HeightsCast: Forming Men Fully Alive

In his address to the Forum's Mentoring Workshop held in June, our Head of Lower School Colin Gleason helpfully reframed just what mentoring is—and what it can't be. Though images of the sculptor, the director, and the master often accompany this rough term of "formation," Mr. Gleason reminds us that we are really more akin to gardeners, who attend to a living creation with its own freedom and will. So, how can we appreciate this situation and best work with it for the good of our mentees? Chapters: 1:29 Neither the model nor the molder 3:39 We cannot 'do' the formation 5:56 Freedom to choose the good 10:19 "Thou mayest" (not thou shalt) "triumph over sin" 15:54 Exercising freedom requires formation 16:49 Manners: what the act looks like 18:57 Reasons: the intention behind the act 21:38 Images: how a person chooses the act 23:36 A mentor as such an image 25:49 Loving the good 29:51 Loving the person References: He Knows Not How: Growing in Freedom by Julio Diéguez East of Eden by John Steinbeck Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl Ben Hogan's Five Lessons: The Modern Fundamentals of Golf by Ben Hogan InSideOut Coaching: How Sports Can Transform Lives by Joe Ehrmann Also on the Forum: Seeing Our Boys with Loving Eyes: Not Projects but Persons featuring Tom Royals Why Boys Need Mentors featuring Joe Cardenas and Alex Berthé

In June, the Forum hosted a Mentoring Workshop for men across the country (and beyond) to consider the whys and hows of mentoring young boys into young men into men fully alive. It's always best to start by defining terms. And so, the opening lecture for the workshop weekend featured Dr. Joseph Lanzilotti, theology scholar and upper school teacher at The Heights School, explicating the kind of Christian anthropology that precedes a mentoring relationship. In other words, how are we to understand what man is before we try to help him grow? For our benefit, Dr. Lanzilotti maps out this profound philosophical concept using St. Augustine's simple and most famous line: "Our hearts are restless until they rest in you." Chapters: 2:07 St. Augustine's "Our hearts are restless until they rest in you" 4:56 What is man? Who is man? What is his telos? 7:54 Pope St. John Paul II's "adequate anthropology" 8:38 Finding an adequate anthropology in St. Augustine's restless heart 10:05 Fecisti nos: you made us 13:33 Ad te: for yourself 17:27 Inquietum cor nostrum: our hearts are restless 22:19 Donec requiescat in te: until they rest in you Links: Confessions by St. Augustine I Burned for Your Peace: Augustine's Confessions Unpacked by Peter Kreeft Gaudium et spes by the Second Vatican Council, promulgated by Pope St. Paul VI The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri Address to the Pontifical Council "Cor Unum" from January 2006 by Pope Benedict XVI Till We Have Faces by C. S. Lewis Also on the Forum: Starting a Mentoring Program by Joe Cardenas and Nate Gadiano Mentoring without a Program: On Teaching the Whole Person featuring Joe Cardenas

Note from producer: This conversation was originally published on March 23, 2021, but has been updated and republished on June 13, 2024. As we look forward to the wide expanse of summer, one thing certainly on our minds is how we can support our sons' friendships in the absence of school. Turns out, we needn't look further than our own living rooms. In fact, welcoming our children's friends into our homes may be the healthiest place for authentic, lifelong friendship to grow. In a timely rebroadcast from 2021, Assistant Headmaster Tom Royals helps parents to see their homes as a venue for hospitality—one that integrates our children's social lives with the culture of the home. He especially highlights a vision for hosting teens, who often stray away from home-based gatherings just when it's most beneficial. Chapters 01:45 Begin Interview 02:28 Parents building a culture of home gatherings 06:50 Hosting high schoolers, knowing your home 11:24 Co-ed hosting 12:56 Spontaneous hosting 15:05 Parents working with parents 16:12 Crucial years: establishing this culture before they launch 18:14 Hospitality and the temperaments of your children 20:24 The example of Fr. Robert Kimball 25:28 The role of the father 29:01 Parental presence at teen gatherings: freedom and formation 33:07 Modeling friendship, hospitality Also on the Forum: Friendship and the 21st-Century Boy featuring Alvaro de Vicente Family Culture featuring Alvaro de Vicente On Friendship after Senior Year featuring Dave Maxham

Where to begin with the lofty, almost nebulous virtue of magnanimity—what St. Thomas Aquinas called "stretching forth of the soul to great things"? Of course we want to raise great-souled children, who even outstrip us in their vision of the good and their commitment to serving it. But words alone will fail to impart such a personal and complex mission. At last April's Fatherhood Conference at The Heights, Headmaster Alvaro de Vicente tackled the challenge of how to teach magnanimity to our children. Following Fr. Carter Griffin's keynote address, Mr. de Vicente laid out the map: the obstacles we must navigate, the targets of opportunity we must seize, and the tools to pack for the mission. Chapters 4:30 Defining magnanimity: a vision of and commitment to the good External challenges to teaching magnanimity: 6:37 Identity culture 7:43 Sexualized culture 9:09 The "second-hand smoke" of culture 10:20 Materialism and affluence 13:18 Entertainment culture 16:01 Moral relativism Internal challenges to teaching magnanimity: 19:23 Selfishness, "I deserve" 22:33 Anxiety 24:26 Personal weakness 26:26 Playing the wrong role: acting coach, not director Opportunities for teaching magnanimity: 28:08 Dealing with our own anxiety 31:32 Communicating with God and spouse about each child 33:42 Emotional presence at home 37:50 Expressing affection Ways to discuss magnanimity with your child: 40:00 Positive framework for "the talk" 40:52 Examples of virtue 44:36 Through sports 47:00 Dependable routines 47:50 Financial awareness 48:59 Forming a boy's intellect with conversation Your best resources: 51:38 Friendship with like-minded parents 52:14 Online resources, podcasts 52:52 Spiritual direction53:46 Hope in God's grace Also on the Forum: Magnanimity and the Great-Souled Man featuring Fr. Carter Griffin Featured Opportunities: Mentoring Workshop at The Heights School (June 13-14, 2024) The Art of Teaching Conference at The Heights School (November 13-15, 2024) Leaders Initiative now accepting applications

The modern instinct with free time is to fill it. Whether in our own lives or in the lives of our children, we imagine that something productive or mindless is the antidote to an uncommitted hour. Middle school teachers Kyle Blackmer and Shane O'Neill encourage us to think differently. This week on HeightsCast, the duo shares practical reasons and methods for protecting our family's free time, which helps to cultivate interests, relationships, and the wellbeing of the whole person. They speak especially to our role as parents, teachers, and coaches: to clear the way of obstacles and model our own good use of free time. Chapters: 3:27 Good free time 5:33 Role of parents in a child's freetime: not entertaining but spreading a feast 7:34 Sunday as the day of rest 10:03 Leisure not as a thing "to do" 12:17 The Sabbath and sports 17:10 Overscheduling as an obstacle 22:42 Wasting time vs. free time 25:57 Cultivating interests, fostering friendships 30:53 Consumerism as an obstacle 35:20 Why free time is ultimately valuable 42:06 Modeling healthy free time Links: Leisure: The Basis of Culture by Josef Pieper Also on the Forum: Leisure and Acedia: Contemplative Homes in a Frenetic Age featuring R. J. Snell A Summer Fully Alive by Nate Gadiano What Is the Difference between Free Time and Leisure? by Joseph Bissex Friendship for the 21st Century Boy featuring Alvaro de Vicente

Today we talk to Dr. Peter Kilpatrick, President of The Catholic University of America, who offers our graduates advice about how to make the most of college. He shares his thoughts on civic discourse, selecting a major, affording college, and more. In addition, he roots the entire college experience in the bigger quest to know one's self; but is that possible in a dorm? Our guest today answers emphatically "yes" and makes suggestions about how to advance in this life-long quest. Finally, Dr. Kilpatrick emphasizes the importance of mentorship and human relationship in personal growth, urging students to seek out meaningful connections during their precious and limited undergraduate time. Chapters: 5:03 Costs of college 6:40 The real purpose of college 8:59 Knowing oneself: asking the ultimate questions 13:09 Pursuit of the professions as a path to knowing oneself 16:04 Financial big picture 22:18 Choosing majors and minors 28:54 Fruits of the spirit as a means of choosing a path of study 33:12 The use of full human reason 41:00 Fostering an integrated sense of reality while in college 44:10 Mentorship and human relationship in a world of AI and self-teaching 49:05 Freedom of speech and earnest inquiry on campus 57:20 Assuming leadership positions on campus 1:01:42 Making the most of residential life Links: Fruits of the Spirit, Works of the Flesh: homily from May 19, 2024 by Bishop Robert Barron General Audience from June 16, 2010 by Pope Benedict XVI Also on the Forum: The College Experience featuring University of Dallas President Dr. L. Sanford Rethinking College: Why go? How? When? featuring Arthur Brooks

"Porque me da la gana!" In his book Friends of God, St. Josemaría writes, "I opt for God because I want to, freely, without compulsion of any kind." But how can we teach our children to use their freedom for the good in this whole-hearted way? For that matter, how can we as adults orient our wills toward the same? In this episode of HeightsCast, Headmaster Alvaro de Vicente explores the delicate relationship between obedience and freedom. He provides us with a framework to think about man's condition of freedom, and how we as parents can transition our children forward from obedience to the rest of the virtues. Chapters: 3:03 The universe as a playground of freedom 5:49 Our parenting goal of becoming dispensable 7:34 External freedom: liberties granted by external forces 19:37 Internal freedom: purposeful self-determination 26:00 Obedience as a temporary training ground for internal freedom 29:57 Avoiding parent perfectionism 32:07 The apostolate of imperfect dinners 33:02 Being models for our children 34:47 The importance of predictability 36:51 "Porque me da la gana": because I deeply want to 42:12 Parenting is an art, not a science Links: Introduction to Christianity by Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger (Pope Benedict) Pastoral Letter from February 10, 2024 by Fernando Ocáriz, Prelate of Opus Dei Also on the Forum: Freedom in the Upper School by Rich Moss Why Boys Need to Be Given Freedom by Andrew Reed Moral Imagination, part I with Alvaro de Vicente Moral Imagination, part II with Alvaro de Vicente

In this episode Dr. Kevin Majeres offers his thoughts on two recent books: Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt, and Bad Therapy by Abigail Shrier. Both books seek to tackle major questions such as screens and socials, overprotective parenting, anxiety and depression, and the appropriate response to those conditions. Dr. Majeres optimistically offers helpful and poignant suggestions to parents fully aware seeking to mindfully raise mindful children. Chapters 4:23 The Anxious Generation, introduction and analysis 10:39 Social media and social comparison 11:03 Proven connection between social media and anxiety, depression 15:10 Bonds formed online versus in person, the "rupture and repair" process 17:26 Primary impact on boys: video games, pornography, disengagement 22:02 Pessimism fueled by social media 24:43 Costs of screen time, impact on sleep 27:17 Screens and the left hemisphere of the brain 31:40 Children must be frustrated every day 35:31 Haidt's anti-fragile model 40:40 Debate over the age for smart phones 44:20 Bad Therapy, introduction and analysis 51:31 Educative therapy approach 56:41 Discerning necessary therapy 1:00:19 Anxiety is adrenaline waiting to be invested 1:03:58 Maintaining optimism Links: Optimal Work, Dr. Majere's online platform with podcasts and courses Optimal Work #191: How to Help an Anxious Generation Thrive Optimal Work #190: Is All Therapy Bad Therapy? Optimal Work #180: How to Discipline Your Children While Deepening Your Bond with Them The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt MIT Study on Facebook and Anxiety 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 by Thomas Phelan No Drama Discipline by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson The Gardner and the Carpenter by Alison Gopnik On McGilchrist and the Left Brain by Sebastian Reiche Bad Therapy by Abigail Shrier Leonard Sax's critique of Bad Therapy Also on the Forum: Technology in the Home by Michael Moynihan From Anxiety to Adventure featuring Kevin Majeres His Anxiety and Ours featuring Alex Berthé Welcome to the Web featuring John Beatty When Is Your Son Ready for a Smart Phone? featuring Alvaro de Vicente Smart Phones: Why Wait When He's "the Only One" featuring Joe Cardenas On Freedom and Phones featuring Alvaro de Vicente

This episode explores the theory and the practice of the Polis Method of language instruction which relies on a variety of methods to offer students an immersive experience of second language acquisition. We are joined by Dr. Christophe Rico, Dean of the Polis Institute, and Mr. Guillermo Dillon, Latin teacher at the Northridge Preparatory School in Chicago, Illinois.

This week we feature a lecture by Fr. Carter Griffin, rector of the Saint John Paul II Seminary in Washington, D.C., to Heights Fathers on magnanimity. This virtue calls us to stretch forth towards greatness, but with humility; to have an unshakable confidence in the victory of good over evil, but to walk slowly; to know ourselves to be loved by an all powerful father, but to be unmoved by either praise or slander. As we help our sons to grow in virtue, Father Griffin encourages us, as fathers, to foster in ourselves this, the jewel of all the virtues which gives us confidence and certainty that God has a plan, and that we have a role in it. Father Carter Griffin St. John Henry Newmann: Warfare the Condition of Life St. Thomas Aquinas on Magnanimity https://www.newadvent.org/summa/3129.htm Teaching Through Immersion Workshop at Northridge Preparatory School June 17-21, 2024 Alexandre Havard on Magnanimity and Great Hearts