Connectfulness Practice

Life gets bumpy at times.  We as humans make mistakes, we cause harm, things can get awkward or uncomfortable.  This doesn’t change when you learn new relational skills.  We never stop having those moments in our intimate relationships.  We just get better at sitting with the awkward and imperfect.  In this episode, I chat with Gina Senarighi about what happens when we bring the observational self onboard and practice being in the awkward with our partners.  We discuss perfectionism, creativity, pleasure and play, shifting from judgment to curiosity, and making the most of things versus going into a sulky place.  The lesson Gina and I both have learned in our relationships and in our work is that there is no perfect relational tool to end conflict or mistake-making.  The real transformational practice is getting comfortable with discomfort and in staying present.RESOURCES:Get to know more about Gina Senarighi at HeyGina.comListen to Gina Senarighi dish out relationship advice on The Swoon PodcastLearn more about Gina’s online relationship course at SwoonWithUs.comCheck out Gina’s new relationship workbook, Love More, Fight LessIf you enjoyed this episode and want to dive in deeper, consider joining one of Rebecca’s online offerings to deepen your relational skills and expand your Self-care. Learn more at connectfulness.com/offeringsAlso, please check out our sister podcast, Why Does My Partner.This podcast is not a substitute for counseling with a licensed provider.Mentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

When conflict arises in our relationships, what does it mean to shift from 1st consciousness to 2nd consciousness? It has a lot to do with shifting from a preoccupation of the self into self-awareness of our own “going up” and “going down” as well as curiosity about other perspectives. This alone is a complex conversation, but believe it or not, it’s one that can be grasped and practiced quicker than you’d think.  And once you have an understanding of it, it’s like someone’s turned a light on and you realize there’s so much more you can see clearly. Full disclaimer though: this is only the beginning! Self-awareness and 2nd consciousness is a life-long practice with many more lightbulbs to turn on along the way. Like all new things, it’s wobbly and awkward at times. Perfection just isn’t a thing when it comes to being human. (Does that disappoint you to hear or does it release you?) Vickey Easa and I love musing on these things and we really dig in this week on the podcast. Tune in as we talk about the message perfection is really sending, both inwardly and outwardly, why contempt is always the thing behind being less than or better than, and how Vickey and I are both still working on all of this in our own lives.RESOURCES:Learn more about Vickey Easa at VickeyEasa.com and download her free guide at YourDecisionDiva.comAnd, if you haven’t already, be sure to check out our podcast, W,hy Does My Partner, that Vickey and I cohost along with our dear friend and colleague Jules Shore.Ready to transform your relationship?  Join Vickey, Jules, and me at our upcoming Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp on Nov. 20 & 21. If you enjoyed this episode and want to dive in deeper, Rebecca has a few online offerings to deepen your relational skills and expand your Self care. Learn more at connectfulness.comThis podcast is not a substitute for counseling with a licensed provider.Mentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

So often, we tend to think of boundaries in a punitive way, a way to protect us after something has happened.  They often show up as consequences, even sometimes creating a continuous cycle of retaliation and defensiveness.  But what if there was a way of thinking about them as a protection that helps us understand how to be relational—A protective layer for your relationships to ensure needs are met while preventing resentment or hurt?  It’s not only possible, it’s so necessary.  There’s a catch though:  As my latest guest, Sharon Martin. MSW, LCSW, will tell you, you need to know who you are and what you need, in order to put healthy boundaries into place.  And, since so many of us weren’t raised with healthy boundaries as children or maybe weren’t given age-appropriate space to discover who we are, this presents some messy boundary issues for us as adults.  Listen in as Sharon tells us why we all deserve healthy boundaries and how we can make small shifts that make a huge difference in our lives and relationships.RESOURCES:Learn more about Sharon Martin, MSW, LCSW and her work at Livewellwithsharonmartin.comPre-Order Sharon’s new book, The Better Boundaries Workbook, on Amazon, available 11/1/2021.If you enjoyed this episode and want to dive in deeper, consider joining one of Rebecca’s online offerings to deepen your relational skills and expand your Self care. Learn more at connectfulness.com/offeringsAlso, please check out the new WHY DOES MY PARTNER short form weekly podcast.This podcast is not a substitute for counseling with a licensed provider. Mentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

Dr. Stan Tatkin and Kara Hoppe, psychotherapists and co-authors of Baby Bomb: A Relationship Survival Guide for New Parents, join the podcast to share their wisdom on creating secure, purposeful relationships in a world that is indifferent to us.  They explain why this relationship is so imperative, especially when it comes to raising healthy, happy children.Stan and Kara both bring a wealth of understanding of neurobiology and personal relational experience to this conversation. We talk about the importance of humor, how suffering can motivate us toward change, and how we can shift from being feeling-centered to purpose-centered in our relationship.  All of this ultimately makes us better parents and creates a secure relational foundation for our children.  In other words, this is how we parents can make it through the overwhelm, heal wounds for future generations, and begin to create the world we want to live in.Whether you’re expecting your first child, are deep in the throes of raising children already, or just want to be a parent someday, this conversation is for you. RESOURCES:Learn more about Dr. Stan Tatkin, his upcoming trainings and retreats and more at https://www.thepactinstitute.com/  Follow him on social media: Twitter, Facebook, InstagramLearn more about Kara Hoppe and her upcoming virtual retreats for couples at https://www.karahoppe.com/  Follow her on social media: Twitter, Facebook, InstagramBuy their book, Baby Bomb: A Relationship Survival Guide for New Parents, on Amazon or Bookshop.org.Listen to Rebecca’s conversation with Dr. Stan Tatkin from Season 1 of the Connectfulness podcast, Episode 6 “Why Are Relationships Difficult? With Stan Tatkin”connectfulness.comIf you enjoyed this episode and want to dive in deeper, consider joining one of Rebecca’s online offerings to deepen your relational skills and expand your Self care. Learn more at connectfulness.com/offeringsAlso, please check out the new WHY DOES MY PARTNER short form weekly podcast. This podcast is not a substitute for counseling with a licensed provider. Mentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

The pandemic isn’t over yet, but life is opening back up again.  For some of us reopening can feel like whiplash just as much as it did when everything suddenly shut down.  This comes as a surprise for so many because who of us didn’t dream about what we were most looking forward to doing when the world reopened again?  It turns out it’s not so simple.With everything opening up so rapidly, it takes slowing down to reflect and notice what is bubbling up for us. In this episode, we explore windows of tolerance and how we can stay grounded and in our bodies as we test out the different facets of re-entry.  We also hold tight to the lessons learned over the last year and question how we can be more intentional in how we redesign our lives going forward.  There is wisdom in what we do to survive.  For all the challenges, pain, and grief of the past year or more, there is also gratitude, joy, and possibly even a fear of forgetting.  As Paola Bailey, Psy.D. says, “We have an opportunity and you have to claim it.”This is our last episode of the season. We’ll return in late September with a fresh new season. RESOURCES:Paola Bailey, Psy.D. is a bi-cultural, tri-lingual, clinical psychologist who works online with clients in NY and CA thru a feminist psychotherapy and trauma-informed lens. You can find her online at paolabailey.com and on Instagram @drpaolabailey.connectfulness.comIf you enjoyed this episode and want to dive in deeper, consider joining one of Rebecca’s online offerings to deepen your relational skills and expand your Self care. Learn more at connectfulness.com/offeringsAlso, please check out the new WHY DOES MY PARTNER short form weekly podcast. This podcast is not a substitute for counseling with a licensed provider. Mentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

No matter where you are on your healing journey, this episode has much to offer about therapy and setting boundaries. It highlights a gentle way to approach long term healing and reinforces the value of discerning and setting boundaries that keep our selves safe and deepen our relationships.Relationships are foundational to our individual and collective wellbeing. Generation after generation of intergenerational trauma have imparted messages that tell us it's selfish/unsafe to focus on our selves. In this episode, we explore how compassionate self inquiry helps expand our understanding of boundaries beyond protection and walls towards invitations for deeper closeness. Healthy relationships feel expansive. Therapy helps us become more expansive, healthier humans, more connected to our full messy, authentic, human selves, to others, and more present in the world. As Esther Boykin says, “therapy is not a dirty word.” RESOURCES:Esther Boykin is a psychotherapist who wants to live in a world where everyone believes that Therapy Is Not A Dirty Word. Whether in her role as CEO of Group Therapy Associates, a coach, consultant, author, or media expert, she works daily to make mental health accessible, innovative, and culturally relevant for all people. Find Esther online at estherboykin.com, grouptherapyassociates.com, therapyisnotadirtyword.com, and on instagram: @estherbmft. connectfulness.comIf you enjoyed this episode and want to dive in deeper, consider joining one of Rebecca’s online offerings to deepen your relational skills and expand your Self care. Learn more at connectfulness.com/offeringsAlso, please check out the new WHY DOES MY PARTNER short form weekly podcast. This podcast is not a substitute for counseling with a licensed provider. Mentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

Kelly McDaniel, LPC returns to the podcast (she joined us on episode 28: The Legacy of Chronic Loneliness) to explore the legacy of maternal deprivation. Her upcoming book, Mother Hunger, soothes the legacy of shame that accompanies being under-mothered. Mother Hunger addresses the constant search for love —nurturance, protection, and guidance— that may lead to a lifelong quest for what was missing. It’s not about critiquing how you were raised, rather it’s about learning how to heal and re-parent the hungry parts inside. Healing begins with knowing and naming what we are missing.If you’re one of many who feel a sense of dread and grief as Mother's Day nears, these feelings may be related to Mother Hunger and I hope this episode helps you feel a little less alone.RESOURCES:Kelly McDaniel's Website: kellymcdanieltherapy.comPreorder the “Mother Hunger” bookconnectfulness.comIf you enjoyed this episode and want to dive in deeper, consider joining one of Rebecca’s online offerings to deepen your relational skills and expand your Self care. Learn more at connectfulness.com/offeringsAlso, please check out the new WHY DOES MY PARTNER short form weekly podcast. This podcast is not a substitute for counseling with a licensed provider. Mentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

Our society is constructed to benefit White people, whether they're conscious of it or not. The “norm” we’ve inherited centers an oppressive and privileging system when it comes to equity and power. And it plays out in relationships...In this episode, Francesca Maximé joins us to explore how interracial partners can embody anti-racism in their relationship. We explore how blind spots and racial misattunements affect interracial relationships. And we discuss how to build more equitable partnerships.White Partners: You may have to practice sitting with discomfort, be honest about what you don't know, educate yourself, and lean into curiously opening conversations with your partner about their experience and how it differs from yours. (This episode was recorded at the end of 2020.)RESOURCES:Francesca Maximé, LMSW is the host of the #ReRooted trauma, neuroscience and social justice podcast on the Be Here Now Network. Learn More about her offerings at maximeclarity.com. Embodied Anti-Racism: A Mindfulness Way for Therapists and Helping Professionals6-Week Online Course Embodied Antiracism: Examining Whiteness for Equitable ActivismMore Resources Mentioned:Whiteawake.org "Before We Were White"The Center for the Study of White American CultureBuilding a Multiracial CommunityLifting the White VeilHistorical Foundations of RaceSocial location: what people meanIf you enjoyed this episode and want to dive in deeper, consider joining the next cohort of Rebecca’s Supporting Your Relational Self 6-week-online-course. We untangle core issues that affect us all in relationships, cultivate sustaining practices, and weave in relational skills to expand your Self care. Learn more at connectfulness.com/offeringsThis podcast is not a substitute for counseling with a licensed provider. Mentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

My colleagues Jules and Vickey and I just launched a new podcast and I am super excited to share it with you, so I'm sharing it here!!In this trailer, we're sharing the story of how we met, how we've come to work together, how this podcast came to be, and what you can expect in future episodes. We're calling this podcast Why Does My Partner (or Why Doesn't My Partner, it's interchangeable) because these are the questions we hear over and over again in our offices. We believe these questions lead to the GOLD of relational healing and the answers under these questions will bring us deep into the skills at the heart of deeper relational intimacy, greater health, and fulfillment. Share your questions with us at: whydoesmypartner.com!If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at WhyDoesMyPartner.comThis podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider. Mentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

Today’s guest, Dr. Rick Butts, cofounded the Healing Our Core Issues Institute (HOCII). We discuss how the nature of the child —to be imperfect and human— is linked to how we humans come to know ourselves as we mature. We explore the woundings, teachings and adaptations that shape us in our formative years and become how we present in the world. And we examine the tasks of recovering our sense of self which comes when we can see and accept ourselves as human in all areas of our life. These teaching have opened many inroads to my own healing journey and I hope this episode helps you, wherever you are on your journey. Past episodes referenced:Journey to Discover the Self with Jan BergstromGenerational Healing with La Shanda SuggInherited Family Trauma with Mark WolynnWelcoming Our Protective Systems with Julianne Taylor ShoreResources:healingourcoreissuesinstitute.comdrrickbutts.comLearn more about Rebecca’s practice at connectfulness.com and explore her upcoming online offerings: If you enjoyed this episode and want to dive in deeper, consider joining the next cohort of my Supporting Your Relational Self 6-week-online-course. This course is based on the teachings of Pia Mellody. We’ll cultivate lifelong practices to sustain you, untangle core issues that affect us all in relationships, and weave in relational skills to expand your Self care practices. Learn more at connectfulness.com/offeringsAlso, my colleagues Jules Shore and Vickey Easa and I are currently working behind the scenes to produce and launch a new podcast. And we are also offering another authorized online presentation of Terry Real's RLT Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more about the podcast and the bootcamp at WhyDoesMyPartner.comThis podcast is not a substitute for counseling with a licensed provider. Subscribe at: https://connectfulness-practice.captivate.fm/listenMentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind