How To!

Once upon a time, Ashley met a man and fell in love. Now, she’s ready to get down on one knee and pop the question. But with so few women proposing to men, she’s not sure how to go about it. In this episode of How To!, we bring in Caroline Kitchener, staff writer for The Washington Post’s The Lily, to share her own unlikely proposal story. She tells Ashley not to worry about stealing a man’s thunder. As for planning the perfect engagement, forget flash mobs and diamond rings — Kitchener says a relationship contract is the first step for a successful marriage.Do you have a burning question or a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How To! gave dozens of people advice this year about solving their problems. Now, we track a few of them down to see how our experts’ suggestions transformed their lives. We follow up with an actor trying to get buff to play a superhero, a bachelor hoping to cook one perfect meal, a therapist who can’t fall asleep, an American expat who can’t decide where to live and a former cop who suffers anxiety attacks. We discover a bunch of useful tips for achieving change that sticks — just in time for 2020.Do you have a burning question or a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mary’s mother needs a new kidney — as long as it doesn’t come from Mary. What’s a daughter to do? In this episode of How To!, Mary hears from Larissa MacFarquhar, author of a book on extreme altruism, to learn how to convince ourselves — and others — to do the most generous things.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now.(This episode originally aired on July 30, 2019) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jessica is only 26, but says her memory is ‘worse than my mother’s.’ She forgets friends’ birthdays, important details at work and worries that life is passing her by. In this episode of How To!, we bring in Joshua Foer, a former U.S.A. Memory Champion who wrote Moonwalking with Einstein: The Art and Science of Remembering Everything, to help Jessica train her brain. Josh says you don’t have to be a memory champion to have a superhuman ability to remember — you just have to pay attention and let your imagination run wild (the raunchier the better).Do you have a burning question or a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ben aka ‘Sleepless in San Francisco’ hasn’t been able to get a good night’s rest for over a decade. He’s tried noise machines, medication, vodka, even eating cheese -- but nothing has worked. It’s harming his health, his career and his dating life. In this episode of How To!, we bring in Andy Puddicombe, a former Buddhist monk and co-founder of the meditation app Headspace, to help Ben hit the hay. Andy’s first tip to get more sleep at night? Start with ten minutes of meditation in the morning.Do you have a burning question or a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Owen is about to graduate from high school and has no idea what he wants to do next. Owen doesn’t seem worried, but his mom, Lisa, is freaking out. In this episode of How To!, we get help from Julie Lythcott-Haims, former Stanford dean and author of How to Raise an Adult. Julie regrets dragging her own son off to college before he was ready. Pushing your child into adulthood, she says, means asking the right questions — and then getting out of the way.Do you have a burning question or a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jonny is a 26-year-old bachelor whose cooking often leads to heartache (and for one ex-girlfriend, a stomachache). Jonny admits he’s a klutz in the kitchen, so we hooked him up with Sam Sifton, cookbook raconteur and head of the New York Times’ Cooking section, to see if we can teach our lovelorn millennial to cook one perfect meal. Is romantic bliss just a well-browned chicken thigh away?(This episode first aired on August 13, 2019)Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Traci is a single, professional woman looking for love. She builds furniture in her spare time, enjoys dancing and can’t believe she has to devote an hour each day to swiping through photos and sending flirty texts. Traci’s quest for romance is made harder by the fact that, as a black woman, she has to put up with more nonsense than usual. In this episode of How To! we ask Thirst Aid Kit hosts Nichole Perkins and Bim Adewunmi to share their insights on modern desire. They revamp Traci’s profile, swap stories and share tips about how to thrive at online dating.Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.comSlate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mike’s dream job of playing bass in a Chicago orchestra is within reach — if only he can conquer his nerves and master the audition. In this episode of How To!, we bring in Dr. Don Greene, a peak performance psychologist who’s worked with Wall Street traders and Olympic athletes, to see if he can help Mike perform his best under the spotlight. The secret? Jumping jacks, extra sleep, and watching reruns of The Office.Do you have a problem that needs solving? Have you found the advice on our podcast helpful? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sophie is a typical mom … who runs ultramarathons in her spare time. She’s pretty tough but an upcoming 268-mile race across the loneliest parts of England is freaking her out. In this episode of How To! we turned to Wim Hof, aka “The Iceman” for advice. Because when you are worried about pain, you should definitely consult a Dutch extreme athlete who sits in freezing water for fun. (Really!)(This episode first aired on July 30, 2019)Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices