Love and Life with Dr. Karin and Pastor Elliott

We’re kicking off Valentine’s Week with a series on Dr. Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages. We’ll be devoting an episode to each love language and rolling them out every day this week. Even if you’re familiar with Love Languages, this series is for you! We’re taking a broad approach to them by including their influence on our friendships and family relationships, in addition to our romantic partnerships. Elliott and I explore the following: Why Words of Affirmation may be the most important love language! How to express Words of Affirmation even if you’re not someone who feels comfortable sharing your emotions. The difficulty of receiving Words of Affirmation when we don’t feel confident or self-assured—and how to learn to receive them despite our insecurities and woundedness. How to give Words of Affirmation to ourselves—and why doing so is a gift to our current or future partner! Elliott shares stories of the impact of Love Languages from his 30+ years of working with couples. Join us today and throughout the week for a deep dive into the influence of Love Languages on every relationship in your life! Quizzes, Resources, & more: Website: https://5lovelanguages.com/ Chapman, G. (1992, 1995, 2004, 2010, 2015). The 5 love languages: the secret to love that lasts. Northfield Publishing. Pastor Elliott's Love Language Assessments (based on the work of Dr. Gary Chapman): https://www.dropbox.com/sh/793lofijjenc7qe/AAC2Ve_MiXMpx97YfH9pHebLa?dl=0   Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

All of us face loneliness. We need to acknowledge and move through loneliness to be empowered and encouraged in our relationships. Last week I gave a message on loneliness at Judson University and we wanted to share it with you. There are three universal circumstances that automatically generate loneliness. I used the acronym TFL (tackle for loss for you football fans) for these 3 life conditions: Transitions Fear Loss Loneliness is inherent to these 3 conditions and therefore, it's an unavoidable aspect of life; but we can abate it and even make peace with it. Loneliness is especially challenging during Valentine's week—whether we're single and wishing we weren't or we're feeling lonely in the context of our romantic relationship. Our team at Love and Life and the Love & Life community are here to help you throughout Valentine’s and beyond! Elliott Anderson Work with Elliott, Books, & More: https://linktr.ee/pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

For this week’s episode I wanted to share my recent appearance on “Perspective of the Mind or how to get unstuck when you feel stuck with Diyana Dimitrova”. In this episode we cover: What does it mean healthy and unhealthy relationship? Why so many people are in unhealthy relationships? How to recognize a deal breaker from the normal ups and downs in a relationship? How can we cope with fear of loneliness?  Please considering checking out Diyana’s podcast here: https://anchor.fm/diyana-dimitrova Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

Boomers, Gen Xers and Millennials remember a world without social media and cell phones but for Gen Z, technology has always been a ubiquitous part of their existence. So, I was curious as to how Gen Z would respond to our series on technology and relationships. Do they have any similar frustrations? What do they make of the modern dating landscape as it relates to technology? How are their friendships impacted? Do they feel technology’s influence on their mental health? Former Love & Life guest and my BFF, Miriam Conner, said her daughter, Callie, had listened to our series and had some thoughts she was willing to share. Join us for a Gen Zer’s response to phones, technology, and relationships. Callie and I cover the questions above and more! https://www.therobinreport.com/a-growing-segment-of-gen-z-is-so-over-social-media/ https://flatheadbeacon.com/2022/12/23/the-luddite-club/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

When did you last spend time with someone without a phone in your hand or on the table? It’s probably been a while . . . And while phones absolutely enhance our lives and provide the ability to connect with people across the globe, they can also detract from our IRL relationships. In today’s episode, Elliott and I continue our conversation on phones and relationships by considering the following question:  Does social media make you happy? We explore the following and much more! Does “technopherence” create barriers in your relationships? Are you having an emotional affair with your phone? Are you guilty of phubbing? How “intimate” are social media connections? How do attachment styles intersect with social media usage? When do you pull out your phone—and more importantly, why? Elliott’s ABCs of relationships and phones. PLUS learn Elliott’s step-by-step plan for enhancing intimacy by creating the necessary structure around social media/phone usage! Elliott Anderson Work with Elliott, Books, & More: https://linktr.ee/pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

When you’re with your friends, how long can you make it before one of you pulls out your phone? You’re just responding to texts, of course, or, maybe checking the likes from your last post. Most of us do it all day every day. But research shows jumping onto social media when you’re with friends IRL may have a detrimental impact on your connection. There’s even a newish term for this,“technopherence”– technology based interference. And specifically, when “technopherence” disrupts your time with friends, it’s called “phubbing” – “snubbing [friends] in order to focus your attention on your phone” (Degges-White, 2022). To continue our series on Phones and Relationships, my BFF and Love & Life alum, Miriam Conner, joins me to discuss how we can remain present with our friends and cultivate deep intimacy despite the ubiquity of technology. Join us to hear the research and learn 3 key tips for managing phones and friendships! Citation: https://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/jennifer-aniston-friends-bust-thanks-cell-phones-article-1.3153045 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202203/is-technoference-damaging-your-relationships https://www.healthline.com/health/how-social-media-is-ruining-relationships https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/how-smartphones-affect-relationships.html Miriam Conner Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/northeast-ohio-parent-presents-aparently-speaking/id1303267006  Love & Life episodes featuring Miriam:  Ep. 188 - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/did-you-inherit-your-anxiety-from-your-parents-ep-188/id1183475201?i=1000555598006  Ep. 153 - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/no-pressure-besties-my-bff-and-i-share-how-its-done-ep-153/id1183475201?i=1000532446517 Ep. 7 - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/besties-forever-thats-what-we-all-say-but-when-life/id1183475201?i=1000381427870  Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

“It’s like there are four people in your relationship—you, your partner, and your two phones.” – Elliott Anderson, M.A. Is your phone impacting your ability to cultivate deep, authentic intimacy? Probably so! Thanks to the phones in our pockets, we’re able to distract ourselves 24/7—from boredom, loneliness, or any uncomfortable emotion. But what about when our relationship with our phone trumps our relationship with our significant other? Join us for a discussion around the very real difficulties couples face when trying to balance relationships with technology and their relationship with their partner. Spending hours on your phone may absolutely be sabotaging your efforts to cultivate authentic and lasting intimacy. Elliott Anderson Work with Elliott, Books, & More: https://linktr.ee/pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! At least, that’s the fantasy . . . We imagine warm, loving family gatherings—breaking bread, sharing hopes and dreams. Grandparents regaling us with tales of Christmas past. Toddlers and teens giving us a glimpse into Christmas future. But all too often the warm, loving gathering is neither—it’s cold and combative. Breaking bread breaks hearts as we war over politics, religion, and COVID policies. Grandparents’ stories can’t compete with TikTok. Toddlers throw tantrums while teens remain glued too screens. Elliott and I discuss common struggles families face when gathering for the holidays. Join us for practical strategies grounded in Family Systems Theory to manage family conflict at Christmas—or any time! Elliott Anderson Work with Elliott, Books, & More: https://linktr.ee/pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

Is your relationship plagued by constant frustrations and arguments? If so, it’s possible power struggles are at the root of your disagreements. In today’s episode, psychotherapist and pastor, Elliott Anderson, M.A., and I continue our conversation on conflict styles by examining power struggles. If you haven’t had the chance to listen to parts 1 and 2 of this discussion, please jump back to episodes 220 and 221 of Love & Life so you’ll understand all these animals we’re talking about! During his 30 years of counseling couples, Elliott has used the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Style model, which compares the way we negotiate conflict to the ways animals behave and respond. Take the assessment in the link below to find out which animal you are! As we delved into conflict, the theme of power kept emerging because, of course, so much of the dissension we experience in relationships is due to power struggles. Join us to learn how to negotiate power—and conflict!—in your relationships! Conflict Style Framework Link: Thomas-Kilmann Assessment Test Elliott Anderson Work with Elliott, Books, & More: https://linktr.ee/pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

If you have siblings, you likely fought with them about anything and everything! They were your first sparring partners. And, through them—and interactions with parents and friends, too—you developed your conflict style. (For more on conflict styles, check out part 1 of this series, ep. 220 of Love & Life.) Elliott and I continue our discussion on conflict negotiations in romantic partnership by examining the influence of our temperament, birth order, and our family of origin’s (unwritten) rules regarding conflict resolution. I ask Elliott to share examples from his over 30 years of counseling couples—which he does. But he also analyzes Dan and me! Elliott Anderson Work with Elliott, Books, & More: https://linktr.ee/pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes