Your Secret Is Safe With Me

The fear of dating again after a long period of not dating is definitely a factor that keeps some people from thinking clearly about what they want to do about their infidelity situation. In this episode, I'm addressing the terror and dislike many people have about contending with the world of dating, especially when they've been in committed relationships for years and find themselves navigating infidelity. I work with clients who are convinced the stakes of their infidelity situation are very high because if both of their relationships didn't work out, they would end up being single and having to deal with the dating scene. This seems like a very dire scenario for a lot of people who haven't dated for a long time. The truth is, unaddressed fears can keep us stuck in all sorts of weird and undesirable ways, and the fear of dating again is one of those fears that can keep us stuck in our infidelity situation for longer than we would like to be. Tune in this week to hear my insights on dating for the first time in a long time. You'll learn how to get clear on what you want out of the experience of dating, why having vague intentions gets you vague results, and how this applies whether you're using dating apps, meeting people the old-fashioned way, or trying any other approach to connecting with new humans. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/222 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Working with couples separately might seem counterintuitive when challenges arise. The dominant cultural narrative tells us that relationship problems require both partners in the same room with a therapist, working through issues together. But what if this approach actually reinforces the very dynamics that create unnecessary suffering in relationships? I regularly get asked if I work with affair couples, and the answer is absolutely yes - but not in the traditional couples counseling format. Instead, I work with affair partners concurrently but separately. This approach has nothing to do with the affair component of the relationship and everything to do with creating lasting change in relationship dynamics. Join me this week as I explain why I work with affair couples as individuals, and why this approach might be exactly what your relationship needs. You'll learn why your partner's actions aren't actually causing your feelings (even though it really seems like they are), the four options you have when your partner does something you don't like, and why taking radical responsibility for your own experience changes everything. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/221 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Going back and forth between two relationships can feel like being trapped in an endless ping-pong match. One moment you're certain about choosing your spouse, the next you're convinced your affair partner is the one. This exhausting cycle of changing your mind (sometimes within hours or even minutes) can leave you wondering if there's something fundamentally wrong with you. When you're caught between two people you genuinely care about, the act of choosing becomes surprisingly complex. I work with many clients who know they want to be in just one relationship, but they're struggling because they value both partners for very different reasons. They've done extensive comparisons, recognized they're choosing between two good options, and still can't seem to make a decision stick. Here's what most people don't understand: there's nothing wrong with you if you're struggling to choose. But you may need to completely shift how you're thinking about this decision. Tune in this week to learn why you're vacillating between two relationships, and how to break free from this pattern. You'll hear why your brain will probably throw a tantrum about having to make a decision, and the secret to making your chosen relationship thrive. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/220

Maybe you're in the midst of an affair, paralyzed by guilt and uncertainty. Maybe you're losing sleep, watching your health decline, and feeling like there's no good way out. Today, I want to share a remarkable story that might change how you see what's possible. The guilt was unbearable. Michael couldn't sleep, his health was declining, and he felt trapped between two worlds - a marriage that had become a roommate situation and memories of an affair that had awakened something he'd been missing for years. This week, I'm joined by my client Michael, who courageously shares his journey of wrestling with his infidelity situation. What emerged from our work together transformed not just Michael's romantic life, but his entire approach to decision-making and relationships. Join us today to discover why being "stuck" is often more damaging than taking action, how to make difficult decisions without having all the answers, the importance of being faithful to yourself, and how Michael created a positive post-divorce relationships. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/219

You're already making plans for tomorrow without knowing if the internet will crash, your dog will have an emergency, or an earthquake will hit. You're creating your future every single day, despite life's fundamental uncertainty. Yet when it comes to your infidelity situation, you might be waiting for a crystal ball to show you exactly how things will turn out before making any moves. So many people tell me they need to know what divorce feels like before deciding to get divorced, or they need 90% certainty their decision will work out well. They're looking for guarantees that life simply doesn't offer. Meanwhile, these same people confidently plan vacations, have children, and make career moves without any promise of how things will unfold. Join me this week to learn the difference between actively creating your future versus trying to predict it. You'll hear how you're creating your future every single day through your choices, both big and small, and how you already possess the power to deliberately shape your future. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/218

Have you ever felt proud of yourself for telling the truth… only to later wonder if you should have approached it differently? We often think of truth-telling as an absolute good - something that's always right and beneficial. But what if I told you that, sometimes, the truth we choose to tell isn't necessarily the most important or useful truth in a situation? This week, I share a story about how a dead rat smell in a yoga studio became the catalyst for a profound lesson about truth-telling, and how my well-intentioned truth-telling may have inadvertently created more problems than it solved. Through this cautionary tale, you'll discover why truth isn't always the straightforward virtue we think it is. I'll show you how even those of us who consider ourselves nuanced about honesty can get caught up in truth-telling fervor, and why the most important question isn't whether to tell the truth, but which truth is most useful to tell. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/217

Have you ever had someone walk out of your life without warning, only to reappear months later as if nothing happened? It's complicated enough when it happens in regular relationships. But when it involves an affair partner, the complexity multiplies tenfold. This kind of heartbreak hits differently when the relationship itself existed in secrecy, making the grief even more isolating. Join me this week as I tackle the heart-wrenching reality of what happens when an affair partner breaks your heart - and the even more complicated question of what to do if they come back. You'll learn how to stop waiting for someone else to change and start taking control of your own emotional well-being and future relationships. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/216

Have you ever thought about "checking out your options" before making a big relationship decision? It seems logical, right? Why make a life-changing choice without knowing what else is out there? When you're married but questioning whether you want to stay that way, the unknown can feel paralyzing. Join me this week as I dive into why people choose to secretly date while married and what actually happens when they do. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/215

Have you ever been paralyzed by the fear of making the "wrong" decision about your relationship(s)? Maybe you're considering leaving your marriage, ending an affair, or making another significant change in your relationship status. And maybe the fear of regret is keeping you stuck. Making major relationship decisions can feel like standing at the edge of a cliff, knowing that once you jump, there's no going back. In this episode, I break down exactly what to do when you find yourself living with relationship decisions you don't like, and share practical steps for addressing your dissatisfaction without spiraling into panic. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/214

Is it really okay to end something that's working well? After much consideration, I've decided to pause production of Your Secret is Safe With Me indefinitely while I pursue new creative endeavors. This decision wasn't made because anything is wrong—quite the opposite. My experience with this transition mirrors what many of my clients face in their relationships and life choices. There's often a belief that we shouldn't end something that's "good enough" or that we must finish everything we've started. But what if the most faithful act to ourselves is allowing evolution, even when it means leaving something valuable behind? This final episode explores the legitimacy of change and the permission we all deserve to give ourselves when moving in new directions. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/213