No Visible Bruises

Today, I want to talk about what happens after we break up with a narcissist, what we should expect from them, and how to prevent being affected by what they can do or say to us and our closest friends.  What You Will Learn In This Episode: Safety is your number one priority What to do when our reputation is being shredded by the narcissist The narcissist and their army of flying monkeys What drives narcissists to take action Why falling into a love bombing trap is easier than it looks Our goal is not trying to change or fix the narcissist Breaking up a relationship with a narcissist might lead us to a lonely place if they turn our friends and relatives against us. We must create a robust ecosystem around us, and surround ourselves by the people who believe in us. We need to keep in mind that we are enough, and that we are worthy and lovable regardless of what the narcissist could have said to us or to anyone else about us.  Resources: Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

This week we are talking about relationships after narcissistic abuse. But to talk about future relationships, we need to look at our past and what we learned about love when we were children.  What You Will Learn In This Episode: The three parts of our brain and what their roles are Where the belief that the world is a dangerous place comes from How to use the knowledge about how our mind works in order to empower ourselves The prominent role of attachment in our perception of what love is The connections between how we felt as children, and how we feel around the narcissist as adults How YOU can break the cycle of narcissistic abuse To ensure a healthy and lasting new relationship, we need to do some inner work, identify our blueprint of what love and connection are, and work on it. If we don't address it, we are at risk of repeating this inter-generational trauma, and possibly passing it onto the next generations.  Resources: Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

In today's episode, we will talk about future generations and narcissism. We will explore and analyze kids' trauma responses to being with a narcissist and the best ways to help them deal with it. What You Will Learn In This Episode: The importance of breaking the trauma cycle and teaching self-love to our kids Parallel parenting as the best choice for co-parenting with a narcissist The fourth trauma response to narcissistic abuse Why our kids choose to misbehave with us The best response we can offer to our angry children When our kids come back to us aggressive or angry, we must see them through the trauma-informed lens. We need to understand them, show them love and compassion, be supportive and make them feel that we see them and hear them. Our kids misbehave with us because we are their anchor. We must be aware of that and build our relationship with them from that place.  Resources: Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

This episode is about the controversy around the diagnosis of a narcissist and its medicalisation. Should narcissists be medicalised? And if they should, how does it affect those who've been involved with a narcissist? What You Will Learn In This Episode: The problem with medicalisation of a certain problem Why Complex PTSD doesn't go away with a sense of retribution The beauty of hindsight in the context of a relationship with a narcissist Why moving forward knowing the narcissist won't change is a powerful step How narcissism has a lot more traits than the 9 from the DSM As a society, we are conditioned to look at the symptoms and there is not much space for considering the root cause. That's what is happening with narcissists as well. The root cause gets overlooked, and the abuse suffered by the narcissist's victims remains unacknowledged. But the solution might lie in looking at narcissists through the trauma lens.  Resources: Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

One of the narcissist types that is hardest to identify is the covert narcissist. Today we will go through a covert narcissist's behavioural traits, the ways they get their narcissistic supply, how that makes us feel, and how to deal with that behaviour. What You Will Learn In This Episode: What happens when a narcissist agrees to go to therapy Why covert narcissists are so hard to identify How they act like they are the victim The spiral effect of nobody believing our story How to bring the power back to yourself Why you should stop worrying about what other people say When we think about a narcissist, the first image that comes to mind is an arrogant, entitled and overly confident individual. But a covert narcissist is quite the opposite, they will portray themselves as a victim who suffers constant abuse. We need to be aware that they can turn people who know us against us, and be ready to deal with that.  Resources: Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

This week I want to talk about co-parenting with a narcissist in COVID times. We'll talk about what happens when the pandemic is used as an excuse for not giving the kids back, or sending them over. We will also go through the best way to communicate with a narcissist in conflict situations, and what parallel parenting is.  What You Will Learn In This Episode: The difficulties of co-parenting with a narcissist What it means to parallel parent The importance of self-care and why it is NOT selfish Why you need to register, document and not get dragged into an argument How to set up up a grounding station at home We need to pay special attention to the pandemic restrictions used as control methods by the narcissist in our lives. If that is the case, our kids' happiness is essential to look at before we decide to act.  Resources: Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

This week I want to talk to you about judgement from the Internal Family Systems and parts therapy perspective. We’ll go over what judgement really is and what questions you can ask yourself to get to the root of judgement both towards yourself and towards other people, including the narcissist. What You Will Learn In This Episode: 
 How to look at judgement as one of the parts in our system The protective role of judgement The wounded younger parts hiding under someone’s judgemental behaviour Three questions to ask yourself when you recognise judgement in yourself How to approach judgement with compassion and curiosity It is definitely not pleasant to be on the receiving end of somebody else’s judgment, but I’m also inviting you to check in with yourself. How much are you judging other people? Because that's just a protector part showing up to protect you from your wounded younger parts. Resources: Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

This week we talk about the possibility of curing a narcissist, and what we can do to make our situation better. Is it possible at all to get beyond their protector parts, and heal that wounded inner child that is responsible for their narcissistic behaviour?   What You Will Learn In This Episode: - What the real chances are of curing a narcissist - How a covert narcissist turns things around and gaslights us - The lack of ownership and of sense of responsibility in narcissists - The difficulty of helping someone who thinks they don’t need help - How to be compassionate towards the narcissist and still keep them accountable for their behaviour As narcissists are a product of a childhood trauma, it is okay to be compassionate and empathetic. We need to accept that it is impossible to help someone who doesn't acknowledge they need help.  Resources: - Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  - Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

Today we talk about a pivotal moment in our relationship with a narcissist - what happens when they know we know? What is their reaction when we let them know we know who and what they are? Is it a good idea to let them know that? Let's find out. What You Will Learn In This Episode: The similarity between starting point of narcissists and codependents How to release the legacy burden that we’ve got from our parents  What happens when the protector parts cover the narcissist's true self The effects of highlighting a narcissist's inner wounds When we confront a narcissist with the truth about who they are, we force them to face their younger wounded parts. That makes their system go into overdrive, and their protector parts become an army pointing all their guns at us. We must ignore that and focus on our recovery and healing OUR wounded parts.  Resources: Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

The question I get asked lots of times is - why does the narcissist do this to me? What have I ever done? I'm a nice person. I'm gonna get real with you in this episode and explain this in two parts. Let’s dive in. What You Will Learn in This Episode: How we create false reasons for why the narcissist treats us the way they do The triangle in Internal Family Systems - True Self, Exile, Protector How Exile and Protector parts show up in both narcissist and yourself How you become a magnet for a narcissist How you can flip the question and ask yourself why you are allowing a narcissist to do that to you Your power is not trying to change a narcissist, but recognise what it is about you that makes you feel the way that you do and attract people like that into your life. Because when you change that, you change everything. Resources: Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/