Do you ruminate endlessly on difficult work situations? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of David DeSteno, a psychologist at Northeastern University. They talk through what to do when your boss constantly criticizes you, you’ve been fired unexpectedly, or your coworkers complain about you to your boss. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: Book: Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride by David DeSteno — “In truth, emotions are among the most powerful and efficient mechanisms we have to guide good decisions. They’re the first such mechanisms we developed, too. Emotional responses existed long before we acquired the cognitive abilities to plan ahead… The trick to success, then, comes in understanding that emotions don’t only happen to us; we can use them to help achieve our goals — if we develop the wisdom to call upon the right emotions to meet the challenges at hand.” HBR: How to Bounce Back from Adversity by Joshua D. Margolis and Paul Stoltz— “So how do you react? Are you angry and disappointed, ranting and raving to anyone who will listen? Do you feel dejected and victimized, resigned to the situation even as you deny the cold reality of it? Or do you experience a rush of excitement—perhaps tinged with fear—because you sense an opportunity to develop your skills and talents in ways you’d never imagined? The truth is, you’ve probably reacted in all those ways when confronted with a challenge—maybe even cycling through multiple emotional states in the course of dealing with one really big mess.” HBR: 3 Ways to Better Understand Your Emotions by Susan David — “There are a variety of reasons why this is so difficult: We’ve been trained to believe that strong emotions should be suppressed. We have certain (sometimes unspoken) societal and organizational rules against expressing them. Or we’ve never learned a language to accurately describe our emotions.” HBR: How to Respond to Negativity by Peter Bregman — “Countering someone’s negativity with your positivity doesn’t work because it’s argumentative. People don’t like to be emotionally contradicted and if you try to convince them that they shouldn’t feel something, they’ll only feel it more stubbornly. And if you’re a leader trying to be positive, it comes off even worse because you’ll appear out of touch and aloof to the reality that people are experiencing.”

Are you taking full advantage of your job’s benefits and perks? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of PwC chief people officer Mike Fenlon. They talk through what to do when you’re deciding between freelancing and a staff position with benefits, you want your company to offer a new perk, or your job makes it hard to use your vacation days. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: The Most Desirable Employee Benefits by Kerry Jones — “In today’s hiring market, a generous benefits package is essential for attracting and retaining top talent. According to Glassdoor’s 2015 Employment Confidence Survey, about 60% of people report that benefits and perks are a major factor in considering whether to accept a job offer. The survey also found that 80% of employees would choose additional benefits over a pay raise.” HBR: Thriving in the Gig Economy by Gianpiero Petriglieri, Susan J. Ashford, and Amy Wrzesniewski — “Approximately 150 million workers in North America and Western Europe have left the relatively stable confines of organizational life — sometimes by choice, sometimes not — to work as independent contractors. Some of this growth reflects the emergence of ride-hailing and task-oriented service platforms, but a recent report by McKinsey found that knowledge-intensive industries and creative occupations are the largest and fastest-growing segments of the freelance economy.” HBR: How to Minimize Stress Before, During, and After Your Vacation by Tristan Elizabeth Gribbin — “It’s a Catch-22 millions of workers face: You plan a vacation to relax, rejuvenate, and forget all about the stresses of work. But being out of the office means cramming in extra work up until you leave — and making up for lost time once you return. So perhaps it’s little surprise that a study in the Netherlands found vacationers are no happier than non-vacationers after a break.” HBR: A Winning Parental Leave Policy Can Be Surprisingly Simple by Hilary Rau and Joan C. Williams — “Paid leave is a powerful tool for recruiting and retaining top talent — if it sends a strong signal that a company values its employees and is committed to equity and diversity in the workplace. Employers can avoid undercutting this powerful message by making sure that their paid leave policy applies equally to all new parents — mothers and fathers, biological and adoptive, LGBT, salaried and hourly — without requiring that employees first prove themselves to be primary caregivers.”

Could your workplace be more trusting? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of organizational psychologist Liane Davey. They talk through what to do when your new boss doesn’t trust you yet, you want to earn the trust of your subordinates, or company leaders have made employees afraid to speak up. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: Want Your Employees to Trust You? Show You Trust Them by Holly Henderson Brower, Scott Wayne Lester, and M. Audrey Korsgaard — “In short, trust begets trust. When people are trusted, they tend to trust in return. But people must feel trusted to reciprocate trust. Managers have to do more than trust employees; they need to show it. Based on our research work and time spent in companies studying trust, we’ve identified some of the most important ways managers erode trust and how they can signal it more clearly to their teams.” HBR: Cultivating Everyday Courage by Jim Detert — “Competently courageous people also work to earn the trust of those who see them as their champions. They invest in those relationships, too—engaging with people individually, taking the time to empathize with them, and helping them develop professionally.” HBR: The 3 Elements of Trust by Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman — “As a leader, you want the people in your organization to trust you. And with good reason. In our coaching with leaders, we often see that trust is a leading indicator of whether others evaluate them positively or negatively. But creating that trust or, perhaps more importantly, reestablishing it when you’ve lost it isn’t always that straightforward.” HBR: The Simplest Way to Build Trust by David DeSteno — “Try it in your next negotiation. Find and emphasize something – anything – that will cause your partner to see a link between the two of you, which will form a sense of affiliation. And from that sense of affiliation — whether or not it’s objectively meaningful – comes a greater likelihood of trustworthy behavior.”

Do you need to get better at giving and receiving feedback? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of consultant Ben Dattner. They talk through what to do when your employee wants to give you feedback, your feedback to others doesn’t seem to make a difference, or someone who isn’t your boss comments about your performance. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: The Right Way to Respond to Negative Feedback by Tasha Eurich — “While critical feedback can frequently be given objectively and with the purest of motives, it can also be inaccurate and/or nefarious in nature: a coworker who wants to throw us off our game; a boss who has completely unachievable expectations; an employee who is scared to speak truth to power; a friend who projects her own issues onto us. It’s hard to know what is real and what should be filtered out.” HBR: In Performance Appraisals, Make Context Count by Ben Dattner — “Organizations could achieve greater accuracy in evaluating employee performance by considering both the person and the situation. However, this is rarely done. Consider a call center where the performance of employees is assessed based on the volume of sales or the dollar amount of charitable donations. It may be the case that two employees sitting in adjacent work spaces are assigned different geographic regions, or different populations of potential customers or donors.” HBR: The Feedback Fallacy by Marcus Buckingham and Ashley Goodall — “The first problem with feedback is that humans are unreliable raters of other humans. Over the past 40 years psychometricians have shown in study after study that people don’t have the objectivity to hold in their heads a stable definition of an abstract quality, such as business acumen or assertiveness, and then accurately evaluate someone else on it. Our evaluations are deeply colored by our own understanding of what we’re rating others on, our own sense of what good looks like for a particular competency, our harshness or leniency as raters, and our own inherent and unconscious biases.” HBR: How Leaders Can Get Honest, Productive Feedback by Jennifer Porter — “Sharing feedback is often interpersonally risky. To increase the likelihood of your colleagues taking that risk with you, show them that their honesty won’t be met with negative repercussions. You can do this before you ask for feedback by being curious, rewarding candor, and showing vulnerability. Being curious starts with having the right mindset, or believing that you have something useful to learn.”

Are you struggling to balance career and family? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of career coach Daisy Dowling. They talk through what to do when you’re returning from maternity leave, planning to have kids early in your career, or debating whether to quit your job to care for your children. From Alison and Dan’s reading list for this episode: HBR: Balancing Parenting and Work Stress: A Guide by Daisy Wademan Dowling — “Invest significant time in training and mentoring a junior colleague so they can run the budget meetings without you. Make friends in the business development team so that you know about the big local client projects coming up and can volunteer for them early (no business travel!). Be as physically visible in the office as possible — taking the long way to the coffee machine — so colleagues consider you to be around and available, even when you’re at the pediatrician’s office again.” HBR: How Stay-at-Home Parents Can Transition Back to Work by Dorie Clark — “If you want to return to the workforce, you have to manage and overcome the unspoken assumptions about who you are and what you’re capable of. By making it clear that your skills are current, networking assiduously, showing that you’re motivated, and demonstrating that your caregiving experience is actually a strength, you can go a long way in combatting pernicious stereotypes and re-entering professional life on your own terms.” HBR: When You’re Leaving Your Job Because of Your Kids by Daisy Wademan Dowling — “Many of my working-parent coachees are shocked, upon resigning, to find out how much their organizations value them – and are suddenly willing to provide new roles, more flexibility, even sabbatical leaves in a desperate bid to keep them. As firm as your intention to leave is, remain open to new options that are offered. You may find an unexpected solution that’s actually better than the one you’ve committed to. At the very least, it’s worth a conversation.” HBR: How to Prepare for Maternity Leave by Julie Moscow — “Prepare a list of your core responsibilities, dividing them into the tasks that can be assumed by others and those that aren’t so easy to delegate, such as client relationships, expertise-related functions, and mentorship of direct reports. Begin to think of whom among your subordinates, peers, and superiors might be best suited to each role and consider hiring someone to cover your leave if necessary.”

Have you been sidelined at work? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Bill Taylor, a cofounder of Fast Company. They talk through what to do when your responsibilities have been reduced, you’ve been moved to an underperforming team, or your boss is leaving you out of key meetings. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: What to Do When Your Boss Won’t Advocate for You by Nicholas Pearce — “When you discover you have a boss who isn’t advocating for you, the knee-jerk reaction is often to advocate for yourself and become your own PR machine. That’s often a mistake. Too much blatant self-promotion in the workplace can backfire and signal that you are narcissistic, egotistical, and ultimately unconcerned about the greater good. You ideally want others tooting your horn for you. Before taking action to close this critical advocacy gap, you’ll want to understand why your boss isn’t advocating for you.” HBR: How to Respond When You’re Left Out of Important Meetings by Melissa Raffoni — “Once you know enough about the agenda to affirm that you need to be involved in the discussion, ask yourself whether the cons of your attending are worth the benefits. If your assessment reveals that you’d just like to be included, drop it. But if your research reveals you should be included, begin to build your case. Be prepared to answer the question of why you need to be there in a non-self-serving way.” Forbes: 8 Ways To Rebound From A Demotion by Jeff Schmitt — “It may be hard to accept, but a demotion is temporary. You’ll overcome it, accept it, or leave because of it. So keep your resentment in check. And do what every athlete does: Find a way to motivate yourself each day. Most important, don’t try forcing the action. Focus on your role, strengths, and teammates and the game will eventually flow back through you.” HBR: How to Keep Working When You’re Just Not Feeling It by Ayelet Fishbach — “In cases where that’s impractical—we don’t all find jobs and get assignments we love—the trick is to focus on the elements of the work that you do find enjoyable. Think expansively about how accomplishing the task might be satisfying—by, for example, giving you a chance to showcase your skills in front of your company’s leaders, build important internal relationships, or create value for customers.”

Are you dreading a work discussion? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Leslie John, a professor at Harvard Business School. They talk through what to do when you need to set your boss straight, meet with a direct report who wanted your new job, or hash things out with a negative team member. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: Taking the Stress Out of Stressful Conversations by Holly Weeks — “Stressful conversations are unavoidable in life, and in business they can run the gamut from firing a subordinate to, curiously enough, receiving praise. But whatever the context, stressful conversations differ from other conversations because of the emotional loads they carry.” HBR: When to Skip a Difficult Conversation by Deborah Grayson Riegel — “In a 2013 Globis survey of more than 200 professionals on the topic of difficult conversations, 97% of respondents said they were concerned about the associated levels of stress for the other person, 94% were worried about damaging the other person’s self-esteem, and 92% were fearful of causing upset.” HBR: How to Have Difficult Conversations When You Don’t Like Conflict by Joel Garfinkle — “Lean into the conversation with an open attitude and a genuine desire to learn. Start from a place of curiosity and respect — for both yourself and the other person. Genuine respect and vulnerability typically produce more of the same: mutual respect and shared vulnerability. Even when the subject matter is difficult, conversations can remain mutually supportive.” HBR: Choose the Right Words in an Argument by Amy Gallo — “Instead of thinking about what you want to say, consider what you want to learn. This will help you get to the root cause of the conflict and set you up to resolve it. You can ask questions like, ‘Why did that upset you?’ or ‘How are you seeing this situation?’ Use phrases that make you appear more receptive to a genuine dialogue.”

Have you checked out at work? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Dan Cable, a professor at London Business School. They talk through what to do when you aren’t excited about your organization, new assignments don’t hold your interest, or all the best projects go to more senior employees. From Alison and Dan’s reading list for this episode: HBR: Why People Lose Motivation — and What Managers Can Do to Help by Dan Cable — “Philosophers have been telling us for millennia that people have an innate drive to show others who they really are, yet somehow organizational life often runs afoul of the human desire for self-expression. Even today, when we extol the virtues of creativity and innovation, we still see bureaucratic job titles, inflexible roles, and standardized evaluation systems that generate anxiety instead of excitement and self-expression.” HBR: Ten Charts That Show We’ve All Got a Case of the Mondays by Gretchen Gavett — “If you’re in a workplace in America right now, chances are most of the people around you are pretty checked out. You might even be plodding through the day yourself, counting down the hours until you can fly out the door. Or you’re doing your very best to make your unhappiness known to anyone within earshot.” HBR: Managing Yourself: Turn the Job You Have into the Job You Want by Amy Wrzesniewski, Justin M. Berg, and Jane E. Dutton — “Job crafting is a simple visual framework that can help you make meaningful and lasting changes in your job—in good economies and bad. But it all has to start with taking a step back from the daily grind and realizing that you actually have the ability to reconfigure the elements of your work.” HBR: How to Fall Back in Love with Your Job by Carolyn O’Hara — “Our work relationships have a profound effect on how we perceive our jobs. And since passion can often be contagious, surrounding yourself with energetic people, whether at the office or in professional networking groups, can help revive a sagging interest in work. Attend professional networking events and mixers in order to meet peers. Meeting new people committed to their careers and explaining your own goals and passions to them can help renew your sense of mission and expose you to aspects of your job that you may not have previously appreciated.”

Are you worried about being seen as a job-hopper? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Allison Rimm, a career coach and former executive. They talk through how to leave after a brief time on the job, explain a series of short stints on your résumé, or know when to stick it out. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: Managing Yourself: Job-Hopping to the Top and Other Career Fallacies by Monika Hamori — “The notion that you get ahead faster by switching companies is reinforced by career counselors, who advise people to keep a constant eye on outside opportunities. But the data show that footloose executives are not more upwardly mobile than their single-company colleagues.” HBR: Setting the Record Straight on Switching Jobs by Amy Gallo — “In fact, people are most likely to leave their jobs after their first, second, or third work anniversaries. Millennials are especially prone to short stays at jobs. Sullivan’s research shows that 70% quit their jobs within two years. So the advice to stick it out at a job for the sake of your resume is just no longer valid.” HBR: 10 Reasons to Stay in a Job for 10 Years by David K. Williams and Mary Michelle Scott — “It’s easy to quit over perceived unfairness or serious challenges. But it shows much stronger character to persevere, to find and enact solutions to problems, repair damage, and to take an active role in turning a situation around.” HBR: Managing Yourself: Five Ways to Bungle a Job Change by Boris Groysberg and Robin Abrahams — “A hasty job change, made with insufficient information, is inherently compromised. When under time pressure, people tend to make certain predictable mistakes. They focus on readily available details like salary and job title instead of raising deeper questions, and they set their sights on the immediate future, either discounting or misreading the long term. Many also have an egocentric bias, thinking only of what affects them directly and ignoring the larger context.”

Do you need a career makeover? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Dorie Clark, the author of Reinventing You. They talk through how to change your coworkers’ perception of you, transition to a role outside your area of expertise, or be seen as a leader. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: Reinventing Your Personal Brand by Dorie Clark — “Especially in the internet era, traces of your old brand will never completely disappear—and as long as you’re thoughtful about what you’ve learned along the way, that’s OK. The challenge is to be strategic about identifying how you wish to be perceived, developing a compelling story that explains your evolution, and then spreading that message.” HBR: Be Seen as a Leader by Adam Galinsky and Gavin Kilduff — “Research tells us there are certain ‘competence cues,’ such as speaking up, taking the initiative, and expressing confidence, that suggest leadership potential. These proactive behaviors can be good indications that a person has useful expertise and experience, or they might simply reflect deep-seated personality traits such as extroversion and dominance. However, there’s increasing evidence that people can propel themselves into proactivity by temporarily shifting their psychological frame of mind.” HBR: A Second Chance to Make the Right Impression by Heidi Grant — “If you started off on the wrong foot and need to overcome a bad impression, the evidence will have to be plentiful and attention-getting in order to activate phase two thinking. Keep piling it on until your perceiver can no longer tune it out, and make sure that the information you’re presenting is clearly inconsistent with the existing ideas about you.” HBR: Rebounding from Career Setbacks by Mitchell Lee Marks, Philip Mirvis, and Ron Ashkenas — “Admittedly, this can be a little frightening, especially if you’re venturing into unknown career territory. Reimagining your professional identity is one thing; bringing it to life is another. Remember, though, that you haven’t left your skills and experience behind with your last job, and you’ll also bring with you the lessons learned from the setback. You may also have productively revised your definition of success.”