Your Favorite Band Sucks

Life IS too short so listen to this and learn exactly why you should never waste another second of your existence hearing Sublime. Everyone with a brain in their head already knows that Sublime sucks, right? The answer is yes. Maybe you think you've got a good idea of how much this band sucks. Trust us, it's worse. There is so much awful information waiting for you in this episode. Honestly, this may be a Top Ten Worst Band of All Time, people. And if you don't believe that, hey, press play and let us know how you feel after listening.

Bon Jovi sucks so much Mark and Tyler can't even get worked up over it. Listen as your favorite podcast hosts casually dismantle this band's career until, eventually, with no worthy adversary to team up against, Mark and Tyler turn on each other... As we've seen before, Bon Jovi isn't even a band. It's John Bongiovi's personal ego trip, kid-tested and mother-approved. Sometimes a pocketful of clichés is all it takes to reach the *cough*laughing-stock*cough* Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, kids! There isn't going to be an episode of the podcast next week because Tyler and Mark are mad at each other over this one.

Voted one of the Five Worst Bands of the '90s by Rolling Stone readers in 2013, Nirvana made what BBC listeners in 2005 considered to be the most overrated album ever, Nevermind. So, it's not even up to us, the results are in and Nirvana sucks! You know we have problems with Kurt Cobain being one of the most heralded "songwriters" of the slacker generation. (He's not even a songwriter, let alone a good one.) You know we have problems with Nirvana biting their sound from better bands. You know we have problems with this whole 27 Club suicide death cult self-selected martyr thing. But Nirvana was merely a symptom of a much larger problem: grunge. A truly awful cacophony - and dangerous, too! It's quite possible that grunge killed more people than gangster rap. Anyway, you're already pissed off about us making this episode, so you may as well listen to it now.

The podcast dives into the flaws of the band Weezer, questioning their songwriting process, nerdy sexism, and reputation. The hosts dissect Weezer's music, music videos, and trolling behavior. They also critique the band's second album and urge listeners to reevaluate their love for it.

It's possible The Grateful Dead smelled even worse than they sounded, which is really saying something. Even their fans agree, this band sucks. But let's be honest, this episode is just as much about trashing hippies as it is about trashing The Grateful Dead. And one of the worst things about hippies is that they think it's acceptable to listen to The Grateful Dead. It's not. The only way anyone tolerated the sound was by being annihilated on drugs. Well, then there's Ann Coulter...

All these songs sound like a 13 year old boy talking about what he thinks sex would be like and half the merch is marketed at 10 year olds. Who let this happen? Also, is KISS even a band? Because none of them can write, sing or play an instrument. Oh, yeah, we know your parents let you listen to this when you were a kid. But what we're saying is they did maybe-irreparable damage to you in doing so and it's possible that every failed relationship in your life could be this band's fault. Also, no, this is not genius marketing but good try at skirting the main issue, which is that KISS sucks!

Calling Interpol a Joy Division ripoff is so much more than they deserve. Rocking gun holsters onstage seems a lot less cool these days, huh? Yeah, so does this entire band because Interpol sucks! Learn how to not get on board the wrong hype train! Find out what "their first album was good but everything after that is bad" really means! Discover several bands you need to be listening to if you ever thought it was acceptable to own an Interpol album! Don't even try to read their lyrics...

Tool is the official soundtrack of thinking you're smarter than everyone else. Caveat lector, edgelords. We're coming straight for the chinks in your armor. In this episode, Mark and Tyler treat a dissection of Tool with all the respect the band deserves, which is none. The formula to create this product is laughably easy. There's a reason Tool fans have a reputation as some of the worst people in America - they are. Listen, realizing you're an idiot is never easy but try not to overreact, okay?

Alright, hands off of each other. The circle jerk is over. Radiohead's sound went from an unoriginal whine to a mess of incompetent IDM. Then, they got to work making it harder for young artists to get a leg up in the business. Mark thinks Limp Bizkit is for sure a better band than Radiohead and he's probably right about that. Tyler thinks Radiohead ruined music criticism forever. Also, it's worth listening to the music business dork discussion on In Rainbows' release strategy to get to the part after that about how this band was rejected by James Bond himself. This episode was recorded several months ago but the guys had time to come back and add more thoughts on Thom and company ripping off The Hollies, now that they want to come after Lana Del Rey for doing the same thing. Radiohead sucks.

The Police hate being called white reggae, which is weird because this is what happens when a self-admitted "fake punk band" tries to rip off reggae. Your super-spiritual aunt thinks Sting is enlightened and she's wrong because Sting is audio blackface. Some guy who hasn't bought a new album in 15 years thinks Stewart Copeland is a phenomenal drummer and he's wrong because Copeland is one of the most overrated musicians in history. Nobody thinks anything about Andy Summers. The Police suck.