Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

Would you marry your mom? Really. That's so cool, cause like, me too. Kiss her for real. The Mommies moved this week and with a lot of help came a lot of stranger dumps. So many. Plus a really massive, fat lady will let you pay to watch her be gross. Master of Accents, Pup Play and a lot more. As always, Bert is so fat and it's being celebrated all over the world.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We did it, We locked down the guy who will call you a C**T to your face. That's right, Dan Pena is on the show! So fun to talk to the master of cursing in business. Dan was as fun as you might imagine. Plus the Jeans are not only fresh off their Bannismurfurney where they got a Couples Massage (yuck), Tina also claims disrupted relaxing time with a F-A-R-T. AND, seems that President Camacho is actually going to run the free world. Interesting times ahead!Many Masterful Accents in this one! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Even babies know the truth - Bert IS fat, but also our dear friend Burnt Chrystals has a new special coming to Showtime called The Machine and he goes by the name Bert Kreischer in it. Plus Tommy and Tina watched the movie, Shark Bites - you might like but it has one BIG flaw (same as the Martian with Matt Damon). There's a really white DJ who really feels comfortable with BIG WORDS and all kinds of accents to master in this one. Who is the Water Champ? Now we can all be with the NEW Water Champ shirt! Get one for Christmas or just to show everyone who H2Flow is in your house. Keep those jeans up! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

NO Loose jeans allowed here. We find the ultimate dad boner who relights the fire that only Garth can put out. Plus, Tommy AKA Tomaso speaks eh, de Espanish on TV, we have Would You Rather, Perfect Smiles and MORE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on YMH, Tom and Christina take a look at Christina's ex-boyfriend who know works as an insane deck hand, a couple of fighting brothers who desperately want you to look at them, and go in depth on Tom's most recent physical Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, the mommies watch a bunch of public service announcements, some hilarious, some horrible. They also get a translation for the Persian voicemail, which kicks us off to a journey into Christina's childhood. Wipe down! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

OH MAH GAWD SERIOUSLLAAHHHH, Maria is here, you guys! This is a dream come true in the Mommy Dome. Tommy's older sister and Starbucks' Enemy Number One, Maria stops by for a chat and she jumps in like a pro. She shares more contempt for more employees of new company's while also getting down with some of the tried and true segments of YMH. Get to know the Maria you thought you knew (she knows Tom's voice) while hearing about her military exploits, how she deals with Top Dog, and conceding that Jane does in fact have better teeth and vision. It's so fun when your jeans get even tighter cause you just washed 'em! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Remember when you were 10 and you prank called everyone in the phone book? Those were the best of times, but then you matured and realized, hey, that's not a nice thing and also they can now see my number. Well, we haven't grown up so get ready for childish calls about buttholes and black voices! Also, CALLING ALL MUSICAL JEANS! We need your support - send in your tunes and get them played on Your Mom's House. We have an update about the BONUS episode. Oh, iTunes why are you so difficult? Will Smith and Jaden Smith believe in patterns and mathematics and in being completely insufferable. Dental Updates, original music and more? MAAAAAAANNNNN! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The duo is back in the mommydome! Gastrointestinal issues are the launching point for this episode and this time it's serious (brown talk). They discuss last week's live show and all that came with it. Tom and Christina highly recommend taking a train to wherever you may be headed. They share their observations about the Gaslamp district in San Diego and how finding a TGI Friday's can sometimes be a good thing. Everything bothers older people is a topic that touches both deeply, and a very special Fill Her Up/Seal Her Shut debuts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happy Thanksgiving! What are you thankful for? Hopefully, having Tommy and Tina in your life is at the top! If not, we hope you have a horrible holiday season. If your idea of celebrating thanksgiving is talking about suicide and death and how life will leave you any moment then this is the episode for you. Bryan Erwin is an old friend who should have been on the show AGES ago and now he's finally here. He's a comic and a dad and a husband and a felon. Just kidding - he really isn't much of a husband! HAHAHAHAHA. Bryan is simply the best. We talk about parenting and how you talk to your son about other stupid kids who try to ruin your kids life with regards to Santa and of course, sex. When our heroes begin doing bad commercials is when we know we are going to die soon. It isn't GREAZY. It's just life. Best of all, we get to introduce our buddy Bryan to some YMH classics! You'll see, mommy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices