Hole in My Heart Podcast

“I’ve thought, ‘I don't know if I can do this, I don't know if I'm good enough or talented enough or whatever,’ but never had I thought [before that moment], ‘I don't know if I want to,’ because I really knew the price of going forward.” —Christine Caine The first time we had this conversation with anti-human trafficking activist and internationally sought-after speaker and author Christine Caine, it was life-giving to all of us. The second time we listened, it felt doubly hope-infusing because of where we are at in our journeys now… Anyone else feeling the global slump of discouragement and despair? Has anyone else wondered, “Why am I doing this?” Or “How did I get here?” Christine came and did not cheerlead us out of it, rather she empathized and encouraged from her own two-year journey with a dark night of the soul… We’d love to have you join this powerful conversation. // Highlight: “I've thought, ‘I don't know if I can do this, I don't know if I'm good enough or talented enough or whatever,’ but never have I thought, ‘I don't know if I want to,’ because I really knew the price of going forward … But then I turn to [my husband] and I said, ‘But Jesus would know. Jesus know that I didn't press on … Jesus would know that I coasted my way into eternity—if I didn't press on and keep running my race.”—Christine Caine // Do the Next Thing: Find Christine’s book and all the things here Learn more about the Propel-Wheaton Cohort here The CSB translation is a sponsor of the HIMH podcast. Learn more about our new favorite Bible here Join our Facebook group to connect with other listeners!

Real talk: When we think about raising our little kids in a porn-saturated world, we want to raze the whole broken system to the ground. That we even have to have this conversation plain ol’ stinks. (Darn you, Fall of Man!)  Then, we start to brainstorm: How long can I keep porn away from our kids? (Forever?) What if they have already discovered it? (Am I the worst parent?) How early are we supposed to talk about the “goodness of God’s design” for sex (the mechanics of it), and how early is too early? As first-generation parents, youth leaders, and aunts and uncles of kids with cell phones (ie. porn in our kids’ pockets), we can feel overwhelmed by how to engage the porn conversation. But … annoyingly … we have to.  Can someone please help us? Ministry leaders and researchers Josh Glaser and Daniel Weiss are here with the assist, and the conversation we had was helpful and hopeful. Join us? // Highlights: “In one study, 75 percent of parents felt their kids hadn’t seen pornography, but 50 percent of those kids in that group admitted they had looked at it. So, that means half of those parents were unaware that their kids were looking at pornography.” —Daniel Weiss “It’s a natural human response…that when we’re found out in our sin, we like to run and we like to hide. It’s a protective mechanism. And so, instead of inviting our kids to lie to us or to evade the truth, we just let them know what we know.” -Josh Glaser “It’s not whether or not my kid would look at pornography—that’s the wrong question. The right question is: ’Is pornography the content or kind or material that will respect my family’s boundaries or my family’s values?’ It’s not. Pornography is seeking to be found. You can be frustrated … angry … but, that’s why it’s so important to be intentional and proactive [to not only] talk about the dangers out there, but more importantly, [to talk about] the beauty of what this was all made for—God’s design. Give them the positive, the beautiful first so that everything else seems to be the counterfeit, not the other way around.” —Daniel Weiss  // Do the Next Thing: For more on this topic, check out Jay Stringer’s book Unwanted. You can also listen to this interview we did with Dan Allender, who addresses the connection between shame and sexuality. Join our Facebook group to connect with other listeners! 

So...shame. It's talked about quite frequently and often with rightful animosity, but have you ever considered there might be some good types of shame? Buckle your seatbelt as we engage the three types of shame and why they are so important--not just when engaging the LGBT+ conversation, but anyone's life. Matt, Laurie, and Steve also dive into how the rest of SEASON FIVE will look, and why they are choosing to follow Jesus--even now in often-brutal 2021. Toxic Shame: Whole body self-hate "Who I am is worthless." From the enemy (Satan) Happens before, during, or after we sin (or even if we didn't) Guilt: "What I did was not worth it." From the Holy Spirit Happens only after we sin Godly Shame:  Helps us to feel the weight of our sin so we don't repeat it From the Holy Spirit Happens after we sin (or if we didn't) See: 1 Cor. 6:5 (“I say this to shame you”), 2 Cor. 7:10 (“godly sorrow that leads to repentance”) // Highlight: “The antidote to shame is being seen in our mess and loved in our mess….[Confession] can be this joyful thing, it doesn’t have to be this—it shouldn’t be—this ‘You’re worthless’ thing!….We don’t have to—just because we’ve been tempted toward something or even if we’ve sinned—we don’t have to hate ourselves, guys! We can confess and be free!” -Laurie Krieg // Do the Next Thing: Our book, An Impossible Marriage, talks often about these three types of shame and how they manifest. Check it out here! And for more on shame, check out this resource by the expert, Curt Thompson: The Soul of Desire. For those of you who are married and maybe feeling stuck, here’s an extra resource as well! “14 Days to Unstick Your Marriage.” Want to be more involved with the podcast? Check out our Facebook group!

Engaging conversations on race or sexuality is a hard, holy task. As Christians, we don’t always do it well, even if our hearts are in the right place. Are these conversations the same? How are they different? Can we advocate justice and unity without endorsing what is not God’s best? And how do we do this with our friends? Stephanie Thole entered into this conversation with extraordinary grace and kindness, and we are thrilled to listen in again. //: Highlights “We were one of the few black families. I remember always being so attracted to all of these white boys. In my mind, I was like, ‘I gotta get rid of this…’ I understood at a very early age that that was not allowed.” —Stephanie Thole “I was very much aware at how different I was. That I was ‘other.’” —Stephanie Thole “A lot of us have made mistakes, have had hard conversations, have offended the wrong person, and it’s been a painful, awkward experience. Don’t let that stop you. Keep walking.” —Stephanie Thole //: Do the Next Thing For more on this conversation, check out our friends Daniel Hill and Rebecca McLaughlin! They lend their voices well to these issues. The Secular Creed by Rebecca McLaughlin. White Lies by Daniel Hill.  You can also listen to our interview with Rebecca McLaughlin here!  Have you seen our new favorite Bible yet? Check it out here!  Follow Laurie on Instagram for more ministry updates! 

Sometimes, we need the cold water bucket of siblinghood thrown over our heads and our questions. What happens when we feel attraction toward our friends? What if we become enmeshed with other people? How do we guard against turning inward rather than outward, and encourage one another to continue on mission with Jesus? Rachel Gilson shares her story and the beauty of being family in Christ in really helpful ways. We’re thrilled to revisit this conversation with her. Listen in with us.   //:Highlights “We kind of intuitively sense that a sibling relationship is a special kind of relationship: It has both really deep intimacy but is absolutely not erotic.” –Rachel Gilson “A lot of time what temptation does is it wants to pull away our focus from, ‘God has given me gifts and opportunity to—with His Body—build His kingdom.’ Temptation ends up being this big gospel waste.” –Rachel Gilson “Occasionally, you get this best friend situation where you turn inward like an ingrown toenail … you end up pairing up in a way that shuts out the broader body. There is something about sibling-hood that reminds us we are a part of a family.” –Rachel Gilson //: Do the Next Thing For more from Rachel Gilson, check out her book, Born Again This Way.  Also, check out her article “I Never Became Straight” on Christianity Today, which one of the most read of its time. You can also listen to our first episode with Rachel Gilson here.  Also! Check out Kelly Needham on codependency here.  Have you seen our new favorite Bible yet? Check it out here!  Join our Facebook group for more updates! 

After witnessing three excommunications of leaders in the church, Brad Klaver vowed that he would never share his same-sex attractions with anyone. The Holy Spirit had other plans. After over a decade of pastoring and marriage, God brought Brad face to face with himself—and it changed his life forever. Will you join us as we listen again to this beautiful story of gospel transformation? I Highlight I “I remember exactly where I was watching [the excommunications] unfold. In me there was this internal wrestle of fear of: ‘I don’t know where this came from. I don’t know why I have this. I don’t know where this all began or what was done to me to make me like this, but all I know based on what I am seeing now is … this is what happens if people find out. You admit it, and you are shown the door.’ … I said to myself… ‘I will never tell anyone. Ever.’ That commitment was kept for 25 years.” –Brad Klaver “If there’s one piece of encouragement that I could give listeners—invite the person you don’t understand to your table. There’s power in the fellowship around the table….There’s a reason that there’s power in communion, in the breaking of bread and of prayer. And the fact of the matter is that, for Michelle and I, the thing that we longed for most when we stepped down….We were never invited over for dinner…” -Brad Klaver I Do the Next Thing I Want more stories of Christians surrendering their sexuality? Check these out: Greg Coles’ beautiful autobiography Single, Gay, Christian. https://www.amazon.com/Single-Gay-Christian-Personal-Identity/dp/0830845127 Rachel Gilson’s incredible story Born Again This Way. https://www.amazon.com/Born-Again-This-Rachel-Gilson/dp/178498390X And for more resources on sexuality, visit the CenterForFaith.com. Have you seen our new favorite Bible yet? Check it out here! https://csbholylandillustratedbible.com Follow Laurie on Instagram for more ministry updates! https://www.instagram.com/laurie_krieg/?hl=en

Guys! We’re back with this highly requested conversation with our REAL LIFE FRIENDS Johnny and Amanda. What happens when a pastor suffers addiction in silence? What happens when he has an affair? What happens when health problems keep a couple from having sex? Is there hope for marriages that go through these things? Johnny and Amanda are here to say YES! God is a God of redemption and their story is beautiful proof. It’s worth the listen. I Highlights I “I constantly felt like I didn’t measure up. Pornography was an escape from that feeling for me. ‘Finally, I don’t have to feel that just for that moment.’ But after that moment is over . . . now I’m right where I started, and in an even worse spot.” –Johnny McKenna “We could not have sex for two years of our marriage. I was so ashamed. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, what was wrong with my body. I didn’t understand it. It’s so hard and embarrassing to talk about with people . . . I felt so helpless.” –Amanda McKenna “All this is going on and I’m saying to myself … ‘You’re such a scumbag … It’s time to take my life … I’ll be gone, but my legacy will be in tact. I won’t be this pastor that is another Hall of Shame member. I won’t have to tell my boys that I failed them–that I cheated on their mom. I won’t have to tell my youth group kids and leaders. I can at least provide for them financially. They’ll be in a better place because I have life insurance.’ I thought that was the best case scenario. Those were the lies Satan was whispering in my ear.”
–Johnny Mckenna ”One of the things [my friend] said was, ‘Amanda, God is saving your husband right now.’ It shocked me. ‘What do you mean He’s saving us? It feels like He’s killing us.’ But then that meaning sunk in: Johnny was living bound and held captive by his sin. But now, God was in the process of saving him. …That’s really beautiful if you think about it: God steps into the mess and he fights for you.” –Amanda McKenna I Do the Next Thing I Have you seen our new favorite Bible yet? Check it out here! https://csbholylandillustratedbible.com Join our Facebook group for more updates! https://www.facebook.com/groups/himhpodcast

We are thrilled to be revisiting the Broken and Beloved Pastors series! In the next three episodes, we’ll hear the stories of three pastors who are, like all of us, “more loved than we can imagine and more sinful than we believe.” What happens when a pastor wrestles with gender dysphoria? What happens when the same pastor is called to bring that wrestling into the light, in his marriage and with his community? What happens to his ministry? To his marriage? To his identity? Ben and Lauren Schulke answer these questions and more as they recount their story with us. We are honored to share it with you. I Highlights I “I very much tried to control the image of how people saw me. But . . . when people know me they can choose to love me and not some facsimile.” –Ben Schulke “I got to this place where I said, ‘I would rather be obedient to God than preserve something temporary–like my job.'”–Ben Schulke “Ben’s identity is not gender dysphoria. His identity is not whatever other sin or brokenness he is dealing with. That’s not who he is. He is a son of God, and he is loved by Him.” –Lauren Schulke I Do the Next Thing I For more on this conversation, check out Mark Yarhouse’s book Emerging Gender Identities! It’s exciting stuff. :D https://www.amazon.com/Emerging-Gender-Identities-Understanding-Experiences/dp/1587434342 You can also check out Preston Sprinkle’s book on trans* issues, Embodied. https://www.amazon.com/Embodied-Transgender-Identities-Church-Bible/dp/0830781226 Have you seen our new favorite Bible yet? Check it out here! https://csbholylandillustratedbible.com Follow Laurie on Instagram for more ministry updates! https://www.instagram.com/laurie_krieg/?hl=en

The gender conversation today is swirling with confusion and hurt for everyone involved. How do we as Christians enter into this conversation? Today, we revisit a conversation with Heather Skriba, who, having wrestled with gender dysphoria her whole life, has a compassionate and truthful perspective on this issue. We’re thrilled to share this episode once again! Join us! I Highlights I “God never just settles for salvation. He is truly redeeming everything.” -Heather Skriba “There are people in my life that didn’t call me by name for two years, and by extension, didn’t use a pronoun when referring to me … How can you expect to have any trust or relational equity built if you are not even willing to refer to someone in a way that distinguishes them as human?”
–Heather Skriba “I didn’t know how to let God into the painful, hurting, and dark places of my heart–not just gender– but anxiety, codependency, insecurity, and self hatred. I didn’t know how to access the heart of God in those places … I think that is something that is really missing from a lot of relationships when people try to walk with LGBT people and LGBT Christians.” –Heather Skriba I Do the Next Thing I For more on this conversation, check out Mark Yarhouse’s book Emerging Gender Identities! It’s exciting stuff. :D https://www.amazon.com/Emerging-Gender-Identities-Understanding-Experiences/dp/1587434342 Have you seen our new favorite Bible yet? Check it out here! https://csbholylandillustratedbible.com Join our Facebook group for more updates! https://www.facebook.com/groups/himhpodcast

So often, sexuality brings shame right on its heels. How can we banish it? How can we heal? Join us today as we revisit this conversation with Dr. Dan Allender to learn how stepping into the light and grace of Jesus can heal our shame when it comes to sexuality. ***Heads up: We do address sexual trauma in this episode, though not graphically. If this is part of your story or that of someone close to you, please take care of yourself and listen with caution.*** I Highlights I “The return on investment for the kingdom of darkness is profound in regard to abuse. [It] disintegrates some level of our faith, our ability to trust, our ability to dream and hope, and certainly our ability to give delight and pleasure to one another.” –Dan Allender “I think contempt is our way to manage shame with a level of control that annihilates ourselves so we don’t feel, so we don’t want, so we don’t risk. Contempt is really just another form of self-hatred that allows us to lessen the experience of shame.” –Dan Allender “I’ve seen it literally thousands of times: People who enter the truth and allow their hearts to receive kindness … that’s the context for the Spirit of God to bring about remarkable change.” –Dan Allender I Do the Next Thing I Check out Dan’s books! * *Healing the Wounded Heart*: https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Wounded-Heart-Heartache-Transformation/dp/0801015685/ref=sr_1_1?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIuKW167mj4gIVr__jBx1WqA6aEAAYAiAAEgKOSPD_BwE&hvadid=174217451664&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9017520&hvnetw=g&hvpos=1t2&hvqmt=e&hvrand=15049734708914584592&hvtargid=kwd-2871614828&hydadcr=24629_9648897&keywords=healing+the+wounded+heart&qid=1558126587&s=gateway&sr=8-1 * *God Loves Sex*: https://www.amazon.com/God-Loves-Sex-Conversation-Holiness/dp/0801015669/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=god+loves+sex&qid=1558126633&s=gateway&sr=8-1 While you’re at it, head over to the Allender Center for more resources and information! https://theallendercenter.org/ Looking for more podcasts? The Allender Center has a good one. https://theallendercenter.org/category/podcast/ For ministries updates from Laurie and the Crew, join our Facebook group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/himhpodcast Have you seen our new favorite Bible yet? Check it out here! https://csbholylandillustratedbible.com