Hole in My Heart Podcast

We are going to talk about singleness until we as the Church get this right, friends. People talk about how marriage gives us a vision of eternity in how two different people seeking union shows the world a picture of how God (who is so different from us) will be one with His church. But, how does singleness show us a picture of what we will experience in the new heavens and new earth? Author and ministry leader, Dani Treweek, is here to tell us how.   // Highlights: “I have become absolutely convinced that singleness is not just the absence of something good, but it is the presence of something good.”  —Dani Treweek “The industrial revolution…took the household and made it the privatized refuge from the dirty dark world of work outside. That meant that the relationships in the household became much more based on emotion and intimate ties, and the household became much more insular…. That had an impact on singleness because suddenly, singleness became the absence of those things. Singleness didn’t have a place in the household, but adjacent to it.” —Dani Treweek “We see in Scripture like 1 Corinthians 7 Paul saying, ‘Singleness is good. Marriage is good. Get on and live for Jesus, guys.’ Throughout all of church history we have struggled to hold that equilibrium.”  —Dani Treweek “Marriage and singleness are not in competition with each other. They complement each other. They need each other to make sense of each other in the church, and to make sense of who we are as the church.”  —Dani Treweek “We are going to be our most perfectly human selves in the next age—perfectly known and knowing perfectly, perfectly loved and loving perfectly—and we are going to do that as men and women with bodies but who are not married to each other and who are not having sex with each other. That actually says that we don’t need to be married and sexually active in our lives here and now in this creation in order to be fully human.”  —Dani Treweek // Do the Next Thing: Find Dani’s work (and book!) here You can follower her Substack here You can find her ministry is here Join our HIMH Podcast FB Page here Watch the episode here

It’s the end of 2023, so we are reflecting, looking ahead, and asking, “Do Laurie and Steve look alike?” Lol… (Matt and Laurie’s kids seem to think so…) HOWEVER, the conversation mostly revolves around… What did we learn in 2023? Based on what we learned, how do we want to engage 2024 with more wisdom? What simple tool did and are we using (and you can use, too) to plan the year?   Grab the last of the egg nog, and let’s hang out!   // Highlights: “There were times throughout this year that God felt really distant. But in that, I found myself longing for His presence.”—Steve “I started to find that the gym is the place I can tend to myself. I am not working with clients. I am not getting not getting milk for the kids. I am just there. No headphones on. In silence, lifting weights.” —Matt “The default of life is to chase fires and try to put them out. That’s how we were living and that’s how we can mostly live. I don’t want to do that all of the time . . . It’s hard to play and laugh.” —Laurie   // Question of the Week: There is no question of the week officially, but we DO want to know: Do Laurie and Steve look alike? :D   // Do the Next Thing: The list of Core Needs can be found here with the 2024 printable That Core Needs Series? Here The Gardens series? Here Our Impossible Marriage book? Here Watch the podcast video here

This time of year can feel unfair: “Just kick back and enjoy the season! But also get the perfect present for everyone. But don’t do too much! #selfcare But do enough so that you tell people you love and appreciate them. But don’t! But also do.” Thank the Lord we brought in our friend and wellness expert, Bonnie Gray, to help us learn how to approach this and every season not with another way to perfectly-imperfectly self-care your way into health and wholeness, but to sink deeply into the love of Jesus. We also discuss: Are people either helpers or those who are helped? What does the left brain/right brain have to do with this conversation? How can soul care be more than taking a bath or vegging out on our favorite TV show? What simple practices can we begin today to calm anxiety? // Highlights: “Being lonely, stressed, sad, or anxious doesn’t mean we are not strong. It just means we need to be loved.” —Bonnie Gray “We try to feel better by thinking our way out of stress, but we need to nurture our way to relieve stress.” —Bonnie Gray “Research shows that taking a ten minute walk outside lowers cortisol and releases the happy hormone serotonin more than 45 minutes working out at the gym.”—Bonnie Gray // Question of the Week:   What is your go-to TV genre?   // Do the Next Thing: That soul care quiz? Here Her book? Here Our HIMH Pod FB Group? Here Contact us? https://www.youtube.com/@wcsgradio

Ya’ll. This episode.  It could put language to some things some of us have been holding onto for too long. How? Author and scholar Zach Wagner, author of ‘Non-Toxic Masculinity,’ unpacks: What is toxic masculinity? How does it relate to Purity Culture? How did Purity Culture affect both men and women? How can men and women approach each other with a gospel lens instead of a sexual-threat lens? How do we process the science (or is it even science?) that men are more visual than women? How can men (and women) heal from what was taught? If you wonder if you have been affected by Purity Culture in any way, this episode may be for you.   // Highlights:  “It is not male to be sexual. It is human to be sexual.” —Zachary Wagner “Purity culture was overly formulaic in its thinking about human sexuality and relationships. It’s just ‘Do this, do this, and do this, and you’ll get a good result.’ But that’s just not how life works in a broken world.” —Zachary Wagner “What is toxic masculinity? The way I define it is that it is a way of living out your male embodiment that dehumanizes yourself and/or others.” —Zachary Wagner “As well intentioned as these resources were [such as ‘Every Man’s Battle’], I fear that they sometimes created a self-fulfilling prophecy where a toxic version of masculinity from the broader culture (the stereotype that ‘men only think about one thing’) was … baptized and Christianized. It turned into, ‘That is how God made men.’ Not something that men should mature out of.” —Zachary Wagner “I don’t think we should be telling young men, ‘Hey, you’re visual. That’s just how it goes!’ You should say, ‘Hey, if you find yourself visually sinning against other people, you need to stop treating them like objects and start treating them like humans.’” —Zachary Wagner // Question of the Week: Is there a time of day you seem to always look at the clock? What time is that? Why do you think you look at the clock at that time every day?   // Do the Next Thing: Find Zachary’s book here You can find all of his work here He is also onTwitter/X and Instagram at @ZacharyCWagner You can watch the episode here Listen to an episode that has views from a women's perspective with Rachel Joy Welcher here 

How would you pastor a congregation filled with a range of people from academics to farmers, and then walk them through the human sexuality conversation? Pastor Aaron Henning, lead pastor at State College Alliance Church in Pennsylvania, tells us how engaged the topic with a congregation that was and is exactly that makeup. How did he do it? What did he learn? How did fear interplay with his preaching? How did it go? Join us on our third and last in our courageous pastors series to hear how you can encourage yourself or a pastor-friend in engaging this important conversation.   // Highlights: “You can easily create a position and then wall off that position. You can say, ‘This is who we are and the rest of the world can go to heck.’ You can do that, but that’s not being on mission.” —Aaron Henning “We have smart people in our congregation. I really wanted to be prepared to speak intelligently, and to be able to present views that are defensible and embraceable and make sense: ‘Why do you draw this line here instead of here?’” —Aaron Henning “There were a lot of people saying, ‘This is everywhere, it is all around me. I do not feel equipped. I do not know how to have a spiritual conversation, and I definitely don’t know how how to have a missional conversation with somebody who wouldn’t think like me or who isn’t a follower of Jesus.’” —Aaron Henning // Question of the Week: What is the best pen to write with? (You guys . . . lol: “I’ve been waiting my whole life for this question.”)   // Do the Next Thing: That Barna study? Find it here Join the HIMH Podcast FB Group here Watch the episode here

Today we continue our Courageous Pastors series by interviewing Tom Kang, a lead pastor in Los Angeles, CA, on how he led his congregation through the human sexuality conversation.  Additionally, we explore: What is unique about Tom’s West Coast church and their cultural vibe? How can pastors cascade the human sexuality conversation to all of their leaders in a realistic way? Why did he choose a dialogue over a monologue? How did it go? (How many people walked out, and how many were grateful?) What would he say to a pastor considering preaching about this topic? This series has been encouraging us deeply. We pray it is doing the same for you and your community! // Highlights: “Everyone was having this [human sexuality] conversation anyway—in the lunchroom, in the locker rooms, in the car rides on the way to school. This conversation was happening everywhere—except church. I asked myself, ‘What’s happening? What’s going on there?’” —Tom Kang “Andy Stanley talks about how the church should be the safest place for any conversation. I remember when I first heard that a few years ago, and I thought, ‘That is so true, but that is so not going on.’” —Tom Kang “Everyone is going to walk away somehow offended. You are not going to be liberal enough, and you are not going to be conservative enough. You are not going to be biblical enough, you are not going to be contextual enough. You need to come to terms with that.” —Tom Kang “You’re going to have to roll up your sleeves if you’re going to do a sermon like this.” —Tom Kang // Question of the Week: What chore in your home is visible to you but invisible to your spouse/housemates? (So you end up doing it and they don’t?) Sorry for all of the fights this sparked @ everyone heh heh... ;) //Do the Next Thing: Listen to Tom’s dialogue-focused sermon series here Get a Salt Rifle (for bugs) lol here That $7 drain cleaner the guys were freaking out about? Find it here lol Watch the episode here!

We are so excited about this: Today, we are launching a mini-series interviewing three pastors from the South, the West Coast, and the East Coast on how they went from conceptualization of a sermon series on human sexuality to actualization. Why? In 2019, Barna shared the results of a study that said three of the top four things pastors feel both pressured and limited to speak on are related to human sexuality. If pastors feel so limited and yet pressured to speak on this, how in the world do they do it? Instead of hypothesizing, we put the microphone in front of three pastors who did it. First up: A pastor from the U.S. South, Dr. Josh Laxton. We ask him: What is unique about his culture (he is from the South but currently preaches in central Florida)? What was the conversation like within his church to prompt the sermon series? How did he prepare his leadership team? What elements were critical to have within the sermon? Why? How did it go?   //Highlights: “One of the reasons why people inside the church or outside the church have a difficult time digesting what pastors say is how they approach saying it: They don’t approach [challenging topics] with tears.” —Josh Laxton “Through the 2000-year history of the church marriage, family, gender and sexuality has always been primary [doctrine] but because of the cultural context was what it was you didn’t even think about it. But now that we are living in this post-Christian, post-Christendom type of culture now we have to clarify: This is what we’ve always believed.” —Josh Laxton “I know that the call to pastoral ministry is not only the call to know the power of Jesus’ resurrection, but to participate in his suffering... Part of that suffering is leading through very tough and messy issues and situations.” —Josh Laxton   //Question of the Week: What is your nickname and how did you get it?   //Do the Next Thing: Hear the sermon Josh preached here That Barna study? Find it here Hear Laurie and Josh’s conversation about his sermon on *his* podcast here Find more about Josh here: www.Joshlaxton.com or on his IG: Joshlaxton1 Join the episode conversation on FB here Watch the episode on YouTube here  

We get questions related to this topic often. Parents and disciple-makers of young kids are understandably anxious and wondering;  How can we guide kids in a way that makes them both courageously truthful and loving? Pastor and author, Sam Allberry, comes back on the show to help us answer discipleship questions based on his new children’s book on marriage, ‘God’s Signpost.’ In addition to questions about teaching kids about marriage, Sam unpacks: What are Christians doing poorly when it comes to engaging gender/sexuality/marriage? What are we doing well? What did Sam need from his Christian community while growing up in order to thrive today? How should we talk to a teen (or tween) who wants us to use their preferred pronouns?  How should we biblically consider pronoun-usage in our workplaces and places of worship? //Highlights: “If we start with the prohibitions [about marriage]; it’s very hard to make it seem like we are talking about something good.” —Sam Allberry “The redefinition of marriage wasn’t when we turned it into a same-sex thing. The redefinition of marriage happened when we turned it from a covenant into a contract.” —Sam Allberry “We must ensure that the relational quality of our church life is such that a young person growing up in church does not feel like their happiness rests on their marital status.” —Sam Allberry //Question of the Week: What non-word-word do you use often, and what is your definition of it?    //Do the Next Thing: Here is Sam’s new children’s book! We mention a Christianity Today article on pronoun usage here Annnnd, we were right. We have interviewed Sam two other times. :) Here are the other two episodes: Seven ways to navigate a sexually shifting culture here What God has to say about our bodies here Watch the full episode through WCSG here Join the conversation about the episode here!  

Moving forward can feel terrifying: Like we are jumping out of an airplane and we don’t know if we have a parachute. Why does it feel that way?  Today, author, multi-ministry founder, and teacher, Christine Caine, joins us to answer this question as well as:  What happened to us in Covid that made us extra afraid of moving forward? Why is moving forward not automatically betraying or ignoring our pasts? How do we know when it’s time to move on?  What if we feel we have to do penance for past sin? How can we move on from that? How does cancel culture play a role in this? //Highlights: “Fixating on your past with a desire to go back is very different than facing your past in order to move forward.” --Christine Caine “The blood of Jesus does not give us amnesia, but it does give us a life beyond our past.” --Christine Caine “Trust what you know about God more than what you don’t know about the future.” --Christine Caine //Question of the Week: What are you dumb at? ;) (This was one of our best questions so far IMHO lololol) //Do the Next Thing: Get Christine’s book here Listen to our previous episode together, “How Not to Give Up,” here Learn more about Propel + Wheaton Master’s here Join our HIMH Pod FB Group here

Today on the podcast, ministry leader Brenna Blain joins us to help us discern how, when, and where to share our own stories with others. Together, we unpack: How do you know when you are ready to share? What was Brenna’s most challenging audience to share with? What are the benefits and challenges to opening up? //Highlights: “The question I have not always gone to but I need to go to is, ‘Why? Why do I feel I need to share this or want to share this? Is it because I want attention?’… Or is it that I truly feel like God is asking me to share this, and then I need to work out what parts of this story am I supposed to share and in what context?” —Brenna Blain “It’s a little bit cliché, but [one of the biggest benefits for me in sharing my story] is getting to be the voice I wish I had heard growing up. I wish so badly I had heard from someone who was same-sex attracted who clung to a biblical sexual ethic. I wish it so badly.” —Brenna Blain “Sometimes, I just need to sit and say, ‘Do I believe that God knows what he is doing? Do I believe that he is faithful even if his faithfulness means keeping a door closed to me?’” —Brenna Blain //Question of the Week: Are you a pumpkin-spice-everything, can’t-wait-to-put-on-a-sweater person about fall? Or nah? (You guys have a lot of feelings about pumpkin spice and sweaters lolol) //Do the Next Thing: Listen to when Laurie was on Brenna’s podcast here Follow Brenna on IG here Steve mentions this episode where we talk about our hunger for authentic community here Watch the video of this episode here