How To!

Back in 2018, newly elected U.S. Representative Katie Hill was a rising star in the Democratic Party. Then unauthorized nude photos of her were leaked to a right-wing blog by her estranged husband, triggering a House Ethics investigation. Katie denied the worst allegations but admitted to a relationship with a female subordinate on her campaign, and, amid immense pressure, resigned her seat. Since then she has written a new memoir She Will Rise, and continues to fight for her reputation. In this episode of How To!, we bring on Jon Ronson, the author of So You've Been Publicly Shamed, to help Katie understand what she went through and put it behind her. They discuss other examples of public shaming and how gender factors into the equation. Who determines the appropriate level of accountability and how do you know when you’ve apologized enough? No matter what happened, Jon says, we should all think twice before piling on to a public shaming.If you liked this episode, check out “How To Say the Right Thing at the Worst Time.”Do you have a relationship you’d like to mend? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On a recent phone call Shannon’s mom didn’t mince words: The only way she’d vote for Joe Biden is if Jesus himself comes down and tells her to. Growing up in a conservative household, Shannon understands her parents’ support for Trump. But she no longer sees eye-to-eye with them and every time they talk about politics it turns into a fight. The result is a complete fraying of their relationship. In this episode of How To!, we bring on Bill Doherty, professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota, and co-founder of the non-profit Braver Angels, to help Shannon and her parents navigate this heated election season. The most important thing to remember, Bill says, is that you can’t change your parents’ minds. But you can still save your relationship by recognizing shared values and treating each other as people, not political opponents.If you liked this episode, check out “How To Get a Stubborn Parent to Listen.”Do you have a relationship you’d like to mend? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

John needs to shed 15-20 pounds. At age 72, on the cusp of retirement, he wants to reduce his blood pressure medication and have more energy to travel. John knows how to lose weight—at an earlier point in his life he lost more than 50 pounds! But now he’s gained much of it back, and with his wife baking him more sweets during the pandemic, he can’t motivate himself to keep the weight off. In this episode of How To!, we bring on Katy Milkman, a behavioral economist at the University of Pennsylvania to help John try some new mental tricks to achieve his goals. Start by reengineering your environment, Katy says, then create a concrete plan with loved ones who can hold you accountable. John can use a turning point, like his impending retirement, to kickstart a new weight-loss regimen that sticks.If you liked this episode, check out “How To Lose 155 Pounds Happily.”Do you have a bad habit you need to break? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One day in 1987, a young girl in a small town in upstate New York disappeared and then turned up dead. For seven years her murder went unsolved, until police finally caught the killer, a local man whom everyone knew. The town would never be the same, according to our listener Jen who grew up there. She’s a true crime fanatic and first-time podcaster who wants to investigate how the murderer got away with it for so long. In this episode of How To!, we bring on Jessica Garrison, a BuzzFeed News senior editor of investigations and author of the book The Devil’s Harvest. She shares the story of a notorious California contract killer who got away with more than 30 murders over 3 decades before he was brought to justice. In order to understand how that could happen, Jessica says, you need to look at the victims, who are often powerless and overlooked by society because of their class, race or immigration status. The ways in which we tell their stories can have outsized consequences on the entire criminal justice system.If you liked this episode, check out “How To Forgive the Unforgivable.”Do you have a mystery in your life you need help solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Shayne defuses bombs for the military, but in his personal life he’s terrified of confrontation. Take, for example, the time his kids’ babysitter cleaned out a week’s worth of groceries from his fridge and he never said anything. Shayne wants to be understanding and give people the benefit of the doubt, but he ends up feeling taken advantage of time and time again. On this episode of How To!, we bring in Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator and author of Never Split the Difference, to help Shayne stand up for himself. No matter how conflict-averse you are there are a few key ways you can persuade people to give you what you want—whether you’re arguing at home with your spouse, trying to get a free upgrade at a hotel, or, in Chris’s case, negotiating with terrorists. Empathy can be a powerful tool, Chris says, if you know how to use it. If you liked this episode, check out “How To Convince People to Give You Money.”Are you worried about accomplishing your goals? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

College application season is here and Aria, a 17 year-old senior, is stressing—even more than usual. At her high school in Chicago’s south suburbs, she gets good grades, is on the cheer team, in multiple honor societies, leads the choral ensemble, and hosts her own feminist podcast. But now that Aria’s learning remotely during a pandemic, her anxiety is off the charts. How can she possibly choose a college, much less a career, amid such uncertainty? In this episode of How To!, we bring in Eve Ewing, a multi-talented poet, author, and sociologist, to help Aria work through her worries about the future. Like Aria, Eve spent time in Chicago-area public schools—first as a student and then, to her own surprise, as a teacher. Eve knows you can’t plan your exact path from Point A to Z. Instead, just focus on taking the next best step forward, Eve says, and trust that when you do, you’ll be getting that much closer to the person you’re destined to become.If you liked this episode, check out “How To Perform Under Pressure.”Are you worried about accomplishing your goals? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Thirteen-year-old Henry seems like a model son. He gets good grades, plays on the hockey team, and has a solid group of friends. But Henry’s been spending a lot more time on the Internet during the pandemic, and recently brought up something that troubled his parents—that a woman could ruin a man’s career by accusing him of sexual harassment. Now his parents wonder what other forms of toxic masculinity Henry is learning online and in the locker room. In this episode of How To!, we bring on Peggy Orenstein, author of Boys & Sex, to share what she’s learned about how to raise a boy into a modern man. When it comes to sex and consent, Peggy says, this shouldn’t be one single talk. Instead, over the course of many conversations, help your kids understand that most media—and especially porn—does not portray sex realistically. Try to talk about intimacy in a positive way, rather than just warning your son what to avoid or how things can go wrong.If you liked this episode, check out “How To Get Your Kid to Finally Grow Up.”Do you need help having a hard conversation? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Anna is sure the amount of time her two children spend on YouTube or Roblox cannot be good for them. With remote learning this fall, Anna is worried their addiction to screens is only going to worsen, stunting their imagination and exposing them to dangers online. In this episode of How To!, we bring on Devorah Heitner, author of Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World, to help Anna figure out the most constructive ways to monitor and guide her children’s screen time. The first step, Devorah says, is to realize not all screen time is created equal. Stop thinking of technology as the enemy. Instead, how can you help your kids translate their obsession with video games or social media into real-world skills?If you liked this episode, check out “How To Put Down Your Phone.”Do you have a bad habit you need to break? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mitchell is a physical therapy student who dreams of revolutionizing the industry. What if physical therapists and their patients weren’t so constrained by insurance companies? His classmates and professors think he’s crazy, but Mitchell thinks disrupting the status quo could help a lot of people—if only he knew how to get started. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Guy Raz, the host of NPR’s How I Built This and author of the new book of the same title, to share what he’s learned from the hundreds of entrepreneurs who have come on his podcast. When calculating risk vs. reward, Guy says, think about the difference between something being scary vs. dangerous. It’s scary to build a startup and potentially fail, but think how dangerous it would be to have a boring job always wondering “what if”?If you liked this episode, check out “How To Fire Your Daughter.”Do you have a dream you wish you could turn into reality? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Expert tips for navigating a most unusual back-to-school season. A special three-part series coming September 1st! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices