The Art of Charm

Jack Barsky (@DeepCoverBarsky) joins us to discuss his book Deep Undercover: My Secret Life and Tangled Allegiances as a KGB Spy in America. This is part one of a two-part episode; stay tuned for the second installment next Monday! "The only advice I can give young people is the following: 'It always takes longer, and it always costs more.'" -Jack Barsky The Cheat Sheet: What Jack Barsky's childhood was like in postwar East Germany. The stickiness of Soviet-style communist ideology and how it appealed to young people on Jack's side of the Iron Curtain. How spies were recruited and trained during the Cold War. What skills Jack used to assimilate seamlessly into American culture. Why caution is a spy's best friend; paranoia is his enemy. And so much more... Show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/633/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Casper makes hybrid mattresses that combine premium latex foam with memory foam -- and won't charge you an arm and a leg for them. Get $50 toward any mattress purchase here by using promo code AOC! Are you trying to hire the right person for your business, but the best candidates keep slipping away? Let ZipRecruiter -- the fastest way to hire great people -- help you screen only the best here! With Business Platinum from American Express, it's not about where you are, it's about where you want to take your business next. Explore the Power of The Business Platinum Card here! Betterment is the largest independent online financial advisor. For one low, transparent fee, Betterment gives you personalized advice and invests your money. For a limited time, you can get up to six months managed for free -- learn more here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. Are there any benefits to suppressing emotions vs. acknowledging them? Here's an exercise to ensure you're doing the right thing. Many thanks to recent guest and How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain author Lisa Feldman Barrett (hear her full show here) for helping put this one together! The Cheat Sheet: Suppressing emotions is like putting a bandage over an infected wound -- it's only putting unpleasantness out of sight, not healing it. Even if it makes you feel silly, you need to acknowledge the true set of emotions you're having in order to process and move on. One way to do this is to write down your emotions. Are you hurting? Ashamed? Jotting it all down and noting how comfortable or uncomfortable these emotions make you feel forces you to face what you might otherwise be subconsciously avoiding. Give it a try this week as a first important step to breaking the habit of suppressing emotions. It may be odd at first, but it will become more natural over time as it becomes part of your routine. To learn more about social dynamics and productivity hacks, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Also be sure to check out our Social Capital Intensive here! Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response or write to Jordan directly: jordan@theartofcharm.com (he actually reads everything)! Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-61-acknowledging-vs-suppressing-emotions/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Listen to The Art of Charm, The Tavis Smiley Podcast, and hundreds of your favorite podcasts with the free PodcastOne app (on iOS and Android) here! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. In this episode: As a "nice guy," how do you let go of an ex -- who attempted suicide when your relationship ended -- without feeling heartless? Listener feedback for Nouveau Tech (from FMF 119) about how to respond next time the opportunistic entrepreneur ex makes contact. Listener Sweet Cheeks weighs in on what she does when male coworkers dismiss her statements with infantilizing condescension. Sometimes even gun-toting manly men need real talk from honest friends -- boundaries be damned! When you're fresh out of college, don't be too quick to dismiss the experience you can get in your ideal field from working at a non-ideal place of employment. Listener Westbound and Down tells us how he used Reddit to ask questions of locals prior to moving to a new town. Is there a kind way to discourage stalker-like attention from a socially awkward person without crushing their ego? Can you help people get through the ordeal of being bullied without disclosing specific details surrounding your own ordeal? How does Jordan's advice in MM 57 to "treat everyone [we] meet as if [we're] going to know each other forever" apply if the person we're meeting happens to be a jerk right off the bat? A documentary recommendation. Quick shoutouts to the anon fan who gave Jordan some Bitcoin, and Nicholas and Amanda Bayerle of Billion Dollar Body! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Check out Jordan's (@TheArtofCharm) other show: The Forbes List, and Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/fmf122/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! The Sam Roberts Wrestling Podcast talks to today's top wrestling talent and breaks down everything happening with the state of wrestling every week -- check it out here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Chase Hughes (@thechasehughes) teaches interrogation and behavior science on a tactical level for the US military, created The Behavioral Table of the Elements for behavior analysis in interrogations, and is the author of The Ellipsis Manual: Analysis and Engineering of Human Behavior. "Instead of trying to figure out what a person's good at, try to figure out what they want to be seen as being good at and you'll get ten times the results." -Chase Hughes The Cheat Sheet: What is the Behavioral Table of the Elements and how can we use it to determine the likelihood that someone is telling us the truth? Why Chase considers polygraph tests "just about as accurate as a coin toss" -- and how they're actually biased against people who tell the truth. What someone training to spot deception indicators and stress might learn from watching Conan O'Brien interviews. How training ourselves to be subconsciously aware of truth signals clues us in when someone who's lying deviates from them. How to hack authority for influence and personal development. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/632/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Betterment is the largest independent online financial advisor. For one low, transparent fee, Betterment gives you personalized advice and invests your money. For a limited time, you can get up to six months managed for free -- learn more here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project. Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Aaron Walker (@VFTCoach) has almost four decades of successful entrepreneurship under his belt; he rejoins us to talk about his new book, View From the Top: Living a Life of Significance. "I'm always looking for a way to make it happen, not excuses why it won't work." -Aaron Walker The Cheat Sheet: Aaron grew up with nothing; discover what significant mindset shifts along the way changed his own results. Understand why we should fear missing opportunity more than we should fear failure. The importance of living proactively instead of reactively. The value of participating in a mastermind group. How a personal tragedy led to an entirely new way of thinking for Aaron. And so much more... Show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/631/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! SmartMouth is the only activated oral rinse clinically proven to eliminate existing bad breath and prevent it from returning for a full twelve hours per rinse. Visit SmartMouth.com to get an in-depth, scientific analysis of how SmartMouth is able to deliver such incredible results! Distinctive style meets unique spirit in the all-new crossover Toyota C-HR. Check out Toyota.com/C-HR to learn more! With pain-free invoicing, FreshBooks helps entrepreneurs and freelancers save time and avoid a lot of the stress that comes with running a small business. Try a month of unrestricted use for free here (no credit card required)! Enter "ART OF CHARM" in the how you heard about us section. DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project. Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. Vanessa Van Edwards (check out our full episode with her here) rejoins us to talk about value languages -- the motivations we have for entering into relationships with each other. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: Ever wondered how to hack motivation? It begins by understanding what people really want out of a relationship. If you think about it, all relationships are transactions in which we give and take resources. Value languages are what we hope to get out of a relationship; they can be any of the following: Information Goods Status Service Love Money Vanessa gives us ways to practice how to recognize what value languages are being used in our own relationships so we can best address the motivations behind them. This week, take a look at brags and complaints when you hear them and try to match them up with these different value languages. If you liked this one, make sure to check out Vanessa's most recent appearance on The Art of Charm: Captivate (Episode 610) To learn more about social dynamics and productivity hacks, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Also be sure to check out our Social Capital Intensive here! Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response or write to Jordan directly: jordan@theartofcharm.com (he actually reads everything)! Show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-60-hacking-motivation-with-value-languages/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! The first 250 people who go to PodcastOne.study and complete the short survey will get a $25 gift card to Restaurant.com — after completing the survey, you will have the option of entering a sweepstakes for a $250 gift card! Get started here! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: Is the clock ticking on your window for big adventures? Consider mini-retirements. How do you tell your conservative religious family that maybe you've decided to go a different way -- especially when being disowned is a possibility? Is there a cure for 21st century millennial loneliness? Is there a cognitive difference between listening to audiobooks and visual reading? When you're growing good corn in this day and age, you've got more good neighbors than you may realize. How do you deal with a coworker who acts like they have complete disdain for you? Can you make your resting face more approachable? If Jordan had to be a lawyer again, what would be his specialty? A quick shoutout to Mo the Uber driver in Denver! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Check out Jordan's (@TheArtofCharm) other show: The Forbes List, and Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/fmf121/ The Sam Roberts Wrestling Podcast talks to today's top wrestling talent and breaks down everything happening with the state of wrestling every week -- check it out here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Timothy Snyder (@TimothyDSnyder) is the Housum Professor of History at Yale University and author of Black Earth: The Holocaust as History and Warning and On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons from the Twentieth Century. "Americans are no wiser than the Europeans who saw democracy yield to fascism, Nazism, and communism. Our one advantage is that we might learn from their experience." -Timothy Snyder The Cheat Sheet: Democracy has to be an ongoing activity -- not a waiting game for the next election cycle. Understand how fragile a democratic republic can be against the concentrated efforts of would-be tyrants -- and that the United States is not immune to their strategies. Take these small actions every day to ensure we're doing our part to maintain an open and free society. Learn how to consume information critically in a "post-fact" world. Recognize the scary parallels between historic catastrophes and current events. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/629/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Learn over 500 subjects (no tests or homework!) at The Great Courses Plus -- The Art of Charm listeners get one free month + 50% off three months here! If you're a business owner, did you know your payments solution can be an engine for growth? Rethink payments with Braintree. Find out more at braintreepayments.com/forbes! Distinctive style meets unique spirit in the all-new crossover Toyota C-HR. Check out Toyota.com/C-HR to learn more! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! The first 250 people who go to PodcastOne.study and complete the short survey will get a $25 gift card to Restaurant.com — after completing the survey, you will have the option of entering a sweepstakes for a $250 gift card! Get started here! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. This week, we're taking a little friendship audit to determine if we're hanging out with people by default or if we're actually enriching each other by association. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: Personal development giant Jim Rohn famously said that we are the average of the five people with whom we spend the most time. How intentional are you about your friendships? What's the criteria for the people you choose to spend time with? Here's an exercise designed not to alienate you from your default friends, but to get you thinking about how -- and why -- you spend your time with each other. Write down your fifteen closest friends and why you're friends. Are you friends because you grew up on the same block, or are you friends because you have legitimate connections that elevate both of you by association? Reach out to the people on your list who made the cut and let them know why you like them. It may seem weird at first, but it's more appreciated and friendship affirming than you realize. To learn more about social dynamics and productivity hacks, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Also be sure to check out our Social Capital Intensive here! Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response or write to Jordan directly: jordan@theartofcharm.com (he actually reads everything)! Show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-59-how-to-overcome-default-friendships/ The Sam Roberts Wrestling Podcast talks to today's top wrestling talent and breaks down everything happening with the state of wrestling every week check it out here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: How much eye contact is just right? How do you spend meaningful time with friends before going away for a long time? Have you tried the StoryCorps app? (From listener feedback -- not an advertisement!) Is selling insurance the right job for someone who's "too nice?" Can you handle more than one life crossroads at a time? Does a felon deserve a second chance? Aside from guest content, what are we reading at The Art of Charm these days? Jason recommends The Age of Absurdity by Michael Foley and Jordan recommends Guests of the Ayatollah by Mark Bowden, but make sure to check out our Bookshelf and this new monthly feature at The AoC! Quick shoutouts to fellow small world residents Shellie Lempert and Josh Pollack! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Check out Jordan's (@TheArtofCharm) other show: The Forbes List, and Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. Full show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/fmf120/ Bombfell is an online personal styling service for men that helps find the right clothes for you. Complete a simple questionnaire to be matched with a dedicated personal stylist. For $25 off your first box purchase, visit bombfell.com/charm! Wonder what can happen when strangers get legally married the moment they first meet? Tune in to a new episode of Married at First Sight every Thursday at 9/8c on Lifetime! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices