there's been certain seasons where I was either pregnant or had morning sickness where I did miss out a little bit. Post-partum with Wyatt, that was another one where I felt like I was missing out with Elliot and Olive a little bit. So I don't wanna miss anything in their lives. I just don't. And so one of my fears is if we have another child, what else am I gonna be missing with them that maybe I wouldn't have if we didn't have a growing family? And that's a totally legitimate fear that people have. It's not unfounded, you just look at numbers, you look at time, we just talked about this, how we're limited creatures. We're not infinite, we're finite. But what we need to do is we need to change our perspective on things. That's what this whole video's about is perspective. If the perspective is, unless we can spend equal amount of time with every single child, then we're not gonna be giving them what they need, I think is inaccurate. And this is a personal opinion but I do feel like there's a level of-- You know, if that's the case, then let's just have one kid. Because they can get all of our love. But in reality, the love and the experience that we want our kids to have, our oldest, it's gonna be inevitable that he learns that the world doesn't revolve around him. It's inevitable that he's gonna learn that he has other responsibilities. So where you wanted to spend time with our oldest, Elliot, but you also wanna spend time with Olive, and Wyatt, and then the new baby, well Elliot needs to learn how to spend time with his siblings. And they need to learn how to have alone time and play well with each other. This is true. One thing that I've been noticing lately in our relationship with our kids is we've been teaching them a lot about how to walk in the Spirit and they're free to the Spirit and so it is having siblings does give them the opportunity to learn compassion, and learn kindness, and learn sharing, and gentleness, and love, and all of that. Well, and responsibility. Responsibility. How they participate in the family. We can easily recognize just the spiritual state of our son that he does feel like he's not getting as much as he used to from us, as much attention. So a couple of things happen. We can recognize that and make sure that we're a being extra intentional with him, right? Which we do, and we try to do, and sometimes we drop the ball of course. But then we can also find other ways of redirecting, 'cause he's craving attention from us but usually that's a craving that God's wanting, right? And so we can slowly start teaching him about that desire that he has for that relationship, and that he's not gonna always get it from us, and that Mom isn't the only person to get energy from, and all those feelings met, and those needs met. Because what's gonna happen is one, two, three, four, five kids, however many kid we have, if every single one of them think that they're owed that same exact amount of attention from you, what are we teaching them? And can you possibly ever fulfill that? No, and we're essentially teaching them to have that same perspective toward God. They're gonna expect you know, that-- Yeah, they're gonna look at Joe over here-- That same perspective of God owes me this or that. Yeah, or they'll look at this, oh, so and so has been given so much and they have this ministry, and like He hasn't given me that. And that's just the wrong perspective. The Bible actually tells us that the entire body is knit together as one unit. And then it says that the lesser parts of the body are glorified, and the greater parts of the body are brought low for the sake of equality. So giving him a perspective that he actually can't get everything he wants from Mom, he has to understand that. And he actually can start, instead of wanting to just take from Mom, he can actually learn how to give to his siblings. And so we're teaching him responsibilities in the house. So instead of just going to Mom and being, "Mom, Mom, Mom can you just spend all the time with me," we're like, "Actually, Elliot, we need your help. Can you go put trash bags in the trash can? Can you go vacuum the floor? Can you go--" And you gotta be able to trust your kids because Elliot's been stepping up and doing great. And every time we ask him, you know require something of him he's been fulfilling that. So it's been great to see the maturity in him excel. It's amazing actually, he puts the trash bags in every time I ask perfectly. One thing that you did mention when I shared this fear with you was the reality that we will miss out. Even it if was just one kid. There are gonna be times that we miss out which means the time we are present we need to be so intentional, and that really meant a lot to me. Which is true. Again, the same way we recognize we are weak and that makes God more strong in our life. The other thing we recognize is we are gonna miss out. We can't control everything, we can't have everything and we have to be okay with that. We have to be okay that Dad's gone a lot of the day, but when I'm home, I should not be gone at home. Even if that means on the couch, on your phone. You should be present, you should be engaged. Which is something that the Lord convicts of me every single day. I'm trying really hard to not be on my phone in front of my kids 'cause I want them to know that they have my eyes when I'm here. But then there's also times when I'm around that I have to say, "Daddy's busy, and you need to go play quietly. You need to color, you need to--." So just understanding that we cannot be everything in all things to our children. We have to recognize where we're at. That's good. And that missing out is a part of life. And that's gotta be okay. I know it doesn't feel good, but it's gotta be okay. Yeah. So why don't you share this one more fear that you are currently dealing with know that we're about to have four kids. I don't know if everyone can relate to this but it's just that fear of losing my personal time. The time that I like to pour into things I'm passionate about. One of them spending time with the Lord. You know, I feel like with each kid I have to really fight for that time. Or working in blogging, you know. I feel like I have to really-- Or time with your girlfriends. Or time with my girlfriends. Just going to get a cup of coffee, you know, and sharing that time with either myself, or with a girlfriend. I feel like the thought of bringing another child would mean now I gotta find someone that could babysit four kids you know if I wanna go on date night with you, right? That's $5 a kid, that's two to four hours-- It's a lot. So, being conflicted with am I gonna lose more me time. And I know that's really selfish, but it does come up. But it's real. Yeah. You know so, I'm gonna keep going back to this, 'cause it's a balance of like, it'd be easy just to tell you like, "Well, you just gotta get over it, 'cause that's selfish." But the other side of it is, the Bible tells us husbands to walk with our wives in an understanding way. And it tells us to love you as Christ loves the Church. And it tells us to serve you, and to honor you, and hold you up in honor. So on one hand, recognizing selfishness. Yeah. Recognizing like, well like this is my lot in life. This is what God's given me. I've children to raise to know Him. And having a positive perspective about that. And having a positive perspective, having a biblical perspective knowing that our jobs as Mom and Dad is to raise children that know and love the Lord. Which is a super powerful purpose. It's the most powerful purpose. That our kids will actually go to Heaven. Yeah. Right? But on top of that, how can I, how can you as a husband, cultivate an environment for you to thrive in that? Not that you just hold all the weight of everything because remember, the Bible tells us that you are the weaker vessel and that I need to recognize that and be like, I can't just put everything I want on top of my wife and expect her to hold it all up. That's my job. I should hold everything up, right? So knowing that if I want you to just love your role as a mother, I'm gonna give you time to yourself. Do I ever do that for you? Yeah, I was just gonna say I feel like you've been really great at-- This pregnancy. This pregnancy, I've been really good at it. You've been learning with each one, but you do recognize a lot faster now when I'm kind of reaching that breaking point, or need a breath of fresh air. Just the other day you came home for lunch and you were like, "Hey, you wanna go take lunch by yourself?" And it felt really awkward saying yes 'cause I thought to myself, I'm not gonna go sit in a restaurant by myself, but I did it, and it was great. It was so refreshing. She came back, like kicked the door open, she's like, "Hey, kids, let's go do something." I missed my kids. And so it refreshed that positive perspective. Recharged you, gave you a new perspective. So, on one hand, yes we need to recognize that it's a self dying that happens every day. Not just in our child rearing, raising children. And be okay with that, embrace it, and accept that responsibility from God. On the mother's part. But on the husband's part is a self dying also that I would lay down my life for my wife and say, "You know what, I don't want to sacrifice my time, I'm going to though. Because I want you to feel energy and recharged." And also, husbands, dads out there, it's our jobs to be leading our families spiritually. Are you giving time for your wife to go and recharge in the word of God? So important. With no kids around? Not in the bathroom when she's on the toilet and the kids are trying to come in. This is like serious, do you like, "Hey, Babe, go and just spend an hour or two in the Word." And of course that can't happen every day, there's logistics in life, but is it on your mind? Are you saying, man I need to figure out a way to get my wife to just some her time. And that's you dying to yourself, and your desires, and lifting her up. So it's not just, "Well you need to get a right perspective, Hun. You need to just tough it out." Which she does. I do. But you need to tough it out too, men. You need to lay down your life and say, "Well, I need to make sure that my wife feels loved, cherished. I need to make sure that she has time for herself so that she can get regenerated, have a bath." Like, how often am I like, "Go take a bath." Yup. It doesn't happen all the time, but once a week maybe I just, I'll draw a bath for you. I'll give you a bath bomb, I'll put some essential oils on. Sometimes music. Yeah, I'll put some music on, and I put the kids to bed, and it's just her time. So that she can get her mind rested. And her spirit rested, and that's what we need to be doing. This is what a marriage after God looks like. It's not just all on my wife. It's teamwork. If you look at almost every scripture in the Bible about children, it's always tied to the fathers. So that should tell you how much weight should be on you as a father. That you are teaching your children, that you are discipling your children, that you are responsible for your children. That you don't just leave and say, "Oh, my wife's gonna take care of it. My wife's gonna read the Bible to them. My wife's gonna teach them the word of God." I will say if you assume that position and you put that weight on your wife, her fears will mount. Like she will have so many more fears. And those will be legitimate fears. 'Cause she is doing it on her own and she has a husband that's absent. And you don't wanna be that husband. You're not that husband. And because she'll be so drowning in her own fears that it'll probably stimulate fears to grow inside you. Oh, is my marriage not gonna work out. Or are we not gonna ever have intimacy because she's too tired to, you know what I mean. So like it starts spiraling to of control when there's not a team action. Yeah. So I hope this encourages you today. We're gonna read a couple scriptures to close out. As we're talking about fears today there was a specific scripture that was on my hear that I really wanted to encourage specifically the moms with, but dads too. Listen up, it's in Psalm 34, verse four. It says, Now when you are acting out of fears or you're spiraling in your mind, kind of out of control because of these fears that you have and you're motivated by your fears, you're not going to the Lord. Everything that you do in that moment is based off of what you believe to be true, which are the lies and the fears that you're struggling with, and it's just gonna get worse if you do not seek out the Lord. And I've experienced this first hand. I had a almost total meltdown today because I was so emotional over these fears that we just talked about. And so it's really important that we seek after the Lord and that we come back to His perspective and what His truth is for our life and family. So we walked through a bunch of fears, this is reality for us. It's something that we're gonna have to daily go through and we're gonna be running to the scriptures. I'm gonna be taking on my role as a spiritual leader in the home to encourage you, inspire you, remind you of the truth so that you can walk in it. And I think it's really important for me to clearly communicate to you when I am having these fears, when they are coming up in my heart because if I'm operating in them and letting them spiral in my mind, and I'm not confronting them or talking to you about them, then things are just gonna haywire in or whole family. And then we start feeling crazy. Yeah. So we just wanna thank you for watching today and we just pray that this message just encourages you if any of you are going through this right now and walking through fears of a growing family. And so if you enjoyed this video, please hit the subscribe button and also hit the bell next to it so you get notified every time we upload a video. And please leave us a comment. Let us know if you are planning on growing your family, 'cause we'd love to be excited and praise God with you. Thank you, we'll see you guys next time. Did you enjoy today's show? Find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriage-after-god-biblical-advice-practical-tips-and-inspiring-/donations