I'd Rather Be Reading

There aren’t many of us—if any of us—who aren’t experiencing stress. But what if I told you that a little stress isn’t just okay for us as humans, but it’s necessary? That’s what Dr. Sharon Horesh Bergquist writes about in her new book The Stress Paradox: Why You Need Stress to Live Longer, Healthier, and Happier, which is out March 25. Now, hear her out—in this fascinating book, she argues that a little bit of being uncomfortable can actually have majorly positive results towards our longevity and vitality. We as humans have, as Sharon writes about, gotten ourselves into a bit of a comfort conundrum—while our modern day comforts are certainly nice, they are stripping us of temporary stressors that actually make us better. Today on the show Sharon walks us through what the stress paradox is and how brief and intermittent stress, counter to what we might think, actually heals, repairs, and regenerates us. There is, it turns out, actually such a thing as good stress, and stress might kind of be getting a bit of a rebrand here. We talk about how to spot the difference between good stress and harmful stress, what stress induced growth is, what a hormetin is and how we activate them, five major steps to bring good stress into our lives that we can all start doing today, and so much more. When you think about it, it really makes sense—no diamond was created without a little pressure first, and applied in the right manner for the right duration, we as humans need that pressure to grow into something (or, rather, someone) beautiful, too. It’s really interesting. Sharon is an award-winning physician and visionary researcher who has helped lead numerous clinical trials, including the Emory Healthy Aging Study and the NIH-funded Emory Healthy Brain Study. She is widely published in peer-reviewed journals and has contributed to over 200 news segments, including on CNN, Good Morning America, NPR, The Wall Street Journal, and ABC News. She too is a podcaster and hosts “The Whole Health Cure” show, and her popular TED video on how stress affects the body has been viewed over 6 million times. She is a graduate of Yale and Harvard Medical School, and makes a really compelling case for stress actually being a necessary component to living our best lives.⁠The Stress Paradox: Why You Need Stress to Live Longer, Healthier, and Happier⁠ by Dr. Sharon Horesh Bergquist

Welcome back to week two of I’d Rather Be Reading season 16! Today on the show we have the lovely Grace Valentine, here to talk about her new book The Better Friend: 12 Truths to Shift from Shallow and One-Sided Connections to Vibrant Friendships, which comes out March 11. We talked a lot in season 15 about friendship, and the conversation is spilling over to season 16, too. Grace is a TEDx speaker, the host of the podcast “Water Into Wine,” and is the author of five books. She’s a contributing writer for Proverbs 31 Ministries—which I can’t get enough of—and Live Original. She is a native of one of my favorite cities, New Orleans, and is a graduate of Baylor, which is also where my husband graduated from! (Although, admittedly, we graduated a million years before Grace did.) Grace now makes her home in Atlanta and is earning a degree at Asbury Theological Seminary. In The Better Friend, Grace tackles shallow friendships and how friendships that don’t serve us can negatively impact our lives; she talks to us today about signs we might be settling in friendship; how to prioritize friendship in our busy lives; how to maintain friends and make new ones; her thoughts on long distance friendships and friendship breakups; what she wishes everyone knew about friendship; and her faith, which very obviously means so much to her. Take a listen to our powerful conversation.The Better Friend: 12 Truths to Shift from Shallow and One-Sided Connections to Vibrant Friendships by Grace Valentine

I am thrilled to be back with each and every one of you for season 16—and I am thrilled to be joined by our guest today, Neha Ruch, author of The Power Pause: How to Plan a Career Break After Kids—and Come Back Stronger Than Ever, which came out January 14. We’ve all heard that phrase about having it all, about work/life balance (which I find to be a fallacy), and how to juggle it all, and Neha’s book offers a really modern solution: the power pause, which she explains in this episode. After reading her book, truly, for the first time I thought, “I can actually maybe make all of my dreams work in life.” I learned about downshifting; about all of the stigma and shame that comes with being a stay-at-home parent, especially a stay-at-home mom; how to make the decision to take a career pause to settling into the day-to-day of a career pause to how to return from a career pause; how to make it work financially; how we become so attached to our job titles, and how to discover who we are beyond our titles; and how to find fulfillment in each stage of our lives, no matter where we’re at. I also learned that a power pause is not a career dead end, and that we might actually be setting ourselves up for a career comeback that leaves us better off than before. We also talk about how to announce this on LinkedIn, how it should show up on our resumes, and so much more. I am really excited for you to hear this conversation with Neha, and I’d love to tell you a little bit about her and the work she’s doing. First of all, The Power Pause has been so well-received—it’s a USA Today bestseller, for starters! Neha is the founder of Mother Untitled, the leading platform for ambitious women leaning into family life that is catalyzing a shift in how society views stay-at-home motherhood. She lives in Manhattan with her husband, their two children, and their dog Coconut. Take a listen!The Power Pause: How to Plan a Career Break After Kids—and Come Back Stronger Than Ever by Neha Ruch

Today I am chatting with one of my absolute favorite writers, the one and only Gretchen Rubin, about her forthcoming book Secrets of Adulthood: Simple Truths for Our Complex Lives, which comes out April 1. Gretchen writes here about the lessons she’s learned to making life more meaningful and satisfying, covering areas as wide ranging as self-improvement, adventure, the challenge of love, friendship, work, creativity, procrastination, tough decisions, pain, desire, getting it wrong, and consequences. The book teaches us, or reteaches us, about aphorisms, which Gretchen explains in today’s episode; we also talk about happiness, which is one of Gretchen’s chief topics she writes about, and she writes in the book that as to there being a so-called “secret to happiness” that “there’s no one best way—we each have to figure it out for ourselves.” In addition to happiness, much of Gretchen’s work centers around human nature and habits; we talk about her latest book but also some of her past work, too, as well as her #Read25in25 challenge, which I love. In addition to being a prolific writer, Gretchen is also an avid reader, and I hope by now she’s read the book I recommended to her on the show. You are probably already deeply familiar with her work—she’s written New York Times bestsellers like The Happiness Project, The Four Tendencies, Better Than Before, Outer Order Inner Calm, and Life in Five Senses, for starters—and she’s also a podcaster, hosting the top-ranked and award-winning “Happier with Gretchen Rubin.” Gretchen is one of the most forefront thought leaders out there today, and her books have sold a whopping 3.5 million copies worldwide and have been translated to more than 30 languages. Interestingly, Gretchen started her career in law, and realized she wanted to be a writer while she was clerking for none other than Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor. I can't wait for you to hear what Gretchen has to say.Secrets of Adulthood: Simple Truths for Our Complex Lives by Gretchen Rubin

What an absolute honor it is today to have the first ever African American Rockette, the fabulous Jennifer Jones, here with me to talk about her new book Becoming Spectacular: The Rhythm of Resilience from the First African American Rockette, which comes out February 18. What a powerhouse woman Jennifer is. The Radio City Music Hall Rockettes had been in existence for 62 years in 1987, when Jennifer broke barriers and became the first African American Rockette. She made her debut with the Rockettes on January 31, 1988—which was also Super Bowl Sunday, which was in San Diego that year. Jennifer takes us inside that moment in today’s conversation; she writes, poignantly, “Making history rarely feels like it in the moment.” Jennifer talks about the struggles she faced and her rock-bottom moments as she worked to achieve this dream; what it was like to be the first; dance and what it has meant to her life; what life as a Rockette was like—and Jennifer would know, as she was one for 15 years; her life after the Rockettes, including joining the cast of the acclaimed Broadway production of 42nd Street; her diagnosis with cancer and how she made it to the other side; and how, in her words from the book, “As I age, I feel more alive than ever.” Quick correction: I said in the episode that Jennifer was given five months to live; it was actually five years to live—but she beat the odds regardless. The Rockettes are an iconic dance troupe, but Jennifer is an iconic woman, and I know you’re going to fall in love with her as I did in this conversation. She is a Tony Award-winning dancer, a staunch advocate for equal rights in the arts, and her work has been celebrated by the Harlem School of the Arts, Radio City Music Hall, and Madison Square Garden. She is a survivor of colon cancer, and she fiercely promotes early screenings. She’s also written a children’s book called On the Line, and there exists a Limited Edition Dancing Jenn Doll, which is reflective of her dedication to the arts. I am so thankful to now know her.Becoming Spectacular: The Rhythm of Resilience from the First African-American Rockette by Jennifer Jones

We have a really powerful conversation today from a second time guest—Dr. Steven M. Gillon is back to talk to us about the U.S. presidents who served in World War II (there are seven of them!) and what that service meant to their lives. The last time Steven was here, we were talking about his friend JFK Jr.; today we’re talking about Eisenhower, JFK, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Reagan, and Bush 41 and how their service in World War II impacted them not just personally, but as president. If you do the math, Eisenhower took office in 1953 and George H.W. Bush left office in 1993, so that’s 40 years of the presidency shaped by this war. Today on the show Steven talks about the long shadow of World War II; which president’s war experience most stood out to him; how the men’s experiences in war differed, from Eisenhower as a general down to a teenage Bush; the power of service, either in war or in political office; how the war shaped them as men and as leaders; how their experience in war would later affect their foreign policy when president; the bond that serving in the war brought about amongst these men, even if they were political opponents; and so much more. Steven’s book, called Presidents at War: How World War II Shaped a Generation of Presidents, from Eisenhower and JFK Through Reagan and Bush, is out February 18, just in time for President’s Day the day prior. Steven is professor emeritus at the University of Oklahoma and a senior fellow at the Miller Center for the Study of the Presidency at the University of Virginia. He spent over two decades as scholar-in-residence at The History Channel, where he hosted shows, produced primetime documentaries, and consulted on projects. He is a New York Times bestselling author who has written more than a dozen books about modern American political and cultural history, including the bestsellers America’s Reluctant Prince: The Life of John F. Kennedy Jr. and The Pact: Bill Clinton, Newt Gingrich, and the Rivalry That Defined a Generation. I am so excited to have him back with us. Presidents at War: How World War II Shaped a Generation of Presidents, from Eisenhower and JFK Through Reagan and Bushby Dr. Steven M. Gillon

Right on the heels of my power punch conversation about love and grief with Loren Ridinger is an equally power punch conversation with friendship expert Anna Goldfarb, here, appropriately, on Galentine’s Day to talk about friendship, which you all know has been a running theme throughout season 15. I found this conversation with Anna to be so soul-enriching — I truly felt that I had met a new friend through our conversation. Anna talks to us today about what she wishes more people knew about friendship; she shares a powerful anecdote about her father and an old friend of his — sadly, like me, Anna lost her father far too soon; how society isn’t set up to support adult friendships and how we can prioritize friendship in a world where so much is competing for our attention; why friendships need an “about” and how many friends we can realistically give our time to; the difference between bathtub friends, jacuzzi friends, swimming pool friends, bonfire friends, and water park friends; what to do when a friendship feels unbalanced and when expectations between friends aren’t lining up; how we can be better friends; how desire, diligence, and delight are three keys to a happy friendship; and so much more. Anna is the author of the bookModern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections, which came out last June 4, and in it she puts forth the concept of “wholehearted friendship” and teaches us so many strategies for maintaining friendships, as well as making new ones. Anna’s explanation of active friendships versus memorial friendships was such a lightbulb moment for me — we have so much to learn from her. Anna is a journalist, author, and speaker specializing in the nuances of friendships, relationships, and pop psychology. Her work has appeared inThe New York Times, The Atlantic, TIME, VICE, The Cut, The Washington Post, Vox,Real Simple, and Oprah Daily, and she has a Substack, “Friendship Explained,” that explains friendship through a pop culture lens. I can’t wait for you to hear our conversation.Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connectionsby Anna Goldfarb

Today on the show we have the fantastic Loren Ridinger, author of the new bookScrambled or Sunny-Side Up?: Living Your Best Life After Losing Your Greatest Love,which is out today, February 11. On August 30, 2022, Loren lost her husband of nearly 26 years, JR Ridinger, while they were on vacation in Croatia. JR, who along with Loren is a successful entrepreneur behind Market America, died suddenly of a pulmonary embolism. He and Loren had been together a total of 36 years, and Loren was left to navigate her overwhelming grief while also maintaining the company they built together. This is a memoir, but it’s also a relatable read to anyone going through grief — and I know that is so many of us. In addition to being a distinguished entrepreneur and cofounder of Market America, a leading global product brokerage and internet marketing company, Loren is also extremely well-connected and has a strong circle of celebrity friends; one friend, Serena Williams, even wrote the foreword for the book. The book’s title is so rich in meaning that I don’t want to spoil it — I want you all to get the power punch I did by reading the book’s pages. At its heart,Scrambled or Sunny-Side Up? is a love story. In this episode, Loren tells us about JR and their deep love and how he still shows up for her two-and-a-half years after his passing; she shares advice for those grieving and the lessons she’s learned; the worst things you can say to someone who is grieving; and how to live your dash. In addition to founding Market America with JR in 1992, Loren is CEO of Market America Worldwide | SHOP.COM and is also the creator of the cosmetic line Motives, is a dedicated philanthropist, and a sought-after speaker. She’s got so much wisdom to share with us.Scrambled or Sunny-Side Up?: Living Your Best Life After Losing Your Greatest Loveby Loren Ridinger

Today is an extra special episode — it’s officially our 300th episode of the show! I am so proud of this. In an appropriate nod to reaching the milestone of 300 episodes, we’re talking today about how to make the most of our days, weeks, months, years — how to savor our time. We’re chatting with Dr. Cassie Holmes about her 2022 bookHappier Hour: How to Beat Distraction, Expand Your Time, and Focus on What Matters Most. In the book, Cassie puts forth that time is our most precious resource; in this conversation, we talk about time poverty and how it impacts a life; how she got started in this work; if having too much time on our hands is also a negative; effective time-crafting exercises like time tracking; how we are less happy when we’re distracted; treating our weekends like vacations; hedonic adaptation and what that means; and how her work is not necessarily about being time rich or making more time, but making the time that wedo have more rich. It’s not about how much time you have, necessarily, but how it’s spent. We also talk about why women feel more time poor than men, and how Cassie’s work helps us look back on our lives without regret, knowing we made the most of the time we have.Happier Hourhas become a massive hit since it came out, and I’m really excited to share it with you today. Cassie Holmes is a professor at UCLA’s Anderson School of Management, where she’s an award-winning teacher and researcher. Her work on the intersection of time and happiness has been featured everywhere fromThe New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Economist, NPR,The Washington Post, The Atlantic, and more, and she is a graduate of both Columbia and Stanford’s Graduate School of Business.Happier Hour: How to Beat Distraction, Expand Your Time, and Focus on What Matters Most by Dr. Cassie Holmes

Stress and burnout are common and pervasive problems in our society. As today’s guest Dr. Aditi Nerurkar writes in her new bookThe 5 Resets: Rewire Your Brain and Body for Less Stress and More Resilience — which came out January 16 — “Stress and burnout aren’t the exception anymore, they’re the rule.” It turns out that we’re all trapped in the stress paradox, where we are completely isolated in our togetherness with stress. Today on the show we talk about that, as well as the five resets she outlines in her book: No. 1, Get Clear on What Matters Most; No. 2: Find Quiet in a Noisy World; No. 3: Sync Your Brain and Your Body; No. 4: Come Up for Air; and No. 5: Bring Your Best Self Forward. We pack so much in today’s episode, including explaining both the multitasking myth and the resilience myth; how not all stress is bad stress, necessarily; how critical digital boundaries are, as being hyperconnected is actually being disconnected; what popcorn brain is; and so much more. It’s a really interesting conversation, and we leave it with hope that no one’s stress is too far gone to be fixed. That’s right — no one! Dr. Nerurkar is a Harvard stress expert, nationally sought after speaker, and television correspondent, and writes that these five small but mighty mindset shifts can help us all overcome our stress. She is an expert in stress, burnout, resilience, and mental health, and her work has been featured inThe New York Times, The Washington Post, The Atlantic, Good Morning America, The Today Show, and NPR. She found that, even though stress plays a role in nearly 80 percent of doctor visits, only 3 percent of doctors actually offer stress management tips; her work closes that gap. If you’re ready to get rid of stress and burnout for good, this episode is for you. The 5 Resets: Rewire Your Brain and Body for Less Stress and More Resilienceby Dr. Aditi Nerurkar