*This episode originally aired on January 28, 2023.Jonathan Bastian talks with Harvard Medical School Professor of Psychiatry Robert Waldinger about his latest book, “The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness.” Waldinger is also director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the home of the world’s longest-running studies on happiness. The project has followed 724 men — ranging from “Harvard sophomores to inner-city Boston boys” — and their subsequent spouses and families, since 1938, and now encompasses three generations of people.  Waldinger says that although there is no blood test for happiness, researchers are able to examine and evaluate happiness from various angles.  “We ask people, ‘Are you happy? How happy are you?’ We also ask other people, their partners, their kids and follow their work lives,” he explains, adding that psychologist Sonya Lubomirski calculated that “about 50% of our happiness is determined by inborn factors, about 10% is determined by what our life circumstances are right now, and the remaining 40% is under our control.”  What was the surprise discovery from the study?  While it’s important to look after your health, eat right, and exercise, the most significant impact on happiness, Walindger says, was that “the quality of our relationships predicts who's gonna be happy and healthy as they get older … one of the most important things we need is a person who we know will be there for us in times of stress.” Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook. Later, Jonathan Bastian speaks with Cassie Holmes, author of “Happier Hour: How to Beat Distraction, Expand Your Time, and Focus on What Matters Most,” about maintaining a happy lifestyle. Time, Holmes says, isn’t just the problem — it’s the solution.  “Time is so important, because how we spend the hours of our days sum up to the years of our lives,” she explains. “And as we're looking to feel happier in our days and about our lives, it's crucial to understand how we invest this resource of time and to make the most of the time that we have.” Holmes offers some tools and tips on being happier and how to harness time towards doing so. She encourages people to “actually track their own time, write down what they are doing and rate coming out of that activity, on a 10 point scale, how they feel,” she says. “That will allow you to pick up on whether those ways of connecting and socializing are truly satisfying and truly fulfilling.”   

*This episode originally aired on October 25, 2023.This week, economist and author of “Wild Problems: A Guide to the Decisions That Define Us,” Russ Roberts offers a different perspective and approach to tackling some of life’s biggest challenges and decisions.

According to Chaplain Devin Sean Moss, death “informs how we live.” The idea of impermanence —the notion that everything is in a constant state of flux— and a “meditation on finitude,” Moss suggests, is a  “cheat code of sorts to making deliberate and intentional decisions and forces the hand of what are my values…to know what my core is about.”    For most people,  the subject and contemplation of death and dying is hardly a source of inpiration. We fill our lives  with work, travel,  and spending time with friends and family. These are life affirming activities to keep our minds from wandering too far down to our inevitable end.  For Devin Moss, confronting death has been both equally a sobering  and inspiring journey. As a Humanist Chaplain, Devin Moss forged a year-long bond with Phillip Hancock who was executed by the state of Oklahoma for a double murder. Moss’s experience was chronicled by the New York Times and the subject of an earlier Life Examined. More: Facing death without God: Spiritual care in the final hours of a death row inmate Today, Moss writes and hosts the podcast The Adventures of Memento Mori in which he explores the science, mysticism, culture, and mystery of death. Moss regularly grapples with his own mortality and says its a mistake for our culture to shy away from the topic - “the inability to talk about it on a societal level has very harmful byproducts.” Moss suggests that the message society perpetuates is that there is a misunderstanding of what it means to be finite, and that “everything is limitless.”   And when it comes to death itself, Moss urges listeners not to be deterred by fear or not knowing what to do or say. “Just be okay with the unknown and do all that you can do to make it about the other person, to heck with being good at it or knowing what you're doing.” For Moss, it’ss “the ability, not what I can learn from this person as they pass, but more like, how can I ensure that their passing is maintained as a sacred act within a sacred space.”  Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook.

This week James Danckert, psychology professor at the University of Waterloo in Ontario and co-author of “Out of My Skull: The Psychology of Boredom,” provides some tips for parents to deal with kids who say they are bored.  As boredom is a natural occurrence, Danckert advises parents not to over schedule their kids or find things to keep them busy. Instead, whenever they can, parents should stand back more and allow their kids to take more agency in how to navigate being bored.    This segment with James Danckert is from an upcoming episode of Life Examined.

Finding an ideal partner can be an elusive quest. Over the past three decades, attitudes on relationship roles and dynamics have shifted. Thanks to online dating, people of all ages have the opportunity to cast a wider net, expanding their horizons and redefining their expectations.  The journey doesn't stop at finding a partner; maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship is the ultimate goal. As challenges arise, seeking support from a therapist before issues become deeply rooted can prove to be one of the most effective ways to foster a lasting connection. 

When it comes to relationships, a friendship can hold a far more nuanced and significant place in our hearts, than perhaps we fully appreciate. The Platonic relationship, an ideal talked about by the ancient Greek Philosopher Plato, recognizes the existence of a closeness of mind and soul between two people, absent of any physical attraction. This kind of affection and tenderness is captured in letters and stories throughout history — friendships that have been as deep and intimate, meaningful, and powerful as any romantic relationship, and, says author Raina Cohen, “friendships could be the thing that makes life feel full and complete.”

This week, Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development and co-author of “The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness,” talks about the merits of meditation. As a Zen practitioner Waldinger says meditation has helped him stay present, connect with the richness of life and worry less about the things that really don’t matter.

In today’s job market, “good communication skills” is often listed as a top requirement. This essential ability not only helps you connect and collaborate with others but also effectively express your needs within the workplace. Strong communicators can unite us, foster positivity, and create a sense of shared potential. Moreover, today’s technology has made communication more accessible and rapid than ever before.  Despite all the advances in tech, true connection remains elusive and we often fail to make meaningful connections with the people in our live who matter. The art of conversation is complex but science can offer insights into why these connections are so challenging to achieve. According to Charles Duhigg, author of Supercommunicators; How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection, “our ability to communicate with each other is the thing that has set our species apart and made us so successful compared to other species.” When Charles noticed challenges in his own communication, he turned to science for answers. Advances in neuroimaging have allowed neuroscientists and psychologists to uncover that “every discussion is made up of multiple different kinds of conversations,” and they tend to fall into three buckets. “Practical conversations where we're talking about solving problems, emotional conversations where I tell you what I'm feeling,” and “social conversations, about how we interact with each other and interact with society.”  “Super communicators,” Duhigg says, have the ability to “ listen for what kind of conversation is happening” and are able to “match back.” The science behind this, as Duhigg explains it, is called  "neural entrainment"— the synchronization of neural activity that is both fundamental to and the goal of communication. The reason super communicators can make a conversation feel effortless, leaving you feeling positive is because “you've achieved that neural synchronization. Your brain has evolved to give you a reward sensation associated with that. Connection is felt deep within the body and “our brains have evolved to encourage this kind of communication, to encourage this kind of bonding…since it's been so helpful to survival.”  Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook.

This week, Kemi Nekvapil, leadership coach and author of “Power: A Woman’s Guide to Living and Leaving without Apology” shares a couple of power practices that can help women and especially women of color feel more empowered and reconnect with who they are. When it comes to standing in one's own power, Nekvapil says, practice, role play and experimentation are essential tools in helping to help change existing behavior patterns.This episode of Life Examined with Kemi Nekvapil was originally broadcast October 15th, 2023

There may be no greater pain in life than that of losing a child; the gaping hole felt when a young life is abruptly cut short, leaving parents to deal with a void that can be difficult to comprehend, and a journey to make sense of the heartache that follows. For poet Rosemerry Wahtula Trommer, the pain is palpable and the grief — the kind of grief only a mother can know — remains unwavering . Tragically, her son Finn took his own life just before reaching his 17th birthday. In the wake of this unimaginable tragedy, Trommer found herself irrevocably changed; it was through the power of words and poetry that she began to find solace amid her sorrow. Despite the lasting  grief in her heart, Trommer is also profoundly grateful to her son. “He my teacher.  How much that boy taught me all the things I didn't want to know. I never wanted to learn that things couldn't be fixed. I never wanted to learn that I couldn't be perfect, that I couldn't make the world the way I wanted it. And he taught me again and again and again, how to say yes to the world as it is.”  Reflecting on how she now sees the world, Trommer is struck by  “the sweetness and the bitterness, the joy and the grief, the love and the loss and how, as humans, this is what we're asked to meet over and over and over.”   Grief, Trommer says, demonstrates a powerful paradox. It’s central to who we are as humans. It’s “ever mysterious and ever changing and so deeply sorrowful and so profoundly loving,” at the same time.   “Maybe this is the thing that's most exciting for me right now – is this sense of not believing anymore that we're supposed to be happy. That in fact, some of the most profound, wonderful life-affirming, moments have been so difficult.”   “Meeting Your Death” Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer  Because there are no clear instructions,I follow what rises up in me to do.I fall deeper into love with you.I look at old pictures.I don’t look at old pictures.I talk about you. I say nothing.I walk. I sit. I lie in the grassand let the earth hold me.I lie on the sidewalk, dissolveinto sky. I cry. I don’t cry.I ask the world to help me stay open.I ask again, please, let me feel it all.I fall deeper in love with the peoplestill living. I fall deeper in lovewith the world that is left—this world with its springand its war and its mornings,this world with its fruitsthat ripen and rot and reseed,this world that insistswe keep our eyes wide,this world that openswhen our eyes are closed.Because there are no clear instructions,I learn to turn toward the love that is here,though sometimes what is here is what’s not.There are infinite ways to do this right.That is the only way. Delve deeper into life, philosophy, and what makes us human by joining the Life Examined discussion group on Facebook.