Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Here’s a quote from Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s book, Nonviolent Communication, A Language of Life, that sums up Connecting Compassionately With Ourselves: “When we are internally violent towards ourselves, it is difficult to be genuinely compassionate towards others.” To exercise self-compassion we can evaluate ourselves in ways that promote growth instead of self-hatred. When we have been less than perfect, we can focus on a desire to enrich life for ourselves and others rather than to shame or guilt-trip ourselves. We can avoid “shoulding” ourselves.We can recognize judgmental self-talk when it happens and then quickly focus our attention on underlying needs that may not have been met. Feelings and unmet needs may have stimulated past actions which we now regret.When we acknowledge that possibility, we can better exercise self-forgiveness. Going forward, we can then be conscious of what need is being served by the choices we make.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Dr. Marshall Rosenberg developed the concept of Nonviolent Communication – or NVC.  His book, Nonviolent Communication, A Language of Life, begins with this quote, capturing the fundamental premise of NVC: “What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.” Specific forms of language are identified as alienating us from our natural state of compassion, including moralistic judgments, making comparisons, and denying responsibility. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Ruschelle Khanna joins me to talk about her book, Inherited Trauma and Family Wealth: A Guide to Heal Your Relationships and Build a Lasting Legacy.  We talk about her work as a family therapist and the four pillars of her ECHO Legacy Manifesto: Effective Communication, Compassionate Decision-Making, Honoring Resources, and Openness to Receive. You can learn more about Ruschelle, the book, and her work here: https://www.lifestyleforlegacy.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Two weeks ago, I published a conversation with Russell Harvey. We talked about his work and, specifically, his belief that resilience can mean more than simply bouncing back but springing forward – with learning.  He brought up the idea of building on your strengths.  Fundamentally, we are likely to be doing something well. Quite a few episodes ago, I talked about playing to your strengths. Now, with Russell’s inspiration, I encourage you to not only recognize your strengths, but to build on them. Use them more often. Use them even sooner, when it seems warranted. Explore them more deeply. Capitalize on what you are doing well.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ 

My most recent guest, Russell Harvey, talked with me about resilience. In fact, he defines resilience this way: “Resilience is the ability to cope with life’s challenges and become stronger as a result.”What if we apply that definition specifically to interpersonal conflicts? A viewpoint that we can improve our “ability to cope with life’s conflicts and become stronger as a result”, to echo Russell’s words. I would say that it’s worth a try. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Russell Harvey joins me to talk about a new way to view resilience. Not just bouncing back, but springing forward with learning. I learn about Russell’s Resilience Wheel, a framework featuring seven different areas – each important individually and as they interact with each other. You can learn more about Russell’s work and see The Resilience Wheel at his website: https://www.theresiliencecoach.co.uk/ You can find Russel on LinkedIn here:https://www.linkedin.com/in/russelltheresiliencecoach/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ 

We all want to be heard. In some cases, there is confusion about whether a voice is the same as a vote.  It’s not necessarily so. Why allow the voice? That voice may have a different and valuable perspective. That voice may become a vote in the future and it’s wise to cultivate what can be gained by participation. That voice will not need to grumble underground in a negative way if it can be spoken out loud. Just as a voice is not a vote, it’s not a veto. If there is a temptation to shut down a voice because it seems it might have the influence of a veto, that’s an opportunity for reflection. Maybe anxiety over the voice – vote -- veto spectrum is a timely wake-up call. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Many conversations over time, with no thought of them ever being “completed” contribute to connection.  The repeated touch points keep us linked.  When we are connected, we create and cultivate a foundation. We create a common ground of shared experience. None of this is to say that we will experience a mind meld. We may hold different views that are difficult to reconcile. Disagreements are a part of life.  But when I know more about you, even little things, I know you better. I know where your sore spots are. I will be better equipped to keep the friction down if I know you. I can learn to say things in a way less likely to set you off. And, of course, all of this applies in the reverse. If you know me better through those continuing exchanges, even if brief, you will be able to avoid unnecessary friction.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Steve Legler joins me for a return visit. Steve was an early guest, in Episode 32 back on August 7, 2019. Today we talk about the value of moving away from the concept of one big, multi-hour conversation on an important topic toward ongoing bite-sized conversations.I appreciate Steve’s work and value his friendship. As you will hear, Steve was kind enough to be willing to record this episode when my voice wasn’t at its best. You can learn more about Steve’s work and sign up for the blogs and newsletter that I enjoy here: https://stevelegler.com/. You can find Steve on LinkedIn here:https://www.linkedin.com/in/steve-legler-mba-fea-cpcc-259065a/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  

We may be well aware that an unpleasant conflict is brewing – perhaps simmering but not yet exploding.  We can dread an explosion. Or an explosion may have occurred. We can dread what comes next.  Dread won’t help us. Anticipation will.Anticipating by being as ready as we can be. Then, knowing that, facing whatever comes with as much calm and confidence as we can muster.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/