The Shift with Sam Baker

What do you do if the person you love turns out to hold the seeds to your own destruction? My guest this week has lived through it and discovered the answer to that question the hard way. Writer and broadcaster Liz Fraser was a divorced mother of three in her 40s when she met and fell in love with M. They moved in together, she became pregnant, and when they had a daughter they decided to move to Venice. So far, so idyllic. But M was an alcoholic and Liz’s life was about to descend into a hell we all think is reserved for other people.In her astonishingly visceral memoir, Coming Clean, Liz writes about love, addiction, mental health and recovery with rage and clarity to create an unlookawayfromable story of - well, I want to say pain and healing - but I have to be honest and say it’s mainly pain. But she also writes about love. The love that brought them together. The love that kept them that way through unimaginable trauma. The love that, against all odds, still exists.I want to thank Liz for her candour throughout this conversation. She talks with generosity and honesty about the urge to fix everything, her sense of failure and the consequences for her own mental health. Unsurprisingly it’s upsetting in places. But I know if you’ve ever been a situation remotely like this, you’ll find what Liz has to say immensely helpful. WARNING: this conversation includes discussion of alcoholism, addiction, emotional abuse, violence, mental health issues, self-harming, eating disorders, trauma and PTSD.If you've been affected by any of the issues discussed in this podcast, these organisations may be able to help you.AL-Anon - al-anon.orgNacoa - nacoa.org.ukRefuge - helpline: 0808 2000 247, refuge.co.ukSamaritans - helpline: 116123, samaritans.orgShelter - shelter.org.ukWomen's Aid - womensaid.org.uk• You can buy all the books mentioned in this podcast at Bookshop.org, including Coming Clean by Liz Fraser and the book that inspired this podcast, The Shift: how I lost and found myself after 40 - and you can too, by me!• The Shift (on life after 40) with Sam Baker is created and hosted by Sam Baker and edited by Emily Sandford. If you enjoyed this podcast, please rate/review/follow as it really does help other people find us. And let me know what you think on twitter @sambaker or instagram @theothersambaker. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My guest this week was known for her willingness for say it like it is even before she made a TV show about the menopause. No, not THAT one. The one BEFORE. Broadcaster Mariella Frostrup was banging the menopause drum back in 2018 when her own ignorance about her symptoms at first shocked her and then prompted her to do something bout it. The resulting documentary, The Truth About Menopause, was a smash hit. And she’s now followed that up with a book, Cracking The Menopause, written with her friend, journalist Alice Smellie. If you’re a fan of the book of this podcast - The Shift (how I lost and found myself after 40 and you can too) - Mariella’s book will be right up your street.Mariella and I talk candidly about all things menopause - from menopause ignorance to sleeplessness to “the bubble of poison bile” that surrounds the whole subject! She also has plenty to say about the insidiousness of women being “scrap heaped” at 50, why fearlessness is so much sexier than the ability to look 28 and why the time has come to just stop bloody putting up with it!• You can buy all the books mentioned in this podcast at Bookshop.org, including Cracking The Menopause by Mariella Frostrup and Alice Smellie and the book that inspired this podcast, The Shift: how I lost and found myself after 40 - and you can too, by me!• The Shift (on life after 40) with Sam Baker is created and hosted by Sam Baker and edited by Emily Sandford. If you enjoyed this podcast, please rate/review/follow as it really does help other people find us. And let me know what you think on twitter @sambaker or instagram @theothersambaker.Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you, like me, have lived most of your life in fear of foundation, this week’s guest is your saviour. Because this woman saved us no-make-up girls’ lives. Back in 1991, Bobbi Brown was a makeup artist frustrated by the fact that most makeup looked like a mask so she produced a range of 10 lipsticks that actually matched people’s lips. Shocker! Those lipsticks were the start of something huge: the first eponymous make up artist led beauty brand. A brand that Bobbi sold to Estee Lauder just four years later for who knows how much. Now, after 22 years at Estee Lauder and a few years rejuvenating, Bobbi is back doing what she loves - being her own boss - and with a brand new line, Jones Road.Bobbi joined me from her house in the Hamptons to talk about reinventing yourself in your sixties, the emotional wrench of leaving her name and her legacy behind, how to get what you want at work (and at home), seeing the beauty in growing older - emotionally and physically - and the joy of nobody trying to fix you. Oh, and how not to look like sh*t!(By the way, Jones Road Miracle Balm is your new best friend! I’m a convert)Find out more about Jones Road Beauty at JonesRoadBeauty.com.• You can buy all the books mentioned in this podcast at Bookshop.org, including the book that inspired this podcast, The Shift: how I lost and found myself after 40 - and you can too, by me!• The Shift (on life after 40) with Sam Baker is created and hosted by Sam Baker and edited by Emily Sandford. If you enjoyed this podcast, please rate/review/follow as it really does help other people find us. And let me know what you think on twitter @sambaker or instagram @theothersambaker. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My guest this week is a novelist, film-maker - and Zen Buddhist priest. Ruth Ozeki was born in Conneticut in the 1950s to a Japanese mother and, as she puts it, caucasian anthropologist father. Despite always wanting to write, she didn’t publish her first novel until she was 40, because, in part, she “didn’t feel entitled to”. She needn’t have worried. That novel, My Year Of Meats, won the Kiriyama Prize and the American Book Award, and her third A Tale For The Time Being, was shortlisted for the Man Booker prize in 2013. Her latest novel, The Book Of Form And Emptiness, looks destined to go the same way.But buddhism has informed Ruth’s life just as much as - if not more than - writing. She joined me to run the conversational gamut! We talked meditation, ageing, grief, living through the death of our parents, writing out her teenage mental health crises, why objects mean so much to us, the appeal of Marie Kondo, coming to terms with our ageing face and why menopause and adolescence have so much in common.• You can buy all the books mentioned in this podcast at Bookshop.org, including The Book Of Form And Emptiness by Ruth Ozeki and the book that inspired this podcast, The Shift: how I lost and found myself after 40 - and you can too, by me!• The Shift (on life after 40) with Sam Baker is created and hosted by Sam Baker and edited by Emily Sandford. If you enjoyed this podcast, please rate/review/follow as it really does help other people find us. And let me know what you think on twitter @sambaker or instagram @theothersambaker. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do two sensible middle aged broadcasters become the voices of a generation of pissed off older women? My guests today can tell you aaallll about that. Fi Glover and Jane Garvey were off-air colleagues who turned their on-air sensible reputations (as hosts of The Listening Project and Woman’s Hour respectively) on their heads when they launched a weeny little podcast called Fortunately.Described as “two friends chuntering waspishly” - or as Fi and Jane put it “talking complete s**t!”, it’s now “quite successful” according to the BBC - a runaway success according to their millions of listeners.Now they’ve written Did I Say That Out Loud, a book that’s so funny that coffee (and some other, not so pleasant stuff) came out of my nose. I joined Fi and Jane in a box room by the Thames where we chuntered about friendship, being judgemental, making involuntary noises (Jane), pushing boundaries in your fifties and why older women’s voices are relevant to everyone. Amongst many other things. Frankly, it’s like herding cats!Is there anything these two won’t talk about? There’s only one way to find out…• You can buy all the books mentioned in this podcast at Bookshop.org, including Did I Say That Out Loud by Fi Glover and Jane Garvey, and the book that inspired this podcast, The Shift: how I lost and found myself after 40 - and you can too, by me!• The Shift (on life after 40) with Sam Baker is created and hosted by Sam Baker and edited by Emily Sandford. If you enjoyed this podcast, please rate/review/follow as it really does help other people find us. And let me know what you think on twitter @sambaker or instagram @theothersambaker. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today’s guest is former fashion journalist turned interiors blogger, Paula Sutton.For twenty years Paula lived a typical busy busy busy 9-to-9 London life. But the birth of her third child made her question everything. Ditching her glamorous job, she and her husband and three kids decamped to rural Norfolk. There, jobless, cash-less and identity-less, she began documenting the boot-strapped doing up of their new house on Instagram, as Hill House Vintage.And that might have been that until Paula posted a picture of herself picnicking in her gorgeous garden and found herself at the centre of a twitter storm.Suddenly @HillHouseVintage had half a million followers and an enjoyable hobby had become a whole new career. Paula tells me about the twitter storm that upended her life, being an older black woman in the public eye, kicking the curse of “I used to be dot dot dot”, what vintage means to her, the rejuvenating power of dressing up, and why age has liberated her. • You can buy all the books mentioned in this podcast at Bookshop.org, including Hill House Vintage, the art of creating a joyful life by Paula Sutton, and the book that inspired this podcast, The Shift: how I lost and found myself after 40 - and you can too, by me!• The Shift (on life after 40) with Sam Baker is created and hosted by Sam Baker and edited by Emily Sandford. If you enjoyed this podcast, please rate/review/follow as it really does help other people find us. And let me know what you think on twitter @sambaker or instagram @theothersambaker. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dubbed the Queen of Crime, Val McDermid has written 35 books (she thinks, but she’s stopped counting), sold over 17million copies and been translated into 40 languages. At the vanguard of female crimewriters, she’s created countless female sleuths but is probably best known for one of her male ones - Dr Tony Hill of the TV series Wire In The Blood. She also created Traces the BBC series aired earlier this year starring Martin (Line of Duty) Compston.Now 65, she’s gone back to her youth. In her new book, 1979, Val explores what it was like to be a young female journalist in the male dominated tabloid newsrooms of the late 70s. And she should know because she was that hack.But Val started out over 60 years ago as a working class kid in Fife where, at 16, she became the first ever state school educated pupil from Scotland to go to St Hilda’s College Oxford. Val lives not far from me in Edinburgh, so she popped round to hang out with Sausage the cat and chat being a young lesbian in a hetrosexual white man’s world, anger, ageing and discovering an unexpected ‘cure’ for hot flushes.• You can buy all the books mentioned in this podcast at Bookshop.org, including 1979 by Val McDermid, and the book that inspired this podcast, The Shift: how I lost and found myself after 40 - and you can too, by me!• The Shift (on life after 40) with Sam Baker is created and hosted by Sam Baker and edited by Emily Sandford. If you enjoyed this podcast, please rate/review/follow as it really does help other people find us. And let me know what you think on twitter @sambaker or instagram @theothersambaker. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My guest this week has always been a self-starter. From flogging Blue Peter badges in the playground to earn a few extra quid to joining theaudience while she was still at school (famously telling her mum, ‘Sod school I’m going on a tour with NME’), Sophie Ellis Bextor has been doing it her own way for a very long time. Famous almost before she was born – thanks to her mum, Blue Peter presenter Janet Ellis – she’s made seven albums, aced Strictly, had five children (all boys, aged 2-17) and given us two enormous dance hits in Groovejet (If This Ain’t Love) with Spiller and Murder On The Dance Floor. And that was before she brought some levity to lockdown with her sequin-strewn Kitchen Disco.Now Sophie has written a memoir, Spinning Plates. Named for her podcast, it’s an unexpectedly candid and down to earth look at music, men and motherhood, and how her attitude to all three has changed as she’s got older. Sophie joined me from the kitchen of Kitchen Disco fame to talk about giving voice to her 17-year-old self, reshaping her career in her 40s, the art of bouncing back and learning when to say no.• You can buy all the books mentioned in this podcast at Bookshop.org, including Spinning Plates by Sophie Ellis Bextor, and the book that inspired this podcast, The Shift: how I lost and found myself after 40 - and you can too, by me!• You can listen to Sophie's podcast, Spinning Plates with Sophie Ellis Bextor, on apple, acast, Spotify, amazon or wherever you get your podcasts.• The Shift (on life after 40) with Sam Baker is created and hosted by Sam Baker and edited by Emily Sandford (isn't she brilliant?!). If you enjoyed this podcast, please rate/review/follow as it really does help other people find us. And let me know what you think on twitter @sambaker or instagram @theothersambaker. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Shift has so many new listeners that it seemed like time to say hello, welcome and thank you for your support. It's been SO gratifying to see how many of you agreed with my hunch that there was a big appetite to hear older women talking about their lives, loves, losses and learnings.This is a replay of the first episode I ever recorded. We weren't even sure it *would* be an episode - we just recorded it as a test pilot to see how it went down. Over a year, almost 50 episodes and hundreds of thousands of downloads later, it's safe to say it went down a storm. SO, in case you haven't heard it, here it is the first episode. The one recorded in my friend Tammy's kitchen. The one that started it all.My guest this week is the ultimate career pivoter, novelist, journalist, screenwriter, (potter!) Tasmina Perry. I’ve known Tasmina (Tammy) since we were both baby editors and stuck on the management training course from hell together. We have been firm friends ever since. She’s since gone on to write 15 (!) novels - 13 as Tasmina Perry, 2 psychological thrillers as JL Butler and is now, “pushing 50”, a screenwriter. But she started life as a lawyer and is the queen of reinvention. Exactly the woman you need right now when the world is going to hell in a handcart!She shares her advice on getting your confidence back on track, learning to put yourself out there and how not to get “stuck at the amber lights” where career is concerned. (Oh and Take That!) The new you starts here!Note: this podcast was recorded before lockdown. The Shift (on life after 40) with Sam Baker is created and hosted by Sam Baker, edited by Emily Sandford. I’d love to hear what you think - please let me know on twitter @sambaker or instagram @theothersambaker*Sam's book, The Shift: How I (lost and) found myself after 40 - and you can too is out now and available to buy hereFriend of the Family by Tasmina Perry is out now in paperback and available to buy hereMine by JL Butler is out now in paperback and available to buy here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is the second episode I ever recorded and the most popular episode of The Shift bar none. Marian Keyes has a legion of fans and for good reason. I thought I'd replay it in preparation for the upcoming 25th anniversary of her greatest hit, Rachel's Holiday, and its long-awaited sequel, Again, Rachel, coming February 2022.*Ask any group of women to name a woman they love and I guarantee you someone will name this week’s guest, because Marian Keyes is beloved of women the world over. (She won’t believe that, but she is!) And you know why? Because she speaks the truth. She can’t not speak the truth. Which could well be why she’s sold over 35 million books. Her trademark: the silk glove of laugh out loud funny stories that conceal within them the iron fist of tough contemporary issues. The latest of which is the frankly fabliss and immensely truth-telly no. 1 bestseller Grown Ups.Marian and I holed up in a hotel in Liverpool and recorded this with the mic propped on an ironing board. It's all glamour round these parts.Over the next 45 minutes Marian will tell the unvarnished truth about menopause (how different would it be if it happened to men???), invisibility, infertility grief, HRT, Botox and learning to be shameless. (Oh and her passion for fashion. And beauty products. And…) In short, this episode is not to be missed.The Shift (on life after 40) with Sam Baker is created and hosted by Sam Baker and edited by Emily Sandford. I'd love to hear what you think - please rate and review, or let me know on twitter @sambaker or instagram @theothersambaker.You can buy all the books mentioned in this podcast at Bookshop.org, including the book that accompanies this podcast, The Shift: how I lost and found myself after 40 - and you can too by Sam Baker and Grown Ups by Marian Keyes.Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices