Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Usually, we hear about too much of a good thing. Of course, we might not all agree on whether something even is a good thing. Three separate ideas have cropped up recently about our needing more of something that I, at least, believe is a good thing.More of what we don’t prefer, more polite disagreement, and more benefit of the doubt.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Karen Valencic joins me to talk about Akido and conflict, power and force, and the new black belt edition of her book Spiral Impact: The Power to Get It Done with Grace. You can learn more about Karen and her work here: https://www.karenvalencic.com/.  Conflictmastery.com will take you to: https://www.karenvalencic.com/membership-site-optin. Find Karen’s profile here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/karenvalencic/ . Contact Karen directly here:  karen@spiralimpact.comDo you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

Polarities represent an ongoing situation. They come in pairs. They are interdependent: you need them both, over time. Easy example: inhale and exhale.  Harder: when two people see things differently and each one strongly prefers the pole opposite to the one the other person prefers. We can have a natural – initial – tendency to resist seeing polarities where they exist. When we embrace polarities – even if grudgingly at first – we can make real progress. Recognizing that both poles have benefits andthat consistently tipping too far toward either one leads to negative consequences.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Paraphrasing my most recent guest, Cathy Carroll:  coaches work to have all the right questions, not all the right answers.   But when this particular challenge is part of an ongoing relationship, it’s wise to focus on questions before jumping to answers. Asking yourself,what really matters here? What are my interests? My priorities? Is this issue deeply important to me?   We often hear about the value of curiosity. Ask the other person. What are their ideas about this situation and how best to deal with it? Their priorities?Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Cathy Carroll is a leadership coach specializing in family businesses. We talk about her brand-new book – the title says it all. Hug of War: How to Lead a Family Business With Both Love and Logic. You can learn more about Cathy’s work and her book here: https://www.legacyonward.com/.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

Structure – of some kind – is an essential element of a model or framework. How would flexibility work without structure? I doubt that you would call it flexibility – the very word suggests a change from something. If there weren’t something solid to start, how could you change from it? It wouldn’t be flexibility then – just confusion, chaos, indecision, meandering, fog.  But models, frameworks, processes provide the structure that flexibility requires. Structure without flexibility? That’s also too much of a good thing. Rigid, unwavering, cookie-cutter approaches? They also invite failure.Not a spoiler alert, but a hint and a heads-up: stayed tuned for more in the coming weeks about polarities – such as structure and flexibility. Like looking at structure and flexibility as concepts to view in harmony, not in conflict. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Paul Edelman talks with me about how he works with clients to make more informed decisions, generating better results. We discuss his proprietary COImpact model, a process for better decision-making. Paul used his experience in a variety of settings to create the Context, Outcomes, Implications, and Action model – considering what he had seen to work well … and not so well. You can learn more about Paul’s work here: https://www.edelmancoaching.com/  You can email him here: paul@edelmancoaching.com and call him here: 508.847.5300.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Our emotions affect the emotions of the person we are talking to in times of stress or conflict. It’s a two-way street.  Wildly oversimplifying the neuroscience of it: when we are physically near each other, we are picking up on the hormones that the other person is experiencing.If only one of us steps aside from the negative emotions, it can have a positive effect on the other person. When I’m calmer, you are calmer. When you are calmer, I am calmer. You can think of it as breaking the negative cycle. Or, reorienting the cycle from negative to positive. You don’t need the other person to agree for you to be calmer. You don’t need to name it. By all means, do not say: “Just calm down!”  Just focus on calming yourself. As you do, you will be able to reap the benefits directly and the other person, indirectly.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

My most recent guest, Natalie McVeigh, talked with me about the neuroscience of stress and conflict. Here’s one excellent idea to highlight from our conversation. To paraphrase:There’s a lot of research on stress, and this one conclusion is key --It’s not the stimuli, it’s our response to those stimuli.First step, be aware. What am I feeling? Is my body telling me that I am stressed? Second step, try to understand what about that stimulus is stressing you. What is the perceived threat? Figuring that out may take a moment. So, buy some time. Take a breath. As a few minutes pass, you are allowing your body to calm itself. Ask a question, calmly. Ask more. Get some clarification. Try to unearth what stressed you.  To get to a place where your body drops down from high alert to a calmer place.A place where you can then be able to more easily say and do things that will serve you better and will not invite or exacerbate unnecessary negative conflict.  Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Natalie McVeigh joins me to talk about her interest in the study of neuroscience of stress and conflict and how she uses what she continues to learn about human brains, emotions, and stimuli in her work with families as a coach, consultant, and mediator. And she helps to bust a few brain myths. Here are some key points Natalie made: perception is everything. When we think about conflict we should focus not on the stimuli (which can very rarely control), but on our response to stimuli. We are 100% irrational. Our beliefs follow our behavior.Natalie recommended two books by Neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett: How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain andSeven and a Half Lessons About the Brain. She also mentioned Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them by Karl Pillemer.Find her on LinkedIn here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nataliemcveigh/Find Natalie at EisnerAmper here: https://www.eisneramper.com/about-us/professional-directory/natalie-mcveigh/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.