The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

Relationships are one of the most basic human needs, but building healthy relationships takes self-awareness and work. While we talk a lot about behaviors that can make a relationship unhealthy, such as narcissism and gaslighting (which are both more than unhealthy – they’re abuse), I thought it was time to talk about what makes a relationship a keeper.  What traits can you look to as your benchmark to see if your relationship is healthy and what should you aspire to if you’re working on creating healthier relationships in your life? In this episode, I’m sharing eight traits that healthy relationships have in common – whether that’s a relationship with a partner, friend, family member or anyone!    Listen to discover: The 8 qualities of a healthy relationship What an apology is and what it isn’t How to have open, honest communication Relationship truths to live by This doesn’t mean you have to get this right 100% of the time to be healthy, but healthy people DO work to repair mistakes and deepen connection, and that is what these practices will help you do. Remember that, while it takes two to tango, you can change the dance of your relationship just by working on yourself. As you live more authentically from your Adult Chair, you will find the way you respond to others and the way you show up and communicate changes. If you’re in a relationship with another healthy individual, they will be drawn to match your energy and meet you with more authenticity, vulnerability and openness – the keys to connection.  “We don’t need to change other people to become who we want them to be.” - Michelle Chalfant   “If you hurt someone you care about, you apologize.” - Michelle Chalfant   “People in healthy relationships are interested in knowing what you need.” - Michelle Chalfant   “We remember to use the word ‘I’ and not ‘you.’ We express OUR needs.” - Michelle Chalfant   “Relationships take work – they really do.” - Michelle Chalfant    LINKS & RESOURCES  Episode #302: Gaslighting 101 https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/302-gaslighting-101/    Episode #301: Narcissism 101: What It Is & How To Heal It https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/301/    Episode #261: How to Receive a Boundary from Your Adult Chair https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/261/    Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/    MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification  https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

When we think of trauma, many of us think of war, a car accident or a major, life-altering event. Though all of these events are certainly traumatic, they are only one type of trauma – what we often call “big T” trauma.   But there are many other forms of subtler trauma, including small events that happen over and over again (especially in childhood), that overwhelm our nervous systems and shape the way we move through the world. I would argue that most humans have had some sort of trauma in their lives, and you’d be surprised by how many times I’ve sat with clients who didn’t even know they had trauma. Heck, it took me decades to realize I had trauma from childhood!    I think this is partly because trauma is such a loaded word, so on today’s show, I’m talking with a trauma expert, Ilene Smith, about what trauma actually is, how to notice if we’re living with trauma and how to heal it.   Listen to discover:   What trauma is  Clues that you might be living with trauma How trauma affects attachment style as adults  What trauma bonding is How to heal a dysregulated nervous system  Steps to heal trauma starting today      Here’s the thing about trauma: it has less to do with what actually happened (the event) and everything to do with how that event was interpreted and processed by our nervous system. Even small things can be overwhelming to the nervous system when they happen over time, when we’re children (because we don’t have any filters or discernment) and/or when we don’t have a strong sense of safety and support to help us process the painful events of our lives. And once our nervous system has been “trained” to react a certain way, it can get stuck there even once the trauma is over.   Bringing a sense of safety back to the nervous system is key to building up resilience and allowing yourself to process the stuck fight, flight or freeze energy. This happens in the body, which means the ability to heal your nervous system is as close to you as you are to yourself. I hope this episode brings you some lightbulb moments on what might be happening in your body and how you can begin to connect and heal.   “People often think of trauma as an event, but it's really the energy that gets locked in the body around real or perceived threat." - Ilene Smith   “Trauma can be a series of lots of little things.” - Ilene Smith   “The way we’re living could be the residuals of those childhood experiences.” - Ilene Smith   “As a kid growing up, we don’t know, ‘Oh wait, I’m emotionally not safe.’” - Michelle Chalfant    “When there’s childhood trauma, relationships are much harder when you enter adulthood.” - Ilene Smith   “There’s usually something unhealed if we can’t attach in healthy ways.” - Ilene Smith   “When we get into reactivity, we don’t get into our experience.” - Ilene Smith   “The healing journey is about the body.” - Michelle Chalfant    “When you think about going towards a distraction, think about what it might be like to get into your body in a safe way.” - Ilene Smith      LINKS & RESOURCES  Ilene Smith Website https://ilenesmith.com/    Ilene Smith Instagram https://www.instagram.com/ilenesmithhealing/    “Moving Beyond Trauma” (Ilene Smith book) https://movingbeyondtrauma.co/    ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Test https://www.acesaware.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/ACE-Questionnaire-for-Adults-Identified-English.pdf    The Adult Chair® Membership (March Theme: Self-compassion) https://theadultchair.com/membership/    The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/  MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification  https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Do you know what anxiety really feels like? I’m not talking about the emotions of fear or stress, but what it feels like in your body.   So many of us live with anxiety and don’t even know it because it’s SO physical. It’s even easy to mistake it for physical disease, like heart issues or digestive issues.   That was the case for Abbe Greenberg and Maggie Sarachek, two soul sisters who are both mental health professionals and the founders of Anxiety Sisters, a supportive community for those living with anxiety. Though they can now see how their anxiety began showing up in early childhood, for years, they bounced from doctor to doctor and even spent time in the hospital before realizing the root cause of their suffering was anxiety.   This began their passion to help raise awareness around anxiety and help anxiety sufferers learn how to live full, happy lives – anxiety and all. We had an incredible conversation about all things anxiety and how to heal it, and I resonated with so many parts of their story…these ladies are the real deal!   Listen to discover: Our stories of recognizing and healing anxiety How anxiety manifests as physical symptoms The power of acceptance in managing anxiety Why connection is key to healing anxiety How to pack a "spin kit" so you'll be prepared when anxiety strikes The difference between anxiety and a panic attack How to overcome phobias and agoraphobia I know I have a lot of favorite topics, but anxiety is one I really feel we can't talk about enough. Too many people in the world are suffering from anxiety without even knowing it, and we have so many tools – from our support system to our sensory system – to help us find peace and balance in life. It’s not about never feeling anxious again but learning how to find your own brand of happiness and how to take charge so anxiety no longer runs the show. "I still didn't have the vocabulary or the words to make these connections of what I was feeling and how that was connected to anxiety."  - Maggie Sarachek   "Anxiety becomes really debilitating when it's in the driver's seat." - Abbe Greenberg   "I think there is this process of accepting anxiety." - Maggie Sarachek   "Acceptance doesn't mean anything other than, 'This is where I am.’" - Michelle Chalfant   "Our brand of happy is anxious happy." - Abbe Greenberg   "Anxiety can no longer sneak up on you. And when it can't sneak up on you, it takes away two thirds of its power." - Abbe Greenberg   "No two people have the same exact anxiety and panic." - Michelle Chalfant   LINKS & RESOURCES Anxiety Sisters Website https://anxietysisters.com/   Anxiety Sisters Facebook https://www.facebook.com/anxietysisters *Home of a Tuesday night book club + supportive community   The Spin Cycle (Anxiety Sisters Podcast) https://anxietysisters.com/podcasts/   "The Anxiety Sisters' Survival Guide" (Anxiety Sisters Book) https://anxietysisters.com/anxiety-sisters-survival-guide/     Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/   The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification   STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

You love them, and you think they love you…so why does it feel like you’re going crazy so often in your relationship?    You leave conversations feeling confused, questioning your reality and maybe even questioning your own sanity.   You might be in a relationship with a gaslighter.   Gaslighting is a term that is thrown around frequently, but it is far more than someone questioning us or challenging us. Gaslighting is intentional, manipulative and designed to whittle away someone’s self-confidence. In short, it’s abuse.   Though gaslighting often happens in romantic relationships with narcissists, it can also happen in friendships and family relationships, with men and women and with people who don’t struggle with narcissistic traits but who might struggle with control issues or other mental disorders.    In this episode, I’m sharing what gaslighting is, what it looks like in real life and ways to tell if you’re being gaslighted.    Listen to discover: What gaslighting is What it looks like and sounds like 5 tactics of a gaslighter 2 signs you might be in a relationship with a gaslighter What to do if you're being gaslighted  The term “gaslighting” actually comes from a 1944 movie about a man who tries to make his wife think she’s going insane…and that is exactly how being gaslighted feels – crazy making!  If you are experiencing this type of abuse, you can start the healing process by building up self-worth and finding people who can help guide you back to what is true about you and your life. The more connected you are to yourself, the better you will be able to see what is real and what is not and make decisions about how to move forward. "Gaslighting – let's be clear – it's abusive." - Michelle Chalfant   "If someone is gaslighting you, you're going to feel confused, and confused a lot." - Michelle Chalfant   "Gaslighting is all about manipulation, power and control." - Michelle Chalfant   "'I'm sorry you feel that way,' is not an apology." - Michelle Chalfant   "When the person that you love keeps speaking to you like this, it wears you down." - Michelle Chalfant   "A gaslighter is the eternal victim." - Michelle Chalfant   "If someone is gaslighting you, stay in your own reality. Do not challenge them...you'll never win." - Michelle Chalfant   LINKS & RESOURCES    Episode #301: Narcissism 101: What It Is & How To Heal It https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/301/    The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification  https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Narcissism is such a buzzword these days...it can be tempting to throw the label at anyone in our lives who isn't healthy or who is a little bit full of themselves. While I love that psychology is so accessible and that the world has a lot more awareness of narcissism than in the past, it’s so important to understand what narcissism really is, so we can spot it and heal from it – whether you are in a relationship with a narcissist or believe you’re a narcissist yourself.    In this episode, I’m breaking down the core traits of narcissism (it’s more than just a big ego), the childhood wounding that leads to narcissism and the steps you can take to heal the painful effects of narcissism.   Listen to discover: What narcissism is The top traits of narcissism  How narcissism forms How to spot narcissist red flags in a relationship  Breaking down "love bombing," "gaslighting" and other common narcissistic tactics (with examples)  How to heal if you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist How a narcissist can heal Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be incredibly painful. It’s often filled with emotional abuse and manipulation, put downs and a lack of empathy that can be incredibly confusing and damaging to our sense of self. If you’re experiencing any type of abuse in a relationship, get out!  At the same time, it’s important to remember we’re all human, and the narcissist is also in pain from deep childhood wounding that has caused them to cover up their true selves. With awareness, any of us can heal, and I hope this episode helps shed some light on the topic of narcissism and gives you practical tips for healing, whether you’re recovering from a relationship with a narcissist or have narcissistic traits yourself.  "Let's be really clear: true narcissism is a personality disorder." - Michelle Chalfant   "Narcissists can love, but they can't empathize. They can't feel their emotions, so how in the world are they supposed to connect to your emotions?" - Michelle Chalfant   "Narcissism is a mask." - Michelle Chalfant   "They inflate their sense of self to feel important in the world." - Michelle Chalfant   "At the root of both these narcissistic pathways is deep shame." - Michelle Chalfant   "The narcissist just wants admiration from you, and once they hook you, everything starts to change." - Michelle Chalfant   “You did not get into the relationship knowing what you know now. In a sense, you were tricked.”  - Michelle Chalfant   “Anybody can heal that wants to heal. Anybody.” - Michelle Chalfant   LINKS & RESOURCES    Adult Chair Podcast Episodes on Feeling Emotions https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/?sterm=emotions    The Adult Chair® Membership (February Theme: Crack your mask) https://theadultchair.com/membership/   MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification  https://theadultchair.com/certification   STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Are you convinced you’re just bad at boundaries? Do you worry this is a trait that you were born without and you’re just destined to feel taken advantage of and resentful for the rest of your life?   The truth is that no one is born good at boundaries! They’re not something you have or don’t have; they’re a skill you develop. That’s right – you CAN become a boundary boss!   