Aware Parenting Stories with Joss Goulden

This episode is part 1 of an exciting new series of conversations that I will be sharing with my wonderful friend and colleague Danni Willow. We co-run the Exploring Aware Parenting Community and work closely together in many spaces about Aware Parenting and felt called to share some of our many beautiful conversations about this paradigm, that we are both so passionate about. Danni is an Aware Parenting Instructor and mother to 2 gorgeous girls aged 6 and 4. She has been on the podcast before sharing her wisdom in episodes 5, 14 and 31. In this episode we talk about our backgrounds and lives before Aware Parenting and how these experiences have informed our understanding and practice of this approach. We describe the contrast between our early years and the early years of our children and some of the ways that we see the powerful impact on them of Aware Parenting them and re-parenting ourselves. We share honestly about some of the struggles from our past and how that shaped us in ways that were really challenging, both at the time and to unpack and heal from as adults. We talk about how grateful we are to Aletha Solter and to Marion Rose for this work and the impact it has on our children, on us and on the wider culture. If you would like to learn more about Danni, please follow her on social media at Danni Willow or visit her website www.thewayofthewoman.com.au. If you would like to learn. More from me please use this link to sign up for my mailing list https://awareparenting.us14.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=b0f3fda38d97c32be4d00a4aa&id=0c0521fedd or visit my website www.awareparenting.com.au and follow me on social media at Aware Parenting with Joss.

Welcome back to another episode. This podcast episode is in response to a request from a client and listener to share more about learning to speak the language of compassion. This often comes up in sessions with clients and is something that I also really struggled with when I started Aware Parenting. In this episode I talk about what compassion is and share the 5 levels of compassion that are described by Gabor Maté in his recent book The Myth of Normal. I give detailed suggestions about how we learn to offer ourselves and our children compassion. I talk about the impact on our children and ourselves of receiving compassion and how this then impacts the whole world. I really want to acknowledge the impact of the work of both Marion Rose and Gabor Maté and how so much of what I understand about compassion has been shaped by their powerful work. Marion Rose’s courses are available here https://marionrose.net/marion-method-courses/ and her book, co-written with Lael Stone, is available here https://www.booktopia.com.au/raising-resilient-and-compassionate-children-marion-rose/book/9780645551532.html. The Myth of Normal is available here https://www.booktopia.com.au/the-myth-of-normal-gabor-mat-/book/9781785042720.html. If you would like to learn more, please use this link to sign up for my mailing list https://awareparenting.us14.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=b0f3fda38d97c32be4d00a4aa&id=0c0521fedd . I also have articles on my website to explore this more. If you would like further support to bring more compassion to your family, I am here. Sending love and compassion to you all.

Welcome back to another episode. In this podcast episode, I talk all about Control Patterns. I describe what control patterns are and how we use these mechanisms to supress feelings in order to stay safe. I talk about some of the many things we can use as control patterns and how to distinguish between when our behaviour or our children’s behaviour is being used to dissociate and when it is simply meeting a need. I offer lots of compassion about control patterns and describe in detail how to support our children and ourselves when engaging in control patterns in a way that feels loving and gentle and is effective. I offer reflections that we can explore about this topic to get more clarity and compassion for us all. If you would like more information, I have an article on my website about this topic https://awareparenting.com.au/2022/07/09/control-patterns-and-aware-parenting/ If you would like further support about this topic, I am here. Sending love to you all.

In this episode of the podcast, I have the pleasure of talking with Vicki Plomer. Vicki is the mother to three boys and a step daughter, aged 16, 12 and 4 and 27. She came to aware parenting in 2020. She is a trained dancer, dance teacher and choreographer. She has completed level 3 training in person-centred counselling and is an aware parenting instructor. Vicki describes how she came to Aware Parenting when her children were 13, 9 and 1 and how she has learnt to trust the timing of when she discovered this approach. She shares how powerful it has been to bring true listening to her family and how she supports her children to release the backlog of accumulated feelings from not being parented this way earlier in their life. She shares what she loves about attachment play and how she uses it in her family for connection and healing. She shares the opportunities that Aware Parenting has provided for her to do her own healing. She shares what she has found challenging and how she has navigated that, bringing more self-care, compassion, trust and choice and agency to everyone in her family. To learn more about Vicki, please visit www.vickiplomer.com and follow her on social media at Vicki Plomer Aware Parenting.

In this episode of the podcast, I talk about Empathy Buddies. Aletha Solter, the founder of Aware Parenting recommends listening and support for parents in her books and I share the why and the how of this type of support. I discuss the 3 reasons for difficult behaviour in our parenting and how having an empathy buddy supports us to work through our thoughts and our feelings and to identify our unmet needs. I talk about how receiving and sharing compassionate listening with our EB increases our capacity to offer compassionate listening and play to our children and to practise all the other aspects of Aware Parenting. I share how to find an EB from the Aware Parenting community so there are shared and aligned values and understanding between you. I share the powerful value of having emergency EB’s to reach out to on the days in parenting that we all experience at times when things feel horrible, to get us back on track. I share the power of modelling this to our children so they grow up to be adults who normalise feelings and reach out for support when they need it. I share how to set up an EB partnership, the different types of EB’s, how to share and how to listen, so it is easier for us all to be the parent that we want to be. To learn more or to set up an EB please visit this group, set up by aware parenting instructor Carolina Valenica Coleman https://www.facebook.com/groups/2562318203992646/

In this episode of the podcast, I talk about how to support our children when they are being aggressive or hurtful. I acknowledge how hard it is when our children behave in these ways, biting, hitting, grabbin, hurting or shouting. I explain why children are sometimes aggressive and hurtful and what it tells us about what our children are feeling and needing. I explain the many ways that aggressive behaviour is misunderstood in our culture and how trauma and accumulated feelings push our children into hyperarousal which then can cause them to be aggressive. I describe in detail how Aware Parenting shows us how to support our children at these times by having a compassionate understanding of why they are aggressive, creating the emotional safety they need to heal, by listening to feelings, by offering attachment play, by having non-punitive discipline and by offering loving limits. I talk about how vital it is for us to get support too, to explore our beliefs, to receive listening to our feelings about the present and from our unhealed trauma from the past and to get our needs met. If you would like support to help your child with aggression, I offer 1 to 1 sessions where we can dive deep into all this. I highly recommend reading Aletha Solter’s books, particularly Healing your Traumatised Child and Attachment Play.

In this episode of the podcast, I really enjoyed talking to Megan Clinton. Megan is a relational Gestalt Psychotherapist, Energy Psychologist, Gestalt Play Therapist and Aware Parenting Instructor. She offers healing, integration and transformation to women seeking to change the world, be that through parenting, business practice or relationships of any kind. She offers one to one sessions, workshops, programmes and memberships to guide individuals and groups to feel and heal life experiences. Megan shares how she came across Aware Parenting and how it immediately made sense to her in light of her understanding about psychotherapy for adults. She describes how unhealed trauma repeats and comes up again and again in our life to be healed, how our children touch many of the unhealed parts of us and how painful and difficult it therefore is to practise Aware Parenting. We talk about the need for self-compassion in parenting because it is overwhelming and exhausting at times for us all and how we all need support and listening to process our trauma. Megan explains what trauma is and how to start processing it, as well as the profound impact on the world of us parenting in this way. She shares how attachment play supported her daughter to heal from school trauma and we talk about offering loving limits and how to support ourselves in that process. To learn more about Megan Clinton please follow her on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn at Megan Clinton. To learn more about my Aware Parenting Teenagers course, please visit https://awareparenting.com.au/aware-parenting-teenagers/ or to pay in instalments please use the link for the payment plan here https://awareparenting.com.au/register/awp-teenagers-instalment/

In this episode of the podcast, I have the pleasure of talking to Laura Shaz. Laura is mother to two children aged 7 and 4. She is currently studying to be a midwife and is passionate about sharing the AwP philosophy with new mothers and fathers and with birth workers. She is a certified yoga teacher, Aware Parenting instructor and massage therapist who has been working in the birth world as a pregnancy yoga and mums & bubs yoga instructor for the past 7 years. She holds a master’s degree in Conflict Resolution and Mediation, which she delved into the field while living in Israel and facilitating youth groups in high schools. She is passionate about physical and emotional healing for families and about making mothers’ and families lives more joyful. Laura currently lives in the northern rivers of Australia with her family. Laura shares how she came to Aware Parenting and how she has found receiving empathy and support herself so transformative in her parenting. We talk about how helpful learning to offer loving limits has been in our families. She shares how she learnt to listen to feelings and allow her baby to release and cry when she needed to. We talk about the magic of attachment play to support healing and closeness. She shares lots of examples of how she has used aware parenting to support her family and we talk about how powerfully healing it is for us all to receive empathy. To learn more about Laura, please visit https://www.ljspeace.com and follow her on Facebook at Laura Shaz. To learn more about my Aware Parenting Teenagers course, please visit https://awareparenting.com.au/aware-parenting-teenagers/ or to pay in instalments please use the link for the payment plan here https://awareparenting.com.au/register/awp-teenagers-instalment/

In this episode of the podcast I have the pleasure of talking to Janie Spencer. Janie is a level 2 Aware Parenting instructor in France and the regional coordinator for France and French speaking Switzerland. She has been an instructor for over 20 years and has a 33 year old daughter, whom she raised with Aware Parenting. She has a Masters in Sociology of Emotions and, together with her colleague Gwenaëlle Ruella, she runs Place Des Emotions – an association providing individual and group trainings on the Aware Parenting approach. In this episode Janie shares how she discovered Aware Parenting from Aletha Solter’s mother and how she started practising this in her own family. She shares the vital importance of us receiving listening as parents and the powerful role that Re-evaluation Co-counselling has played in supporting her to heal from the trauma of her childhood. Janie shares about the impact Aware Parenting can have for people coming to this approach from both an authoritarian style or a more permissive attachment style parenting. She also shares about her association and how that is supporting parents to learn how to bring Aware Parenting to their families. To learn more about Janie, please visit www.placedesemotions.org or follow her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/placedesemotions/ or Linkedin at https://www.linkedin.com/in/janie-spencer-4937b18/

In this episode of the podcast I talk to Vivian Viester about birth and birthdays and how we can support parents to bring more compassion and connection and joy to birthdays for us and our children. Vivian is an Aware Parenting Instructor living in Switzerland and she has a 12 year old son. She supports parents with 1 to 1 consultations, online programs and listening circles. In this episode we talk about the impact of birth on us all and how we often develop themes from our perinatal experiences that continue to affect us into adulthood. We discuss how birthdays were for us as children and how painful feelings and unmet needs for us from those younger years still come up for our attention in adulthood too and how reflecting on these experiences can help us to heal and connect deeply with how we want birthday’s to be, for ourselves and our children. We talk about how important it is for parents to get to de-brief about the birth of their children and to share these stories many times, and with their children too. We discuss how birthdays are often a time of big emotions that come up for everyone in the family and how this awareness can help us to support healing for us all so that birthdays can be more enjoyable. Vivian shares about her offering to support parents to reflect on their birth experiences and tune into what they want now for their birthdays. She also shares about her second offering for parents and children to explore their birth and what we want for their day and for the next year of their life. I share some reflections for parents to support more healing, more connection and more joy for birthdays. To find out more about Vivian’s Birthday Offerings, please visit her Facebook and Instagram, Vivian Viester Aware Parenting.