Mastermind Parenting Podcast

In this episode, I discuss a very successful business guy named Gary Vaynerchuk and his story. I think it’s important to find examples of the power we have as moms on shaping our kids and ultimately the future. If we truly understand the impact and power that an unconditionally loving, empathetic and connected mom has on her kids, we feel even more inspired to retrain our brains, master our minds and change the conversations in our homes. Topics covered: Gary Vaynerchuk Mrs. Vaynerchuk - Gary’s mom ADHD Intrinsic and extrinsic motivation Wine library Entrepreneurship and out of the box thinking Finding your superpower Our kids’ future jobs don’t even exist yet Raising our girls to know they are enough Raising our boys to be respectful good guys #me too #Garyvee Bill Cosby and why we are all heartbroken Moms shaping the next generation leaders and changing the world Men respecting women   Get my book! Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It's my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy >> https://mastermindparenting.com/book Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!   Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe from the podcast app on your mobile device.   Leave us an iTunes review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.

In this episode, I unpack the default behavior for so many of us when life throws us a curveball - sitting in blame and judgment. I explain why this is the case for me too and what I’m learning to replace these negative emotions with something more helpful. I share some personal stories to explain all of this in more detail and ways to see an accident or mistake as an opportunity for real learning. I also discuss the best way to ensure that you’re raising good people rather than creepy sh!theads. Topics covered: Blame and judgment culture Judgment is a self projection Brene’ Brown’s theory about common enemy intimacy Empathy and how productive convos produce good people The mom movement and how we are shaping the people that will lead us into the future Spending time nourishing rather than depleting yourself and how to know that you are doing that Mistakes are part of the human experience and are an opportunity to learn, grow and evolve What to do to ensure that your kids respect you and other people Model the behavior you seek from your kids - if you want kind respectful kids, treat them kind and respectfully Mortified about your daughter becoming a mean girl? I tell you what to do to make sure that doesn’t happen   Get my book! Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It's my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy >> https://mastermindparenting.com/book Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!   Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe from the podcast app on your mobile device.   Leave us an iTunes review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.

    In this episode, I share my view on why we lecture and what to do instead. Lectures do NOT teach our kids the valuable life lessons we want to teach them. In fact, lecturing often reinforcing the behavior we wish to eliminate while also damaging our relationships. I have an approach that will teach you how to infuse empathy into your conversations so that they are actually effective, connecting and ultimately, PRODUCTIVE. This is truly the best advanced tool that I teach. I completely teach you how it looks in real life in this podcast episode. This is the tool that my parenting programs lead up to...being able to master empathy to transform the convos in your home and create the family team you crave! To download the cheat sheet with my 3 step recipe for having a productive conversation, go to this link and download: Productive Conversation   Topics covered: Empathy Active listening Seeing their perspective Dan Pink and his quote about empathy Positive communication tools                                            Get my book! Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It's my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy >> https://mastermindparenting.com/book Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!   Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe from the podcast app on your mobile device.   Leave us an iTunes review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.

    In this episode, you will hear the audio version of a video I filmed for my private parenting community on the last day of our Colorado vacation. I discuss some hard topics and difficult conversations we had that added tremendous value to our memory making moments. To sign up for my private community weekly, sign up here: Mastermind Parenting Report The bottom line is that parenting is hard. That old message about being a good parent and how it all SHOULD come naturally and instinctively ...are words spoken by Nazis and other deplorable people in my opinion. Anyone spreading that tall tale is wearing a mask in my opinion...unwilling to discuss real struggle, hard topics or practice vulnerability. Sure it’s instinctual to feed our little people and take care of their basic needs like picking up a crying baby or nursing a sickie back to health. And as we all know...there are many subjects that come up on our parenting journey that go way beyond basic needs. Because unlike our cave dwelling ancestors, we modern humans now live in an evolving world with technology, eating disorders, little league and other “non-basic” issues we gotta discuss with our peeps. We are good parents. We spend time learning and listening to podcasts so we can discuss the stuff our kids deal with in our evolving world. My vacation yoga teacher said, “Evolution is about growing. Stagnation is literally the opposite of evolution.” Humans are meant to continue to evolve. It’s sort of our job. Learning how to change the convos in your home is a big part of the job. It goes beyond basic needs. You want your kids to be able to talk to you about anything. THIS. My friend. Is. Evolution. Enjoy a little behind the scenes window into the real and raw convos in my family.   Topics covered: How the documentary, Screenagers, inspired us to go “screenless-ish” on this vacation and some issues were revealed once we were less plugged in. “Masks off” and how not pretty it is...especially at first A reference in my own life to the food issues in the show, This Is Us. A negative pattern that I was accidentally beginning to pass down to my daughter and the hard productive convo we had about it. Sibling rivalry and how individual parent engaged time with each kid can strengthen the sibling bond. Outdoor activities and a time to connect with your kids even if you don’t ski on a ski vacation (uhhhh that would be me!) The point of a family vacation and mixing up the routine. Making memories? FB posts? Uninterrupted time together Nature walks and dreaming together about living somewhere “cooler” Beautiful scenery is amazing AND it’s really the people you surround yourself with that create a rich life. People over environment Movies in bed Lots of little and a few bigger conversations Families that always travel with others...might be a buffer or a mask for spending true quality time together and cleaning some things up My husband calling me selfish   Get my book! Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It's my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy >> https://mastermindparenting.com/book Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!   Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe from the podcast app on your mobile device.   Leave us an iTunes review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.

In this episode, I share a clip from my FB Live interview with Danielle Atkisson who runs the silver lining Mamas fb group. I started the clip on the tale end of answering a question from a mom that is worried about her 11 year old anxious daughter and how it’s hard to understand her bc they are opposites. We also went on to discuss defiance, sibling fighting and of course I share some stories from my own life. At the end of the episode I talk about my upcoming 30 day brain retraining parenting course, Closing the Parent Gap Basics. Enrolment closes April 28, 2018. You can read about it here. Http://www.randirubenstein.com/cpg Topics covered: Sib rivalry and conflict resolution The Calm Down Corner (time out alternative) Assertive Communication Anxiety Shaping beliefs Get my book! Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It's my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy >> https://mastermindparenting.com/book Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!   Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe from the podcast app on your mobile device.   Leave us an iTunes review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.

In this episode, I discuss the documentary Screenagers and the silent addiction epidemic that we are facing as a society. I had been wanting to attend a screening of Screenagers and was coincidentally invited to be a panelist at a private school in my home city. Needless to say, I had a pit in my stomach as I watched the reality of what we are facing in terms of screen addiction and how it affects our kids and ourselves, frankly. The documentary validates much of what I teach when it comes to looking for a quick pleasure fix in the form of a screen. The movie includes the latest research in neuroscience and how screens affect our dopamine receptors in the same way as hard drugs. When our kids grow up on screens, we are literally hardwiring them for drug addiction. Super scary. I happen to love technology myself. It’s the reason why I can create a podcast and share it with you. I struggle with many of the issues mentioned in the film and I think that what many of us can take away from the film and the subsequent conversation is that we are entering uncharted territory. Rules and regulations are needed and right now we are educating, increasing awareness and beginning the conversations that must happen to keep our kids safe in this new virtual reality surrounding childhood. I share my thoughts on how to handle adopting tech rules in your household as well as how to conduct a productive conversation with your kids about this. And as always remember that whether it’s technology, sleep, food, school work or whatever the subject concerning your family, the steps are to: Adopt a set of rules Repeat them often Follow through consistently. Technology rules that are productively communicated is a great example of how to set your family up for success rather than constant fighting and stress surrounding this very present modern issue. Topics covered: Screenagers documentary https://www.screenagersmovie.com/ Screen addiction https://nypost.com/2017/12/04/heres-how-to-tell-if-your-child-has-a-screen-addiction/ Dopamine and screen addiction http://yourbrainhealth.com.au/dopamine-cause-digital-addiction/ Glow Kids: How Screen Addiction is Hijacking Our Kids-and How to Break the Trance book quote: “Brain imaging research is showing that stimulating glowing screens are as dopaminergic (dopamine activating) to the brain's pleasure center as sex. And a growing mountain of clinical research correlates screen tech with disorders like ADHD, addiction, anxiety, depression, increased aggression, and even psychosis. Most shocking of all, recent brain imaging studies conclusively show that excessive screen exposure can neurologically damage a young person's developing brain in the same way that cocaine addiction can.  Get my book! Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It's my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy >> https://mastermindparenting.com/book Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!   Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe from the podcast app on your mobile device.   Leave us an iTunes review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.

Why Time Out is Bogus In this episode, I discuss time-out; the punishment that many of us have used to replace spanking. We are often misguided to believe that it’s this progressive humane improvement when it’s potentially just as damaging emotionally as spanking is physically. I know many parents are simply looking for resources to teach their kids the difference between right and wrong. The punishment model has rarely been questioned in years past and yet, all the researchers and experts tell us that it’s ineffective. It accomplishes the opposite of what we want - stronger connections with our kids and effective measures for teaching appropriate behavior. Punishments like time out and spanking are divisive, polarizing and teach our kids not to trust us. One of my favorite new quotes that I coined recently is, “We don’t own our kids. Owning people is called slavery...not childhood.” Slavery is illegal. Our kids are little people. Our job is to teach, guide and keep our little people safe. Punishment does not teach anything other than teaching our kids to lie to us and become sneaky when doing things that will result in a punishment. When we punish our kids rather than having productive communication, we teach them not to trust us. The research and child development experts report that kids under the age of 12 do not change their future behavior based on punishment. They are actually incapable of doing so. The REAL way we teach kids appropriate behavior is by establishing rules, repeating them often and following through consistently. When the rules are broken, we teach them how to become calm and calmly discuss the situation. When everyone is calm, we empathize and find out what’s underneath the misbehavior. Then we state the rules, set a boundary and possibly enforce a logical and related consequence. We follow through consistently. This is the recipe that leads to changing the convos in your home even when your kids are behaving like total turkeys. Your welcome. Topics covered: "Why time out needs a time-out" article in Psychology Today Wikipedia definition of time-out:  Time-out (also known as social exclusion) is a form of behavioral modification that involves temporarily separating a person from an environment where unacceptable behavior has occurred. Punishment defined:the infliction or imposition of a penalty as retribution for an offense. Dr. Ross Greene   The Calm Down Corner: A time-out alternative   Get my book! Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It's my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy >> https://mastermindparenting.com/book Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!   Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe from the podcast app on your mobile device.   Leave us an iTunes review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.

I discuss kids that I refer to as “sensitive nervous system kids” who present as challenging and willful and how they are usually misunderstood and frequently misdiagnosed as having conditions like ADHD. As parents we are often confused about what to do and what our options really are when it comes to these strong willed kids. Unfortunately, when we turn to traditional resources we are often led down a 1 size fits all path and it’s often not the right one for our kids. I’m on a mission to let other parents with a strong willed or sensitive nervous system kid know that there other solutions to consider besides the classic ADHD with a side of anxiety diagnosis that so many of these kids receive from western medicine doctors and therapists. These kids that repeatedly act out at home and/or school are often misunderstood when we try to attack the behavior with old school punishment tactics in an effort to shut down the misbehavior. Basically I shared my thoughts on this situation and the misunderstood rabbit hole I’ve seen many families with sensitive nervous system kids go down. When a kid acts out, the way most of us have been raised, we think we need to establish a boundary during those moments by restating the rules and teaching about acceptable behavior. This never works to shut down the behavior. In fact, it usually exacerbates it! When a kid acts out, they are trying to let the adults in their life know how they are feeling on the inside. They want to feel better, behave better and they want our help. They need our support, not our lectures, in these moments. The real solution is to get curious and investigate what’s underneath the behavior so we can really understand what’s going on. Our kids have to feel like we are on their team to trust us to help them process through their big emotions. Empathy and having positive communication is how our strong willed kiddos begin to allow us to guide them to behave better. Start empathizing and ditch the lectures. These sensitive nervous system kiddos thrive with this new productive parenting conversation. Topics covered: Empathy ADHD Sleep Screen addiction Conscious Discipline https://consciousdiscipline.com Dr. Ross Greene http://drrossgreene.com Get my book! Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It's my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy >> https://mastermindparenting.com/book Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!   Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe from the podcast app on your mobile device.   Leave us an iTunes review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.

In this episode, I talk about one of the most powerful things you can do to help your kid through a hard moment; the skill of walking in their shoes to empathetically convey that you understand your child’s perspective.  This tool discussed in today’s conversation will help you to immediately improve the conversations in your home with your threenagers and your teenagers. Perspective taking is a form of empathy. I like to call it: Walking in your child’s shoes. When you imagine walking in someone else’s shoes and then discuss a situation from that place, it is very connecting for you and your child. Your child will feel really seen and valued when you communicate that you get what it truly feels like to walk in their shoes. In life when we are trying to have a productive convo with our kids, it’s important to see the other person’s perspective before  we even begin the conversation. We typically start a conversation by trying to convince the other person why they should see our perspective. This never works. The opposite, describing the situation from the perspective of walking in their shoes, is what helps us to communicate productively and find a peaceful resolution. When we see other people’s perspectives, they are then inclined to see ours as well. Topics covered: Empathy Perspective Taking Dan Pink quote: Daniel H. Pink Quotes. Empathy is about standing in someone else's shoes, feeling with his or her heart, seeing with his or her eyes. Not only is empathy hard to outsource and automate, but it makes the world a better place. The brain and the emotional center development https://courses.lumenlearning.com/boundless-psychology/chapter/structure-and-function-of-the-brain/     Get my book! Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It's my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy >> https://mastermindparenting.com/book Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!   Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe from the podcast app on your mobile device.   Leave us an iTunes review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.

In this episode, we are going to discuss strong willed kids. These kids present as defiant and defensive. Everyone seems to walk on eggshells around these kids. Most likely, these kids have a highly sensitive nervous system. Smells are smellier, tastes are more intense, tags are scratchy-er, noises are noisier.When you have a highly sensitive nervous system, the world feels overstimulating most of the time and even more so during early childhood. These kids are often exhausted from the overstimulation and irritable as a result. The adults in their lives often mistake their cranky behavior. These kids frequently feel misunderstood and behave defensively. I have an interesting theory about these kids. I believe they are catalysts for change. I will teach you how to see your kid’s strong willed-ness as their super power.   Here are some pointers if you have a strong willed kid: Stay on top of basic needs: Sleep and nutrition. Get the sleep thing figured out. 10-11 hours a night of sleep is a necessity if you have a highly sensitive nervous system. Structure and exercise is important. Get them outside and away from screens. Solo sports like swimming can be phenomenal. See his point of view. Understand how he’s wired. Topics covered: Highly sensitive people (HSP) http://hsperson.com/about-dr-elaine-aron/ Larry David https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARq0QDBIUaQ Swaddle technique from Happiest Baby on the Block https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4SnaQ1DVJM Randi’s email randi@randirubenstein.com if you want help with your strong willed child     Get my book! Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It's my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy >> https://mastermindparenting.com/book Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!   Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe from the podcast app on your mobile device.   Leave us an iTunes review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.