Are you a working parent stressing over how to advance your career during the pandemic? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Alyssa Westring, a professor at DePaul University’s Driehaus College of Business and coauthor of the book Parents Who Lead: The Leadership Approach You Need to Parent with Purpose, Fuel Your Career, and Create a Richer Life. They talk through what to do when you now want to quit your job to be a stay-at-home parent, your reduced salary and growth prospects are hurting your plans to have children, or a Covid-delayed job start date is tricky timing for your pregnancy. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: A Guide for Working (From Home) Parents by Avni Patel Thompson — “Accept that things are not going to run completely smoothly and we aren’t going to all be our 100% productive selves. But with tempered expectations, a flexible approach and resourcefulness, you’ll be amazed at how we can all adapt. With any luck, we’ll emerge from this crisis even stronger and more collaborative: a modern take on an age-old approach to parenting.” HBR: How Working Parents Can Prepare for Coronavirus Closures by Stewart D. Friedman and Alyssa F. Westring — “Relentlessly seek to comprehend your boss’s expectations, with follow-up questions about specifics. Remember that the goal is to find ways to make things work for everyone, not just you. These conversations should not launch with how your work must accommodate your family life. Such zero-sum thinking (good for me, bad for my boss) isn’t likely to get you the support you need in the short term or build a strong foundation for your on-going relationship.” HBR: When You’re Leaving Your Job Because of Your Kids by Daisy Wademan Dowling — “Many of my working-parent coachees are shocked, upon resigning, to find out how much their organizations value them – and are suddenly willing to provide new roles, more flexibility, even sabbatical leaves in a desperate bid to keep them. As firm as your intention to leave is, remain open to new options that are offered. You may find an unexpected solution that’s actually better than the one you’ve committed to. At the very least, it’s worth a conversation.” HBR: You’ve Been Furloughed. Now What? by Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic and Becky Frankiewicz — “Ask yourself if your job is worth waiting for. Do you want to return to your pre-crisis life? If there is any inkling of doubt in your mind, there is no downside to applying for something new, and seeing what could materialize as a different future.”

Do you have what it takes to be a manager? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Ellen Van Oosten, a professor at the Weatherhead School of Management at Case Western Reserve University and coauthor of the book Helping People Change: Coaching with Compassion for Lifelong Learning and Growth. They talk through what to do when you’ve been tapped for a managerial role but you don’t want it, you have only informal management experience on your CV, or your supervisor is blocking you from earning the title of manager. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: Are You Sure You Want to Be a Manager? by Joseph Grenny — “I’ve sat with many recently promoted leaders over the years — newly minted supervisors, first-time CEOs, and even recently elected political leaders — some who wondered what they had gotten themselves into. I’ve likewise participated in the deliberations of some who were ambivalent about taking on a new position and turning up the heat in their own lives. Here is some counsel on what to consider before you make the leap to manager.” Book: Helping People Change: Coaching with Compassion for Lifelong Learning and Growth by Richard E. Boyatzis, Melvin Smith, and Ellen Van Oosten — “This is what great coaches do. It’s what great managers do and great teachers do and what others do who know how to help people find and do what they love. They engage us in conversations that inspire us. They make us want to develop and change, and they help us do so.” HBR: How to Know If Someone Is Ready to Be a Manager by Anna Ranieri — “An important thing to look for in this situation is an awareness of the nature of management. Moving into a management role requires divesting oneself of some individual contributor duties and taking on new duties as a team leader. If the new manager doesn’t fully understand that, they might hold things up.” HBR: What Having a “Growth Mindset” Actually Means by Carol Dweck — “To remain in a growth zone, we must identify and work with these triggers. Many managers and executives have benefited from learning to recognize when their fixed-mindset ‘persona’ shows up and what it says to make them feel threatened or defensive. Most importantly, over time they have learned to talk back to it, persuading it to collaborate with them as they pursue challenging goals.”

Are you struggling with start-up life? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Dave Balter, an entrepreneur, CEO, and the author of The Humility Imperative: Effective Leadership in an Era of Arrogance. They talk through what to do when you’re burning out due to a frenzied workload, a key hire is hurting your start-up’s culture, or you want more pay because of your fast-growing responsibilities. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: Are You Suited for a Start-Up? by Jeffrey Bussgang — “Start-ups have no clear hierarchies or paths to advancement. But from their embryonic stages through more-mature ones, they need good managers to create and effectively run departments such as marketing, product development, and sales. And one can accrue numerous personal and professional rewards working for these young organizations.” Book: The Humility Imperative: Effective Leadership in an Era of Arrogance by Dave Balter — “I believe—due to an inflated market, easy cash, and entrepreneur glorification, that there are thousands of companies destined to fail if their leaders, who may feel like business deities today, don’t immediately turn their hubris into humility.” HBR: The Soul of a Start-Up by Ranjay Gulati — “There’s an essential, intangible something in start-ups—an energy, a soul. Company founders sense its presence. So do early employees and customers. It inspires people to contribute their talent, money, and enthusiasm and fosters a sense of deep connection and mutual purpose. As long as this spirit persists, engagement is high and start-ups remain agile and innovative, spurring growth. But when it vanishes, ventures can falter, and everyone perceives the loss—something special is gone.” HBR: How to Help an Employee Who Rubs People the Wrong Way by Rebecca Knight — “If you’ve ever cringed in a meeting when your direct report was talking, you know how tough it can be to watch a team member undermine themselves. Maybe the person is interrupting colleagues too often. Or being condescending, or even combative. No matter the specific behavior, your employee is clearly rubbing people the wrong way. As the manager, you know it’s your job to address the issue, but you’re not sure how to start the conversation. What should you say?”

As an engineer, do you feel you carry a bigger burden at work? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Richard Sheridan, an engineer, CEO, and the author of Joy, Inc.: How We Built a Workplace People Love. They talk through what to do when you want to influence decisions as a technical expert, you’re a female engineer seeing your male counterparts promoted more quickly, or you have a hard time committing fully to flawed projects. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: When You Have to Carry Out a Decision You Disagree With by Art Markman — “First, how much effort your team puts into making a plan succeed depends in large part on how much they believe in it. If you communicate a new course of action halfheartedly, you’ll get less than peak effort because people will sense that you’re not enthralled with the job to be done.” Book: Joy, Inc.: How We Built a Workplace People Love by Richard Sheridan — “Deadlines passed without working software or anything even close to a completed program. When the software was supposedly finished, the quality team couldn’t even get it to work! The programmers who had already moved on to the next project declared, ‘It worked on my machine,’ and left it at that. When programs did finally work after months of quality testing, the results were seldom close to what the customers actually needed.” HBR:  6 Things Successful Women in STEM Have in Common by Laura Sherbin — “Women in STEM have one of the toughest — and, potentially, most rewarding — jobs in the world. But how to reap the rewards is far from clear, especially in a male-dominated environment. The onus to improving gender diversity in STEM shouldn’t solely be placed on women’s shoulders, but systemic change can be slow.” HBR: Structure That’s Not Stifling by Ranjay Gulati — “As large engineering projects unfold, Warby Parker holds periodic “retrospective” conversations with relevant stakeholders—including managers outside engineering—to capture learning about what’s going right or wrong. For example, during a commercial foray into Canada, participants discussed why they hadn’t realized until late in the game that a local bank card was incompatible with the company’s payment system. Conversations about such missteps are structured to cover not only what could have gone better but also ‘What’s still an open question—what still puzzles us?’ according to Andrew Jaico, a Warby Parker technical product manager.”

Are you unsure of when to toot your own horn? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Meredith Fineman, a communication coach and the author of Brag Better: Master the Art of Fearless Self-Promotion. They talk through what to do when your boss takes credit for your accomplishments, your employer doesn’t value what you bring to the table, or your braggart colleague is getting all the growth opportunities. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: What to Do When Your Boss Won’t Advocate for You by Nicholas Pearce — “We all need champions who are willing to advocate for us when we cannot speak for ourselves. And when your boss doesn’t do it, it can be downright challenging. But it doesn’t have to stop your progress and career advancement. You could be just one project, one committee, or one conversation away from getting noticed for who you are, what you do, and your potential to achieve even more.” Book: Brag Better: Master the Art of Fearless Self-Promotion by Meredith Fineman — “If you have done the work, but you don’t know how to talk about and tout it—you’re part of The Qualified Quiet. The Qualified Quiet occupy the opposite end of the spectrum from those who brag loudly without focus or adherence to truth. They have experience, but they don’t know how to talk about it. They want more than they are currently getting, but they’re afraid to say so.” HBR: A New Prescription for Power by Elizabeth Long Lingo and Kathleen L. McGinn — “Beyond your personal attributes and the situational factors in your organization, your power is also enabled and constrained by your interactions with others. The relationships and coalitions you forge can be a major source of support, advice, information, and resources; those you overlook or ignore can loom as potential points of resistance.” HBR: The Toot-Your-Own-Horn Gender Bias by Whitney Johnson — “Point to your accomplishments — you’re self-promoting. Don’t point — get fired. It’s a conundrum. Historically, our society has encouraged women to be the support behind achieving men. Unfortunately, as women have moved into the professional ranks, we are hard-pressed to change this paradigm. Further, when women follow the lead of successful men, we do so with limited success.”

Is a team you manage keeping you up at night? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Melanie Parish, a leadership coach and the author of The Experimental Leader: Be a New Kind of Boss to Cultivate an Organization of Innovators. They talk through what to do when you lead a rogue team that doesn’t follow company processes, your growing team of managers is clamoring to weigh in on key decisions, or you want to improve the morale of a frustrated team. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: Connect, Then Lead by Amy J.C. Cuddy, Matthew Kohut, and John Neffinger — “Even a few small nonverbal signals—a nod, a smile, an open gesture—can show people that you’re pleased to be in their company and attentive to their concerns. Prioritizing warmth helps you connect immediately with those around you, demonstrating that you hear them, understand them, and can be trusted by them.” Book: The Experimental Leader: Be a New Kind of Boss to Cultivate an Organization of Innovators by Melanie Parish — “Being a leader is lonely work. The loneliness of leadership wakes you up at three in the morning as your brain tries to solve problems you don’t have answers for. You attempt to figure out whether your best strategy is to be strong and powerful or kind and collaborative. You wish someone would give you feedback about your leadership, but the more you get promoted, the more people seem to agree with you.” HBR: Start-Ups That Last by Ranjay Gulati and Alicia DeSantola — “When launching their start-ups, many founders eschew hierarchy because of their egalitarian ideals. But as their firms scale, a growing number of people report to a handful of leaders. Founders may think this allows them to remain in command, because all decisions pass through them. But ironically, their organizations spin out of control as centralized authority becomes a bottleneck that hinders information flow, decision making, and execution.” HBR: How to Manage People Who Are Smarter than You by Rebecca Knight — “Getting promoted to a job that includes responsibility for areas outside your domain can be downright terrifying. Your employees may ask questions that you don’t know the answers to and may not even fully understand.”  

Is your new employer pushing back your start date due to the pandemic? In this bonus episode of HBR’s advice podcast, Dear HBR:, cohosts Alison Beard and Dan McGinn answer your questions with the help of Moshe Cohen, a senior lecturer at Boston University’s Questrom School of Business. They talk through what to do when your new boss postpones your first day on the job and then doesn’t respond to your communications.  From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: You’ve Been Furloughed. Now What? by Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic and Becky Frankiewicz — “Ask yourself if your job is worth waiting for. Do you want to return to your pre-crisis life? If there is any inkling of doubt in your mind, there is no downside to applying for something new, and seeing what could materialize as a different future.” New York Times: Google Rescinds Offers to Thousands of Contract Workers by Daisuke Wakabayashi — “Many of the contract and temp candidates who had agreed to work at Google before the pandemic took hold in the United States were let go without any severance or financial compensation. This came after weeks of uncertainty as Google repeatedly postponed their start dates during which time they were not paid by Google or the staffing agencies.” Book: Collywobbles: How to Negotiate When Negotiating Makes You Nervous by Moshe Cohen — “Negotiations make people anxious. Not everyone, but many. Before you begin, you fret whether you should negotiate at all; you agonize how to approach the other person, and you worry that you might lose, or offend, or look foolish in the process. Even engaging the other party is awkward. Should you go first?” HBR: 15 Rules for Negotiating a Job Offer by Deepak Malhotra — “Stay at the table. Remember: What’s not negotiable today may be negotiable tomorrow. Over time, interests and constraints change. When someone says no, what he’s saying is ‘No—given how I see the world today.’ A month later that same person may be able to do something he couldn’t do before, whether it’s extending an offer deadline or increasing your salary.”

Are you contemplating a career change? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Monica Higgins, a professor at Harvard Graduate School of Education. They talk through what to do when you’re having trouble breaking into a new field, you want to leave a secure career path for something riskier, or you’re eyeing a new industry but don’t know where to start. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: Reinventing Your Career in the Time of Coronavirus by Herminia Ibarra — “Possible selves are the ideas we all have about who we might want to become. Some are concrete and well-informed by experience; others are vague and fuzzy, nascent and untested. Some are realistic; others are pure fantasy. And, naturally, some appeal more to us than others.” Wall Street Journal: A New Approach to Mentoring by Kathy E. Kram and Monica C. Higgins — “As your career and life unfold, you’ll need to keep reassessing your developmental network; the setup that served you well a few years ago may not work as your situation changes. You must ask yourself which developers can still help you meet your goals, and which need to be eased aside for new ones.” HBR: Which of These People Is Your Future CEO?: The Different Ways Military Experience Prepares Managers for Leadership by Boris Groysberg, Andrew Hill, and Toby Johnson— “Military service no doubt engenders skills and experiences that are relevant and valuable to corporate leadership. But there’s something else businesses can learn from the armed services: Fit matters. The military is, for many, a leadership crucible that leaves a profound imprint. Yet different military experiences generate different leadership perspectives and styles.” MIT Sloan Management Review: The Power of Reconnection — How Dormant Ties Can Surprise You by Daniel Z. Levin, Jorge Walter, and J. Keith Murnighan — “The next time you have a problem or issue at work, dust off your Rolodex and get on the phone, Facebook or LinkedIn. In a word: Reconnect. Besides finding the experience personally enriching, odds are good that you will also gain efficient access to novel knowledge from a trusted source.”

Are you leaving your organization during a critical time? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Shirli Kopelman, a negotiations professor at the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business. In this bonus episode, they talk through what to do when you’re planning to give notice during the coronavirus pandemic and can’t train your replacement.  From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: How to Quit Your Job with Style by Steven DeMaio — “If you can retain a working relationship with your employer (freelancing, consultung, etc.), by all means do. Make your desire for that clear when you give your notice. If that doesn’t fit what you’re doing next, stay connected in other ways, such as real-world and online social settings, professional organizations, and occasional visits to your old stomping grounds.” HBR: Make Your Emotions Work for You in Negotiations by Shirli Kopelman — “Emotions will inevitably arise during negotiations but instead of letting them happen to you or trying to overcome them, use them genuinely and strategically to get what you want and create value for everyone.” HBR: How to Quit Your Job Without Burning Bridges by Rebecca Knight — “Who hasn’t fantasized about walking into the boss’s office, saying: ‘I quit!’ and then marching straight out the door? The rational side of you knows, of course, that that’s the wrong way to resign from a job. But what is the right approach? Who should you tell first? How much notice should you give? And how honest should you be about your reasons for leaving?” HBR: Navigating the Emotional Side of a Career Transition by Ron Ashkenas — “The first hurdle is the sense of guilt about leaving a previous employer or career. If you’ve formed strong relationships with people and if the company has invested in your development, then leaving can feel like betrayal. Dozens of managers have told me they turned down exploring new opportunities because they didn’t want to leave their current employer and co-workers in the lurch.”

Do you fear speaking frankly with your supervisor? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Liz Kislik, a management consultant and executive coach. They talk through what to do when your boss micromanages your output, you want to set boundaries for better work-life balance, or your new supervisor is eagerly volunteering your team for too many projects. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: Managing 3 Types of Bad Bosses by Vineet Nayar — “Many of us may feel that it’s not our job to mend flawed supervisors and that top management needs to intervene. In reality, you have only two choices: Keep waiting for the organization to fix your flawed leader — or find ways of doing so yourself. If you take matters into your own hands even in small ways, you will be able to ensure that you get past the inertia of your boss.” HBR: How to Tell Your Boss You Have Too Much Work by Rebecca Knight — “These days it seems like most people have too much on their plate. Everyone complains about feeling overworked. So how do you tell your boss you simply have too much to do? No one wants to come across as lazy, uncommitted, or not a team player. How can you protect your image as a hard worker while saying uncle?” HBR: Managing Your Boss by John J. Gabarro and John P. Kotter — “You are not going to change either your basic personality structure or that of your boss. But you can become aware of what it is about you that impedes or facilitates working with your boss and, with that awareness, take actions that make the relationship more effective.” HBR: Stop Being Micromanaged by Amy Gallo — “No one likes a boss who excessively scrutinizes work and constantly checks in. Not only is this micromanaging behavior annoying, it can stunt your professional growth. If you have a controlling boss, you don’t have to suffer. By assuaging a micromanager’s stress, you may be able to secure the autonomy you need to get your work done and advance your career.”