How To!

Shirley loves her job as a product manager for a startup, but she can’t stand her manager. He’s inefficient, old-fashioned, and entirely unsupportive of her work. “Just so you know, you don’t deserve this,” he told Shirley when she recently got promoted. Is there anything Shirley can do to make her work situation better? On this episode of How To, we bring on Patty McCord, former chief talent officer for Netflix and author of Powerful: Building a Culture of Freedom and Responsibility, to give Shirley some tips. Shirley ought to approach the situation the same way she would any product she works on: “Be the person that is the problem fixer, not the problem finder,” says Patty. Complaining or staging a coup will go nowhere, but approaching your manager with tangible solutions for improving your relationship could make a difference. If you liked this episode, check out: “How To Get That Promotion You Deserve.”Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Diane feels like she’s constantly picking fights with her partner Mohammed—when he forgets to grab tomatoes from the grocery store or drops the ball on planning their son’s birthday party. Their conflicts are complicated by layers of cultural differences: Mohammed is a Syrian refugee, Diane is an American, and they live in the Netherlands. “He lived through a war, so I can’t win any argument,” says Diane, who is increasingly desperate to find a solution. On this episode of How To!, we bring on investigative journalist Amanda Ripley, author of High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out. Amanda reveals that conflict can actually be good—as long as anger, and not contempt, is at its core. Drawing from her research on astronauts, gang members and politicians, Amanda coaches Diane through techniques that can help all of us have better fights. If you liked this episode, check out: “How To Win Arguments Like a Hostage Negotiator.”Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dating is always tough, but during a pandemic it can feel downright impossible. “I’m incredibly lonely, and it’s impossible to meet anybody my age right now,” our listener Sarah said. Feeling isolated, Sarah has clung to a friends-with-benefit situation with Matthew, her friend and dance partner. But at 36, Sarah knows the relationship isn’t meant to last. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Logan Ury, director of relationship science at Hinge, dating coach, and author of How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love, to help Sarah break up with Matthew and move on. And moving on, Logan says, doesn’t necessarily mean just dating. What Sarah might really be missing is a community—and so she ought to search for not only a romantic partner but also friends who function as “other significant others.”If you liked this episode, check out: “How To Find Your First Kiss at 38.”Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When Shellye Archambeau walked into her first meeting as a board member of Verizon, she felt a moment of panic. “Do I actually belong at this table?” she remembers thinking. Shellye, one of the first Black women to work as the CEO of a tech company in Silicon Valley, has struggled over the years with what’s commonly known as “impostor syndrome”—the feeling that you are a phony, despite all evidence to the contrary. On this episode of How To!, Shellye, the author of Unapologetically Ambitious, gives advice to Hannah, a medical student who is struggling with the same feelings of self-doubt, particularly as she’s about to treat patients for the first time. Can Shellye help Hannah tame her impostor syndrome so she can be an effective physician? “I can’t tell people how to get over it,” Shellye says. “But I can tell you how to deal with it.”If you liked this episode, check out “How To Be a Badass On and Off the Court.”Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're all have to give a presentation at some point in our lives — on a stage, in a conference room, and, these days, on Zoom. So what makes a good speech? On this episode of How To!, we bring on Chris Anderson, the head of TED Talks and author of TED Talks: The Official TED Guide to Public Speaking. Chris gives us the inside scoop on the famous speaking series and breaks down some of the greatest speeches of all time. Then we present Chris with an unusual challenge from a 6th-grader named Lucy. She wrote in asking for help with a speech she is planning to give to her school board about improving her school. Can the head of TED help our 6th-grade listener with the biggest speech of her young life?If you liked this episode, check out our episode featuring Guy Raz, the former host of TED Radio Hour: “How To Become Your Own Boss With Guy Raz.”Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Imagine you’re floating in the middle of the Pacific Ocean on a boat the size of an SUV. You have no working electronics, no food or water, and only a styrofoam box to shade you from the sun. Your only companion is a 22-year-old who has little seafaring experience. How would you survive? On this episode of How To!, we bring on Jonathan Franklin, author of 438 Days, to tell us the incredible story of José Salvador Alvarenga, a shark fisherman who survived at sea for over 14 months. Jonathan says that Alvarenga was a pro at being resourceful—surviving on bird meat, shark livers, and sea turtle blood—but the real key to his survival was mental. For much of his journey, Alvarenga took care of his younger companion, Jonathan says, and it was this caregiving motivation more than anything else that kept Alvarenga alive. If you liked this episode, check out the first episode in our two-part series: “How To Survive in the Wild Part 1.”Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever wondered how you’d fare in the wild? What you’d do when facing off against a rattlesnake or staring down a polar bear? On this episode of How To!, the first in a two-part series, we dive into two extreme scenarios worthy of their own action movies. First, Kyle Dickman, author of On the Burning Edge and a former hotshot firefighter, opens up about the time he truly feared for his life—not fighting wildfires, but crossing paths with a rattlesnake on a family hike. Next, we’ll bring on Jill Fredston, author of Snow Sense and Rowing to Latitude who has fought avalanches for decades only to realize the mountain doesn’t care about our sense of self-confidence. Though their experiences may seem remote, they can teach all of us something about risk, luck, and how to coexist with nature. If you liked this episode, check out “How To Withstand Pain.”Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Laura’s dad lived an unusual life. He raised 12 children on a farm without running water in the Texas countryside while also programming his own website that connected families, for free, with help when they were going through difficult times. Ever since he passed away this January, Laura has been searching for a way to tell his story, hoping to ultimately post what she writes about her father on Facebook. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Glenn Rifkin, author of Future Forward and veteran obituary writer at the New York Times, to help Laura craft the perfect remembrance. A good place for Laura to start, Glenn says, is to interview the many members of her family, acting as a reporter to gather as many stories about her dad as she can. If you liked this episode, check out “How To Say the Right Thing at the Worst Time.”Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For years, Stella helped raise twin girls whom she loved deeply. She potty trained them, read bedtime stories and made sure they ate their veggies. But then, one day with little warning, she was asked to leave them. Stella isn’t a parent—she’s a nanny. And though it’s been years, she’s still heartbroken over being let go from her old job, especially the way it ended. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Tasha Blaine, author of Becoming a Social Worker and Just Like Family. Tasha spent years interviewing nannies for Just Like Family and she’s here to help Stella process her loss. When you’re getting paid to raise someone else’s kids, how do you navigate that messy work-life divide? And for couples, how can you establish a better, more professional relationship with this “third parent”? Listen in for the secrets of a real-life Mary Poppins.If you liked this episode, check out our “Cheat Sheet” series on raising children in an unusual year.Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Andrew snores so badly that his cats won’t sleep in the same room as him. He’s desperate to sleep better at night, and breathe more easily during the day. As a trans man, Andrew spent most of his life training to be a soprano opera singer only to become a baritone when he transitioned in his early 20s. On this episode of How To!, we bring on James Nestor, author of Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art, to share the history of why we breathe the way we do. Turns out being a “mouth-breather” is more than just an insult, it’s harmful to our health. James gives Andrew some nasal breathing exercises to improve his snoring, anxiety, and overall wellness.If you liked this episode, check out “How To Sleep.”Do you have a problem you can’t get out of your head? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.Podcast production by Derek John, Rachael Allen, and Rosemary Belson.Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices