Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

 “For a Christian, joy isn’t what happens when life is going perfectly; it’s what happens when you know you are loved perfectly, even when life is a mess.” ~ Chris Stefanick Sometimes we look at other couples and think, “Those people have it all together. It must be easy to be married to that person.  We are the only one’s struggling.” Nothing could be further from the truth. This interview starts with fun questions like “What’s the best part about being married to Natalie?” and “How did Chris pop the question?”.  But then, true to the brand of “Real Life Catholic”, Chris and Natalie quickly opened up their marriage to us to share the very real pain and suffering that they have journeyed through together.   All of us have our own battles to fight in our lives, and often we bring these battles into our marriages.  The question is, do our spouses come alongside us and fight FOR us, or do they themselves become another “battle to fight”?  In this conversation, we discuss the process of healing from sexual abuse within marriage, the effect on both spouses, how you can help your spouse through their struggles, and how to lean in to all the grace that the sacrament of marriage has to give.  This is a raw and real conversation that we believe will speak to the hearts of husbands and wives who take the time to listen. 

"In the adult, the space of acceptance is never whole, yet it is in the child. The child is really capable of listening impartially and unselfishly, the child is receptive to the greatest degree." - Sofia Cavalletti, Founder of CGS We’ve all been there. You’re trying to calm a crying infant, the toddler is crawling under the pews, the seven year old is drawing in the missal, and you wonder if your teenager is getting anything out of this at all. What are we talking about? Taking kids to mass! The mass is the font and summit of our faith but so many times we wonder if our kids are Pay attention at all. Does standing in the parking lot with a crying infant or chasing a toddler through the vestibule count as your Sunday obligation? In this podcast, we talk about the challenges and importance of bringing our children to Jesus in mass. The world that children live in is completely different than ours psychologically and spiritually. It is absolutely vital that parents recognize this in order to nurture the child’s growing relationship with Christ. Listen in as we share our stories and insights on encouraging participation in this most important family prayer, Holy mass.  Funny "Post Church Press Conference" YouTube Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om-qeqwcF8g Catechesis of the Good Shepherd Parent Resources: https://www.cgsusa.org/discover/cgs-approach/cgs-in-the-home-parent-resources/ Special Catholic Couples Getaway next January: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cozumel-2023/  Take our listener Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/messyfamilysurvey2022

“When parents nag kids, we get ignored.  When they nag us, we keep answering. Just who is smarter?  Maybe we have strong-willed kids because we (parents) are not strong-willed.” ~ Dr. Ray Guarendi In this episode, we have an enlightening conversation with Dr. Ray Guardendi, a Catholic father, teacher, and clinical psychologist who we have been following since the early years of our parenting.  It was a joy to speak to him and we think you will find it super helpful as well!  We discuss many things with Dr. Ray such as the difference in parenting today versus parenting 20 years ago, the dramatic changes that he has seen and how parents should respond, and how to make your discipline plan as effective as it should be.  We also cover social media use with kids, the importance of parental authority, and what parenting advice you should NEVER listen to. He even gave us a test we can do to see how strong our authority is with our own kids! With a great mix of practical experience and professional insights Dr. Ray gives wisdom and encouragement to parents of all ages in this fun and engaging conversation.

Host Hijack!!  Alicia’s brother Paul joins Mike for some manly conversation (but don’t worry, Alicia jumps in at the end!) This conversation will be helpful to anyone who is looking to have a great marriage - whether you are a husband or wife.  It’s clear that there are many roles that men play in our world, some big and some small, but no other role comes close to the significance of being a good husband.  Instead of just talking theory, Mike and special guest Paul Doman discuss very real ways that husbands can and must love, serve, protect and lead in the home. This topic is essential for both men and women as we consider how we are being called to take extreme ownership for the way in which we lay down our lives for our wives and embrace our sacred calling. Representing the ladies, Alicia joins the end of our conversation to pose some questions from wives about their husbands.  Join in our conversation to laugh, be encouraged, and empowered in the role of a Catholic husband in a marriage.   Special Catholic Couples Getaway next January: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cozumel-2023/  Guide to strengthen your marriage: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/marriage/

“Without ideals we are aimless, but never let ideals eclipse the reality of our situation”  ~ Mike and Alicia Hernon Living life with infants and toddlers is no joke.  And the more you have the crazier your life is!  We all know life is more than survival, but there were plenty of times that all Alicia could think when she woke up was “I just have to make it till nap time”. In this MFP classic episode which first aired in 2015, we talk about living life with kids under 5 without losing your mind. We give some practical tips for managing your children, ways to keep your marriage alive at this time, and how to act as a team in these crucial years.  Even though the “Survival Zone” is in our distant memory, we now have grandchildren who remind us regularly how much energy kids take!  Listen in for these essential tips in getting through these difficult times with grace and joy. 

“Instead of trying to protect yourself through your fear, learn to live dangerously! – by doing and saying what you think, know, and believe to be right, by not caring that you may be mistaken at times”  ~ Dr. Conrad Barrs, Born Only Once: the Miracle of Affirmation Unfortunately, we live in a Pinterest-perfect, commercialized, consumerist culture that is looking for the top of the line in everything.  What happens when that attitude bleeds into our parenting? How does it affect our kids when we start demanding perfection from them instead of delighting in who they are?  In this podcast, we dive into the concept of “affirmation” and examine how essential it is that our children receive affirmation from us.  When a person is affirmed, they are not afraid to take risks, to be vulnerable, or to fail.  They know they are loved for who they are, not what they do.  They are delighted in and they know it.  Childhood should be a process of a person receiving these messages from their parent so they can become who they were born to be. Listen in as we discuss the effects of affirmation, practical ways to affirm children, and what affirmation is NOT.  The reference for this podcast is the book Born Only Once, by Dr. Conrad Barrs.

“One earns Paradise with one’s daily task.” ~ Saint Gianna Beretta Molla  Chores, laundry, meal preparation, etc, etc…. It never ends!  But even this part of family life is an area in which God wants to enter into our lives and teach us to be holy.  Yes, there are very practical aspects of family life that we need to just get done, but HOW we do them will effect our growth as a Catholic family.  Listen in to this podcast where we discuss how we do chores, laundry, and our family’s schedule.  Things change over the years and its important that we realize that being flexible is one of the keys to keeping family life peaceful.  Finding new chore charts, routines, and assignments at home is one way that parents can keep themselves and their kids on their toes and learning how to serve each other.  The home is the training ground for life!  Stefanick Date Night Sign Up: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/date-night-with-chris-natalie-stefanick/

“If their love is a true gift of self, so that they belong each to the other, it will not only survive but grow stronger, and sink deeper roots… only when love between human beings is put to the test can its true value be seen.” - St. John Paul II  Over the years, we have met many couples, ordinary people, who have been able to come to a deeper understanding of God’s love for them and the importance of their marriage because of the challenges that have come up in their lives. Many of these stories are inspiring, so we decided to share some of them with you.  We interviewed three couples from our Messy Family Neighborhood who have faced challenges in their marriage that they have been able to learn from by God’s grace.  Billy and Lori are a young couple who needed to learn how to operate as a family and not as “married individuals”.  David and Erin are a military family who dealt with the dangers of military conflict as well as long deployments.  Bill and Lisa have three children with various special needs who forced them to adjust their expectations of family life and prioritize each other even when their children’s needs seemed overwhelming. We all need to hear stories of God’s grace acting in the lives of other people to be inspired and encouraged. Listen in and enjoy.

The world says husbands and wives have the same or even interchangeable roles.  Some fundamentalist Christians and even Catholics say wives should let their husbands decide everything (even in regards to sexual intimacy!) and wives should obey as long as it is not immoral.  This way of thinking does not reflect the rich, intricate, dynamic teachings of the Church in regards to men and women.  A true Catholic marriage calls men and women to act in complementarity so they both become who God is calling them to be. Listen in while we unpack this controversial but essential topic on the role of a wife in a marriage.  (podcast on a husband’s role in marriage coming soon!)

Lent is a great time to take inventory of our spiritual life and ask ourselves, “How am I doing in my relationship with God?”  To help us all do that, we decided to interview Mike’s spiritual director of many years, Fr. Boniface Hicks.  Fr. Boniface is a director of directors!  A Benedictine monk, he runs the Institute for Ministry Formation at St. Vincent Archabbey and is the author of several books on spirituality.  But more important than that, he is a spiritual father giving guidance, encouragement, and sharing the Father’s love to many people around the country and even the world.  In this interview we discuss  why we should pray at all!  We also get into the practicalities of prayer - how to do it, how to make the time, and the effect it can have on our lives.  Jump in and listen to this discussion we had with Fr. Boniface and our members on our most recent Neighborhood Date Night.