There is no doubt that we are living in a time that heightens levels of conflict and contention in our relationships. Having just finished a one-day conference on this topic, Dr. Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel talk today on the podcast about their recent, personal experiences with conflict, particularly in this pandemic era. In this season, the ways we engage in and relate to conflict look different. You’ll hear Dan and Cathy talk about the reality of this conflict, what we can learn from our styles of relating in conflict, and how, underneath it all, is a deep-seated war with desire. Resources: Purchase access to the recording of the one-day conference “From Conflict to Connection: A Conference for Couples” Listen to a podcast episode on “The Reality of Marriage in COVID-19” Read a blog post by Jay Stringer titled “Good Enough Parenting in a Time of Crisis”

“How is your Sabbath?” As he opens the conversation on this week’s podcast, Dr. Dan Allender invites us to consider this question of ourselves. You’ll hear him and Rachael discuss the particulars of their own Sabbath practices, the wildness and play they each experience, and how Sabbath is not bound to a certain day or strict code of conduct. A true Sabbath is meant to engage both beauty and heartbreak, to stretch us, to grow us, and to show us the places where we long for the Kingdom of God in the here and now. 

A “day of delight” is not an easy topic to engage in the midst of this season. Nevertheless, it is a vital practice that is needed more than ever before and, as Dan surmises, is less engaged than at any other time. Listen as Dan and Rachael engage the true meaning of Sabbath, how it is meant to be a taste of the coming Kingdom of God and what we are meant for, and common misconceptions that accompany this day of restoration.

This week on the podcast, Wendell Moss, a Teaching Staff member of The Allender Center, hosts special guest Dr. Brenda Salter McNeil for a conversation about her work in racial reconciliation. Dr. Salter McNeil is internationally recognized for her work in reconciliation, is an Associate Professor of Reconciliation Studies at Seattle Pacific University, and is the Associate Pastor of Preaching and Reconciliation at Quest Church in Seattle. You’ll hear more about Dr. Salter McNeil’s background, the transformative changes she’s made in her work of racial reconciliation and her exhortations to both the White evangelical church and People of Color in the church.

As a follow up to last week’s conversation, Dr. Chuck DeGroat returns to the podcast to answer listener questions about narcissism with Dan and Rachael. How are we to engage a person who might be a parent, spouse, or spiritual leader who has narcissistic characteristics? How do we engage a narcissist with wisdom? And, on a larger scale, how do we recognize the symptoms of a narcissistic church culture? We are deeply grateful for our community, for your bravery in asking these vulnerable questions. We ask that, as you listen to this conversation, you pay attention to what it stirs in your body and give yourself the care and space you need to engage. Listener Resources: Follow Chuck DeGroat on Twitter Read Chuck’s book, When Narcissism Comes to Church Learn more about Chuck and the resources he offers Listen to the first podcast episode in a series on Spiritual Abuse

Today on the podcast, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen have a timely conversation with Chuck DeGroat, professor of Counseling and Christian Spirituality at Western Theological Seminary, licensed therapist, and spiritual director. He is the author of Leaving Egypt: Finding God in the Wilderness Places as well as When Narcissism Comes to Church, which serves as the primary topic of conversation throughout this episode. In this special episode, you’ll learn more about the characteristics of narcissism, how Chuck came to address narcissism in the context of the church (particularly in the realm of church planting), and the reckoning that is taking place in the church today to dismantle structures of narcissism.

This past year was unlike any other we’ve experienced. Our plans, goals, resolutions, and carefully crafted calendars for 2020 were all but thrown out the window as a result of the pandemic. It’s normal to look back at the year with grief  for all that was lost and not accomplished. The feeling of regret, however, can become so heavy that it pulls us down into a cycle of negative thinking, contempt, and judgement. How then are we to begin a new year with grace for ourselves in order to move forward into all that 2021 has to offer? Last year, Dan and Becky addressed the issue of regret, and how so often our regrets inhibit us from reflecting well on the past. To address regret, Dan says, we need to be able to acknowledge that it is a “cheap counterfeit” of what we are afraid of, which is allowing our hearts to open to what we most desire in relationship with others. Regret has the ability to open ourselves to dreams and desires, but we need to ask ourselves: Can we bless our desires, even in the midst of this sadness?

We may be at the start of a new year, but that does not mean we leave all of what transpired in 2020 behind—this season will continue to ask much of us. As you’ll hear Dan comment, it’s no surprise we now find ourselves at the “intersection between dread and incredible hope.” While not the typical tone that accompanies a New Year’s podcast episode, Dan and Rachael instead present us with an unusual invitation to slow down, to be gentle with ourselves, and allow ourselves to taste something of hope.

How do we remember a year well, particularly a year that many of us may not want to look back and reflect upon? What is there to gain in remembering 2020? In the final podcast episode of the year, Dan and Rachael have a conversation about the necessity of engaging and learning from this tumultuous year and share their answers to three, reflective questions: What haunts me? What comforts me? What thrills me?

In the final episode about what it means to enter the Advent season at such a time as this, Rachael Clinton Chen invites her husband, the Rev. Michael S. Chen, to engage this question together on the podcast. What follows is a tender, vulnerable conversation about what it means that God came to be present with us in an embodied, vulnerable way, how we can enter into a season of expectant waiting, and how “God with us” meets us in our shame.