My guest today, Terri Cole, is a boundary boss herself and a licensed psychotherapist who helps people from all walks of life overcome the “disease to please,” speak their truth clearly and confidently and live more free, peaceful lives. We talk about how our boundary scripts form (and why it’s not your fault), how to navigate conflict in a healthier way and a POWERFUL list of “boundary rights” you have that will inspire you to take more control of your life today!   Listen to discover: Why boundaries are so hard to set Steps to stop abandoning yourself and set better boundaries “The Boundary Boss Bill of Rights” (this is SO powerful!) How to handle pushback against boundaries What to do about boundary "repeat offenders" The cool thing about boundaries is that once you start setting them, it gets easier and easier. Though some people will push back against your boundaries, you might be surprised by the amount of appreciation and respect you get from others when you begin setting boundaries.  You will learn that conflict doesn’t equal disconnection – in fact, boundaries deepen connection and prevent resentment – and you will really experience what it feels like to be loved for your authentic self. And once you know how that feels, there is no turning back! “We all have this downloaded boundary blueprint in our unconscious mind.” - Terri Cole   “It’s your own personal rules of engagement…All of our boundaries are incredibly unique.” - Terri Cole   “We were raised and praised — most of us — for being self-abandoning codependents.” - Terri Cole   “It’s so much easier to say no when you haven’t already said yes.” - Terri Cole   "'Isn't self-care selfish?' No, it's self-loving!" - Michelle Chalfant   "Once you start doing it, it feels so good to be known. It feels so good to be accurately seen." - Terri Cole   "We can stay lovingly attached to the people in our lives while we set boundaries." - Terri Cole   LINKS & RESOURCES    Terri Cole Website https://www.terricole.com/   Terri Cole Instagram https://www.instagram.com/terricole/    “Boundary Boss” (Terri Cole book) https://boundarybossbook.com/    The Terri Cole Show (Terri Cole podcast) https://www.terricole.com/podcast/    Free Boundaries + Codependency Resource from Terri Cole https://boundaryboss.me/michelle     Episode #140: Love and Boundaries with Terri Cole https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/140-love-and-boundaries-with-terri-cole/    Episode #261: How to Receive a Boundary from Your Adult Chair https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/261/    The Adult Chair® Membership (February Theme: Crack your mask) https://theadultchair.com/membership/   MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification  https://theadultchair.com/certification   STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

A month-long trip to Europe might sound like a dream, but for Gabrielle Stone, it was one more curveball during one of the hardest years of her life.   After catching her husband cheating on her, getting divorced, falling head over heels for a new man and planning a dream trip to Europe with him, days before they were scheduled to leave, he told her he would be going on his own.   With a plane ticket in her name and a choice to stay home or leap from the world of “serial monogamy” to a solo adventure, Gabrielle chose the path of adventure, and in doing so, began a journey of self-discovery and healing that has become the “Eat, Pray, #FML” movement.   Alone with her emotions halfway across the world, Gabrielle started journaling and reflecting on herself and the patterns in her life. Through connecting with herself and discovering what self-love really means, she healed heartbreak, trauma and abandonment, and today, she vulnerably and authentically shares her journey with the hope of inspiring others.   Listen to discover:   Gabrielle's story of healing from abandonment, trauma, divorce and depression  Practical, tangible ways to love yourself Gabrielle's "self-love cocktail" and how you can create your own The "thought onion" process for working with negative and subconscious thoughts The connection between trauma and the relationships we attract   Gabrielle is relatable, funny and honest as she talks about life, relationships and changing our unhealed patterns so we can change our lives. I hope her story is an inspiration to anyone who needs to feel like you’re not alone and find joy in the healing process.   "That relationship was really what pushed me to go heal a lot of this abandonment stuff." - Gabrielle Stone   "There's something very therapeutic about physically writing in a journal." -  Gabrielle Stone   "When I realized that loving yourself is as simple as giving your soul the things it loves, it totally changed everything for me." - Gabrielle Stone   "We don't take enough time – down time – to get to know who we are." - Michelle Chalfant    "When you keep attracting the same kind of people into your life, you have to look inward." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES    Gabrielle Stone Website https://www.eatprayfml.com/    Gabrielle Stone Instagram https://www.instagram.com/gabriellestone/    Gabrielle Stone TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@gabrielle_stone    “Eat, Pray, #FML” (Gabrielle Stone book) https://www.amazon.com/Eat-Pray-FML-Gabrielle-Stone/dp/1733963707    “The Ridiculous Misadventures of a Single Girl” (Gabrielle Stone book) https://www.amazon.com/Ridiculous-Misadventures-Single-Girl-Pray/dp/B09G5GRJJM    FML Talk (Gabrielle Stone podcast) https://www.eatprayfml.com/fml-talk    The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!) https://theadultchair.com/certification MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!) https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

All of us have an inner critic – the part that reminds us of our limits, our failures and tries to “keep us in line.” It’s that voice inside your head that can be critical, judgmental and even mean. Though it’s just one part of who we are, the inner critic is one of those parts that can be especially painful and stressful to deal with.   Not only does the inner critic impact our sense of self-worth, but it also keeps us stuck and small in life (although it thinks it’s keeping us safe). We will often find this part standing between us and the dreams that are in our heart, telling us all the reasons why we can’t or shouldn’t.   That is what Adult Chair® Coach Jenny Jansen encountered when she was considering joining The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Program. She knew her heart was telling her to take the leap, but her inner critic dialed the volume up and tried to keep her stuck in fear.    In this episode, Jenny tells the story of how she used The Adult Chair® to work with and transform her inner critic and how that was the first step toward living a life where she feels purposeful, energized and successful. Jenny shares a detailed example of doing her own parts work, helping illustrate what this work looks like in real life and how transformational it is.   Listen to discover: How Jenny transformed her inner critic from her Adult Chair The tools Jenny used to work with her inner critic  A beautiful parts work example from Jenny’s work How Jenny overcame her fears about The Adult Chair Coaching Certification and became an amazingly successful coach As Jenny worked with her inner critic, she discovered that underneath the blame and shame it was throwing her way was fear. This is usually the case for our Adolescent parts – they are afraid and want to keep us safe. When we turn towards them with our healthy Adult voice and let them know they’re ok, they transform.  Jenny’s story is a powerful example of how the goal is not to get rid of parts of ourselves but rather to integrate them into our whole self, with our healthy Adult in charge. “I feel like my inner critic was born when I was born.” - Jenny Jansen  “When I turned toward it, I realized there was so much fear underneath.” - Jenny Jansen  “The more you turn away from that voice, it gets louder.” - Michelle Chalfant  “When we’re able to turn toward those parts and get to know them, they morph.” - Michelle Chalfant “A lot of times, we mix up feeling safe with feeling familiar.” - Jenny Jansen  “What is it going to take to move your body path in line with your soul path?” - Jenny Jansen  “When we take these risks and work with these inner parts and walk through our fears, we become more authentic. We live more from our true self, our true essence, and we have an experience of it.” - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES    Jenny Jansen Website https://www.trueconsciousliving.com/    The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!) https://theadultchair.com/certification   MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!) https://theadultchair.com/certification   STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

When we think about the lives we want to live – the things we want to do and experience and the big dreams we have – the ego will give us a thousand reasons “why not.” Some of these reasons might be real traumas or health issues we have to overcome; others are figments of the ego’s imagination…fear and discomfort that scream at us to stay in the safe place.   But one thing is certain: anyone who has created more for themselves has overcome struggles and fears to build the life of their dreams.   My guest, Scout Sobel, shares her story of working through depression and bipolar disorder and overcoming fear to become a successful entrepreneur, building a company rooted in emotional health and inspiring others with her podcasts about business and self-care. She shares her healing journey, her non-negotiable practices that keep her body and mind in balance and how she continues overcoming fear daily to create a life beyond what she thought possible.   