SuperPsyched with Dr. Adam Dorsay

An artifact of our brains is a default mode that may nudge us toward being bystanders and toward conforming.  While that feature may have been important to our survival at one point, it inhibits us from standing up for justice. Social psychology experiments that look at conformity and the bystander effect provide stark reminders of these facts. To override our brain’s tendency to stay quiet in the face of injustice and,  instead, to choose to be an ally and an  upstander may require thought, preparation, and education.  Speaking to the importance of standing up for our fellow humans, Holocaust Survivor, Eli Wiesel once said, “The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.”  He also said, “Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” And that is why I feel compelled to discuss this important topic to better understand the experiences of being Asian American, the subtle and covert racism they face, and how we can all be better allies.  This is a topic that understandably incurs anger, sadness, and urgency, and you can hear these throughout the interview. And, my guest, Dr. Sherry Wang is a great person to help us know what we need to know on this topic.  She is a licensed psychologist, researcher, an anti-racist educator, and a professor of psychology at Santa Clara University.  Since the start of COVID-19, she has been featured, cited, and interviewed in the media on the topic of anti-Asian racism, xenophobia, and cross-racial coalition-building. So, join Dr. Wang and me as we talk about being allies to our Asian American brothers and sisters.

Infidelity: Nearly Everything We Should Know About It Britney Blair, PsyD, CBSM, AASECT CST Our primary romantic relationships tend to occupy most sensitive places in our hearts. Because of this, the aftermath of an affair can be profoundly painful and even traumatizing. And yet, affairs are not uncommon as you will hear in this episode. What can be done to prevent an affair from happening? And how can a person—or the couple—recover afterward? The expert I chose to answer these and other important questions related to infidelity is Dr. Brittany Blair. Dr. Blair is a clinical psychologist and is board certified in both sleep and sexual medicine. She is a sought-after speaker at venues around the globe and well published in the areas of sleep and sexual medicine both for the academic and popular press. Dr. Blair on the faculty at The Stanford Center for Sleep Sciences and Medicine and the Co-Founder and Chief Science Officer of Lover (https://www.lover.io/), a digital platform designed to resolve sexual problems and optimize sexual wellness. So, join Dr. Blair and me as we discuss infidelity prevention, recovery, and nearly everything else a person should know about it.

What is the biggest predictor of our happiness? According to a study conducted for over 80 years at Harvard, it is love. Full stop. But our brains can go to fear and other places that interfere with sustainable, loving relationships. While our brains have evolved to ensure we continue to multiply and increase the population of our species, those same brains haven’t simply evolved to improve long-term relationships without some assistance. Fortunately, my guest, Dr. Stan Tatkin (https://www.thepactinstitute.com/), has the assistance all of us need! Stan is a couple therapist, a neuroscientist, and a UCLA Medical School clinical professor who has studied how our brains function and malfunction when it comes to love. His latest book, We Do, is easily one of the finest books I have ever read on relationships. Stan brilliantly weaves neuroscience, Attachment Theory, and so many other research-driven findings into a user-friendly and comprehensive model of how we love. His model called PACT, which stands for “Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy,” can improve anyone's love life in dramatic and unforeseen ways. So, join Stan and me as we talk about how you can increase your happiness through improving your long-term love relationship. Book link: https://amzn.to/3NrhMLB This is an affiliate link. It will provide me with a small commission on purchases made through it and help the podcast (but it won’t affect the price you pay).

On any given day, we’ve got tons of information coming at us—and much of it is negative—so we can easily feel overwhelmed. And when we are overwhelmed, we can become numb making it difficult to keep our hearts open to family, friends, and life in general. Some of us may even believe that keeping our hearts open is a bad idea. Yet, when our hearts are closed, we can lose so much of the richness of life. How can we keep our hearts open so that we can experience life fully while being mindful of how to protect ourselves? Here to answer that question is a person I have considered a teacher for many years. Dr. Leonard Felder is a psychologist in private practice in Los Angeles and the author of several excellent books including his most recent, Keeping Your Heart Open: How to Overcome the Things That Make Us Numb, Cynical, or Burned Out. Len is a great teacher and a very seasoned psychologist. His books have sold over 1,000,000 copies and he has been a frequent guest on major media outlets including the Oprah Winfrey show. So, listen in as Len and I have an openhearted and lively conversation about keeping our hearts open. Book link: https://amzn.to/43XcMUu This is an affiliate link. It will provide me with a small commission on purchases made through it and help the podcast (but it won’t affect the price you pay).

What is it about the beautiful smell of barbecue smoke? I adore it and I am not alone. It seems to hit a deep, primal nerve within us. Its allure may summon our inner cave dweller. Or it may remind us of camping, holidays, cookouts, or other positive memories. For my guest, Adrian Miller (www.adrianmiller.com), it also taps into roots of his African American heritage. And I am so excited to have him on my podcast. Adrian is a legitimate Renaissance man. After graduating Stanford, he got his law degree from Georgetown, became a special assistant to President Bill Clinton, became a certified barbecue competition judge, won a James Beard-award for his scholarship as an author of one of his several books, and, as a deeply spiritual man, he serves on the Colorado Council of Churches. I was particularly interested in his latest book, Black Smoke, which Kirkus Reviews describes as an “essential reader for history buffs and barbecue lovers alike.” So, join Adrian and me as he reveals the psychological, historical, cultural, and technical aspects of barbecue. Book link: https://amzn.to/43ZB146 This is an affiliate link. It will provide me with a small commission on purchases made through it and help the podcast (but it won’t affect the price you pay).

You know that feeling when someone really gets you? And I'm sure you also know the vastly different experience of not feeling understood or being with someone who appears tone deaf to who you are. Empathy is a big part of the difference, and it matters. Empathy is fundamental, learnable, and it is one of the skills that defines us as people. And yet, empathy is a commonly misunderstood skill. I am so happy to have an empathy expert to provide clarity and show us how to grow it and to explain how it will improve our lives. My guest, Maria Ross, is a brand strategist, TEDx speaker, and an author who has written a must-read book called The Empathy Edge. Simply put, her book shines a light the importance of empathy in our personal lives and in the workplace. Indeed, this one trait can be the difference maker for whether a relationship or company succeeds or fails. Business luminaries love her book and one sums up the lion’s share of accolades by saying it’s “a must-read for every manager and executive.” I agree wholeheartedly and would add it’s a must-read for every person, regardless of their work. Book link: https://amzn.to/43Fd3vk This is an affiliate link. It will provide me with a small commission on purchases made through it and help the podcast (but it won’t affect the price you pay).

With the Tokyo Olympics on people’s minds, I thought it would be good to have at least one episode focused on Japan, a country I love.  I had the incredible pleasure of living there for nearly three years. It was a place of endless fascination for me. It was also a place where I could learn more deeply about psychology itself because it was so culturally different from my home in the United States. It allowed me to question phenomena I took for granted and, doing so, it gave me greater insight into this experience of being human. One of my great teachers—at least through his writing—was my guest on this episode, Robert Whiting (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Whiting). Bob has written several books on Japanese baseball that describe Japanese culture by how the game is approached in Japan. His books have been read regularly in academic institutions, governmental institutions, and at least two sitting US presidents have read his books to better understand their important ally.  The San Francisco Chronicle described one of these books as not only one of the best baseball books ever but “one of the best-written sports books ever.” I agree. And while I have read many books about Japan, his most recent, Tokyo Junkie, is one of the best books on Japan I've read. It chronicles his fascinating 60-year relationship with the city of Tokyo, as it grew from a post-war city to its present state of an international economic hub. He also shares stories about his relationships with famous wrestlers, baseball players, politicians, and even members of Tokyo’s crime syndicate. So, listen in as Bob and I talk about living as an ex-pat in Tokyo as well as how one can understand Japan far better by understanding how it approaches baseball. Book link: https://amzn.to/3X7WbLx This is an affiliate link. It will provide me with a small commission on purchases made through it and help the podcast (but it won’t affect the price you pay).

I was recently on vacation and reading a psychology magazine. Yeah, I am such a psychology geek that I enjoy reading about it even when I’m relaxing by a pool! An article that captured my attention was one on how to apologize well. I kept thinking about it long after I finished the article, so I looked up the article’s author, Dr. Molly Howes, and found she has written a great book on apologies. As soon as I got home, I read her book and contacted her for the interview that you’ll hear in a few minutes. In the book, Dr. Howes describes the four steps on delivering a good apology. It's such a crucial topic. Whether at work or at home, it’s our relationships that truly matter. And the ability to apologize is a skill all of us will inevitably need. So, knowing how to apologize can make the difference between a great relationship and a lost relationship. My guest, Dr. Molly Howes, is a Harvard-trained clinical psychologist who has written the ultimate guide with clear examples of how and how not to apologize in her book, A Good Apology. The book has been hailed by the press and luminaries in psychology like Dr. Edward Hallowell who describes it as “The definitive book on how to make an apology that actually matters,” and Dr. Chris Germer, who echoes my own thoughts by saying, “I hope the whole world reads this book.” So, join Molly and me as we engage in a lively and informative conversation about the essential skill of apologizing. Book link: https://amzn.to/3qLnb7a This is an affiliate link. It will provide me with a small commission on purchases made through it and help the podcast (but it won’t affect the price you pay).

I just upgraded my MacBook to iOS 11.5.  I’m told it will deal with bugs that the last upgrade couldn’t. Meanwhile, my brain and the brains in all of us haven’t really had an upgrade for about 35,000 years. Despite all the incredible strengths of this version of our brains, there are plenty of bugs including issues with memory, biases, and other shortcomings.  But what’s exciting is if we are aware of those bugs, we can make far better use of what we have. To walk us through this insight, I called on my friend, Dr. Matthew Prull.  Matt is a cognitive psychologist and a professor at Whitman College. His extensive research on how our brains work—and how they don’t—is widely published.  You will appreciate Matt’s ability to convey complex information in a very understandable and user-friendly manner. And a funny side note: Matt and I were in the same high school garage band, Café of Regret! He was an incredible guitarist, and we touch on the fact that, long after I had left the band, they kept going and even once opened for A Flock of Seagulls!  He describes that event using certain cognitive psychological terms that will help you better understand your brain.  He also describes a fascinating finding called the Reminiscence Bump that explains why the music of our teens may have a stronger emotional hit than other music. So, listen in as Matt and I have an entertaining and information-packed discussion to help you with your very own Brain Owner’s Manual!

Hello, Dear Listeners! It is summer 2021 and I am taking a bit of a break from releasing new episodes but here is a brief update on the podcast including some exciting news: SuperPsyched has been nominated as a finalist for a 2021 Sharecare Award! Listen in for more info and expect a new and regular batch of episodes coming in the forthcoming weeks!