The Forgotten Podcast

As I walk this parenting journey, I grow more and more thankful for teachers who lean into my kids. The student-teacher relationship can be a sweet one. For some students, teachers may be their only trusted adult. Needless to say, the impact of a caring teacher has the potential to be huge. My guest, Amanda Van Allen, is one of those teachers that loves her students in big ways. So, when she saw not only one student’s educational needs, but a greater need as it related to family, she knew her own family could do more to care for this student. Today, we’re talking about jumping into the role of fictive kin—taking on the characteristics of a family relationship for a child in the foster care system. It’s a role that more teachers are being asked to consider, and Amanda had some incredible insights about what she learned from going from teacher to parent in a matter of days.

Sitting down to talk with Sandra Stanley this week was a privilege! She and Andy have journeyed down this road of foster care for the past ten years and have so much wisdom to share because of it. Much like my own story, they became aware of the need to care for children in their own backyard, and this awareness led them to action. We see this all the time at TFI—awareness leads to action. Sandra shares that the road has been bumpy, filled with moments that have left their hearts both broken and encouraged. As foster parents, we come to this journey so hopeful, so ready to help and love, and yet when there is no margin— when the uncertainty overtakes you—it is easy to feel hopeless. Sandra offers hope in our conversation. We can create space in our lives so that we are not overtaken by this hopelessness. We can live and serve with joy.

The journey of foster care and adoption can feel like a rollercoaster with twists and turns, leaving you with a full range of emotions. Your expectations have gone unmet, and you may be questioning whether God really called you to this journey. Should you just get off the ride now? Recently, Jami had the opportunity to speak to this as she led a breakout session at the Replanted Conference. She vulnerably shares her own story of waiting and a failed adoption to remind you that there is purpose in the hard. 

In terms of foster care, Tori has experienced it all. Entering the system at age four; reuniting with her mom; seeing the effects of mental illness; entering the system again; moving to twelve placements; living in a group home; and finally making the decision to emancipate, Tori’s life is one of ups and downs. At moments, she wanted to be out of foster care, and at moments, it was the best option she had. Tori is real and raw and helps us learn what life in foster care is really like. We have much to learn.

Foster care begins with loss—a family broken, unable to be together. This reality weighs on biological parents who long to be reunited whether that’s a possibility or not, children who are trying to make sense of all that is happening, caseworkers who care deeply for both the biological and foster families on their caseloads, and foster families who struggle to know how to help the kiddos in their homes navigate this hard journey while also managing their own emotions. Loss feels anything but good. And yet, our guest, Trisha, an adoptee and adoptive mom, brings a message of hope to us. Rooted in the promises of God, we can mourn loss and see our grief as a gift.

Emily Schmidt opened the coffee shop of her dreams, a shop she called The Cracked Pot. People came to get quality coffee; they lingered; they built community. As a Christ-follower, though, she saw the potential for her shop to be used for something more. She learned about youth aging out of foster care and realized she could be part of their story. She could use her coffee shop for kingdom purposes. Emily’s story is an encouragement to reflect on what God has given each of us and a challenge to consider how we can use our time and resources for others.

A story of tragedy and hope, Mandy’s voice as a child who grew up in foster care is one we need to hear. Her earliest years were wrought with pain and fear, as she experienced loss in the hardest of circumstances. When she entered foster care, for the first time, she was given consistent access to a safe environment, and yet, the impact of her trauma lasted long after she arrived. Mandy shares the heartache of her beginning but also the healing that she experienced as she slowly began to trust the adults around her—adults who saw beyond her behaviors and loved her with fierce commitment.

Our guest, Tony Whitley, is no stranger to foster care. Once a child in foster care, now a foster parent and TFI Advocate, he’s seen the court process from many sides, and he’s not running from it. Tony helps shed new light on court and the players involved in the system. Today’s conversation will help you walk into court informed, knowing the purpose of the hearing you’re attending, and what your role is in the process. Use this as your launchpad as you navigate your way through the court system.

Puberty. It’s a time you may be dreading as a parent or caregiver, or maybe you’re currently walking this road with your pre-teen or teenager, and you need help! It doesn’t have to be scary. Our guest, Dr. Melody Aguayo, offers a wealth of knowledge that will help you navigate this stage of life. The changes that accompany this stage of life for our children with trauma histories can bring more challenges than other children face. There are significant differences that we, as parents, need to understand so we can support and educate our children well. Awareness is the first step, so let’s dive in!  

If you’re thinking about jumping into foster parenting and are single, this episode is for you! You can do this. Our guest, Hallie Graves, shares practical insights to help you make that decision. If you’re not a single foster parent but know someone who is, you’ll learn how to come alongside your friend in a way that’s truly impactful. We need each other!