Connected Families Podcast

We’re in back-to-school season, bringing all the joy and anxiety that comes with it. One question we hear when we talk with parents is, “What do I do when my child won’t get ready for school on time?” This week Stacy Bellward and Jim Jackson interview Chad Hayenga, LMFT and parent coach about how to respond in a kind, but firm, way to this high-stress time of day.  Short answer: The natural impact, without parental intervention, is what will be the greatest teacher.   Listen in as we explore a deeper dive into this frustrating issue:  Step 1 – IDENTIFY: Be clear in your expectations and ensure that your child has the ability to understand and clearly knows what to do to get out the door.  Step 2 – EMPOWER: If kids are struggling, empower them to identify exactly what they may need from you to help them get going in the morning. Step 3 – TRANSFER: Try to avoid lecturing and nagging and implement your plan so you transfer the weight of responsibility to the child. One resource we recommend is our free eBook Consequences That Actually Work where you will learn about natural, logical, and restitution consequences. Want to learn more? Subscribe to catch each episode on Apple Podcasts or wherever you find podcasts.Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for consistent encouragement in your parenting journey. Related PostsAre You Tired of Having to Nag Your Kids? | Ep. 35Are Your Mornings Brutal?Avoiding Power Struggles Is Simpler Than You Think

Your child is escalating quickly and you have a pretty good idea where this is headed. You know the scenario…the anger turns to screaming, which then becomes a full-blown tantrum.  Pretty soon your child hits YOU. In today’s episode Stacy Bellward and Jim Jackson interview Lynne Jackson, OTR as she helps to answer the question: “What should I do when my child is so out of control they hit me?!” She draws on her occupational therapy knowledge to help us understand how brain function impacts this tough dilemma. The quick answer: Work to figure out and verbalize what your child’s hands are trying to say. If their mouth could say it, their hands wouldn’t need to. If it continues, try to find the most loving way possible to keep everyone physically safe. In this podcast we’ll explore this common scenario based on the Connected Families Framework:  FOUNDATION: You are safe with me. What’s going on in you? Are you responding back with anger because you are embarrassed or ashamed? (“What is wrong with this kid?!”)  Instead, step away with calming thoughts like: “This is normal.” or “These emotions are too big for my child.”CONNECT: You are loved no matter what. Heartfelt, sincere empathy is very powerful. State what your child is feeling and wanting.COACH: You are capable… of using your words to solve problems. Help your child with the messy process of gradually learning respectful self-advocacy as you teach emotional awareness outside of conflict times.CORRECT: You are responsible for your actions. Help your child choose a way to use their hands to restore the connection in the relationship.  As mentioned in this podcast, the Connected Families framework is also available on a magnet that is available for purchase.  Keep it visible anywhere you typically look, for constant reminders and encouragement in your parenting! To learn more about the topic of your child being too physical when they are angry, order our Discipline That Connects book and take a look at the appendix on aggression. Also, consider registering for our 8-session online course of Discipline That Connects With Your Child’s Heart that we offer twice a year.  Want to learn more? Subscribe to catch each episode on Apple Podcasts or wherever you find podcasts. Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ConnectedFamilies/ and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/connectedfams/“ Subscribe to never miss an episode! Related Posts20 Beautiful Empathy Statements to Show Kids You Really See ThemAre You or Your Child Addicted to Anger?How to Create a Simple Sensory Diet for Restless, Homebound Kids | Ep. 30My Child Says, “I Hate You!” | Ep. 6Why Is My Child So Angry? The #1 Unexpected Reason & Practical Steps to TakeWhy Punching a Pillow When Angry Doesn’t Really Help Your Child

“I don’t WANT to practice my trumpet.” “My piano teacher is mean!” “I don’t have time to practice with all this homework. I want to quit!”  Sound familiar? In today’s podcast, Stacy Bellward and Jim Jackson interview Chad Hayenga, LMFT and parent coach to explore how our parenting framework gives insight into the question: ”What should I do when my tween wants to quit music lessons?” Quick answer: In most cases, help your child understand that it’s important to stick to their commitments (for the duration of that commitment), and provide the support your child needs.  Listen to our full podcast to explore:  SAFE: Is the word “quit” a trigger for you, the parent, for some reason? LOVED/CONNECT: Can you understand and empathize with what it’s like to be your child? Maybe there’s a very logical reason why music lessons are not working. CAPABLE: How might you encourage capability in a way your child would receive: “I know this is hard, but you can do this hard thing!”? RESPONSIBLE: How do I help my child develop a sense of ownership for this?  In conclusion: Be in prayer and ask God for wisdom about this difficult decision.  Encourage your kids even as you keep them responsible for their commitments. But if music lessons (or any other commitment!) isn’t benefiting your child don’t let it cost you the relationship. Find other ways for your child to learn responsibility.  To learn more about our parenting framework, download our FREE ebook Four Messages Every Child Longs To Hear.  Want to learn more? Subscribe to catch each episode on Apple Podcasts or wherever you find podcasts.Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ConnectedFamilies/ and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/connectedfams/ Subscribe to never miss an episode! Related PostsHelping Kids Thrive Despite Rejection from a Teacher or StudentsParents and Sports: How to Let the Kids Have Fun AgainWhat to Do When Your Child Has a Hard Time LosingWhose Life Is It Anyway?You Don’t Want to Micromanage Your Family: How to Stop Parenting With Anxiety

Your child has just told you something you are pretty sure is not truthful.  What should you do? Do you call them out on it? Should there a serious consequence?  In today’s podcast episode Stacy Bellward and Jim Jackson interview Chad Hayenga, LMFT, and parent coach. Together they tackle the challenging question: “What should I do when my child lies to me?”  The quick answer is:  Think of your big reactions like fertilizer. If you put big emotional intensity into calling out lying, you’re likely to get more of it. Take notice when your child tells the truth and give that a lot of positive attention.  In this episode we address: How to give big intensity to truth-telling instead of lying.How to ask questions that set kids up to tell the truth, rather than questions that trap. Even when  your child lies, how to stay emotionally safe as a parent so you don’t allow your child to control your emotions.  Consider this:  If you stop giving big energy to lying and start giving big energy to truth-telling, over time, where might you be?  In this podcast we mention our Discipline That Connects online course. This course works to equip and encourage parents in many areas of parenting (including lying) using our parenting framework as the filter. This 8-session online course will be offered twice a year and is also available anytime as a small group.  We’d love to see you there! Want to learn more? Subscribe to catch each episode on Apple Podcasts or wherever you find podcasts.Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ConnectedFamilies/ and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/connectedfams/ Related Posts3 Ways To Help When Your Child Refuses To Do Schoolwork5 Powerful Ways to Connect with a Teen Who LiesSo You Killed The Cat….Now What?Teaching Truthfulness: 4 Loving Actions To Help the Child Who LiesYour Child’s Misbehavior: A Cry for Help?

Words are powerful.  We can so easily take it personally when we hear hurtful words from our children like,  “I HATE YOU!” But instead of reacting in frustration and anger, we encourage you to look below the surface. There may be deep reasons why the child might feel anxious, discouraged or ashamed in a way that is coming out in those aggressive words.  Jim Jackson and Stacy Bellward welcome Lynne Jackson, OTR and parent coach to the show. Lynne is an occupational therapist and brings practical brain-based knowledge and years of experience to this topic.  Today’s episode covers: underlying causes including sensory, emotional, developmental factors that play a role in the words that children say.how you can respectfully and constructively help your children navigate big emotions that drive the hurtful words.the “language of emotions.” (Here’s the link for the feelings poster mentioned.) When your child says, “I hate you!” they’re doing the best they can to tell you something else. Take a breath, then say, “I can see that you’re very, very angry!”  If this topic hits home for you, download our free Helping Kids with Anger e-book (https://connectedfamilies.org/anger-ebook/) to take steps towards peaceful parenting and connection, today. Want to learn more? Subscribe to catch each episode on Apple Podcasts or wherever you find podcasts.Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ConnectedFamilies/ and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/connectedfams/Subscribe to never miss an episode! Related Posts“Go Away, I Want MOMMY!”Are You or Your Child Addicted to Anger?My Child Hits Me | Ep. 9This Is Better Than My Old Consequences for a Disrespectful ChildTo Spank or Not to Spank?Why Is My Child So Angry? The #1 Unexpected Reason & Practical Steps to Take“Mommy, I’m Gonna KILL You!”

