Beat Your Genes Podcast

1. My 19 year old daughter confided in me that she and her friend joined a sugar baby website and has met an older man.  I am her birthmother. We are in an "open adoption arrangement" I am 38, so younger than her mom and someone she confides in. No other adults know about this. Is this normal developmentally and I should just let it play out, or is this out of bounds, and I may need to intervene more assertively? 2. Is there any way to spot people on extreme ends of the bell curve by their appearance? Perhaps it has to do with sensitivity and some people could have an intuitive way of recognizing red flag characteristics, whether in physical structure/form or expression? Is there any validity or basis to this? An evolutionary explanation?  3. I keep noticing current references to "unconditional love." Some in "spiritual circles, some in philosophy, some in the news. People supposedly suddenly want new pets for the unconditional love they are missing in isolation. Taking Ketamine or psilocybin supposedly gives the subject a reference experience of Unconditional Love, so then they can go on to cultivate that perception and achieve a new state of consciousness. Etc. I have looked for a long time, and I have not yet found any "loving" (bonding, service, caring, sharing, etc.) without some kind of conditions behind it. And wouldn't loving-looking behavior be determined by the big 5, and not be altered by a transcendent experience? What does EP say about it? 4.Anyways, my husband and family members joke that I have an irrational fear of homelessness and logically I know it’s unlikely that I will ever be homeless, but that doesn’t stop me from worrying about it on a weekly basis. How does someone become homeless? And if in some imaginary reality you were charged with decreasing or eliminating homelessness by any means necessary, what would you do?

Today's questions: 1. I'm interested in the post-Corona calibration process many of us are likely going through or about to go through. I'd be interested to hear how this unique level of isolation we've all experienced leads to decalibration and then the process of recalibrating again. I am just now starting to "get back out there" and I get the sense that my nervous system is desperate for calibration while at the same time guarded against any potential bad news. What do you think, doctors? 2. I'm curious why it seems so many of us are programmed to want to push our kids to achieve if the long-term influence falls flat.   3.  I am struggling to realize the last chapter of How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World, where the author describes freedom from wanting to control others.  I have a 29 year old brother who still lives with my mother. He was working before the pandemic, but is currently unemployed. He has made thousands of dollars a month but pays her nothing. He says she doesn't care and he is wanted. She says she doesn't mind other. In the past I have argued about why this relationship is bad for them both. I'm having a hard time why this situation makes me so angry, when really it is none of my business. I would love to "be free" of my concern, but it feels deeply concerning that from what I see my brother is exploiting my mother to avoid life and she is enabling him because she doesn't want to live alone. 4. When women write "family-oriented" on a dating profile is this code for "looking for man who will invest all of his resources into me and our potential children" and also "I'm vetting your current relationship with your mother as proof!"

In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk start with a dating question and branch off to discuss the Repeat Exposure Effect along with a song performed by one of our listeners, Warren Tews (https://youtu.be/T7_BjA_M74A), the discussion turns towards "All about the Eggs" as Dr. Lisle describes the male mating strategy of "trying to get to the female's eggs" and the confusion (from the female) that can result from that.   Included in the discussion is online dating strategies for women for pair bond success.    Question:  Dear Beat Your Genes team, From what I am hearing, as a female 10, I have practically no chance of ever pair-bonding with an objective male 10 (my equal). The best I can do is settle for a 9 with more/better resources than me (subjective 10), which can only be achieved via repeat exposure, correct? Needless to say, online dating is a nightmare, but offline I have not met/seen a man, who would make me feel overrewarded (or even remotely attracted) in more than 5 years (latest divorce). To aggravate the problem, I am also a sapiosexual. Any insights into how I can overcome this challenge are welcome. P.S. Dr. Howk is a hoot and makes a fantastic addition to the team. Can't wait to hear her laugh at my question.

In today's show, the Dr's discuss these questions: 1. Ive been following Geoffory Millers twitter during the past couple months and noticed that his worldview is trending to become a little more conservative and traditionalist in light of the unprecedented level of social conflict we are experiencing. This is something that resonates with me. Once I began to understand the principles of Evolutionary Psychology, I began to see the hidden wisdom in tradition. I notice that Dr. Lisle does not seem to place much value on traditional behaviours and I always thought this was curious. Can you ask him to speak to this? 2. What is the best way to deal with sadness of grief? Are there some basic things to do? Specifically, my mother died. She was old. It was time. I am still very sad and it has hit me harder than I expected. 3. Why is everyone so divided in today’s climate? All the protests. Upset over wearing a mask. Politics. Media hype. I’m having a hard time just being me, being pressured to choose sides.

1. I have come to some confusion reconciling the Selfish Gene's central ideas and Plomin's description of genetics. The confusion though comes from trying to understand how the notion of self selective pressures at the individual gene level would be possible when so many traits of the phenotype are the result of the interaction of several genes within the genome. How can individual genes "compete" when each individual gene is reliant on how it "correlates(?)" with the rest of the genome. 2. Whenever I don’t orgasm during sex, I feel guilty. This may be because I fake the orgasm. I am not sure whether this is my internal audience censuring me or whether I am simply empathising for my guileless husband. Or, maybe, something else. Why can’t I be honest about my inorgasmia? I don’t always have a problem orgasming but around half the time I fake it. It’s not fun. What say you? 3. What would you recommend for a stay at home Mom who has two small children and is constrained by time and energy to pursue her individual goals?  I am experiencing low mood on a regular basis and don't want to turn to medication.  Overall, I don't have a strong sense of self-efficacy and feel like my best way forward is accepting my situation and letting go of personal goals for the foreseeable future.  My husband and I are not in a financial position to use money as a way to provide child care or outsource other tasks.  I wonder if I am going through a recalibration process of lowering my goals and expectations, which is the source of my low mood.  Am I constrained by time and energy to not feel good until my children are more autonomous? 4. Why of why do many of us seek entertainment over sleep even though we're really tired? How could our minds possibly be so convinced that this is a worthwhile thing?

In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses: 1. I know you propose that personality is 100% genetically driven. But Dr. McDougall has shown that genes can be turned on and off by diet, and that even the DNA of twins may diverge over time if each twin is raised separately on different diets. Might the same thing be true of the genes behind our personalities? That certain genes could be switched on or off by environmental impacts. And if so, wouldn't that mean that nurture (along with nature) does in fact affect personality? 2. Though parents don't shape their children's personalities, that time at home can leave all sorts of lasting outcomes including anything along the spectrum of wonderful to terrible memories, respectful relationships or bitterness and resentment toward one another, great financial inheritance or debt, and generally, the set of examples and information made available or limited for the child can heavily influence their life choices and performance. After can't a child and emerging adult only work with the ideas they have available to them, and can't they get set into certain ruts of ideologies and perspectives including their religious beliefs? 3. I am sold on your lucid explanations of how behavioral genetics shapes personality.    So doesn't if naturally follow that by going back in time to study differences between the ecological/ political /religious influences in different areas of the world throughout our history,  that we can use these differences to speculate as to how these differences have shaped personality in different areas of the world.  The question is, can you identify or speculate on historical factors that may explain statistical differences in personality between different peoples.

Q's 1. I'm a hyperconscientious nutcase but I don't relate at all to Dr Lisle's statement that HCNCs are more likely to be over the top with wearing masks, washing hands, etc.. I find myself getting so irritated with other people's compliance that I now make sarcastic comments in public whenever I see people wearing masks or dutifully standing on crosses in supermarket queues. What is happening to me? Is this situational disagreeableness, or is there another explanation? 2. Dr Lisle has spoken in the past about how the way to bring people over to a whole-foods plant-based way of life is to evince humility in the way you present the benefits ("seems to be working for me"). How do esteem dynamics operate between a perceived exemplars and their spectators? Is posturing like a Pyrrhonian sceptic the most effective way to get people to listen to (and follow) your example? 3. Do you have any advice on the gentlest way to break up with someone? I entered into a secret, long distance relationship with another woman close to seven years ago when I was 23 and she was 30. We both haven't told our families about our relationship because we are related - we are cousins-once-removed and our families are very close. 4. I am a 30 year old male and I honestly don't feel a very strong connection to my family. I grew up in a fairly toxic environment of alcoholism and the whole experience has left me jaded toward the mainstream view of family.  I have a very sweet girlfriend, but I recently told her I was hesitant about the idea of marriage because it seems like too big of a risk and not essential to have a meaningful relationship with someone. Her response to this and the feelings about family has been to suggest I go to therapy to deal with my childhood issues. How do I tell her that would be a waste of time?

In today's show, the doctors discuss: 1. Looking at a list of the foods with the most AGEs in them (fried or high temperature cooked high-protein/fat/sugar foods), it almost seems as if humans can in fact taste AGEs specifically. Why should the products of cooked fats and protein, especially in combination with each other and sugar, taste so much better to humans than those same products mildly cooked or uncooked. 2.I understand that adopting a WFPB diet is a way of "beating our genes" that haven't caught up to our hyper-stimulated modern environment. If we were to continue forward without adopting the diet, wouldn't our genes eventually catch up? 3. I teach WFPB nutrition to women in recovery. The program teaches self-esteem based on the work of Nathaniel Branden and they have merged this approach with nutrition.  There are always some women who are completely closed to the concepts, but I focus on those who are curious.  My question is around the self-esteem content and the best way to integrate the two topics. How to support their development of self-esteem given their history of addiction? How do the doctors feel about Dr. Branden's work, if they have any suggestions for supporting women in recovery, and thoughts about how to best integrate the topics 4. I'm highly conscientious, fairly introverted, open and agreeable, but a bit unstable. In my short life I've been a metalhead drummer, a skateboarder, have studied classical piano and physics and am now a doctor. Unfortunately, I have now been finding it increasingly difficult to relate to the people around me, and I have been floundering in social situations. I don't have a relaxed, easy-going attitude and can't fake it either.  What advice do you have for improving my social situation? I know Dr. Lisle recommends fishing where the fish are, but I'm struggling to find my fish.

In today's show, Dr. Lisle briefly discusses the current events in the USA and then discusses these q's: 1. I come from a family of low lifes, junkies, and drug addicts. I was able to be the first in my family to get a college degree of any kind and would like to pursue a Phd. I am willing to believe this might be reaching on my part and I might fail, but it seems worthwhile to try. If I were to look at my genetics it makes me think I’m doomed to become a drug addict who accomplishes nothing. Wouldn’t it be more useful to have a growth mindset about your abilities and let the environment tell you where you are reaching out of your league. If I’m being honest the genetics perspective just makes me feel very hopeless, where my lived experience does not. How can I more usefully incorporate this perspective to help fuel achievement, rather than a fixed mindset of my own abilities as determined by genetics?  2. I'm noticing that despite the evidence that is widely available, people who should not be personally overly fearful of the coronavirus are in fact quite fearful.  You have discussed many possible reasons for this, including a reason for opting out of competition and the like, but I'm curious if what we're seeing is nervous systems intentionally generating personal levels of fear in order to obtain/maintain status. 3. I am wondering what advice you have for people that may have inherited a lot of money, or won the lottery. How can this affect the self-esteem mechanism and what's the best way to handle the money to achieve happiness?

In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss the following:  1.  How does withdrawal and Tolerance In drug usage compare to eating foods with addictive properties in terms of trying to quit? For instance, Would planning a strict day and time for a specific portioned unhealthy meal once a week then after get straight back on the wagon aid in keeping tolerance low and cravings at bay? or is complete abstinence the key to lifelong success in ending the addiction? I’ve been trying for about 3 years to be WFPB  but I’ve never made it more than 30 days and when I cave into crap foods each time it’s making me doubt I could achieve this success. 2. It seems so far that calorie restriction might not offer the degree of increased longevity benefits for humans as is found in mice and other animals. If you took an evolutionary perspective on this, what might you guess could explain why humans don't get quite the boost that other animals do? Do you think humans and perhaps some other animals have physiology that might expect to go hungry fairly often, so it's required for a normal lifespan rather than causing an abnormally longer one? 3. I recently celebrated my 30th birthday during this time, as fun and different as it was, the classic questions have now come to my mind about dating/settling down. I am single, and have not been on a date in 2 years! I know my chances are decreasing by the year of "finding a mate", and I am worried that males will be able to tell I am not as young as is ideal. Is there any way of avoiding this/giving off the illusions/impression that I still have value on the market as much as a twenty something? 4. Is following your lust just another pleasure trap that will leave you dissatisfied long term? Should a person who is not pair bond oriented try to work towards this for long term happiness or is this like trying to change your personality?