Am I Broken: Survivor Stories cover image

Am I Broken: Survivor Stories

Latest episodes

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Jul 28, 2024 • 1h 20min

S4 Ep2 - Claire "I Ignored It and I Believed Him Because He's the Storyteller [Neil Gaiman]"

Claire, a survivor who shares her story using a pseudonym, opens up about her experience of grooming and manipulation by acclaimed author Neil Gaiman. She dives into how storytelling can shape beliefs and the shame often felt by survivors. Claire discusses her therapeutic journey, highlighting the power of journaling, friendships, and support networks in healing. The conversation tackles the dynamics of fame, consent, and the importance of advocating for oneself, ultimately emphasizing the empowerment found in sharing personal narratives.
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Feb 19, 2023 • 36min

S4 Ep1 Lindsey - "I Remember Thinking I'm Selling My Soul to the Devil"

Lindsey (she/her) tells her story about being groomed, taken advantage of, and sexually violated by a leader in Canada's psychedelic healing world. Learn how she finally recognized the abuse, and found her way to healing and resolution. In this episode, she asked to use a pseudonym and to have her voice masked, as she says this prominent facilitator is currently pursuing legal action against those who speak out about his abuses. Support the podcast at patreon.com/papillondeboer 
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May 2, 2022 • 40min

S3 Ep8 Kat - "I Certainly Lost Faith in People"

Kat (she/her) shares her story of sexual violation during 4 days of a psychedelic therapy session with a well-known clinician. We discuss the healing she was seeking in the first place, the compounding of trauma, and what she both gained and lost from this experience. She requested to use a pseudonym and to have her voice masked to protect her from retaliation by this licensed psychedelic therapist and his organization.Support the podcast at patreon.com/papillondeboer
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Mar 1, 2022 • 1h 6min

S3 Ep6 Hannah - "You're Gonna Have to Pay for This"

Hannah (she/her) shares her stories of childhood sexual abuse from several local church leaders in her small town, including her grandfather. We talk about purity culture, keeping secrets, and self-harm. She describes the difficulties of her healing journey, as well as what has helped along the way, including art.Support the podcast at patreon.com/papillondeboer for $5/month.
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Jan 31, 2022 • 1h 1min

S3 Ep5 Pat - "This Person Held the Trust of So Many"

Pat (they/them) shares a story long held secret, about their employer and colleague who offered to be their tantric teacher, then lied and manipulated and abused them. Hear how they healed from the trauma of not just that relationship, but also the ejection from that community, and what took them deeper into their own family history and catharsis.Support the podcast with $5/month at www.patreon.com/papillondeboer and gain access to some particularly interesting behind the scenes out takes from this episode, and others.
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Jan 3, 2022 • 54min

S3 Ep4 Gabi - "This Has Happened Before"

Gabi (she/they) calls out two local perpetrators - a friend and community leader who sexually assaulted her during a massage, and the CEO of a solar power company who sexually harassed and assaulted her. We talk about failed community justice processes, and how telling her story and naming the offenders has given Gabi an increased sense of strength and power.Support the podcast at www.patreon.com/papillondeboer
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Dec 1, 2021 • 44min

S3 Ep3 Elle - "I Have This Connection With Her, And I'm Betraying Her"

Elle (she/her) shares her story of a sudden betrayal by her eating disorder therapist, a sexualized violation during their last meeting. She describes the conflict within herself as she receives various feedback from family and friends, and then learning that her other therapist is filing a report against the perpetrator. After a return of previous trauma response behavior, Elle finds her way along her own healing path.Support the podcast for $5/month at www.patreon.com/papillondeboer
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Oct 31, 2021 • 1h 9min

S3 Ep2 Tom - "Didn't Make Space For Any of My Truth"

Tom (he/him) shares his story of how childhood sexual abuse primed him to be sexually abused by his high school counselor, believing for years that they had a good relationship. He describes how this also set him up to be similarly enthralled by a professor and supervisor at his graduate school who also violated professional boundaries as well as his trust and vulnerability. We discuss the messiness of our own truth and feelings emerging about sexual abuse by someone we loved and trusted. Tom is a pseudonym, and he chose to have his voice masked for additional confidentiality.Please support the podcast for $5/month at www.patreon.com/papillondeboerOr ask questions or share feedback at agencyofchange@gmail.com
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Oct 1, 2021 • 45min

S3Ep1 Lee Anne - "But It Wasn't Over"

Lee Anne (she/her) shares her story of being assaulted on a date with a firefighter. Being polyamorous was one more reason she was reluctant to file a police report. She describes her healing journey, which included support from her husband, and finding new boundaries for dating again, when she was ready. As a medical practitioner, Lee Anne also shares how her own trauma helped her refine her approach with clients.Support the podcast for $5/month at patreon.com/papillondeboer
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Jun 1, 2021 • 46min

S2 Ep12 Deborah - "I Didn't Know What I'd Done Wrong"

Deborah, a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor and Clinical Addictions Specialist, shares her story of coming to terms with several sexual assaults as well as returning memories of childhood sexual abuse. She details her struggles with not only addiction, but disordered eating, and her success with sobriety, AA, and intuitive eating.Support the podcast for $5/month at:www.patreon.com/papillondeboer

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