Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

If you puke on TV but then keep doing your TV job, you are what we call a PROFESSIONAL. Shout out to SWEDEN!Do you like rats? Do you have kids? Are you super lonely? Here's a tip: ditch the rats, keep the kids and someone worthwhile will come in to your life. It's just that rat "thing" that's keeping people away. Our Super Jew producer brought us a video about how to spot a Jew. But, like we said, he's a Jew. We don't know what he's up to but it feels really Jewey. The Master Of Accents is BACK! Will he finally be defeated by an inimitable cadence? Plus FAN MAIL, PATREON, and TINA JEANS is hitting the road again. Get those JEANS ON!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

PATREON, I told you to put that down!Also, sign up for Patreon, ya'll! You'll get extra bonus content, inside denim access, personal shout outs and more! WOW! say it again! WOW! Open your mouth so the whole dog can fit in the bathtub!Today we discover which gender we are (it's really changing at every moment). Plus Bert Is Fat and Why Is Bert So Fat really took off! We have all the fat comments. Dental Updates, dating inflatable animals, Joey Diaz being a SAVAGE and more!NO LOOSE DENIM ALLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Morning news is the best. It opens the doors to grown up jokes about "Salad Tossing" (with real salads!) PLUS DJ Dad Mouth gets to muck around and have some fun!If you're gonna talk that ISH before you arm-wrestle, make sure you, you know, WIN. Unbelievably, the girl who was defending Hitler on YouTube was kicked off for HATE speech. Weird that YouTube doesn't know that Hitler watches YouTube all day. This episode is completely non-binary so please use proper pronouns. It's not a preference, it's a REQUIREMENT.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Did Bunz touch the sacred spot with Tina only mere feet away? JEANS.Which Braxton are you today? Is it the one that's DATING Birdman? WUUUUUT.Tom's awesome jacket is way cooler than Tina's art teacher jacket. Have you seen it? No, seriously, have you?The master of accents becomes even more masterful in this one. PLUS, was Hitler THAT bad? Would You Rather's, Fan Mail, Seagal, Butt hair and MORE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You see thing about pimpin, man. You want a happy ho. Happy ho's eat, sad ho's don't. If you want to keep your stable out there and earnin then keep your ho's happy. This is the only podcast that provides cool insight like that. Also, Top Dog did it again. Yup, you guessed it, his face meat hit the numbers on the phone when we spoke to him. Oh yeah, he sharted too. Great story.All that and more. Just get your jeans on.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Whoa those are some awfully BIG WORDS you said there. This week we have some incredible mentions of the BIGGEST of big words. Someone even said it to the Prez!Plus a foreign accent that seems DOUBTFUL and a DENTAL UPDATE that will have you brushing extra hard tonight. Seems like Mozart was a mommy, 20,000 years ago when he was alive and that's just somethin you gotta Respek.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Don't mess with Lincolnton, man! That's what Uncle Joey says. A lot of you say LinkedIn, but you know, La Craw, La Croix, feel me? When you listen to our show remember to RESPEK our name. Otherwise we'll be FINISHED and DONE with you. The mommy's really do their thang in this one and even talk to Tommy's Mommy about his new, important revelation. He's not only Poly and Bi...listen to find out what ELSE he, er, they is now. JEANS FOREVER. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tommy and Tina went on a pegging adventure. Please take a look. Also, note that pegging doesn't involve another dude (BERT).You want to hear/see something gross? You KNOW we've got you covered. There's a young dude who likes grandma's GROSSSSS. Plus there's a girl who is in to tasting the uh, splooge, of dudes from different ethnicities. GROSSSSSSER.Tina tries to trick Tom into playing incriminating clips of verbal "slip ups." Will it backfire on Tina? Probably. And a NEW Gnawm Sayin King is proud to take his throne. Smell us? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We know the show is popular but even Rachel Maddow listens! Wow, and of course, Hey Hitler back at ya!It's been a while so we gave Top Dog a call and this one not only did not disappoint - it was epic. Like Wipe Down Epic. This ep is loaded: Crazie Locs listens to a fan song, a NEW abusive pimp, La Croix responds, NEW vocal fry, and a bunch of Would You Rather's. This ep is the Jeans' Jeans.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, F**K Boys! We are ready for you to do battle. On guard!T Bunz went on local TV in Cleveland and called out Crazie Locs. We thought that would have been the biggest news of this episode, but it isn't because - BRACE YOURSELF -CRAZIE LOCS finally speaks directly to us. Did that last sentence process? If it didn't read it again. Also, you know what I'm saying, you feel me, understand? And now SMELL ME? All in one clip from one person and he's the only one speaking. Amazing.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices