The Full Plate Podcast with Abbie Attwood, MS

I can't think of a better conversation through which to enter the new year. We're revisiting a fan-favorite with Chrissy King, author of "The Body Liberation Project", who joins the pod to talk about her journey through and away from the harms of diet and fitness culture. This is a conversation about loving ourselves, reclaiming our power and purpose in this world, and how to navigate the oppressive systems that continue to exist despite our personal healing.  Topics discussed: Chrissy's experience with dieting and her body image growing up Getting wrapped up in fitness culture and the pursuit of thinness The connection between racism, the patriarchy, the beauty standard, and diet culture Macro counting and psychological distress The difference between body positivity and body liberation Chrissy's rock bottom moment with dieting, and how she moved forward The impact of restriction and deprivation on our mental, emotional, and physical health How diet culture effects our relationships Processing grief in healing out relationship with our body Cultivating joy in our lives without the distraction of dieting Why self-love isn't enough  Lack of inclusivity and diversity in wellness culture Chrissy's advice for taking one small step towards body liberation   About Chrissy: Chrissy King is a writer, speaker, educator, and former strength coach with a passion for creating a diverse and inclusive wellness industry.  She empowers individuals to stop shrinking, start taking up space, and use their energy to create their specific magic in the world. With degrees in Social Welfare and Justice and Sociology from Marquette University, Chrissy merges her passion for fitness to inspire members of the wellness industry to create spaces that allow individuals from all backgrounds to seen feel, welcomed, affirmed, and celebrated. Find Chrissy on IG: @iamchrissyking and order Chrissy's book: https://chrissyking.com/book/   Support the show: Enjoying this podcast? Please support the show on Patreon for bonus episodes, community engagement, and access to "Ask Abbie" at Patreon.com/fullplate   Transcripts: If you’re looking for transcripts, you can find those on my website, www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/podcast    Social media: Find the show on Instagram: @fullplate.podcast Find Abbie on Instagram: @abbieattwoodwellness   Group program: Looking for more support and concrete steps to take to heal your relationship with food and your body? Apply for Abbie's next 10-week group program: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/group-coaching   Group membership: Already been at this anti-diet culture thing for a while, but want community and continued learning? Apply for Abbie's monthly membership: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/circle-monthly-group    Podcast Cover Photography by Anya McInroy Podcast Editing by Brian Walters This podcast is ad-free and support comes from our Patrons on Patreon: Patreon.com/fullplate This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit abbieattwoodwellness.substack.com/subscribe

As we close out this year, we are revisiting a fan-favorite and incredibly healing conversation with Dr. Anita Johnston. Listen in as we discuss the magic of metaphors and story-telling in ED recovery, and how we can return home to our authentic selves to find lasting freedom from food restriction and body dissatisfaction. Abbie and Anita discuss why highly intuitive and deeply feeling people tend to be most vulnerable to eating disorders, and how to use those gifts as superpowers. Topics covered: How being highly sensitive impacts disordered eating and healing The safety and security that EDs can provide Anita's childhood in Guam and how that shaped her experience with food, body, and herself Our illusion of control in having an eating disorder Storytelling and metaphor in ED treatment The importance of language in recovery and healing  Disordered eating thoughts and behaviors as a coping mechanism and distraction Following our joy and authenticity to freedom from diet culture Emotional literacy and boundaries Why those who suffer from EDs are the ones that the world needs most Mothering energy versus fathering energy Reparenting ourselves The most essential tools for healing   About Dr. Anita Johnston: Dr. Anita Johnston, Ph.D., CEDS is a clinical psychologist and certified eating disorder specialist and supervisor, working in the field of women’s issues and eating disorders for over 35 years. She is the author of the best selling book, Eating in the Light of the Moon and co-creator of the Light of the Moon Cafe, a series of online interactive courses and women’s support circles, and Soul Hunger workshops. She is currently the Clinical Director of Ai Pono Hawaii eating disorder programs with out-patient programs on Oahu and the Big Island of Hawaii, and an ocean-front residential program on Maui. Find Anita on Instagram: @dranitajohnston   Find the show on Instagram: @fullplate.podcast Find Abbie on Instagram: @abbieattwoodwellness Abbie’s website: www.abbieattwoodwellness.com   Support the show: Enjoying this podcast? Please support the show on Patreon for bonus episodes, community engagement, and access to "Ask Abbie" at Patreon.com/fullplate   Transcripts: If you’re looking for transcripts, you can find those on Abbie's website, www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/podcast    Social media: Find the show on Instagram: @fullplate.podcast Find Abbie on Instagram: @abbieattwoodwellness   Group program: Looking for more support and concrete steps to take to heal your relationship with food and your body? Apply for Abbie's next 10-week group program: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/group-coaching   Group membership: Already been at this anti-diet culture thing for a while, but want community and continued learning? Apply for Abbie's monthly membership: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/circle-monthly-group    Podcast Cover Photography by Anya McInroy Podcast Editing by Brian Walters This podcast is ad-free and support comes from our Patrons on Patreon: Patreon.com/fullplate   This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit abbieattwoodwellness.substack.com/subscribe

I can't wait for you to hear this episode, because I'm joined by Lex, a client I've worked with for many years now. She is incredibly special to me. We began working together when she was in high school struggling with an eating disorder and unable to participate in the sport she loves, and now she's a college athlete -- working through the nuances of recovery and reclaiming her relationship with food and running.  Eating disorders can show up in a multitude of ways in athletes. From how a body “should” look if we play a certain sport, to how we “should” eat for performance, to the inevitable comparison trap of teammates and competitors. Lex shares her story about developing an ED, how that was impacted by running and family dynamics, how she fought for what she needed in her treatment team, and so much more. Whether you’re a parent, parent of a teen, or athlete, you’ll get so much out of this episode. Topics covered include... Food scarcity in childhood Developing an eating disorder in high school Why runners are so vulnerable to disordered eating behaviors The pressure on female athletes to have certain body types Family dynamics and body image How coaches can cause harm coaches Finding a safe community and space to recover Fear mongering around carbs Trauma in traditional ED treatment Speaking up for what is really needed from a treatment team Working through the nuances of recovery and body image How romantic partners impact ED recovery Lex's tips for other athletes who are struggling The next frontier of recovery for Lex   Support the show: Enjoying this podcast? Please support the show on Patreon for bonus episodes, community engagement, and access to "Ask Abbie" at Patreon.com/fullplate Transcripts: If you’re looking for transcripts, you can find those on my website, www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/podcast    Social media: Find the show on Instagram: @fullplate.podcast Find Abbie on Instagram: @abbieattwoodwellness   Group program: Looking for more support and concrete steps to take to heal your relationship with food and your body? Apply for Abbie's next 10-week group program: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/group-coaching Group membership: Already been at this anti-diet culture thing for a while, but want community and continued learning? Apply for Abbie's monthly membership: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/circle-monthly-group    Podcast Cover Photography by Anya McInroy Podcast Editing by Brian Walters This podcast is ad-free and support comes from our Patrons on Patreon: Patreon.com/fullplate     This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit abbieattwoodwellness.substack.com/subscribe

Anjali Prasertong joins me on this week’s episode to explore what it means to approach nutrition through the lens of culture, antiracism, and food equity. Tune in as Anjali helps us think through social justice in food systems, debunk white-washed fantasies of the “perfect” diet, and examine how cultural appropriation shows up in the culinary world. Topics discussed include… Cultural influences on our relationship with food Talking to kids about culture and violence  Popular chefs and culinary appropriation  The “ick” of telling people how to eat as a dietitian The fantasy of the Mediterranean Diet MyPlate and dairy Veganism and diet culture  Racism in nutrition recommendations   Anjali’s approach to food now in the context of anti-racism and food systems Making family meals easier  About Anjali:  Anjali is a writer and registered dietitian who focuses on racial equity, public health, and food systems. For several years, she was a contributing editor to the award-winning food website The Kitchn. Her work has appeared in TIME.com, The Chicago Tribune, Yahoo, and HuffPost, and I contributed to The Kitchn Cookbook – a James Beard Award winner – and Food52's Simply Genius. Her path has been circuitous, but it has always included food. She taught English in a small city in Central Japan, and wrote weekly reviews of Japanese candy. She was a personal chef for a family in Malibu. She coached BIPOC food entrepreneurs in New Orleans, and ran a program that helped corner stores in low-income neighborhoods sell more fruits and vegetables. She worked with chef Tunde Wey on a social experiment that charged white diners almost three times more than diners of color for the same lunch. At one point she studied global food security from an old convent in Italy, and ate so much pasta. She also has an undergraduate degree in film, which was perfectly useless when she returned to school to become a dietitian. She brings a wide-ranging and nonlinear experience to her perspective on food and nutrition, and to her writing. Anjali currently lives in Denver, Colorado with her husband and two children. Anjali's Substack: https://anjaliruth.substack.com/  Support the show: Enjoying this podcast? Please support the show on Patreon for bonus episodes, community engagement, and access to "Ask Abbie" at Patreon.com/fullplate Transcripts: If you’re looking for transcripts, you can find those on my website, www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/podcast  Social media: Find the show on Instagram: @fullplate.podcast Find Abbie on Instagram: @abbieattwoodwellness   Group program: Looking for more support and concrete steps to take to heal your relationship with food and your body? Apply for Abbie's next 10-week group program: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/group-coaching   Group membership: Already been at this anti-diet culture thing for a while, but want community and continued learning? Apply for Abbie's monthly membership: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/circle-monthly-group    Podcast Cover Photography by Anya McInroy Podcast Editing by Brian Walters This podcast is ad-free and support comes from our Patrons on Patreon: Patreon.com/fullplate This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit abbieattwoodwellness.substack.com/subscribe

What does safety in our body mean? How can we create inner safety, even amidst external barriers? And when we talk about healing our relationship with our body, what does that mean in the context of chronic illness or having a marginalized identity? Our current eating disorder landscape only caters to the young, white, cis, able-bodied archetype. Often, the method for recovery is "just eat more". What is missing from the conversation about body dissatisfaction and disordered eating? A lot. But in a big way, the current narrative leaves out marginalized communities and in particular the prevalence of EDs in trans and gender diverse folks.  In this week's episode, I'm joined by Graham, who I connected with over Instagram once upon a time, and who wound up being a friend -- someone I continue to connect with over DMs. Graham tells their body story, including their experience with chronic illness, body dysphoria, and an eating disorder.  We cover so much in this episode, including: The impact of chronic illness on embodiment What “managing” a chronic illness is like Social pressures and discrimination Unique factors that lead to EDs in gender diverse people Body image and body dysphoria Puberty and disordered eating Barriers to medical care and treatment Mental health stigma Safety versus happiness in a marginalized body What healing means - and feels like - to Graham Why "eating more" isn't the primary solution to EDs How to keep going amidst stigma and systemic harm Finding community and support that honors your authentic self How our relationships can be a catalyst to healing Showing up for yourself, messy imperfections and all Resources mentioned: @ItsHolly black ass brownie recipe   Support the show: Enjoying this podcast? Please support the show on Patreon for bonus episodes, community engagement, and access to "Ask Abbie" at Patreon.com/fullplate Transcripts: If you’re looking for transcripts, you can find those on my website, www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/podcast  Social media: Find the show on Instagram: @fullplate.podcast Find Abbie on Instagram: @abbieattwoodwellness Group program: Looking for more support and concrete steps to take to heal your relationship with food and your body? Apply for Abbie's next 10-week group program: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/group-coaching Group membership: Already been at this anti-diet culture thing for a while, but want community and continued learning? Apply for Abbie's monthly membership: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/circle-monthly-group    Thank you so much to our Patrons for your support of the show! Podcast Cover Photography by Anya McInroy Podcast Editing by Brian Walters This podcast is ad-free and support comes from our Patrons on Patreon: Patreon.com/fullplate This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit abbieattwoodwellness.substack.com/subscribe

Well, well, well. Hello, Holiday season. It's time for aunt Sally to talk about her January Whole30, and your cousins are probably off sugar this year, and maybe your mom comments about your weight or the food on your plate. Hopefully, none of this happens; but for most of us, it's a reality that has yet to see a miraculous revisioning, even when we hold out hope.  So, perhaps...we hold hope while also preparing ourselves for what has always been. This episode is part holidays tips, part holiday pep talk. To hear the full episode, you'll have to be a paid supporter of the show on Patreon. And if you're able to join as a paid subscriber, that would mean the world (and be a lovely holiday gift!).  Things we discusss include... Diet culture as a language we're unlearning Returning to our families who may have played a role in our relationship with food and body to begin with Navigating hard conversations Two ways to set boundaries in diet talk moments Protecting your peace and comfort Taking care of your physical needs Being prepared for, rather than shocked by, our people Walking your own path even when others are challenging you Resisting the urge to over-explain yourself, defend your choices, or convince others My husband, Jeb, joins me for this one, and he shares his perspective on boundaries and holidays through the lens of sobriety and addiction. Support the show: Enjoying this podcast? Please support the show on Patreon for bonus episodes, community engagement, and access to "Ask Abbie" at Patreon.com/fullplate   Transcripts: If you’re looking for transcripts, you can find those on my website, www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/podcast    Social media: Find the show on Instagram: @fullplate.podcast Find Abbie on Instagram: @abbieattwoodwellness   Group program: Looking for more support and concrete steps to take to heal your relationship with food and your body? Apply for Abbie's next 10-week group program: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/group-coaching   Group membership: Already been at this anti-diet culture thing for a while, but want community and continued learning? Apply for Abbie's monthly membership: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/circle-monthly-group    Podcast Cover Photography by Anya McInroy Podcast Editing by Brian Walters This podcast is ad-free and support comes from our Patrons on Patreon: Patreon.com/fullplate This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit abbieattwoodwellness.substack.com/subscribe

Dr. Lisa Folden joins us on the pod this week, and we go deep on perfectionism — specifically how it shows up in the worth and value we tie to our appearance, health, and achievements. We also bust open many myths about weight and health, including whether weight actually causes joint pain, if diabetes is preventable, and the long-term damage of intentional weight-loss. More specifics on what you'll hear in this conversation… Growing up as a “role model” and wanting to shed that identity Lisa’s experience as a Black woman with disordered eating behaviors, and why Black women are consistently underdiagnosed  Why Lisa shifted from being a weight-centric to a weight-inclusive physical therapist Rebuilding a joyful and intuitive relationship with movement (how the hell do we do this??!) What Lisa wishes she had known earlier about diabetes, weight, and restriction  Grief over our former beliefs about health What makes us worthy? Looking at the research about weight and health to dismantle our beliefs about fatness The myth of perfection, and why it is often violent, especially to those in marginalized communities The truth about joint pain and weight  Why we don’t owe anyone thinness or health Signs that your exercise routine is unhealthy Showing up in the world with authenticity About Dr. Lisa Folden: Born and raised in Detroit, MI., Dr. Lisa Folden is a North Carolina licensed physical therapist, NASM certified behavior change specialist and Anti-diet Health & Body Image Coach. She owns Healthy Phit Physical Therapy & Wellness Consultants in Charlotte, NC where she provides weight-inclusive services to clients in diverse bodies and those in eating disorder recovery. She is a body positive women’s health expert and health at every size (HAES®️) ambassador who assists women seeking healthier lifestyles. Lisa's weight-neutral approach encourages intuitive eating, body acceptance and breaking up with toxic diet culture. Dr. Lisa Folden is a mom of three, published author and speaker who understands the complex needs of the modern busy woman and mom. Her goal is to see as many people as possible living their best lives without worrying about their weight! When she is not helping patients, speaking at events or writing, you can find her spending time with family and friends. Lately, she's into red wine, bird watching, exercising, organizing and binging mystery shows on TV.  --- Support the show: Enjoying this podcast? Please support the show on Patreon for bonus episodes, community engagement, and access to "Ask Abbie" at Patreon.com/fullplate   Transcripts: If you’re looking for transcripts, you can find those on Patreon or on my website, www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/podcast    Social media: Find the show on Instagram: @fullplate.podcast Find Abbie on Instagram: @abbieattwoodwellness   Group program: Looking for more support and concrete steps to take to heal your relationship with food and your body? Apply for Abbie's next 10-week group program: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/group-coaching   Group membership: Already been at this anti-diet culture thing for a while, but want community and continued learning? Apply for Abbie's monthly membership: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/circle-monthly-group    Podcast Cover Photography by Anya McInroy Podcast Editing by Brian Walters This podcast is ad-free and support comes from our Patrons on Patreon: Patreon.com/fullplate This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit abbieattwoodwellness.substack.com/subscribe

Chances are that either you -- or someone you love dearly -- has a chronic illness. As I've shared on the pod before, so much of my mental health conditions and disordered eating was driven and perpetuated by multiple chronic illnesses. And, perhaps not-so-ironically, disordered eating itself does a number on us both physically and psychologically, only worsening (if not creating) autoimmunity and other chronic health conditions. This week, I'm speaking with a truly incredible woman (Lacey!) who was part of one of my group programs. Lacey speaks to her experience with Crohn's disease, the path to disordered eating, and the impact all of this has had on her relationship with her body. She talks us through the process of her own healing, and where she's going from here. I can't wait for you to listen, because I know without a doubt that her story will resonate -- regardless of your own body story. Ultimately, we're all trying to figure out what it means to occupy a human body in a world that wants us to feel broken so that it can profit off of our shame, and the experience of chronic illness is no exception.  Topics we cover include... Feeling abandoned by our body Crohn's disease and digestion How anti-fatness shows up in our homes as children The impact of Weight Watchers on our relationship with food Our mother's disordered eating and how it shapes our own Why diet culture targets those with chronic illness How Lacey's body changed through the ebb and flow of her illness What to do when our body feels out of control Food fear-mongering in the chronic illness space How chronic illness impacts our body image Identifying as a "picky eater" Feeling shame and anxiety over not wanting to eat certain "healthy" foods How trauma impacts our healing and embodiment Resources mentioned: Group program application   Support the show: Enjoying this podcast? Please support the show on Patreon for bonus episodes, community engagement, and access to "Ask Abbie" at Patreon.com/fullplate   Transcripts: If you’re looking for transcripts, you can find those on Patreon or on my website, www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/podcast    Social media: Find the show on Instagram: @fullplate.podcast Find Abbie on Instagram: @abbieattwoodwellness   Group program: Looking for more support and concrete steps to take to heal your relationship with food and your body? Apply for Abbie's next 10-week group program: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/group-coaching   Group membership: Already been at this anti-diet culture thing for a while, but want community and continued learning? Apply for Abbie's monthly membership: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/circle-monthly-group    Podcast Cover Photography by Anya McInroy Podcast Editing by Brian Walters This podcast is ad-free and support comes from our Patrons on Patreon: Patreon.com/fullplate This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit abbieattwoodwellness.substack.com/subscribe

The incredible Whitney Trotter (RD / RN) joins us to talk about intersectionality, trauma-informed care, and how eating disorder treatment fails BIPOC communities (plus, of course, what needs to be done to improve access and approaches to care).  Whitney’s experience as a black college athlete How college athletes are impacted by diet culture How "eating for performance" affects body image Body grief in transitioning out of athletics Why Whitney fell in love with nutrition, and then eating disorders What we need to know about eating disorders in BIPOC (underdiagnosis, lack of medical care, lack of resources and support, how universities and education systems play a role, socioeconomic barriers to treatment, discrimination, stigma, and lack of research) The intersection of HIV and eating disorders Weight-gain on medications and providing informed consent for harm-reduction Racism in nutrition Social Determinants of Health and eating disorders in BIPOC The bio-psycho-social components of eating disorders How we can make care and treatment more accessible Intergenerational trauma and the increased risk of disordered eating behaviors Resources mentioned: BIPOC eating disorders conference Whitney's IG post about bio-psycho-social aspects of EDs Whitney's IG post about the price of divestment Whitney Trotter (she/her) is dually licensed as a Registered Dietitian, Nurse, and yoga instructor and is currently working on her doctorate degree to become a psychiatric nurse practitioner. Whitney has over ten years of experience working as a registered dietitian serving various communities such as the HIV/AIDS community and the eating disorder field. Whitney also previously worked at a Level 1 Pediatric Trauma Center as a Pediatric emergency room nurse. In addition to working as an RDN and RN, Whitney has served as a member of her county's Rape Crisis Center. Her work at the Rape Crisis Center equipped her to co-found an anti-trafficking organization Restore Corps, where she now provides medical training to the community focusing on human trafficking response. Whitney's career in the Eating Disorder field includes being a former Nutrition and Nursing director of a Residential, PHP, and IOP center. Whitney is also the owner/founder of Bluff City Health, a private practice that bridges the gap in the eating disorder field of equitable care and social justice. This past year Whitney created the first-ever BIPOC Eating Disorders Conference and started #bipoceatigndisordersawarenessweek. Learn more about Whitney on Instagram and her website.   Enjoying this podcast? Please support the show on Patreon for bonus episodes, community engagement, and access to "Ask Abbie" at Patreon.com/fullplate   If you’re looking for transcripts, you can find those on my website, www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/podcast    Find the show on Instagram: @fullplate.podcast Find Abbie on Instagram: @abbieattwoodwellness   Group Coaching & Membership: - Looking for more support and concrete steps to take to heal your relationship with food and your body? Apply for Abbie's next 10-week group program: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/group-coaching - Already been at this anti-diet culture thing for a while, but want community and continued learning? Apply for Abbie's monthly membership: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/circle-monthly-group    Podcast Cover Photography by Anya McInroy Podcast Editing by Brian Walters This podcast is ad-free and support comes from our Patrons on Patreon: Patreon.com/fullplate     This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit abbieattwoodwellness.substack.com/subscribe

This is a BONUS episode. I've been flooded with questions about candy and sugar these past few weeks as we approach Halloween (and of course, the holiday season is around the corner!). So, this week, we're digging into the fears associated with candy, plus how to help your kids (and yourself) navigate sweets when eating those foods is riddled with stress and guilt.  Listen to the full episode on Patreon! We dig into... How do we stop feeling so "out of control" around candy? How do we deal with the fear and anxiety of having it so easily accessible this time of year? What are some strategies for making sure our kids don’t inherit our negative relationship with candy? How do we work through fears associated with eating "too much" sugar or being "addicted" to sugar? What about the health impacts of eating a lot of candy? What can we do when families we interact with are restricting candy in their homes?   Enjoying this podcast? Please support the show on Patreon for bonus episodes, community engagement, and access to "Ask Abbie" at Patreon.com/fullplate That's where you'll find this bonus episode, right at the top of the feed.  If you’re looking for transcripts, you can find those on Patreon or on my website, www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/podcast Find the show on Instagram: @fullplate.podcast Find Abbie on Instagram: @abbieattwoodwellness   Enroll for Group Support: Looking for more support and concrete steps to take to heal your relationship with food and your body? Apply for Abbie's next 10-week group program, which kicks off in January: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/group-coaching Already been at this anti-diet culture thing for a while, but want community and continued learning? Apply for Abbie's monthly membership: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/circle-monthly-group    Podcast Cover Photography by Anya McInroy Podcast Editing by Brian Walters This podcast is ad-free and support comes from our Patrons on Patreon: Patreon.com/fullplate This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit abbieattwoodwellness.substack.com/subscribe