Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Alice Driscoll and Louise van Harrst join me today. We talk about their book, Smart Conflict: How to have hard conversations at work. Our conversation is in two parts. Today, in Part 1, we cover the foundation for the contents of the book and discuss and overview of the five Rs of their model.  And next time, in Part 2,  we continue with a deeper dive into those five Rs – noting that it is possible to jump in wherever it feels right to you in the moment.  You can learn more about their work at their company website:  https://www.thepowerhouse.company/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/   

Way back in March 2020, I published two episodes about VUCA. VUCA V - U -C- A is an acronym describing a concept that was developed by the U. S. Army War College to describe the world after the end of the Cold War. A world that was more Volatile, V; Uncertain, U: Complex, C; and Ambiguous, A.Peter Schein talked with me in Episode 361, published two weeks ago, about his book, Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling, which was published earlier this year.In the book, Peter refers to VUCAA. That’s VUCA with an additional A. The second A stands for Anxiety. Difficult enough to deal with volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity. Anxiety affects our ability to handle every one of those.What can we do about it all in the context of conflict?We can start by recognizing that we come from different perspectives.VUCAA may be our new norm.  And, we will benefit from recognizing that we won’t all experience it or deal with it the same way. And we can exercise as much grace as we can muster. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ 

My most recent guest, Peter Schein, talked with me about his book, Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling. Peter makes a distinction between Humble Inquiry and humility. The Humble Inquiry attitude does not require humility as a personality trait. Some of us do tend toward arrogance. Yet, that trait does not preclude the application of Humble Inquiry. Peter suggests thinking of Here-and-now Humility: accepting that there are times when we are dependent on each other for sharing information and achieving goals.  No one needs to undergo a complete personality makeover to embrace the art and attitude of Humble Inquiry.  But it would likely be good to move in that direction.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Peter Schein joins the show to  talk about his book, the third edition of Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling. Peter had previously written with his father, Edgar Schein, now deceased. We discuss the concept of humbly inquiring, instead of boldly telling, with the goal of building relationships. And we explore how Humble Inquiry is both an art and an attitude.  You can learn more about Peter’s work at the Organizational Culture and Leadership Institute here:  https://www.scheinocli.org/ . You can reach Peter at peter@ocli.org.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ 

“Holding off” may seem to be the opposite of jumping in, but there are some other angles.Holding off has a flavor of deliberate choice. I am thinking this through and reaching the conclusion that now is not the time. This is not the same as wimping out. It’s a decision based on a reasoned analysis. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

In the context of preventing and resolving bad conflict, “jumping in” will typically be a bad idea.Why? Because it is fast. That’s the whole point. Life today both prizes speed and forces it as the world seems to change faster and faster. The problem? Fast serves us well when being chased by a tiger, but not so well in many other situations. When we allow ourselves some time to actually think, with reason, our decisions tend to be better ones. Occasionally, jumping in is exactly the right thing to do in the context of conflict. When there is misinformation. When there is genuine misinterpretation. When an essential piece of information is not yet available, but will be soon. We can jump in to suggest a pause.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ 

Buddy Thomas joins me to talk about his book: Love, Wisdom, Money: The Family Fiduciary’s Guide to Generative Wealth. We discuss the higher standards of being a family fiduciary and how family leaders become one. Buddy also describes the phases of the intergenerational wealth journey the families can be found in: Accumulators, Harvesters, Stewards, Survivors, or Heirs. You can learn more about his work and the book here: https://lovewisdommoney.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  

To infer means to guess or use reasoning. Another definition is to conclude or judge from premises or evidence.To imply means to suggest indirectly or to indicate something without actually stating it. I, the listener or reader, need to try to figure out the message that you, the speaker or writer, are sending. And I might guess wrong. Not only am I interpreting what I hear and read through my personal filter. I am also trying to read through the lines to understand what you are trying to tell me.Double the trouble? Exponentially harder?I don’t know. I do know that we can be careful about what we imply, and we can try to avoid creating unnecessary problems. And we can be aware of our filter and consider when it might be doing us more harm than good. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/    

My most recent guest, Gerry O’Sullivan, talked with me about her process, The Journey of Inference. As she puts it succinctly: “Our Journey of Inference interprets the world of observable data according to our unique perspective or paradigm.”It’s clear from Gerry’s process and our conversation that our inferences can get us into trouble, precisely because we each carry a unique perspective or paradigm.Dictionary definitions of infer are, if not quite unique, not fully consistent.For example, one says infer means to conclude through reasoning. Another than infer means to guess or use reasoning. And yet another statesInfer can mean “to derive by reasoning; conclude or judge from premises or evidence.”It’s that guessing, those premises, that can wreak havoc.  Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  

   https://www.osullivansolutions.ie/ You can also sign up for a free newsletter, view free videos, and get a taste of her book, The Mediator's Toolkit: Formulating and Asking Questions for Successful Outcomes (2nd Edition).Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/