Listen to discover: How Scout became an active participant in her own healing The rituals and practices Scout uses each day to stay emotionally healthy The power of taking “radical responsibility” for our emotions The importance of not settling and how to find a framework for life that works with how you’re uniquely wired Listening to your inner compass and finding safety in your emotions Scout’s story is full of deep wisdom about how we actually grow and heal as humans. She talks about the power of acceptance, and how her life began to change when she accepted that challenges were part of being human and she took responsibility for her life and healing.  As we go into a new year, I hope this episode inspires you to take radical responsibility for YOUR dreams and make this year more than you can imagine!  “The real work is within you.” - Scout Sobel “There is no such thing as a magic pill.” - Michelle Chalfant “I think one of my biggest breakthroughs came from accepting and not resisting.” - Scout Sobel “If you’re struggling with anything, I really believe that your healing is behind that resistance.” - Scout Sobel “You have to walk through discomfort and challenging moments to get what you want in this lifetime.” - Scout Sobel “Acceptance doesn’t mean you freaking like it.” - Michelle Chalfant “If you are experiencing fear that is causing you to be paralyzed or remain stagnant in your life, I want you to ask yourself, ‘What future has fear already robbed you of?’” - Scout Sobel    LINKS & RESOURCES    Scout Sobel Website https://www.scoutsobel.com/    Scout Sobel Instagram https://www.instagram.com/scoutsobel/    Okay Sis (Scout Sobel Podcast) https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/okay-sis/id1434353917    The Emotional Entrepreneur (Scout Sobel Podcast) https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-emotional-entrepreneur-podcast/id1505252696    “The Emotional Entrepreneur” (Scout Sobel Book) https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Entrepreneur-Scout-Sobel/dp/0578951754    The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!) https://theadultchair.com/certification   MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!) https://theadultchair.com/certification   STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

In my 25 years of practicing as a therapist and holistic life coach, I found that there was one common root cause behind many of the issues my clients were facing: low self-worth. From codependency to difficulty with decisions or boundaries, not having a strong connection with the inner self was often the driving force behind these challenges.   Most of us have a tendency to look outside of ourselves for worth and validation, and building up a strong sense of who we are on the inside takes practice. One of the simplest and most powerful places to start is with self-validation.   Self-validation is when we notice who we are – our actions, thoughts and feelings – and we affirm ourselves. It’s not bragging or comparing ourselves to others but rather speaking truth to ourselves and cheering ourselves on…which not only builds up our sense of self-worth but also leads to healthier relationships as we stop looking to others to validate us.   In this episode, I’m sharing more about the power of self-validation and simple steps for how you can begin a practice of doing this every day. It literally takes seconds to do, and over time, it will change your life!    Listen to discover: What self-validation is and why it’s important The connection between self-validation and self-worth What self-validation looks like in real life Steps to starting a practice of self-validation The difference between self-validation and narcissism or bragging No one can make us feel or believe something we don’t believe about ourselves. So, if we don’t have a sense of our own self-worth, no amount of validation from others is going to give us what we need. It’s an endless cycle of approval-seeking that never fills us up.  That’s why we have to lay a foundation of self-worth and believe in our own goodness so that when others validate us, we can actually let it land and show up more authentically – as the true self that we know and love. “Self-validation starts a domino effect to help heal all of these things because self-validation starts to build self-worth.” - Michelle Chalfant “Self-validation is when we notice what we’re doing or thinking or feeling and we acknowledge it, we own it and then we give ourselves a pat on the back about it.” - Michelle Chalfant “If you want healthy relationships, start out by self-validating. It is unhealthy for us to rely on external validation.” - Michelle Chalfant “Self-validation is the healthy way to feel good about self.” - Michelle Chalfant “When you add that validation that takes seconds, my internal self gets built up, my self-worth gets built up, my sense of self becomes a little bit more positive.” - Michelle Chalfant “It’s your job to share with others what you need.” - Michelle Chalfant   LINKS & RESOURCES    The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!) https://theadultchair.com/certification   MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!) https://theadultchair.com/certification   STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant