Art Creativity & Wellbeing

I knew my conversation with today's guest, a trainer of educators and social workers, would help you become skilled at resolving conflicts in your home. What I didn't expect – and was so joyfully surprised about – was how forthcoming this father of two would be in sharing his family's story of helping their oldest son, diagnosed with autism at a very young age, connect with his family in a meaningful way. Erik Wagter and his wife Sally took son Tim's education and well-being into their hands, choosing to homeschool starting from when Tim was in primary school. I had goosebumps as Erik share the rewards of all their hard work (and, the hard work itself.) Whether you have a child with a special need or not, you're going to love this episode. Erik shares his family's terrific story, and how you can resolve conflicts and have a better relationship with your young child. Click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/075 to listen, and for the key links Erik shares in today's's episode! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Today's episode centers on a part of every human's innate personality: the trait of introversion or extroversion. (Today, we focus on the parenting of introverts; coming up in episode 77 – the next Just You And Me episode – we dive into parenting extroverts.) Where are you happiest – among people, in a noisy, large group, or quietly, in solitude or hanging with just a few people? Does one of the above situations drain you, while the other seems absolutely perfect? When you think about your young child – does she prefer noisy, loud fun, or is she more quiet and contemplative? Does he get his energy from the same place as you? Everyone falls somewhere on this introvert/extrovert scale, and figuring out where we fall – and, where our children fall – on the scale can mean coexisting more peacefully and enjoyably with our kids. Click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/074 for key links from this episode! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Today Robin Abrahams, author of the weekly Miss Conduct advice column in Boston Globe Magazine, returns for her second hangout on We Turned Out Okay! (Robin and I first spoke last fall, in episode 42, so click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/042 to hear our first conversation together.) In honor of Mother's Day Robin has a special article coming out in this Sunday's Globe Magazine, "A letter to moms from a woman without children;" in it she makes some very kind and wonderful promises to her friends with kids, such as "I will take the lead in scheduling social events, because you're managing more social calendars than I am." We start today's conversation talking about Robin's article – and then move on to her delightful book, Miss Conduct's Mind over Manners: Master the Slippery Rules of Modern Ethics and Etiquette. In this guidebook for modern living – for getting along with other humans – is a tiny, wonderful few pages about breast-feeding in public; Robin and I talk about the perils of both breast-feeding and formula feeding in public, since both leave parents equally open to beratings from strangers! Robin shares great advice with us about how to deflect criticism, from strangers and friends and family. Next, Robin answers some listener questions: Anne asks "I'm considering homeschooling my preschooler next year, and I'm getting major pushback from my husband's family. (My husband is on board, just not his parents and siblings.) They live nearby and we do see his parents a lot, how can I keep family relations positive in the event that we homeschool their grandson in the fall?" MJ, who is planning a family trip involving traveling in the same car with her estranged mother-in-law for ten days, asks "please help me with easy situation diffusers and ways I may not have thought about to keep this trip as conflict free as possible…" I wonder "what happens if you're at the playground and a parent scolds your child – for doing something perfectly within his rights, in your opinion?", a situation which I found myself in a few years ago. Robin shares great advice for each of these situations, so you're sure of some great takeaways from our conversation! Today's show is sponsored by Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child, the book I wrote for you if you are the parent of young children! It's getting some great reviews, including this one from Heidi de los Andes: "I really enjoyed this quick, clear and caring parenting book. Just like the author advocates in dealing with children, she couches her advice from a position of empathy. The book draws from the same general philosophy of instilling self-reliance as the Free Range Kids book by Lenore Skenazy… I also appreciated that it was a quick read (about an hour) and had lots of tricks and techniques you can start using right away." It's available as an E-book in Amazon right now… To check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics click here or go to Amazon.com and search the name. I hope it helps you in your everyday parenting! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

"Wait a minute" – I hear you thinking – "aren't Your ChildExplained episodes a Thursday thing?"You are absolutely right, ordinarily the Your Child Explainedairs on the Thursday after a guest episode. But this is an unusualweek because I'm interviewing the guest tomorrow, Wednesday, May 4,so that you can get your questions to her and she can answer themfor Thursday's show…Which you'll want to do, because returning champion RobinAbrahams, whose weekly "Miss Conduct" column in the Boston GlobeMagazine answers etiquette questions with her own brand ofcaring-yet- Seinfeld-ish, humor, is an expert in the rules thatallow us to all get along together.Go to weturnedoutokay.com/contact to ask your toughestquestions about confusing social situations. Miss Conduct fieldsthorny questions all the time and is a wonderful resource for youif:while investigating homeschooling your young child, yourmother-in-law informs you: "no grandchild of mine will everhomeschool"a friend chooses your daughter's first birthday party as theperfect venue to persuade everyone attending that hercandidate in the upcoming national election is the bestcandidateyou think a coworker might be pregnant, and you want tocongratulate her, but you're not sure if she is or not; should youspeak up?In today's Your Child Explained episode – a precursor to myconversation with Miss Conduct – we consider manners and etiquettefrom the perspective of our young kids.I share an embarrassing situation in which, at age four, one ofmy boys "congratulated" an overweight pizza restaurant employee,enthusiastically telling her "wow – you're really fat!"Kids just don't have a filter, for better or for worse.Everyone who hears my four-year-old gasps in astonishment. Theemployee to whom my son directs his remark flushes; tears come toher eyes.What do I do at this moment?Click hereor go to weturnedoutokay.com/072 to find out – and if you haven'tgotten it yet, click here or go to Amazon.com to download my e-book,Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle EveryTemper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your YoungChild. It's finally launched and ready for you to startlearning the tools that will make every day as a parent calmer andhappier! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Back in episode 68, we started this conversation about helping your child take one hundred percent responsibility for his actions.In that episode we talked largely about mindset, and how our mindset influences our kids' behavior; I also shared my first parent ninja tactic in raising an honest, responsible child:Consistency. Today I return to this first tactic, sharing about the brick foundation each of us carries around in our heads, the result of the many interactions we had going back to the day we were born. The more of these bricks that are laid straight and smooth, mortared with love, the better foundation we have as we grow. Keeping our actions consistent in dealing with our kids helps their foundations be the best they can be.Today I introduce the second and third tactics involved in raising responsible children:Following through – when you ask them to do something and they fail to do that, what actions do you take next? Or when they hurt the feelings of you or someone else, what can you say to help them learn to stop doing that?Expectations – what we expect of our kids shapes their behavior. If we expect them to be manipulative, or sneaky; if we are suspicious of their actions, they will rise to those expectations.On the other hand if we expect honesty and use consistency and follow-through to insist on our children's responsibility, they will turn out that way simply because we expect it. (I know – it does sound very woo-woo! But it's really true. Honest.)During this episode I have a difficult time coming up with something mean that a child might say – precisely because Ben and I have always had the expectation "in our home, we share feelings, not insults" and Max and Jay have completely fulfilled our expectations! They disagree, of course; but they do not mistreat each other in their disagreements.That's what happens when you combine consistency, follow-through, and expectations in raising honest, responsible kids :-)I hope you enjoy this episode!If you're listening to this the day comes out – Tuesday, April 26, 2016 – you are in luck because Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics (if all has gone well) is live in Amazon and still FREE today! I wrote this book for you, if you want to raise good kids while preserving your sanity as a parent. It's a whole toolbox of the most popular, most-downloaded episodes of We Turned Out Okay; these episodes get so many listens because they help you through the tough moments. With chapters that help you, for example, Make No Sound Like Yes. I hope this book helps you worry less and enjoy more with your young kids! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Last night I was a featured storyteller at a live storytellingevent (thanks to massmouthand FugitiveProductions – what a great night at the Villageworks Gallery inWest Acton!)I told about last June, when my family and I adopted the twocutest dogs in the whole world, and what happened afterthat.Because a version of this story is included in PositiveDiscipline Ninja Tactics – the book that launched just yesterday inAmazon, and was written for you if you're trying to keep yoursanity intact AND raise a young child at the same time – I wantedto share last night's live telling with you today.Because today is a special day: Positive Discipline NinjaTactics is not just available for download in Amazon – it's free,today through Wednesday, April 27!I hope this book helps you have a better relationship with youryoung children – and really enjoy life with them.Click this link to godirectly to the book's page in Amazon, and then just click "Buynow," and you're golden! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

In today's Your Child Explained episode, where we always try to see what's going on in our kids' minds, I share about a huge lie that my son Jason perpetrated last spring.Like all kids, Jay loves his screen time, so much so that for several weeks in the spring of 2015 Jay snuck extra screen time – and lied about it to Ben and I.For full show notes, click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/070. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

As I get ready to publish Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child, I'm bringing you a favorite conversation with the woman behind The Broad Experience Podcast, Ashley Milne-Tyte.In this episode, which first aired last summer during We Turned Out Okay Summer Camp, Ashley shares how she spent her childhood in London, England – except her summers, which she spent in rural Pennsylvania. In both places Ashley enjoyed a measure of independence that kids rarely see today.We also discuss the raising of successful and happy daughters, compelling for you, dear listener, even if you have only sons because the young sons and daughters of today will grow up into the workers and parents of tomorrow; they'll have to work together to make it a great future.Enjoy this rebroadcast, and to get notified immediately when Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics goes live in Amazon – it will be FREE for the first three days – go to positivedisciplineninjatactics.com. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Way back in episode two, my son Max's determination to learn snowboarding thrilled me. I bring it up because, in this most recent ski season, Max built on his true grit using Jack Canfield's book The Success Principles to take his snowboarding to the next level. This year, he rode in places that I'm sure he could never have envisioned – and he brought these possibilities about for himself by changing his mindset to one where he takes one hundred percent responsibility for his life."Sure, Karen, that's all well and good, he's fifteen," I hear you thinking. "What does that mean for my young child?"I'm glad you asked! Today I draw a straight line from my fifteen-year-old to your young child, asking the question: how do we start helping our kids take one hundred percent responsibility for their actions?Click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/068 for full notes to this episode – also, if you haven't already, go to positivedisciplineninjatactics.com to get notified when Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, the book I'm just finishing up now for you, goes live in Amazon – it will be free for its first three days! The planned launch date is Sunday, April 24, we're getting really close now! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Before I answer today's listener Q&A, I'm reaching out to Ruth, whose question I answered in episode 61 (listen at weturnedoutokay.com/061) – Ruth, thank you so much for your question, and I'm glad my response resonated with you! Would you please check your spam and/or promotion folders in your inbox? Somewhere in there are two emails that I've sent you, in response to the two that you sent me.Also, a quick announcement – Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, the book I'm writing for you if you would like to keep your sanity while raising young children, is coming out on Sunday, April 24, 2016. For health reasons and to make it the best book it can possibly be, I chose to move the publication date from Sunday, April 3, to Sunday, April 24. To get notified the moment it launches – FREE in Amazon for its first three days! – go to positivedisciplineninjatactics.com.Today, I answer Janice's question:"I have an eight-year-old with Asperger's syndrome (high-functioning ASD) and a nearly six-year-old girl. They love each other heaps, but most of the time Mr. 8 doesn't want Miss 6 in the room. He says he needs quiet time.I understand that he needs to unwind after school, but he does it all weekend long too. Any suggestions on how we can encourage him to be nicer to her. His ASD is mostly reflected in his social and emotional skills, which are quite low.We are working on those.He is happy to play with her on his terms and his time only.Help! Thank you, Janice"Go to weturnedoutokay.com/067 to read my response! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe