Hole in My Heart Podcast

Oh, man…from start to finish this conversation sings…! Author and ministry leader, Toni Collier, helps us to finish the final “I am” in our identity series by exploring “I am healing for…” What we mean by this is when you’re going through a dark time, have you ever considered the people you will impact if you keep going through the darkness to the light? What if you gave up? Whom would that affect? Although we never want to have the core of our healing work be for other people (ideally, that motivation is for God and for ourselves), others are valuable to consider as they can energize our healing journey. What else do we talk about? How did a performance-driven heart drive Toni when she wasn’t following the Lord and when she was? What might Toni say to someone really wrestling with depression today? How did Toni start caring more about what Jesus thinks than others? //Highlights: “The thing that brought me out of my depression and suicidal ideation was people who said, ‘We will be with you in the valleys, but we won’t leave you there.’” —Toni Collier “Ya know? I just don’t think I care what anyone else thinks but God. I don’t know what happened, something clicked… If I just solely care what He thinks, then through that lens I should treat others with kindness and respect and honor and show up.” —Toni Collier “When I was able to start saying ‘No’ to people that’s when my ‘Yes’ to Jesus became bigger, more consistent, and more clear.”—Toni Collier //Question of the Week: Are you a hot box or a cold box or just right? (Do you run hot, cold, or just right? You guys had a lot of opinions about menopause on this one lol) //Do the Next Thing: Find all of Toni’s work here Snag the video here Catch all of WCSG’s work here Hear our last episode with Toni and her husband, Sam here

Today, we talk codependence (over-reliance on people for our sense of stability), counter-dependence (under-reliance on people), and interdependence (healthy dependence on people) on the podcast, and the conversation does not disappoint. Psychologist and author, Dr. Alison Cook, leads us biblically through questions about codependence as well as: Is it right or wrong to put others first? How can we be both worthy of care yet also “conceived in sin” (Ps. 51:5) How can we trust again after being burned by others? How does all of this relate to our identity? Pull up an earbud, friends. This is a great one. //Highlights “If I had a word for pastors, I would say: Don’t assume that folks are coming in with a healthy relationship with the self before we ask them to die to it.” —Alison Cook “We change in the context of care and compassion verses in the context of condemnation and judgement and criticism. That’s just what’s true psychologically… ‘God’s kindness is what leads us to repentance.’ (Rom. 2:4).” —Alison Cook “In a healthy home there is that balance of, ‘You are so important, you matter, you are worthy, I am here for you, my dear child. And, as a part of that, I want to equip you to go out among other people and from that place of knowing how valuable you are, shine that light of value onto others.’ That’s a very different thing than, ‘Put others first! You don’t matter. It’s more about them!’ That’s not actually true. It’s because I know I matter, and I have experienced what it feels like to matter to God I can come into your life and shine some of that onto you—that you matter just like I matter.”—Alison Cook “Learning how to trust again after one has been wounded? … ‘I was hurt in the past, I don’t ever want to depend on somebody again.’ To me that’s a cue that we need to repair something in the self. ‘What cues did I ignore? It’s not my fault and there his no shame in that, but I did ignore some cues…How will I do that differently next time?’ … Oh, that’s hard when you have been burned.”—Alison Cook //Question of the Week: What healthy food makes you feel sad when you eat it? (Ya'll are funny.) //Do the Next Thing: Watch the podcast here Hear Alison with us the last time she was on the podcast talking about how to deal with overwhelming thoughts and emotions here   Find Alison’s latest book along with all of her work here

What is it about adult friendships that can make them so hard to cultivate? People move, change, or we simply lose touch. What is the secret of friendship making (and keeping)? (Is there one?) Author and founder of The Friendship Lab, Sheridan Voysey, is back on the podcast today to help us unpack these questions as well as: Why is friendship often overlooked? Is it true that 1 out of 4 adults in the Western world has no close friends? —What are the four characteristics of a true friend? How does knowing we are befriended relate to our identity in Christ? You’re welcome to pull up a seat at the friendly podcast table! //Highlights: “We have a huge friendship crisis going on in the Western world right now. Here in the United Kingdom, somewhere between 20 to 25 percent of all British adults…have no close friends. And, 1 in 10 people…have no friends at all. That’s roughly echoed in America…with 30 to 40 percent of [American] people over the age of 35 being chronically lonely… Around 1 in 4 people in Australia have no close friends. So, we have this 25 percent rate floating around the Western world, and 10 percent have no friends at all. I really felt God saying, ‘What if you were to focus on that figure, and bringing it down? What would that take?’ And I thought, ‘My goodness, a book would not scratch that itch.’” —Sheridan Voysey “This whole stigma around loneliness, stigma around friendlessness—everybody in the world (even if they simply go and move houses) will find themselves lonely for a time and need to make new friends. So, we all go through this, and we need to de-stigmatize it.” —Sheridan Voysey //Question of the Week: In what outfit would artist draw your cartoon character? (Because you wear it so often?) //Do the Next Thing: Watch the video here Listen to Sheridan’s last episode with us about wrestling through infertility and other life disappointments here Learn more about Sheridan’s Friendship Lab Read Sheridan’s work here Sheridan mentions the book, 'Theology of Play' by Jurgen Moltmann

Humanity’s desire to “be known” starts somewhere deep in the soul. However, when some of us experience being known, it can be such a jarring experience that we move toward a couple of options: Stoicism (“I’m good without that deep knowing…that’s too uncomfortable…”) or addiction/consumption (“I need that feeling more!”). What’s the proper response to being known by God and others? With friend of the podcast, Joan Rozeboom, we cover this topic as well as: How does Joan, a single foster mom, feel known by God and others? What parts of us need to be known and what need to be “put to death” as Paul says in Colossians 3:3-10)? How can single people and married people truly know each other like Jesus prays for us to know one another in John 17:21)? Join us? //Highlights: “God, I don’t understand how this can be your best for me but you promised you will withhold no good thing from me. So, I am going to reject the lie that God is withholding something good, and I am going to believe that God has a great purpose in this. And I am going to rest in Him even if I never see the good or the purpose this side of eternity.’” —Joan Rozeboom “The reality is you are left out as a single person a lot--I don’t want to downplay that at all. But when my perspective changed to: How can I serve? Who can I invite in? How can I go up to someone who is new and invite them instead of standing there and saying, ‘Why is no one welcoming me?’ When that perspective changed, that changed everything for me in my interactions in the church.” —Joan Rozeboom “When we understand how truly known and fully loved by God we really are? We don’t *need* to find these things in other places. It’s nice if someone else knows me, but I don’t *need it* from them because I *have it* from God.” —Joan Rozeboom //Question of the Week: Are you a finder or a loser? (Your listener stories are hilarious!) //Do the Next Thing: Watch this episode here  Hit us up with your questions/comments at podcast@lauriekrieg.com Here are some sample Identity Statements you’re welcome to steal and adapt for yourself! I am loved by God (Jer. 31:3, Mark 5:41) I am made on purpose (Eph. 2:10) I am healing for _________  (Matt. 28:19) I am learning to love all of the parts of me (1 Jn. 4:19-20) I am made perfect because of the cross alone (Heb. 10:14) I am valuable, and proof of my value is in my existence (Ps. 139:16-17) I am about the process not perfection (John 21:15-17) I am redeemed (1 Cor. 6:17) I am safe in God’s hands (Matt. 10:28) I am known by God; He knows my health, my mind, my emotions everything— when no one else does, not even me (Ps. 139:13-18) I am learning to do all to the glory of God (Col. 3:17) I am forgiven (Rom. 5:8) I am nurtured by God; he cares for my every need (Luke 12:6-7) I am loved by a God who is for me (Romans 8:31-34) I am learning to reparent myself with God (1 John 3:1) I am worthy of care because I am imago Dei (Gen. 1:27) I am capable because of His strength in me (Galatians 2:20, 2 Cor. 12:8-9) I am running my own race therefore I never need to envy (Psalm 23, 37, Matthew 6) I am chosen. (Eph. 1:4) I am loved by a God who is in control of all things (Eph. 1:21) I am foolish to put any confidence in my human effort. All I can do is boast about what Christ Jesus has done for me. (Phil. 3:3, 7-11)

Today, we continue our identity series by exploring our deep-rooted need to know we are redeemed. Why? How? We ask these questions and more of our guest, theologian and author, Branson Parler. We also explore… What if we feel we are too far gone to be redeemed? How does suffering play into this conversation? How does all of this help us walk with friends who wrestle with gender? //Highlights: “In last couple of years, God said to me, ‘Are you anchored in who I am or in who you are? Will you walk away from your job as a tenured professor of theology at a college to do this new thing I am calling you to that is going to serve the church? … Will you let go of this and walk into any room confident because you are a child of God?’” —Dr. Branson Parler “A key myth in our world is that we can resolve suffering. ‘There are ways we can *now* get rid of all that.’ Unfortunately, a lot of churches perpetuated this notion: ‘If you just prayed this way you wouldn’t have dysphoria or have this sense that there is no alignment!’ … When I look at the body of Jesus, it is a suffering body. It is a body that goes through cross and resurrection. … [However] I can’t say that to somebody who is wrestling with questions of gender identity if I have not myself asked, ‘How is Jesus calling me to take up my cross?’” —Dr. Branson Parler //Question of the Week: What is one joke you don’t forget? (Branson has some real cringe ones for us!) //Do the Next Thing: Find Branson’s ministry here Read Branson's book here We reference Branson’s other episodes with us. Find “How to Talk with the Kids” here Find “The Problems with Polyamory” here We reference the conversation with Pete Scazerro, too. Find “How to Be Emotionally Healthy” here We reference Embodied by Preston Sprinkle. Find it here Watch the episode here

If you take away how people perceive you and how you perform tasks, what is left of you? Today on the podcast, we are launching a series on identity with the goal to help us know who we are “in Christ” so deeply that we can walk into any room with confidence. Join us today as we talk about the origin of this series as well as: What comes to mind when you think of yourself? Why did engaging the sexuality conversation attack Laurie’s identity so deeply? What are some of our “templates” or defaults of how we perceive ourselves, and how can we shift them if they are unhealthy and/or sinful? //Highlights: “I’ve been doing this conversation for nearly a decade now, and I’m going to be one to push the brakes and not the gas when it comes to anxiety over this thing…. [But] I sense the enemy is trying to attack who we are—our identity. He’s been doing that since Adam and Eve, but there is something extra right now. And instead of roll over and say, ‘Whatever!’  Let’s engage it with grace and truth and courage.” —Laurie Krieg “I was driving down the Beltline and I was weeping. ‘Okay, try to stay together, I’m driving! I need to be able to see the road.’ I was weeping the whole time, because it was like God saying ‘Don’t you worry my child, I will hold you.’” —Matt Krieg
 “If you guys use Microsoft Word [you may know] you can do File—>New—>From Template….  ‘Oh, there is my old template.’ Seeing myself as a shell as a person who is only good for giving to others and doesn’t have worth in and of herself… I can wake up every day and say, “File—>New—>From Template: Worthless. File—>New—>From Template: You have to perform your to get value (or be perfect). What are your templates?” —Laurie Krieg //Question of the Week: What do you always say in your "about me" after "I am a child of God, etc..." Or what WOULD you say if you were brave enough. “I am…” //Do the Next Thing: Watch this episode here Let us know what you think of the episode or ask us anything by emailing: podcast@lauriekrieg.com Continue the conversation by joining the HIMH Podcast Facebook group here

Whenever we hear people talking about some of the topics we engage in (sexuality, marriage, addiction, sin, repentance, trauma, etc.), we hyper-tune our ears for what they believe and how they hold to what they believe. If you’re curious about our views, this is the episode for you! Today, we answer: What is our philosophy of approaching the LGBTQIA conversation? Why do we start the sexuality conversation with talking about the purpose of our lives? Why do we usually use “LGBTQIA” and not “same-sex attracted”? (But we are willing to use either?) How do we view inborn sin vs. internal, created-order goodness? How might we encourage you to respond when someone tells you “I am gay?” //Highlights: “We need to submit all of these identities to Christ. Whether that is our sexual identity (heterosexual, not straight, LGBTQIA, etc.), or being a mom, or being a white evangelical in America. Am I submitting all of my identities to Christ and letting him sift out the garbage because there is garbage in all of it?” —Laurie Krieg “If you go into a hyper-conservative situation and you say, ‘I am gay,’ they might be picturing the most extreme stereotype they have that might be very inaccurate to the way you live your life. Vice versa, if you go into a more liberal community or within the LGBTQIA community and you say, ‘I’m same sex attracted,’ that might be a trigger for them to think, ‘Oh, this is an ex-gay narrative, and they think I need to be straight in order to be saved’ (and that’s not what you mean). Therefore, changing the words that you use based on the context helps you to be more understood.” —Matt Krieg //Question of the Week: What is your favorite or least favorite word? //Do the Next Thing: To watch this episode visit here We mention this episode with Michael Card:  We talk about this episode on shame Request to join us at the HIMH FB page here Email us your questions or thoughts at podcast@lauriekrieg.com We mention Core Needs. Here is that list: Affirmed: Overwhelmingly approved of (Ps. 118:6, 2 Cor. 1:21-22) Desired: Specially chosen—no pretense necessary (Is. 41:0, John 15:16) Included: Wanted in this group, team, or partnership; I belong (Is. 43:1, Eph. 2:19) Loved: Unconditionally accepted (Jer. 31:3, Rom. 8:39) Nurtured: Cared for; held (Is. 40:28, Matt. 23:37) Purposed: Filled with a sense of profoundly mattering (Ps. 57:2, Rom. 8:28) Rested: Re-centered and reset in mind, body, spirit; includes having fun (Ex. 23:12, Ps. 127:2) Delighted In: Seen as unique and special (Ps. 139:14, 1 Cor. 12:27) Protected: Unafraid; trusting everything is under control (Prov. 18:10, Matt. 10:28) Noticed: Seen inside and out (Gen. 16:13, Ps. 139:7-8)  

We do! Who is Steve? Who is Laurie? Who is Matt?  Today, we are going to get to know the people behind the microphones.  Steve shares his story of depression, feeling inauthentic, and finding hope in Jesus in the midst of addiction. Matt offers his journey of depression and subsequent porn addiction in marriage. Laurie shares how she learned to trust Matt again after his deception and addiction, as well as shares her own story of wrestling with attractions to the same sex throughout her entire life. As always, the team shows the gritty reality and beautiful glory of following Jesus in real life. **Content/Trigger Warning:  Laurie shares a brief and not graphic reference to her sexual molestation when she was 11. //Question of the Week: How would you finish the following… “Nothing gets geriatric [insert your generation] going like… [insert something your generation loves like Coldplay, Polly Pockets, hair bands, or something else that your generation loves!]” //Highlights: “God did answer the prayer, but … I was like, ‘It needs to look like this. It needs to happen like this… where I don’t get in trouble. Where I don’t get exposed--and I can maintain my image.’” —Steve O’Dell “Because of what we have been going through with Laurie’s health stuff, I am completely powerless. That is is hard for me. I want to escape… [but] God is helping me not to disconnect. “ —Matt Krieg “Steve, I so relate (and to Matt, you too!) to that double life. We so want our churches to be these authentic places, but we are not great at knowing how to work with mess.”—Laurie Krieg //Do the Next Thing: Watch a video version of the episode here For all of the podcast episodes, visit www.Lauriekrieg.com/podcast We reference the Broken/Beloved Pastors series, and you can find the first episode in that series here

You guysssss!!!!! After over a year off of the air, the Hole in My Heart Podcast is back!!! We are back and we got a shiny new studio and some awesome new friends who are producing this thing. Through a new partnership with West Michigan’s 91.3 WCSG, the Hole in My Heart Podcast has the opportunity to reach more people with the truth that the gospel is good news for *everyone* every day. (!!) Today, Laurie, Matt, and Steve get behind the microphones (and cameras!) to re-acclimate long time listeners and welcome new ones. We do this by: Playing Two Truths and a Lie with each other (Can you guess the right answer?) Talk about how the gospel has *still* been good news for us in the last year  Offer how the podcast began, how we connected to WCSG, and why we named it “Hole in My Heart” anyway…? Engage a conversation about sin, neediness, and why we run to things we don’t truly want or need Share what we are looking forward to in the new season of HIMH!! (Eek!) //Highlights: “Whether or not I get healed (I don’t know), I do know eternal [victory] is guaranteed.” —Laurie Krieg “Often times, we can look at our needs and think they are character flaws or deficiencies when in actuality they are created order.”—Matt Krieg “I am excited about integrating. I think God has been working on me a lot on integrating—on becoming a real, whole person.”—Steve O’Dell //Do the Next Thing: Watch the episode here We mention: Episode 24: Is There Hope for Us? We mention The Marriage Series Want to connect? Email us at podcast@lauriekrieg.com or find a community with other listeners on the HIMH Facebook group here

Well, dear family, we have an announcement. What is it? First, let's hang out for a while, and talk about... How did that "word for the year" go for you? In light of that reality, how has the gospel been uniquely good news for you this year? What is coming next for the podcast and our ministry in 2022? We'd love for you to sit at the podcast table one more time with us. :)   //Highlights: "If you are listening and you feel this frenetic burden to go and save the world, Jesus already did that. Abide in Him, walk in Him, and He will show you how to have your doing come from your being." -Laurie Krieg “[Let’s] not just be like, ‘Well, that’s just Christianity, isn’t it? It’s suffering.’ …No, that’s not why Jesus came, so that we have to suffer and hate everything. There’s this good desire in us for this shalom and this peace. And if you want that, that’s a good desire.” -Laurie Krieg //Do the Next Thing: Want to send a note about how this podcast has affected you? Rate and review it, or email us at podcast@lauriekrieg.com. We also mention these episodes—check ‘em out! Practically Living Life in the Presence of God with Ken Boa here How to Not Give Up with Christine Caine here The First Episode of Season 5 here Join our Facebook group here! If you need a fresh look at Scripture, the CSB translation is a sponsor of the HIMH podcast! Learn more here