Have you ever wondered, “My child can’t manage to even take the garbage out. How will she ever survive in adulthood?” Or, maybe it sounds more like, “I do so much for these kids. Why can’t they do a few simple things to help out?!” Today’s episode is loaded with tools and will give you a lot to think about as Jim Jackson and Stacy Bellward talk with Connected Families parent coach Chad Hayenga and pull apart the question, “What should I do when my kids won’t do their chores without my nagging?” In today’s episode you’ll learn: Effective use of “when/then” statementsThe link between clear expectations and kind and firm accountabilityInsight into what compels parents to nag their kids  How to help those distractible kidsHow to link privileges to responsibilities in an encouraging way Ready to go deeper on this topic? Our 4-session online course, “The Entitlement Fix” (also available for small groups!) will give your family the tools you need to grow gratefulness and hard work. At only $23, we feel that this is a fantastic value. If that isn’t in your budget, check out our scholarship options.   Want to learn more? Subscribe to catch each episode on Apple Podcasts or wherever you find podcasts.Follow us on Facebook and Instagram Related PostsAre You Tired of Having to Nag Your Kids? | Ep. 35Chores: The Constant ChallengeHow to Have a Great Summer Without Pestering Your Kids | Ep. 36Raising Entitled Kids? Here’s How to Stop.The Joy of Family Chores: A Tale of Two MomsYou Don’t Want to Micromanage Your Family: How to Stop Parenting With Anxiety“Help! How on Earth Do I Get My Kids to Do Chores?”

It’s summer and the kids are home from school. Is the constant fighting and bickering more than you can take?  This week we welcome Lynne Jackson, parent coach and co-founder of Connected Families. She brings stories and practical solutions you can apply (today!) to the sibling conflict in your home. Your big take-away from this podcast:  Enter with big, sincere empathy for both kids (conflict is hard!) and then, as they begin to settle down, guide them toward their own solution.  To help make this practical we’ll introduce you to The Peace Process. This will give you a simple and memorable path down off “crazy mountain” toward true reconciliation: calm (calm ourselves and help kids calm down)understand (empathize with your kids and help them understand each other)solve (use questions to help kids solve their problem)celebrate (highlight and recognize what went well)  We expand on these ideas in our 5-session online course Sibling Conflict: From Bickering to Bonding (also available for small groups!) In this course we equip you with lots of practical tools so your kids can learn to resolve their own conflicts well. Could you use a little peace in your home? Join us today! Related Posts5 Ways to Find Sanity During Family Car Trips52 Out-of-the-Box Family Bonding ActivitiesHow to Have a Great Summer Without Pestering Your Kids | Ep. 36Is Your Child Not Sharing? 4 Strategies to Help Your Child Learn to ShareShould I Require Fighting Kids to Apologize?Tired of Sibling Fighting?When Out-of-Control Kids Can’t Hear Your Gentle VoiceWhy Do Siblings Fight So Much? The Good News and the Bad News

Parenting is hard. It takes everything we have…and then some. What happens when we get to the point of feeling totally overwhelmed and hopeless? On this Connected Families Podcast episode, we discuss these overwhelmed feelings, pull them apart, and ask what we can do about them.  Our guest today is parenting coach and Connected Families co-founder, Lynne Jackson. Lynne clearly remembers the times she felt overwhelmed and hopeless as she raised her three rambunctious kids. She will bring practical ideas to encourage you today.  In this podcast we discuss: how expectations can feed feelings of hopelessness.the idea behind toxic half-truths  two key questions to help us identify and replace toxic lies with God’s truth Check out the following resource: Grace & Truth for Moms online course – We’ve designed this 5-session online course to be taken with a group. A group could be any size, including you and a friend! Want to learn more? Subscribe to catch each episode on Apple Podcasts or wherever you find podcasts.Follow us on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/ConnectedFamilies) and Instagram  (https://www.instagram.com/connectedfams) Subscribe to never miss an episode! Related PostsIs My Anxiety Holding My Child Back?Mercy in the Midst of Our StruggleMom to Mom:My Child Is Not My Report CardTeach Your Kids How to Trust GodWhat You Really Need for Mother’s Day

SCREEN TIME!!! It’s a persistent battle in almost every home. And it is one of the questions we receive most frequently. What should you do when your child constantly asks you for screen time?  And more screen time? We expand on the following three ideas in this podcast: Get yourself calm. Be clear about expectations, and what will happen if expectations aren’t met. Hold kids accountable to meet those expectations in a way that gains, not loses, kids’ respect. Your calm respectfulness gives weight to your authority so you can hold your kids accountable. Might sound simple, but what does this look like in everyday life? Listen in as we use role plays to pull apart a typical parent-child interaction about screens.  Our guest today is Connected Families parent coach Chad Hayenga. Chad is a licensed marriage and family therapist and has coached hundreds of parents – many with tween and teen children (and their challenges). Chad gives practical tips for this heated topic of screen time. He will help you explore the questions: What is your child hearing from you as you engage about screen time? What messages are they getting from you? Is there a better approach? Help your child feel safe, loved, called and capable, and responsible for their actions. Check out the resources we mentioned on the podcast: Discipline That Connects with Your Child’s Heart book (also available in audio)Four Messages Every Child Longs to Hear: A Discipline That Connects Overview (FREE ebook!) Want to learn more? Subscribe to catch each episode on Apple Podcasts or wherever you find podcasts.Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ConnectedFamilies/ and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/connectedfams/Subscribe to never miss an episode! Related Posts3 Ways To Help When Your Child Refuses To Do SchoolworkHow to Limit Screen Time with Healthy Habits & a Bigger YESHow to Put Screens Back in Their Place | Ep. 34Is Your Child Exhausted and Cranky After School?My Child Won’t Get Off Screens | Ep. 2You Don’t Want to Micromanage Your Family: How to Stop Parenting With Anxiety

“My child won’t calm down!” Have you ever said these words? Perhaps even this morning? 😉 On this Connected Families Podcast episode we discuss this relevant parenting concern and provide steps that you can take to move forward with grace and connection. Our guest today is parenting expert, and Connected Families co-founder, Lynne Jackson, OTR. Lynne brings practical tips that you can use and a deeper understanding around the brain science of meltdowns. She’ll help you explore the questions: What is going on with me?!?What is going on with my child?How should I respond when my child won’t calm down? You’ll learn what to say and do when your child won’t calm down, including how to effectively use empathy in the midst of a meltdown (I know! It’s hard!). You’ll also learn the keys to reducing the frequency of those meltdowns over the long haul, so your child can begin to learn to calm down independently when upset. Help your child feel safe, loved, called and capable, and responsible for their actions. Check out the resources we mentioned on the podcast: Discipline That Connects with Your Child’s Heart book (also available in audio)Four Messages Every Child Longs to Hear: A Discipline That Connects Overview (FREE ebook!) Want to learn more? Subscribe to catch each episode on Apple Podcasts or wherever you find podcasts.Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ConnectedFamilies/ and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/connectedfams/Subscribe to never miss an episode! Related Posts3 Unexpected Parenting Strategies to Help Your Highly Sensitive Child Thrive50 Self-Regulation Activities To Empower Your Child To CalmHelp! My Anxious Child Cries When Dropped Off at DaycareHow to Create a Simple Sensory Diet for Restless, Homebound Kids | Ep. 30When Out-of-Control Kids Can’t Hear Your Gentle Voice