Art Creativity & Wellbeing

During Tuesday's guest conversation, mom and author KJ Dell'Antonia shared the results of a pretty big (1000-person) survey of parents she commissioned as research for her upcoming book. The thing that parents worry about most? "Discipline," KJ shares. Discipline enters into many aspects of our parenting lives. It's firmness in enforcing rules; consistency in keeping routines established; being good models for our children. During our conversation, I share a lesson taught to me long ago, in my first years of teaching, about "not moving our kids' walls." KJ was so taken with this idea that she quotes me in her blog this week! Click weturnedoutokay.com/141 to listen, and to read about how moving our children's walls creates the bad behavior we really don't want to see. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Today's guest didn't set out to be a writer. But after getting her law degree and being a practicing attorney for six years, she made a discovery: law just wasn't her thing; instead, she found, she was a writer. In the spirit of finding stuff out through writing, KJ Dell'Antonia began freelancing about motherhood; she's written for Slate magazine, Parenting magazine, Parents magazine, and many others. She is now a contributing editor and columnist on the Well Family page at the New York Times, and currently on book leave to write – what else? – a book that's going to help us be happier in our parenting. KJ shares where her research for this as-yet-unnamed parenting book is taking her, and you're going to be thrilled because she's investigating all the problems that you are most likely currently living with! To find out how to handle getting your kids to do more around the house, how to help with homework, and how to be a part of KJ's chores project (i.e.: getting your kids to do more chores) click weturnedoutokay.com/140! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

When listener Marcy wrote recently, asking for help with her son, whom "counselors and therapists believe may be suffering from depression and anxiety," and the decision to either keep him in school or pull him out to homeschool, I initially thought I'd answer her question in a Your Child Explained episode, and address the school-homeschool decision. On reflection, however, I saw something bigger in Marcy's question and decided to focus this Just You and Me episode on the bigger issue: how to help when a child is anxious or depressed. Kids can be anxious and/or depressed for any number of reasons. As parents, even if we are not completely sure what's causing the worries and anxiety, it's our job to do everything we can to help. Click weturnedoutokay.com/139 to read Marcy's full question and the three ways I identify to help, as well as links to other helpful resources! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

I've been really wanting to do a show on potty training, but I've held back for a few reasons: one biggie is that I just haven't found a great book on the subject, and another is that my experience potty training my oldest was really tough! But recently I heard from listener Erika, who had this to say: "I have to have the most stubborn child on the planet and have tried everything I can think of. Rewards, candy, bribes, consequences, charts, toys, reverse psychology. I am out of ideas and at my wits end." Erika goes on to say that her son has twice been completely potty trained – and has regressed. She's very worried because he will start kindergarten in the fall and she's concerned about the social aspects of that, harassment by other kids, etc.… Very similar, in fact, to how I was feeling when my oldest was totally not into potty training! And so today we take on possibly one of the biggest, scariest subjects in all of parenting young children… Go to weturnedoutokay.com/138 for show notes and to listen to this episode! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Lots of things can happen over the course of a day to make us all feel anxious…How does your child handle anxiety?  Today licensed mental health counselor, play expert, and mom-to-2 Janine Halloran gives us some wonderful – and very specific – tools to help our kids handle stress. True to the nature of We Turned Out Okay, my hour-long conversation with Janine covers lots more than this! Janine and her family are spending the year in California, clear across the country from their home in Massachusetts; we talk about how and why the Hallorans took on this move. We also dig into the concept of fidgets, devices to help people concentrate better – and this podcaster realizes that fidgets are more of a thing – in her own life – then she realized. To read about Janine's stress-busting advice, get links to some great books about play and her websites on encouraging play and teaching children coping skills, and to listen to the show click weturnedoutokay.com/137! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

As a podcaster who helps you advocate better for your young children, I meet and hear from an awful lot of you who are… Unhappy. Stuck. Sinking under all your worries and fears for your children – and awfully hard on yourselves. In January I did two episodes about goal-setting and affirmations, and I shared about one particular life-changing exercise I've done every night for more than a year: speaking to myself in the mirror. That idea resonated with a lot of you – but you had a hard time imagining how to begin, or even believing you could really speak to yourself in your own mirror. So I've created a free, 10-Day challenge… I called it The Friendly Mirror because I do hope that, by the end of the challenge, you'll be doing this exercise too. Maybe you think that self-acceptance and self-forgiveness are fine for other people, but not for you (I know I used to feel this way.) I work with a lot of moms and dads who struggle with this – and the struggle 100% affects their parenting, and thus their kids. If you need a kick in the pants – or a guide into the world of not scowling in the mirror – then sign up for my free Friendly Mirror 10-day challenge! The Challenge will be conducted via video modules and a live interactive training session; specifically, each day for 10 days you'll get the latest video module, sometimes with a mini-assignment to complete if you choose. We'll wrap up with a live training session to answer your questions and work on keeping our great momentum going... Click here to sign up! Or – click here to go to the private Facebook group I've set up for our challenge. Or, click here to sign up for the challenge on the post for this special announcement. I really hope you'll join the challenge! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Maybe you think that self-acceptance and self-forgiveness are fine for other people, but not for you (I know I used to feel this way.) I work with a lot of moms and dads who struggle with this – and the struggle 100% affects their parenting, and thus their kids. If you need a kick in the pants – or a guide into the world of not scowling in the mirror – then sign up for my free Friendly Mirror 10-day challenge! The Challenge will be conducted via video modules and a live interactive training session; specifically, each day for 10 days you'll get the latest video module, sometimes with a mini-assignment to complete if you choose. We'll wrap up with a live training session to answer your questions and work on keeping our great momentum going... Click here to sign up! The idea of goals is really resonating with y'all right now, judging from my inbox, Facebook page, and podcast download statistics… Today we spend a little bit more time on this track, when I extend on listener Eri's question about how the ability to accept and forgive ourselves impacts our children. Each night for a little over a year, I have had a very specific conversation. In the mirror, with myself. Today I teach you exactly how to have that conversation – and why it's so important. For key links including to the books I reference in today's episode, for written directions to the nightly mirror conversation, and to listen go to https://weturnedoutokay.com/136! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Remember a few weeks ago, when I got emotional about talking to myself in the mirror every night? (Listen to that episode, We Turned Out Okay's second annual goal-setting episode, by clicking here.)   If you struggle with self-acceptance and self-forgiveness – and if you also want to be a better example for your child – click this link to listen to today's episode! You can read the full text of listener Eri's question about how her struggle with self-acceptance could negatively impact her 14-month-old daughter – as well as watch my new favorite YouTube video in which a preschool-age girl stands on her bathroom vanity and cheerfully shouts affirmations for herself in the mirror – and sign up for tonight's live FAQ about the Ninja Parenting Community by clicking this link: https://weturnedoutokay.com/135 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Diving into the archives of We Turned Out Okay, and finding wonderful shows like this one which you may not have heard before (and will get something out of even if you have heard it already), seems like a fitting start to a new year. My guest today, Gift of Failure author Jessica Lahey, has helped me in so many ways: to be a better mom, to forgive myself when I screw up, to take the long view on mistakes, thinking not so much about epic fails but instead asking myself "how do I learn from this?" (Jess is also 1/2 of the #amwriting with Jess and KJ duo; click here to check out one of my favorite podcasts, and great if you have any interest in writing or creating!) I know you'll learn a lot from our conversation today, thanks for tuning in! Today's show is brought to you by the Ninja Parenting Community: If you like what you hear on We Turned Out Okay, but you feel like it's not quite enough… If you want more personal help and advice from me… The Ninja Parenting Community is the place for you to get that help! – We've got classes, like Sanity With Kids, to help you simultaneously raise your children and retain your sanity – Parent-Coaching calls: one "starter" call for monthly members and one each quarter for annual members – Forums where I personally help and advise members – and where we all support each other Now is the perfect time to join, because you get beta pricing and it's really built out to help you most. This coming Friday the cost will double when we leave beta, so click this link to see what it's all about! Want a closer look PLUS a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, the book I wrote to help you handle everything your child can throw at you? Come to the live NPC FAQ Q&A! This coming Thursday night, February 2, at 8 PM EST you can: – look inside the community – listen as I address lots of frequently asked questions – ask your questions! And just for showing up at the Q&A you'll receive a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics! Up until now the book has only been available in Amazon – get it for free at the Q&A : ) To sign up for the NPC FAQ Q&A – and for notes to today's show, go to weturnedoutokay.com/134! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Just about a year ago, on the Flipped Lifestyle podcast, co-host Shane Sams asked me if what I do here at We Turned Out Okay is to teach people how to combat their kids' "evil Jedi mind tricks" – which I thought was such a great definition! In the last few weeks my family and I saw and loved Rogue 1, and also mourned the loss of Carrie Fisher; it seems fitting to talk about all that with you today, sharing two great ways to combat your child's Jedi mind tricks. Want a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, the book I wrote to help you handle everything your child can throw at you? Come to the live NPC FAQ Q&A! This coming Thursday night, February 2, at 8 PM EST you can: – look inside the Ninja Parenting Community – listen as I address lots of frequently asked questions – ask your questions! And just for showing up at the Q&A you'll receive a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics! Up until now the book has only been available in Amazon – get it for free at the Q&A : ) To sign up for the NPC FAQ Q&A – and for notes to today's show, go to weturnedoutokay.com/133! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe