PART OF IT

My first episode three weeks out of the psych ward. I made this episode because....I needed to. It's conversations I had with women before I was committed and after. The theme: All women are hurting. All mothers need help. All women are insane and we shouldn't fear being put away for it. Featuring the story of Elizabeth Packard, women's sleep cycles (why we stay up later than men and shouldn't have to apologize for it) and the increasing rise of mental health issues with women and mothers. 

“Then I understood I would never marry him. It's funny how one thing can make you realize something like that. One can be ready to give up the children one always wanted, one can be ready to withstand remarks about one's past, or one's clothes, but then—a tiny remark and the soul deflates and says: Oh.”  ― Elizabeth Strout, My Name is Lucy BartonWe all have that moment. Whether we're dating, married or just meeting someone where we see right through the words, to the person behind them. Unfortunately, it's usually not the ideal time. In examining my own marriage, I speak with other women on the moments they knew - this person isn't right for me. Three women on marriage, divorce, cults, trusting your gut and psychological insights on intuition, the female brain and why females make the best spies...yet the worst decisions in relationships. 

I am an oldest daughter. I have a younger brother. I feel like there's a special love for him that is not given to me.  I thought becoming a parent would help me understand it. But I can't know because I only have two daughters. So I go to Words of Women and ask other mothers... and daughters to tell me if they feel this, if it's real. If so, is it biological, is it inherent? Is it internalized misogyny? Or am I just too sensitive? Five women. Two therapists. One struggling daughter who is now a mother. This is what I've learned and probably all we'll ever know about the complex relationship between mothers, sons and daughters. 

You either love her or you hate her...Twenty-four hours ago I posted a clip from a podcast featuring Meghan Markle. I didn't realize it would lead to chaos. The Duchess of Susscex, it turns out, is about as divisive as Israel, Palestine, JK Rowling and all the other things we dare not talk about. But why? What makes her so divisive? I opened up an open forum Zoom and got four women and a therapist joined. I wanted to hear their views. See if they could change mine. What it turned into was a conversation about where our judgements come from, what it really means to have a platform, why we hate or love the people we do and everything that's so much more than Meghan and her chickens and blooming flowers. 

“I feel I'm very sane about how crazy I am.” ― Carrie FisherAm I manic? Am I crazy? Because I feel fine. I feel better. Now that I feel good. Now that I'm chatty and awake and feeling back to being me, the new narrative is I'm manic. And the past few nights, when I couldn’t sleep, I wondered if everyone was right. If I'd lost the plot. If my life was headed towards that image of Frances Farmer being carried away to the asylum. So I start talking to women. I read more about Frances Farmer and her arrest and forced institutionalization. I talk to my therapist, then another therapist for this episode. My conclusion: If you ask for too many people’s opinions, if you start opening yourself up to judgment and advice, you will start to lose sight. You will get confused and insecure and wonder if everyone's right and you're wrong. Episode discusses: Mania, Jk Rowling, Frances Farmer, SSRIs, Crazy Labels and the other impossible stigmas of being a woman. Thank you Dr. Sara Marchon, LCSW, DSW for your professional advice and wisdom. If you are looking for a therapist and enjoyed Dr. Marchon, check out her services at https://drmarchon.com/

"It's supposed to be hard." It's gonna be hard." It's not about talent, it's about endurability." Are we talking about writing or life? BOTH.  "Everything you need to know about life can be learned from a genuine and ongoing attempt to write." Almost two years ago, I threw a shot in the dark. I emailed my favorite writer, my idol, the woman whose book, 'Still Writing', was my Bible as I navigated the seemingly impossible and dream of becoming a 'writer.'..And she responded. What started as a conversation about the writing life, what it takes to become a writer, evolved into what it takes to become a parent, a mother, a wife, a person with a dream. Dani Shapiro is the author of eleven books, and the host and creator of the hit podcast Family Secrets. Her most recent novel, Signal Fires, was named a best book of 2022 by NPR, Time Magazine, Washington Post, Amazon, and others, and is a national bestseller. Her most recent memoir, Inheritance, was an instant New York Times Bestseller, and named a best book of 2019 by Elle, Vanity Fair, Wired, and Real Simple. Both Signal Fires and Inheritance were winners of the National Jewish Book Award. 

Am I a bad parent if I don't agree with gentle parenting? I've tried it, trust me. If you're anxious, your child will be anxious. If you're too firm, they'll have attachment issues. If you're not firm enough, they'll be spoiled. I'm tired of all the advice. Also, where did all this advice come from?  I talk to a few moms and Rachel Tombari, LCP, one of my favorite therapists, to discuss Dr. Becky, gentle parenting, anxiety, motherhood, and how to stop caring so much about caring about everything.

Only children are weird. It's selfish to have an only child. Only children are lonely. There's so much pressure...To be a woman. To be a mom. To have a kid. Then to have another kid. Because you can't just have ONE KID. It's selfish to have an only child. But is it? I speak to two mothers who have (by choice and not) to have only children. Are they happy? Are theirs kids happy? Do they feel guilty? Are only children lonely? Is it so bad to have an only child or is this another myth we're just following at the expense of our mental and physical health? Topics include: IVF, mental health, motherhood and siblings. Thank you to the amazing mothers and women I spoke to for this episode. You know who you are. 

I feel guilty. I feel bad. But I also feel angry. Yet I can't express this anger...because then I'm a nag...But I'm tired of feeling like a nag, a bitch, an over-worried, exhausted, woman. It took the birth of my children to stop, think and pick apart what was happening. What's real guilt? What's perceived guilt? What's guilt that created by society and put women in this constant state of tension and rage. I speak with Saumya Dave, psychologist and author of the upcoming novel 'The Guilt Pill', along with a few other women (moms and single women) to understand guilt, liberation and the freeing feeling from feeling bad. Because, well, we shouldn't. 

Dating is hard. Marriage is hard. Should women freeze their eggs? Or should they settle for less? Or should they forget men all together? The question is now: Is something wrong with men? We can theorize all we want, or we can talk to the source. Cue: your typical New York single guy in his thirties. I interview a man. A single man in his thirties and ask him why he's single. What he wants. What men want. Then I talk to more women. And this is what I realized....This episode started as a request from my best friend, the godmother of my children, to talk about dating. I talked to single women. I talked to a therapist. But we still needed to talk to a man... What I thought was a straightforward interview turned into an exploration into women, men and the dynamics that exist...globally. Thank you to Jenna Sackman,LPC and founder of Peace of Mind Therapy NYC. If you're single or just struggling to find a good therapist, Jenna is the real deal.